Saturday, January 14, 2006

   Listening to Music
Strangers in the Night...Frank Sinatra. That's what my computer decided it wanted to play. I'm feeling a little disconnected from everything right now, so there's no telling people how appropriate that sentiment is. I dunno. I just kind of don't know what's going on anymore. Damn Sinatra! Ok. Now I changed it. That was freaking depressing me.

Death Cab For Cutie: Marching Bands of Manhattan. Now there's a song I can get behind. Happy, thoughtful, with some interesting imagery. I wonder if I'm just feeling like this because I haven't set foot outside today, or if it's because I intentionally keep myself away from people?

The fact that I seem to be less of a concern to people might have something to do with it, as well. Ah, but I'm sure there's something that I can do to keep myself occupied.

Valse de Lune, Yoko Kanno...a song in French, from the Wolf's Rain OST 1. Has a nice lilting string section, and I think I'm going to try to find more French music. It reminds me of home. I suppose that my disconnected feeling stems from not being home. I was home/visiting friends for a month. Hmm.

Hiiro no Tsuki, Outlaw Star: How is it that a song in a language I can barely understand can make me understand it? Guess that just shows that music is the universal language. Makes me want to travel.

So now that I'm thinking about it... I saw a question and answer session on someone's site. I guess I can try that again.

What is your favorite song of the moment? You know, the one you can hear over and over and it still seems to fit your mood?
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Friday, January 13, 2006

   Death Threats, Delirium, and Drunkenness
Yay. Now we go into a short discussion of the 3 D's.

Death Threat: I actually got a death threat. Fanfiction.net has policies about harrassing people. But does one death threat from an anonymous reviewer constitute harrassment? Even if it does, because it was anonymous, I can't do anything about it. They actually called me a "f---ing asshole author" and then threatened me. All because I had Sakura give Sasuke a piece of her mind...really, who doesn't want to? But I digress. So, I got a death threat.

Delirium: I am still awake, and it's roughly 5:30am. Enough said.

Drunkenness: I was a little tipsy earlier, since I was over at a classmate's apartment and had a drink or three. Now, I'm sober, and having nowhere near as much fun. Oh, well.

So anyway, I'm writing yet another fanfiction. Ah, but that isn't anything new, right? Hmm. You could say that, if it was anything other than Sasuke-centric. Ha! I'm totally not a fan of his, but I thought, what the hell? Under a week later, 6 chapters and one interlude later, I have 25 reviews, a death threat, and at least 2 new fangirls. I seriously don't understand people.

Ack!

*yawn*

a.j.
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

   Tired, oh so tired.
Maybe I shouldn't have stayed up so late last night...erg.

Anyway, I have the semester blues already, and it's only the second day. Should tell you something, right?

a.j.
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Sunday, January 8, 2006

   And a new semester begins.
Well, I'm about to start another semester. I have no books to speak of. Now, I know that there's at least one that I need to get. I can get it tomorrow, I think. Maybe not, though. I have to get it, but I'm not sure that I'll be able to tomorrow. I have to go to work in the morning, then I have class until about six in the evening! I've never had class that late. I really don't know what to make of it. Just for tomorrow, I'm only going to be taking a notebook or two. After that, I'll bring all of my crap. Meh. School.

The good news is that I'm pretty sure what my thesis topic will be. The only problem would be that I don't know where to start!

I'll talk to the person that I want to be my thesis committee chairperson tomorrow, I think. It's all too wierd. I'm almost halfway done with this crap.

C'est la vie!

a.j.
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Thursday, January 5, 2006

   Being Sick
Not sick in the head...at least I'm not diagnosed! But rather, I'm ill.

Symptoms: cough, sinuses clogged, but still managing to drip into my throat, fever, watering eyes, aching joints, etc.

Treatment: ramen, antihisamines, vitamins, long hot baths, and lots of Vicks vapo-rub.

Yeah. I feel (and smell) like a granny. I need a shower. I want a drink, but it's not advisable with all of the stuff I'm taking (imagine taking Robitussin and Tylenol PM, then knocking back a shot of Vodka???). Bad idea!!!

Delirium is now setting in. I need to go to bed before the sun comes up!

a.j.
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   Undiscovered Writers
I have come to realize that there are some completely amazing undiscovered writers out there. And some of them actually write fan fiction! Ack! That would be like...Jane Austen writing Sci-fi novels!

A little disjointed, right?

I think so, too. That's because to get to the good fan fiction, you have to wade through miles and miles of crappy fan fiction first. But I guess that when you find that little bit of gold in all of that muck, it makes it seem that much more amazing.

Anyhow, I had a great time reading some really good stuff, and thought I would babble for a few before bed. It's almost six a.m.!!!!!

I think I might read the Wave Country arc again, and try to come up with a Haku fic or something. Right now, I'm working on a fic involving Akatsuki and Sasuke's return (all completely conjecture and not following any story line!). The main thing to keep in mind is that Sakura strangles him, and he kisses her afterward. Why do guys like it when girls beat them up?

Anyhow, I'm babbling for real now, so I'll shut the hell up and go catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

^_^

a.j.
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Friday, December 30, 2005

   now, with internet!
Wow. I love the internet. I missed it so... I'm in the cafe, and checking everything from email to story reviews and pm messages on various sites...all the while drinking iced tea. Yeah. It's that warm here. I kinda think it's odd to be able to wear a tank top during the winter, but in a way, it's kinda nice. Warm weather is better for this dratted cold I have anyway! Anyway, I have lots of stuff to do, so later, guys!
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Thursday, December 29, 2005

   Thanks for the Christmas Greetings!
You guys are great!!

antiworld, astronutz, childofserenity, and MagnusLensherr!!! I love you guys! I have been sans internet for a long time now, and I need to pay my internet bill as soon as I get back to Waco. Lack of internet is scary for a junkie like me...

Thanks also to everyone who cheered me up when I was feeling so very lonely around finals time. Once again, I love you guys.

^_^

a.j.
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Monday, December 12, 2005

   cram
I'm done with looking over notes. I only really got through looking at the first bit from the beginning of the semester. But, if I don't get some sleep, I'll be utterly useless tomorrow. So, goodnight, and cross your fingers for me.

a.j.
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Sunday, December 11, 2005

   Not sure why, but I'm feeling lonely
Really, I don't know why. I came back home at 'round 1am, from being actually out. I went to see the Chronicles of Narnia movie, then hung out with some of the Barbies. They're not that bad anymore. I guess I just had to let myself get used to them. But now that I'm home by myself at five in the morning, I feel lonely.

Really, what do I do with myself? I sit at home, and do nothing but write about things that I would prefer to be doing, or check my email to see if people still care about me. It's really an admission of how pathetic I'm feeling that I've checked my gmail about six times since I got home, trying to see if a person that I've emailed twice in the past couple of days has responded. All to no avail.

I miss people.

There are a few people I miss in particular, and they know who they are. Hopefully. Why do things have to start ganging up on me...finals, rent, bills, and stupid feelings like being lonely. Not to mention my thesis. But enough with complaining about things that I can't control. Not that I'm going to be getting over it any time soon...I just am tired.

I'm tired of feeling useless, helpless, and lonely. Everyone I care about is no less than 1000 miles away, and it bugs me to no end. Ahem. Excuse me. I mean to say that everyone I care about who isn't family is no less than 1000 miles away. My aunt lives about 150 miles away, and an uncle I despise just as much as some of my ex-boyfriends lives closer.

Why am I thinking about this shit at five in the morning? Who knows. What does anyone think about when they've been up this long? And for that matter, why do they think of it?

I have come to the conclusion that I am totally nuts. I have no life, and I am a total shut-in unless people force me to crawl out of my hole. Some people would say that it's ok, but I just feel like there's a part of me that's gone missing somewhere, and I just can't seem to figure out where it went to.

I had a book when I was little called "The Missing Piece." Basically, it was this circle with a wedge cut out of it that went rolling around in search of its missing piece. That's kinda what I feel like. I sit in a large dusty room by myself when I'm at work. I sit in my small cluttered apartment, alone, when I'm at home. I feel...isolated. Part of it is my own doing. I know that, and I think it's totally obvious. But, I have to say that I wish that I could shake myself out of this stupor I find myself in.

True to my nature, I draw in on myself, pulling away from those around me, and there's nothing I can do about it.

damn. I am pathetic, so I'll stop now.

a.j.
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