Friday, September 22, 2006

hmm, yeah...

Not much to say. School sucks, especially acting techniques class. You see on wednesday I had the class and I got really nervous when she asked me to do an argument pantomime with someone else. Now usually Im good at acting so long as Im not alone, but this time just freaked me out. You see she wanted me to do the scene with a girl named Shauna. No Im not mean and dont care how people are, but Shauna happens to be one of the "special" students, because she's been in a mental hospital. Now, like I said, It doesn't bother me, but the fact that I didn't know her that well and that she acts different from others Im used to, I freaked out. I started hyperventilating, and without trying, tears streamed down my face. The scary thing is, as I was having my mental breakdown, Shauna seemed to get angry. Its the wierdest thing, I have a way of sensing if people have good intentions, thats why I try to be allowed to act scenes with those I sense are good. Its like, most of the males in my class, I swear I sense that they are laughing at me silently. My friend, Hope, I sense her kind heart and her willingness to help me. From some of the girls I sense snobbiness, because they know they are better than me. And well, Shauna, I sense she's paranoid that people will judge her and it can cause her to have fits of violence. Anyways while having the anxiety attack, I started to kind of scratch at the top of my hand, to calm me down. However, I had no idea how far I had scratched. It wasn't far enough to bleed, but it was far enough for exposed flesh, you could tell because it had a shinyness to it. Eventually it started to burn bad, and thats when my tears weren't just for anxiety, they were for pain too. I ended up not having to do the scene, so the teacher took my place with Shauna. I felt bad and apologized to Shauna afterwards, she said I was fine, but the way she said it was unnerving. Well, we're supposed to do our final pantomime project, on Friday. Luckily Hope jumped to my side before anything else could be said, so we're partners for the final. My scratched wound is doing bad, It was hell putting paroxide on it, but it needed to be done. The wound wont heal, skin doesn't seem to want to grow back, and it hurts so badly to move my left hand because of it. Luckily my parents dont know about my little "accident", they dont even inquire about the bandage on my hand. My brother does know, and he thinks Im a freaking idiot for self mutilating myself because of nervousness. Its not like I wanted to hurt myself, I was trying to calm down, I didn't think I could scratch very deep with one freaking nail! However, all the tears I had cried had made me dehydrated, and then I came home, read my horoscope, and it said I needed to drink water to keep hydrated because it is the foundation of my element as a pisces, and therefore that element makes me emotional, caring, and sensitive. I was shocked that it was dead on! And then, Thursday I was stressed about friends not getting along, and friends not being able to go to the convention with me. So today my horoscope said that "Frustration and upsets with others in your circle could tempt you to go out and get rid of that energy by spending a lot of money." Let me break it down, I had just that day made a purchase of $25 worth of books to keep my mind off things. Then it said, " You might overindulge in food or drink." That day, I wasn't hungry at all but I made myself eat for no reason! I mean I did believe horoscopes to hold some truth, but this is just unreal. Im curious to see what the next day's horoscope has to say. ^_^ Well, cant think of much else, good bye for now...
Comments (2)