Monday, March 19, 2007

   so yeah...
ok, so i left off at dan broke up with me right? -people nodd- ok!

so we got into that fight and it was really bad. sometimes the way i act pushes him further and further away from me! and i don't want that at all! =(

so i walked home and felt like crap and i hated myself. he stopped texting me around 6:38 and that made me sad but i figured he's misplaced his phone as always. so i didn't really complain, i just cried my eyes out because i lost him... =( i thought about doing what orooreo tried to do...drink it all away...but my mom would notice alcohol gone and i told everyone i wasn't going to cut...i'm so proud of myself i didn't cut at all...

so saturday i wasn't thinking clearly at all and i accidentally really stupidly gave dan's cell phone number to val! she started texting him and bitching him out for not talking to me! =( he chose then to find his god damn phone and of course her texts are the first ones he got! so he calls me and we get into it and it gets so bad that i hung up on him!!! -hangs head- (GOD the video for from yesterday by 30 seconds to mars is so fucking long...13 minutes!!! they're so hot though...) he called val and they got into it and she hung up on him too! so he turned his phone off =( so i tried calling and calling but he turned it off and it went straight to his voice mail.

i called and left 10 i repeat 10 voicemails, each at least 2 minutes long, and 2 were over 5 minutes long. i apologized and talked and told him things i needed to let him know. in the last one i told him that i was going to go "to sleep" now and that i would call him back again on my break at work the next morning. so the next morning i called back and it rang!! so i hung up!-hangs head yet again- i've never fought so hard for someone in my life. i told him that in voicemails. i told him that i'm fighting for what i want. (the lead singer for the plain white te's is hot too...)(the lead singer for relient k looks like elijah wood...kinky...) so i texted him and asked if he'd listen to his messages yet and he goes 'yeah all ten of them' i blushed and we're ok now. he came to school today during lunch and i made sure that i also paid attention to him. he told me that all i had to do to get his attention on friday was hold out a hand and he would have gladly taken it and sat next to me. i didn't know that, but i wish i had known that. he wouldn't let me go anywhere at lunch and i didn't mind. its a good thing val's out sick, they might have killed eachother...
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