myOtaku.com: antilogicgirl

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1980-03-11
Gender
• Female
Location
• Unfortunately, Texas
Member Since
• 2005-08-29
Occupation
• Graduate Student...grrr.
Real Name
• April

Personal

Achievements
• Graduated College with a B.A...is that an accomplisment?
Anime Fan Since
• 1991...but then again, Vol Tron is anime too. When was that?
Favorite Anime
• Like I said, Kenshin is great! AND I love Samurai X, too. And Bleach is great too, and and....um...Oh, Outlaw Star!!!! Lately, Wolf's Rain and Saiyuki have been taking up more and more of my time...But my first love when I was five: VOLTRON...it's the g
Goals
• To combat ignorance, professionally
Hobbies
• Cosplay, writing, music, reading, dancing, singing.
Talents
• Singing, I play the clarinet or then again, I used to...and according to most people I listen really well.

myOtaku.com: antilogicgirl

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Not sure why, but I'm feeling lonely
Really, I don't know why. I came back home at 'round 1am, from being actually out. I went to see the Chronicles of Narnia movie, then hung out with some of the Barbies. They're not that bad anymore. I guess I just had to let myself get used to them. But now that I'm home by myself at five in the morning, I feel lonely.

Really, what do I do with myself? I sit at home, and do nothing but write about things that I would prefer to be doing, or check my email to see if people still care about me. It's really an admission of how pathetic I'm feeling that I've checked my gmail about six times since I got home, trying to see if a person that I've emailed twice in the past couple of days has responded. All to no avail.

I miss people.

There are a few people I miss in particular, and they know who they are. Hopefully. Why do things have to start ganging up on me...finals, rent, bills, and stupid feelings like being lonely. Not to mention my thesis. But enough with complaining about things that I can't control. Not that I'm going to be getting over it any time soon...I just am tired.

I'm tired of feeling useless, helpless, and lonely. Everyone I care about is no less than 1000 miles away, and it bugs me to no end. Ahem. Excuse me. I mean to say that everyone I care about who isn't family is no less than 1000 miles away. My aunt lives about 150 miles away, and an uncle I despise just as much as some of my ex-boyfriends lives closer.

Why am I thinking about this shit at five in the morning? Who knows. What does anyone think about when they've been up this long? And for that matter, why do they think of it?

I have come to the conclusion that I am totally nuts. I have no life, and I am a total shut-in unless people force me to crawl out of my hole. Some people would say that it's ok, but I just feel like there's a part of me that's gone missing somewhere, and I just can't seem to figure out where it went to.

I had a book when I was little called "The Missing Piece." Basically, it was this circle with a wedge cut out of it that went rolling around in search of its missing piece. That's kinda what I feel like. I sit in a large dusty room by myself when I'm at work. I sit in my small cluttered apartment, alone, when I'm at home. I feel...isolated. Part of it is my own doing. I know that, and I think it's totally obvious. But, I have to say that I wish that I could shake myself out of this stupor I find myself in.

True to my nature, I draw in on myself, pulling away from those around me, and there's nothing I can do about it.

damn. I am pathetic, so I'll stop now.

a.j.
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