Friday, September 22, 2006

hmm, yeah...

Not much to say. School sucks, especially acting techniques class. You see on wednesday I had the class and I got really nervous when she asked me to do an argument pantomime with someone else. Now usually Im good at acting so long as Im not alone, but this time just freaked me out. You see she wanted me to do the scene with a girl named Shauna. No Im not mean and dont care how people are, but Shauna happens to be one of the "special" students, because she's been in a mental hospital. Now, like I said, It doesn't bother me, but the fact that I didn't know her that well and that she acts different from others Im used to, I freaked out. I started hyperventilating, and without trying, tears streamed down my face. The scary thing is, as I was having my mental breakdown, Shauna seemed to get angry. Its the wierdest thing, I have a way of sensing if people have good intentions, thats why I try to be allowed to act scenes with those I sense are good. Its like, most of the males in my class, I swear I sense that they are laughing at me silently. My friend, Hope, I sense her kind heart and her willingness to help me. From some of the girls I sense snobbiness, because they know they are better than me. And well, Shauna, I sense she's paranoid that people will judge her and it can cause her to have fits of violence. Anyways while having the anxiety attack, I started to kind of scratch at the top of my hand, to calm me down. However, I had no idea how far I had scratched. It wasn't far enough to bleed, but it was far enough for exposed flesh, you could tell because it had a shinyness to it. Eventually it started to burn bad, and thats when my tears weren't just for anxiety, they were for pain too. I ended up not having to do the scene, so the teacher took my place with Shauna. I felt bad and apologized to Shauna afterwards, she said I was fine, but the way she said it was unnerving. Well, we're supposed to do our final pantomime project, on Friday. Luckily Hope jumped to my side before anything else could be said, so we're partners for the final. My scratched wound is doing bad, It was hell putting paroxide on it, but it needed to be done. The wound wont heal, skin doesn't seem to want to grow back, and it hurts so badly to move my left hand because of it. Luckily my parents dont know about my little "accident", they dont even inquire about the bandage on my hand. My brother does know, and he thinks Im a freaking idiot for self mutilating myself because of nervousness. Its not like I wanted to hurt myself, I was trying to calm down, I didn't think I could scratch very deep with one freaking nail! However, all the tears I had cried had made me dehydrated, and then I came home, read my horoscope, and it said I needed to drink water to keep hydrated because it is the foundation of my element as a pisces, and therefore that element makes me emotional, caring, and sensitive. I was shocked that it was dead on! And then, Thursday I was stressed about friends not getting along, and friends not being able to go to the convention with me. So today my horoscope said that "Frustration and upsets with others in your circle could tempt you to go out and get rid of that energy by spending a lot of money." Let me break it down, I had just that day made a purchase of $25 worth of books to keep my mind off things. Then it said, " You might overindulge in food or drink." That day, I wasn't hungry at all but I made myself eat for no reason! I mean I did believe horoscopes to hold some truth, but this is just unreal. Im curious to see what the next day's horoscope has to say. ^_^ Well, cant think of much else, good bye for now...
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Friday, September 15, 2006

Hmm...
You know what......I feel pretty damn content right now. Im not even sure why. I mean, technically, everything in my life is going down, but I cant seem to want it any other way. I once again threatened to quit anime and gaming club, because Robert was being an ass saying I was mean to him, and that he'd have a bad year if I did quit. However, Im not leaving club because there are others that need me there, such as my friend Courtney, Andy, and even Liquidsilver! I wont forgive him that easily this time, because just like that old saying "a friend will bail you out of jail, but a good friend will sit by you and say we screwed up." Im letting him know he's said the wrong things, he's screwed up, BAD! Other than that, I still have no Wolfman for my movie. Devil May Cry 3 is a bitch to beat, and Im pretty sure I subconsciously tried to kill myself today. Oh, not to mention, a few people are bitching that I went back on my word by never making another anime club branch. First of all, I NEVER GAVE MY WORD IN THE FIRST PLACE! IT WAS JUST A COSMIC IDEA, IT WAS NEVER PUT IN STONE! Secondly, people have to stop relying on me. Some people are all angry that Ive been elsewhere at lunch and not with them. IM NOT THEIR FREAKING PERSONAL FRIEND! I have other friends I need to hang out with, so they shouldn't, not even for a second, think Im obligated to hang out with them just because it happened to be that way up until now. Also, Im being left out of things, a friend of mine is attempting to make ninja armor, as cool as it sounded, Im just a poor pathetic girl that can't be of any help. People say I complain too much about Robert, thats because he's over doing it! Sad story of my life, Ive always called out for help, no one's cared. So now, Ive become so used to it, that I'd prefer not to be helped. Oh, and for some damn reason Im failing my Modern America class. And I know Ive done everything so far. Ive racked my brain to complete it all. The problem is I learn by hearing, not by reading, and he just happens to give us reading a good percentage of the time. So I need my mom to understand that its not a failure to turn in work and its not a failure to give enough effort. For once its simply the case, I cant learn it. And in acting techniques, the teacher said I failed an assignment that I know I turned in. Even my friend saw it on my desk. It pisses me off! I cant seem to relax at all. You try resting with a gash on your collarbone(that is what I meant by subconsciously trying to kill myself) I'd imagine I'll be cranky tomorrow. Well, gotta go clean the knives. Later...
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

*yawn*
Wow, its been a while. School has had me bending backwards, so, I haven't been able to update. But now that I have my comp running at the minimum level, I'll try. So, like I said, school sucks. First, Im struggling to make my first film in video production 2, I just about have all the actors, except for one which is a wolf man. Then, I have people making fun of my sculpture in sculpture and ceramics 2 class. We were supposed to make slab people, and I decided to curve mine more, to make it more feminine, yes, that means I also gave it a chest, thats what the two making fun of my work were giggling about. Damn boys cant understand art work. Anyways, and then Im having nervous breakdowns constantly in Acting Techniques class, I freak out having to act alone. Oh, and did I mention the anime and gaming club had a party a few days ago? And guess what I came home from it with? Sicknes, thats what! No one said that they were sick until morning, so I had spent the night with a bunch of sick people, its horrible. Well, now I want to look forward to the convention, but......I am running lower on funds than I had expected. I planned to work my ass off, getting up early to help fold papers. However, with school, its been impossible to get up at 2 am, so my step dad has been offering alternatives. Ever heard of thunder sticks? They're these inflatable sticks that when hit together they make a nose. You see them a lot at school games. Well, he's willing to pay for up to 500 of them, granted I can sell them at school and earn him his money back as well as earn me some extra cash. I'd need help from friends, and ways to promote them, but I've told my step dad that I want to try it, and Im ready for the consequences should I fail. Bad news today, my brother almost got his license taken away. Supposedly, hes had two complaints from the same teacher(an athletics teacher we call short shorts Swayze, I mean he wears the shortest shorts, it can't even be healthy!) for reckless driving in the parking lot. If you dont know, reckless driving is worth 12 points. Considering we only start out with 4 points when we get our license, that would have put him in the hole big time. Luckily the officer said he'd let him off with a warning. Here's the thing, my brother didn't drive recklessly. You see, with his car, the way it excelerates before switching gears, it sounds like my brother's speeding when really hes only going 10 miles per hour. I'd know, Im with him. Oh, and heres the stupid part, the officer, or "resource" officer we have, he said straight to my brother's face that he doesn't care if the complaints are true or not, its his job to give him a ticket. All I can say is thats crap! Since when the hell can people be punished for things they didn't do at school?! My step dad even called it bullshit, and so he's determined to go meet with the officer and tell him he's not doing things right. I doubt it'll do much, but Im glad that my step dad's willing to protect us so. My real dad would have believed that my brother was a reckless driver and wouldn't have done a thing. Anyways, thats all, Im bored, I guess I should start writing a new chapter for my fanfiction. Only because my friend said she wont update her's until I update mine. Later...
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Saturday, August 26, 2006

Ok!

Here's the lowdown on what's going on lately. First, I finished Devil May Cry and am now obsessed with it. So I went and bought Devil May Cry 2 and 3(Cant wait to play 'em!)Secondly when I went to go get the games at Gamestop, I realized on my way out that the "Now Hiring" sign was up. I didn't want to go back in at the time, so I decided to wait until Monday. I was so excited, I had been waiting for that! However today my brother came back home from marching in a parade and said he needed to fill an application out. I asked him for what, he said Gamestop! I was pissed, eventhough I didn't show it! Im not going to let my brother steal my dream job, and whats even worse, I know he didn't find out on his own. Which means, eventhough my parents know its the job I wanted, they probably told him. I feel betrayed, My brother can get a job millions of other places, why choose Gamestop! I play more games than him! I feel like they're trying to steal my happiness away. Grr, and things got worse, guess what, the anime and gaming club president, Robert, has pretty much officially named Shayla his successor. I mean I quietly dealt with the fact that he excluded me from being a vice president too, and knocked me down to anime advisor, but this time, I wasn't even given a chance. However Im happy for my friend Shayla, and I dont want my jealousy to get in the way of our friendship. So as of the coming Monday, I will officially resign from my school's anime and gaming club. And I hope to never be seen in it again. Actually, instead I am introducing my Red Rock Otaku anime club as a second anime club in the school. You see, the club president made bad relationships with people and therefore quite a few people cant join the club this year because they aren't willing to deal with him. So I'll go around get all those who aren't in his club, and get them in mine(where if I screw up, I'll admit it, apologize, even resign if I must, things Robert never has or will do). Me and Sutarumahari have been talking and we've realized that with our creative minds we can make things funner. Roberts idea of a christmas party was the same as every other party. Red Rock Otaku's christmas party will have secret santa and iceskating, even dinner! And for Halloween we can actually go trick or treating and not just throw pumpkin confetti at eachother. Our only problem currently is that we need to find our own little clubhouse, we dont have one supplied like Robert. Im going to ask the art teacher if we can use her room for club on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Robert, only had one teacher that'd let him use their room, and he can only have it on Friday. I want to have club more often, organized days so we actually do things fun and dont sit around. We're going to get T-shirts or hoodies, we're gonna fundraise and go to anime conventions. The only thing I need now is to pull back all the people that I supplied to Robert's club in the first place. That means I need liquidSilver to hang with me too. The three people supporting me currently are willing to do anything to make this a success, and Im very grafeul that they'll stand by me. And who knows, If everything goes good by the time Robert graduates, then maybe next year Red Rock Otaku will cooperate with the anime and gaming club, when Shayla is president. Well that's all, Ive got my work cut out for me. Laters...
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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

What up!

Yeah, Ive been lazy lately, but I guess I'll start back on when I went to the mall. Well I went to the Flat Iron Crossings mall, and went to the Hot Topic store. First they had a Naruto messanger bag, then they had some anime shirts One with Kakashi and a japanese version of the matrix code behind him, and another with Kyo and his cat from from fruits basket. My mom got all three for me as school clothes and a backpack. Then I spotted other things. They had Kakashi pencils, pen, notebook, folder, and binder. I also got these for school supplies. I wish it wasn't just Kakashi, Im sorry, but frankly Im getting sick of the guy. Anyways, they also had a small FMA notebook, got that as well. Ive had a craze to have all anime school supplies so currently I am making my own stationary at home. I already have a fruits basket template for a small notebook with a faded picture behind the text. Then I went to Game Stop, got Xenosaga for me, and then my brother whined, so I bought him Devil May Cry(Im the only one playing it though, Grr...) And then over the weekend my family's 2 year cellphone contract was up so we were eligable for an upgrade. What'd we get? We got sleek Razr phones at a good price! Before I didn't care for my phone cause it was useless to me. Now with my new phone, I can take pictures, video, and audio. My family cant get me to put it down. Im so excited about it that i anxiously await the first phonecall I get on it. Also tonight well...today I have an anime and gaming club party. I wanted to have one last get together before school started so I enlisted the club president to reserve the clubhouse for us. I'll tell you, some of the past parties got pretty crazy, but this time its sad how few are coming, quite a few things broke a lot of members away, mainly its the club president's fault, but we're determined this year to make him clean up his act so that we dont loose anymore members. I invited Liquidsilver to the party, but she doesn't know if she'll go. Sutarumahari will be there, as well as our friend Shayla. Ah, I better enjoy this party, because school is going to be an unpleasant kick in tha ass!
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Friday, August 18, 2006

Hey, guys...

Ive just felt bad lately. Im sure you heard that Sutarumahari got a job. I admit I was a little envious...and I made the mistake of telling my family. They keep syaing, "Get a job like her and Shayla, a real job." They keep trying to hammer it into my head. They keep telling me that my first few jobs aren't going to be ones I like and most likely will involve food. My brother especially, he says i was a sheltered child and got lucky when I started helping fold papers for payment. I try not to listen to them, because my ideals are different. They say first jobs are for money only, you shouldn't care what your doing. However, for me, I'd prefer doing something fun and enjoyable, money comes second. No one understands why I think this way, Ive just always been one to put contentment first. They say I wont have a choice, me? I say, "I wont have it any other way." Im determined to never have to give in to unwanted things. If I want my first job to be at gamestop or a pet store, not a job with food, then thats what my first job will be. If I dont want to drive until I have a car to look forward to driving, then I wont drive until then. If I want to become an author without going to college, then Im going to be an author without going to college. If I dont want a husband or kids, then by goodness men better stay away or else! Why? Because I wont have it any other way! I may seem selfish, but I believe Im determined to live life to all the good points and not settle for the bad in between. My brother says its my attempt to be different. I say Im not attempting anything, I just AM different. So until Im 18 and can work at a pet store, or until gamestop slaps a "now hiring" sign on their window, Im jobless aside from folding papers.
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Woo Hoo!

Guess what? My mom officially booked me a hotel room for NDK (anime convention) as of a half an hour ago. It was pricy, and I can only hope that all my friends can make it. Eventhough, I had to get a 5 person room when I originally planned to have 6 people. Its the best I could do, but for now, I have to work my ass off to pay my mum back. Plus Ive noticed that some friends are have financial problems concerning the convention. Im thinking of trying to get my step father to allow us to fundraise selling customized buttons from the business. Maybe then we can raise enough money to be content. We haven't even thought of how we are going to eat the whole weekend. Heres a rundown...

Each button has a 2 inch diameter. And by button I mean circular plate that has a picture that can be pinned to your shirt, jacket, backpack, ect. For a button of an already made design it is $1. For a customized button(which means you send me any circular graphic of 2 in. It can be your favorite character, a family picture, random picture, any picture you can get your hands on!), the price is $2 since it takes extra work. My step dad says i under price them, since you can buy 1 inch buttons at the store for $3. I think the price is fair on my part, customers so far have liked it...because they probably think Im a sucker, but Im perfectly aware of what Im doing.

Anyways I'd very much like your guys's help in telling me which pre-desined buttons I should have. I'll place some pics up and you guys can tell me whether you like it or not.

So without further ado, lets line 'em up! Comment and tell me what you think of some of them.

A) This is a random one that I made with a picture from the Ster Fest convention.


B)This I came up with because I had always wanted to get back at smiley faces.


C)This was made for my school, but it has yet to be released to students.


D)This was made as a birthday present for a friend. She liked him...A LOT!


E)This is one that Sutarumahari had me make for her. She's obsessed!


F)A real gaming fan requested this one of me. He also requested Pikmin ones as well.


G)I made this one for myself. I keep it on or in my backpack 24/7!


What did ya think?
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Friday, August 11, 2006

OK...

If you've read my previous problem, Now listen to my master plan. I'll get a room for 5.(I'll probably call to book the room, because that way I can get the discount)I of course ask that whoever goes pay $20 to help with the room. Now, I know theres a possibility that Liquidsilver and Delphine wont make it. However I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and pay the extra $10 per night for each of them, in hopes that they'll make it and that they can pitch in as well. However if they cant i will atleast ask for $20 to make up for some of the extra money that wasn't used because of less people. Now since I can only have 5 including myself, I did leave out My friend Steph. I do feel like I owe her, but she does live in Lakewood so its not as far and shouldn't be that bad seeing as she's done it before. However, if I am truly feeling venturous, I'll sneek her in. If I do, I'll have to hope that I dont get caught, because then it would come down on my mother's head.
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Son of a bitch!

All hell has broke loose! Supposedly the group discount code for the hotel room doesn't work anymore, So Im now looking at $100 a night, which is $200 total! Not only that, but they are out of rooms that can fit 6 people. That means I can only bring 5 including myself. As soon as I checked it and found out, I had a nervous breakdown, my brother couldn't get me to shut up!(if you recall what I said my nervous breakdowns are) And I just feel worse, because I have no one to blame it on. Its not my mom's fault for not agreeing to get me the hotel room earlier, and its not my friend's fault for not knowing if they could go yet. I guess Its somehow my fault! And I cant seem to forgive myself. $200 is too expensive for me and five others. Looks like we arent going after all. I was a day late! A freakind DAY! Yesterday they atleast had one 6 person room left. My mom said we were going to get it yesterday, but then it got too late. Now Im just beating myself up for what Ive done. Just when I thought everything was going good, it just BLOWS up in my god damn face!.............................But to those who were planning to try and go with me, dont give up. Im contacting the NDK staff to see why the code isn't working when it should work until no rooms are left in the hotel. I'll find away to get it straightened out. I mean, what choice do I have, Im already registered, which means I have to go, i have to find a place to stay all weekend. If I do get it fixed I'd say the only problem would be that I believe they charge $10 for every extra person past two occupants. So 3 times 10 equals 30. And 30 plus 68 equal 98, plus someone told me the tax is like $14. Double it for two nights and you get a little over $200. However, thats if I can get them to accept the group code. Otherwise it would be 100 plus 30 equals 130 then plus 14. Double it and you get about $300. I have to get the room since Im already registered, but my friends cant most likely spare $40 each for the room. So i guess it comes down to how desperate they are to go. If they really want to go, they'll find away to pay for all expenses. Worse case scenario is only me and my friend Stephanie go. Though, I guess Shayla is going for sure and she has a job, so she should be capable of paying her fair share of the room, the only problem is she might not want to. Damn! Why does this have to be so confusing...
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Wednesday, August 9, 2006

YO!

I would hope to gather all those who would like to be staying with me at the hotel for the convention. Im thinking of telling my mom that whoever goes, can hopefully help pay for the hotel room now, but if not they can owe me later. She did say that if she originally got the hotel room(cause its obviously easier to pay as one and then give her the owed money) We better not break a damn thing in that room. I figured second nature right? Or is it possible that we'd break something? Oh well, for now, I just hope I can get definate answers on who's going. Yesterday, was bad, very bad. Nothing quite worked out as it was supposed to, especially at registration. I was glad to see Liquidsilver there, though. I'll help her in any way possible so that she wont regret the decision! Well, not much else. Im tired, so very tired...
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