Sunday, October 10, 2004

It's a town full of losers, and I'm pulling out of here to win. On iTunes: "Thunder Road" Bruce Springsteen Let's have a moment of silence for the beauty and majesty of The Boss. Okay. What the hell happened to the weekend? Where did it go? I could have sworn it was still Friday. For all I know, I could still be dancing at Club Downunder and somebody spiked the punch and this is just a weird, trippy moment. o_O;; Okay, so I'm going to be writing a very large paper today. That, and I've got some Italian homework to finish and an outline to write for my Lit class. We've started our projects, so that means in the coming weeks I'll be writing a short story. Which also means that I'll probably put it up in Anthology as I go. The last draft is due Friday (although it's entirely possible that I won't stop there). We'll just have to see how it goes. Prom was fun. It was like going to a club, without all the drunk losers. Although my dress has ripped a little more. You see, there's already this huge slit up the front, and I just made it a little bigger. Meh. So they played some pretty good music, although there was a patch of slow songs that was just bad. Naturally, we still danced, but it was more .. interprative. I only wish that they had played some cool 80s songs, like "Come On Eileen" or something. I guess that's too dorky for Prom or something. Jerks. Anyway. I'm going to get a bite to eat before the toil officially begins. Whoo.

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Friday, October 8, 2004

I can't help it the road just rolls out behind me. On iTunes: "Extraordinary Machine" Fiona Apple Yesterday was a pretty crappy day. I've just been so stressed out because of school lately and I guess it kind of came to a breaking point yesterday. Despite some awesome comments on my previous post (which I very much appreciate), it was not cool, and I was in a very bad mood right up until I went to bed, when I got a call from my old roommate Natalie. She had caught the clock at 11:11 and immediately called, heh, and even though we only talked for like ten minutes, it was nice. She said some things that made me feel better. Then this morning, I woke up and went to class and just braced myself for a really "bleh" day and because my expectations were so low, it turned out really nice, lol. Dr. Singh (History) talked about Gandhi today, which is great because now I have more information that I can use on my freaking paper. Italian, which was the class that was really killing me yesterday, was fun because I felt more confident with what I knew. And then Lit was just ... lit. I always like literature classes, but there was a lot of discussion today so that was pretty cool. It's not like anything huge happened, but it was something of a relief to be able to enjoy my classes again. Let's hope this continues into next week. Until then, however, TGIF!! I'm going to the Eastside Prom tonight. I get to go to prom all over again, yay. (Hint: I didn't like Prom. Let's hope there's no drama this year.)

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Wednesday, October 6, 2004

So what would an angel say, the devil wants to know? On iTunes: "Criminal" Fiona Apple Do you ever have days where you feel like a failure? Not a complete one, mind you, but just your everyday waste of talent? Like, if somebody else had been in your shoes, they could have done so much more, could be something so much better, and could be way ahead of where you are now, if given half the chance? I guess what I'm trying to say is ... I HATE MY FUCKING CLASSES. Ahem. This entire post is about to get really random. So, per piacere, scusi. This year has been awful. I don't even need to explain that - you guys have been here, you know how angsty and depressing half of the posts were. And one of (the many) reasons for that is my classes. I just don't like them. They're not what I signed up for. Nothing about this year is what I thought it would be, and I can't stand that. Italian is the only one I like, but it's so much work - it's like trying to fit a year of high school language into a few months. And with all the other work that I've got to do, it's hard to sit down every night and go over the things that I need to go over. And because I don't like my classes, I'm not motivated to do anything for them. And because I'm not motivated, when I actually try to sit down and get things done, it feels half-assed and fake. I care about my studies, I care a lot, and when I do poorly on a quiz or test, it really bothers me. But this year, it's just not the same. This year, I've been floating by, and I've been getting lucky. Instead of working for those A's and working to be the best one in the class, my motto as of late has been, "Get a C, get a degree." And I don't want it to be that. But the semester isn't even half way done and I'm already sick of all this. Furthermore, the fact that I've been complaining about all of this for so long just pisses me off even more. I don't want to a lazy, whiney bitch that could have done well, if only she had put her mind to it. Why can't I just put my mind to it? I am my worst enemy right now, and I know it and I can confront it, but I can't seem to get around it. I've been trying but it's not working. One thing's for sure, though, I need to get my ass in gear. The way things are going just isn't working for me. Next to that, I had a conversation with this guy today. We hadn't talked in a while, but today we ended up talking and we got onto relationships and all that, and he asked if I had a boyfriend yet. I told him that I didn't, and that I really didn't have time for one. This year has been crazy enough. Then he made this kind of sad face and told me that maybe I'd get one soon. I just shook my head and smiled and said, "I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy, or make me feel better about myself." In fact, I kind of like not having one. I'm still of the opinion that my independence will come under fire and I'm not ready to commit to anything. I certainly don't do flings and I don't date somebody unless I think that it could possibly go somewhere. That's just the kind of girl I am. And then he looked at me and said, "Well, are you happy?" What the fuck does that mean? And why would having a boyfriend have anything to do with that? I don't think I'm unhappy. Obviously, things are not perfect in Megan Land, but when were they ever? I'm not going to lie - my life has been a lot better and this year has not been good to me. But on the flipside, I've learned a lot about myself (again) and some of the things I've realized I just don't like. And maybe in that sense I am a little unhappy, but suddenly getting a boyfriend isn't going to make it all better. If I'm unhappy with myself, then there's no way I'll ever be able to properly function in that kind of relationship. It's not about getting laid. I'm sure that sex is lovely, really, but I think I'll wait until things are right with me. I don't appreciate the fact that so much of college life seems to revolve around going out, getting drunk, and fucking like rabbits. I don't understand the emphasis on partying all night, every night. One of my newer friends this year went out to the green because there was a huge foam party in the fountain (again). There was another girl there, walking around topless, and so my friend stripped down and ran around topless as well. And because there were apparently about 50 guys there, with cameras and recorders and shit, all of them yelling for them to make out, she kissed the other girl. Why? That's disgusting. Doing that kind of thing just to do it for a bunch of drunk frat boys seems a little ridiculous to me. I reiterate. That's not the kind of girl I am. I'm sure that guy wasn't referring to that at all, but I don't like the idea that I need a man in order to be happy. I find that extremely sexist, in fact - as if all girls are happy when they've got a guy to dress up for and who will give them flowers and take them out and pay for their dinners. I just don't like that. Le sigh. This rant has been a long time coming, obviously. I'm just tired of a lot of things now, and it kind of bothers me. I guess that's all I'm saying, if you exclude the other thousands of words and expletives.

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Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Check It Out Check It Out Check It Out On iTunes: Disney songs This is an article that my sister had to read for her english class, and that she later gave to me to read. I liked it, and I thought that there might be a couple others out there who would appreciate it, as well. ^_~ Columbine: Whose Fault Is It? by Marilyn Manson It is sad to think that the first few people on earth needed no books, movies, games, or music to inspire cold-blooded murder. The day that Cain bashed his brother Abel's brains in, the only motivation he needed was his own human disposition to violence. Whether you interpret the Bible as literature or as the final word of whatever God may be, Christianity has given us an image of death and sexuality that we have based our culture around. A half-naked dead man hangs in most homes and around our necks, and we have just taken that for granted all our lives. Is it a symbol of hope or hopelessness? The world's most famous murder-suicide was also the birth of the death icon - the blueprint for celebrity. Unfortunately, for all their inspiring morality, nowhere in the Gospels is intelligence praised as a virtue. A lot of people forget or never realize that I started my band as a criticism of these very issues of despair and hypocrisy. hte name Marilyn Manson has never celebrated the sad fact that America puts killers on the cover of Time magazine, giving them as much notoriety as our favorite movie stars. From Jesse James to Charles Manson, the media, since their inception, have turned criminals into folk heroes. They just created two new ones when they plastered those dipshits Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris's pictures on the front of every newspaper. Don't be surprised if every kid who gets pushed around has two new idols. We applaud the creation of a bomb whose sole prupose is to destroy all of mankind, and we grow up watching our president's brains splattered all over Texas. Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. Does anyone think the Civil War was the least bit civil? If television had existed, you could be sure they would have been there to cover it, or maybe even participate in it, like their violent car chase of Princess Di. Disgusting vultures looking for corpses, exploiting, fucking, filming, and serving it up for our hungry appetites in a gluttonous display of endless human stupidity. When it comes down to who's to blame for high school murders in Littleton, Colorado, throw a rock and you'll hit someone who's guilty. We're the people who sit back and tolerate children owing guns, and we're the ones who tune in and watch the up-to-the-minute details of what they do with them. I think it's terrible when anyone dies, especially if it is someone you know and love. But what is more offensive is that when these tragedies happen, most people don't really care any more than they would about the season finale of Friends or The Real World. I was dumbfounded as I watched the media snake right in, not missing a teardrop, interviewing the parents of dead children, televising the funerals. Then came the witch hunt. Man's greatest fear is chaos. It was unthinkable that these kids did not have a simple black-and-white reason for their actions. And so as scapegoat was needed. I remember hearing the initial reports from Littleton that Harris and Klebold were wearing makeup and dressed like Marilyn Manson, whome they obviously must worship, since they were dressed in black. Of course, speculation snowballed into making me the poster boy for everything that is bad in the world. These two idiots weren't wearing makeup, and they weren't dressed like me or like goths. Since Middle America has not heard of the music they did listen to (KMFDM and Rammstein, among others), the media picked something they thought was similar. Responsible journalists have reported with less publicity that Harris and Klebold were not Marilyn Manson fans - that they even disliked my music. Even if they were fans, that gives them no excuse, nor does it mean that music is to blame. Did we look for James Huberty's inspiration when he gunned down people in McDonald's? What did Timothy McVeigh like to watch? What about David Koresh, Jim Jones? Do you think entertainment inspired Kip Kinkel, or should we blame the fact that his father bought him the guns he used in the Springfield, Oregon, murders? What inspires Bill Clinton to blow up people in Korsovo? Was it something that Monica Lewinsky said to him? Isn't killing just killing, regardless if it's in Vietnam or Jonesboro, Arkansas? Why do we justify one, just because it seems to be for the right reasons? Should there ever be a right reason? If a kid is old enough to drive a car or buy a gun, isn't he old enough to be held personally responsible for what he does with his car or gun? Or if he's a teenager, should someone else be blamed because he isn't as enlightened as an eighteen-year-old? America loves to find an icon to hang its guilt on. But, admittedly, I have assumed the role of Antichrist; I am the Nineties voice of individuality and people tend to associate anyone who looks and behaves differently with illegal or immoral activity. Deep down, most adults hate people who go against the grain. It's comical that people are naive enough to have forgotten Elvis, Jim Morrison, and Ozzy so quickly. All of them were subjected to the same age-old arguments, scrutiny, and prejudice. I wrote a song called "Lunchbox," and some journalists have interpreted it as a song about guns. Ironically, the song is about being picked on and fighting back with my Kiss lunchbox, which I used as a weapon on the playground. In 1979, metal lunchboxes were banned because they were considered dangerous weapons in the hands of delinquents. I also wrote a song called "Get Your Gunn." The title is spelled with two n's because the song was a reaction to the murder of Dr. David Gunn, who was killed in Florida by pro-life activists while I was living there. That was the ultimate hypocrisy I witnessed growing up: that these people killed someone in the name of being "pro-life." The somewhat positive messages of these songs are usually the ones that sensationalists misinterpret as promoting the very things I am decrying. Right now, everyone is thinking of how they can prevent things like Littleton. How do you prevent AIDS, world war, depression, car crashes? We live in a free country, but with that freedom there is a burden of personal responsibility. Rather than teaching a child what is moral and immoral, right and wrong, we first and foremost can establish what the laws that govern us ar. You can always escape hell by not believing in it, but you cannot escape death and you cannot escape prison. It is no wonder that kids are growing up more cynical; they have a lot more information in front of them. They can see that they are living in a world that's made of bullshit. In the past, there was always the idea that you could turn and run and start something better. But now America has become one big mall, and because of the Internet and all of the technology we have, there's nowhere to run. People are the same everywhere. Sometimes music, movies, and books are the only things that let us feel like someone else feels like we do. I've always tried to let people know it's OK, or better, if you don't fit into the program. Use your imagination - if some geek from Ohio can become something, why can't anyone else with the willpower and creativity? I chose not to jump into the media frenzy and defend myself, though I was begged to be on every single TV show in existence. I didn't want to contribute to these fame-seeking journalists and opportunists looking to fill their churches or to get elected because of their self-righteous finger-pointing. They want to blame entertainment? Isn't religion the first real entertainment? People dress up in costumes, sing songs, and dedicate themselves in eternal fandom. Everyone will agree that nothing was more entertainging than Clinton shooting off his prick and then his bombs in true political form. And the news - that's obvious. So is entertainment to blame? I'd like media commentators to ask themselves, because their coverage of the event was some of the most gruesome entertainment any of us have seen. I think that the National Rifle Association is far too powerful to take on, so most people choose Doom, The Basketball Diaries or yours truly. This kind of controversy does not help me sell records or tickets, and I wouldn't want it to. I'm a controversial artist, one who dares to have an opinion and bothers to create music and videos that challege people's ideas in a world that is watered-down and hollow. In my work I examine the America we live in, and I've always tried to show people that the devil we blame our atrocities on is really just each one of us. So don't expect the end of the world to come one day out of the blue - it's been happening every day for a long time.

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Monday, October 4, 2004

Why Megan Completely Owns And Stuff On iTunes: One of those Cowboy Bebop songs, probably by Yoko Kanno, who is incredibly awesome. 1. I have finished my art essay, which is due Wednesday. You may be asking yourself, "How the hell do you write in essay in an art class?" Well, friend, I don't really know, but I did it anyway. And it sounds good to my beautiful, amateur ears. 2. Megan returned her library book on time (I, Robot), and then proceeded to buy a victory latte. Only, there was a scary anal woman working there, yelling at the other guy for making a drink wrong when he really didn't make the drink wrong. It went as follows: Man: *goes to make drink to help shorten the line* Lady: *snatches drink from him and pours it down the sink* You're making it wrong! Man: No, no I'm not, and you just threw away a perfectly good drink. Lady: I'm a psychotic bitch and I'm always right, even when I'm wrong! Man: Dude. Me and other customers: O_O;;; 3. I have an Italian quiz tomorrow that I haven't studied for and two more essay/paper/things to write, including a 3,000 word paper in History of Asia on what I think about Hinduism! Oh ... wait. That's not good. Why do my classes suck this semester? The world may never know.

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Saturday, October 2, 2004

"...lens cap." On iTunes: "Chain" - Escaflowne Whoo, the family is here, cue the confetti! Long story short, we went out for mexican at On The Border's, which is a lovely place to eat (very crowded tonight, everybody and their mother were quite literally there), and then while driving back down Monroe, dearest father asked, "What shall we do next?" And I suggested, quite innocently, "Perchance a movie?" "That could --" "OMG, LET'S GO SEE SKY CAPTAIN!!!1!1!!" "......" So we did. And it was fabulous, absolutely and utterly fabulous. And Jude Law is the sexiest man alive. Nevertheless, I quite enjoyed the movie and I order you all to see it, except for Shy, who has already seen it and already shares my feelings, I do believe. Anyway. Go forth! Now I'm going to bed. It's late, and I've got to get up early enough to tailgate before our stupid NOON game. What genius thought that up? Sheesh.

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Friday, October 1, 2004

Happiness is pizza with sausage! On iTunes: "Africa (Cover)" - Howie Day All right, all right, so I got my tests back from this week. They drove me crazy while I had them, but in the end, I'm pretty pleased with my varying grades on all of them, so it all works out in the end. Italian: I think I got an 89 on this one. I think. Definitely a B, so that's good. Now that we're into the stuff I really enjoy, it should be easier to get better grades because I'm more into it. History of Asia: I got a C+ on this one, and I'm happy because I seriously thought I failed this bad boy, lol. I can tell you now, I'm going to be reading for this a lot more in the future to bring that up, heh. Kids, do your homework! ^_^;; Lit: I had an exam and an essay, and I got both back today. On the essay, I got a 95 because it was formatted wrong (although I don't know exactly what was wrong, so I'll have to talk to her about that), and then on the exam, I got a perfect score. Yes, that's right, I got a 100% because I am that cool. So I'm feeling pretty good right now, especially since it's Friday and my family is coming and we've got a game tomorrow and I'm not sick anymore and generally LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN!! (Although I still really miss my dog. T.T)

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Thursday, September 30, 2004

Your Last Chance Has Arrived On iTunes: "Butterflies and Hurricanes" - Muse Not only does the title of that song aptly describe my life right now, it's also a very lovely song. Damn, I love this band! Right. I've been messing around with myOtaku a lot lately because I just haven't been happy with it. I needed some major changes and now I think that I'm finally satisfied. Although I need a new icon. So. Who wants to make me an icon that will somehow match my site?! Come on now, don't be shy! ^_^;; And while I'm asking, if somebody with some decent HTML knowledge could help me make a pretty table for myO, that would be super. I'm feeling a lot better lately, too, which is awesome. Not just mentally, but physically - my cold seems to be vanishing right before my eyes! Score! And just in time for the weekend, yay! I'm very, very excited, heh. Mia famiglia will be here tomorrow. I haven't seen them in over a month. A month and a half, I think. I don't remember that kind of stuff very well, it seems, but it's definitely been a while and I'm really, really looking forward to giving them all big, big hugs. I don't have Italian tomorrow because we played a game today and we did very well. We're being taught by a grad student - her name is Diana and she's from Italy. Anyway, Diana told us that if we study and she's happy with our knowledge on the verbs while we play these contests, then we won't have to come to class Friday. So today was the game, and it was pretty close. It gets so competitive, heh, but it's fun and funny because everyone is frantically trying to be the first team done, lol. My team and another tied for first, but we're all winners because we don't have class. =D Anyway, I really love my Italian class. I think it's probably been what's keeping me relatively sane with my classes this year, since nothing else turned out to be what I thought it would be. It's a lot of stuff to remember, but we're finally starting to conjugate verbs and that's my favorite part of the language, hee hee. And I think I'll end it right there, now that I'm feeling extra dorky. =P

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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

The Scarlet "S" Hee hee, how dorky is this? I'm in a chat with my brother and sister. But it's making me happy, even if I can't speak 1337. Fo'rizzle! I'm such a family oriented person. As if you couldn't already tell. But really, it matters to me, and be able to talk to them about anything is just cool. I find it hard to understand kids who don't get along with their siblings, and even more, I feel bad for them. Man, you don't know what you're missing. My brother is rocking the high school theatre company now. I'm so proud! Oh, how they grow up so fast... le sigh.

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She burns like the sun. Ha ha ha, my forehead burns like the sun! Okay, actually, I'm feeling a little better. A little. My throat is still all scratchy and my voice is hoarse and my nose is still stuffy, but ... it's better than yesterday. It doesn't sound like much, heh, but trust me, compared to yesterday, today is a good day. Today was also test day. I had my ASH exam, as well as my Lit exam, and they both went.... okay. Specifically, my history one was pretty bleh. I think I did all right, but I also know that had I not been sick for it (and sick while I was studying for it and for my other two tests), I probably could have done a lot better. As it is, I'm just hoping for a decent grade, but I'm feeling kind of anxious about it, and that's not really a good sign. Damn. I did, however, do really well on my Lit one, so together that's how I get an "okay". It was all short answer, though (the Lit exam), and it was pretty easy. Ms. Jay, the teacher lady, made me really nervous about it before because she was talking like it was going to be hard and I'd be pressed for time. Dude, she lied. It was not hard, and I was not pressed for time. In fact, I left early because I just kick ass like that. So I guess for all three tests, I did all right. A 2/3 perhaps? Only time will tell. Anyway, today is Wednesday, which means that I only have about two days left until the family gets here, and I'm really looking forward to that. And I'm hoping that I'll be feeling better, especially since today seems to be some kind of improvement. I just want to get better, man. Is that so much to ask? Especially after the entire month has sucked? Come on, give me a break here. On a completely different note, my sister bought a couple movies today. Why do any of you care? Well, you don't, quite simply. But this matters to me because now I feel like I can't really buy these two movies. One of them, Love Actually, I think I can live without. The other, The Ladykillers, I really want to own, but now that she has it, I feel like buying it would be kind of silly. Does anybody else ever feel like that? That since a family member owns something you feel like you shouldn't buy it because it'd be a waste, but at the same time, you think that in a couple years you're not even going to be living with them anyway and you'll want your own copy? ......yeah. I don't know where these things come from, you guys. They just pop into my head. I blame the medicine for now. The medicine has been making me feel really trippy lately. Yeah, that's it. >_>;;

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