Monday, September 27, 2004

Make it with Asian Sauce! In six weeks, we have had four hurricanes to hit Florida. Four. The latest is Hurricane Jeanne. You might know Jeanne from her devastating attack on Haiti, where she killed over 1,000 people as a Tropical Storm. That's right folks, Jeanne is a bitch. A big one. Actually, the weather isn't that bad. Jeanne has been downgrading and I think she's back to a depression now. I'm not really sure, but it's just started to rain here. It's been pretty windy all day, which was nice, but now it's a little too windy and with the rain, not entirely pleasant. However, we do have class today. And though I never thought I'd say it, thank god. You see, I have tests this week. Three, to be exact. And had class been cancelled today (Monday), it would have pushed those two tests to Wednesday, making all three of my tests on the same day. That would have sucked the big one. However, class is not cancelled. Except for my lit one, because they're all fucking pansies. Let me explain my anger. You see, I spent the better half of Sunday reading and preparing for that one because out of that one and my Italian one, I thought I would need to study for the Lit one more. And then at around 6:30-ish yesterday evening, she sends us an e-mail to let us know that it's cancelled. So I wasted half the day studying for this damn test when I could have been studying for the test I still have tomorrow. I seriously do not need more reasons to hate my classes, but damn it, they just keep piling up! I do think, however, that I did decently well on my Italian test. There were a couple things I couldn't remember, and there were a couple things I remembered at the very end, but for the most part, it was easy enough. I'm hoping for a B. That'd be good enough for me at this point. Mordred, my beloved fish, died. I flushed him down the toilette yesterday. It was very sad. My loss was partially amended by my mom's care package, however, and now I have some yummy chocolate chip cookies and gummy bears, as well as my much needed planner, pencil back, and my art kit. It's an interesting trade off. The other good news (such a foreign phrase to this blog) is that Parents Weekend is this coming weekend. So my family will be here. Thank God. I'm going to go crazy. This weekend will be the break I need, especially after these tests and whatnot. And then I'll have to start that damn essay. Ugh, just thinking about that makes me want to cry. My throat still hurts, and I feel generally ill. X_x Okay. I don't like to complain about roommates. Frankly, I've never had to, and I've been extremely lucky in that regard. But there are a couple things that bother me this semester. I don't even want to go into it because it makes me feel bad. But I also want to pull out my hair occasionally. Bleh. Fuck it. I don't even care, it's the least of my concerns right now. I just wanted to add that I haven't forgotten about any RPGs. I apologize for my inactivity the last few weeks, but I think most will understand that I've had a hell of a semester so far and there's still plenty to do. I will get back to them, I just don't know when. Hopefully after this week ... things might slowly get back to normal. Hmm, that sounds familiar. ...oh. Okay, I'm going to take a nap now. Maybe afterwards the continual pounding, throbbing feeling in my head will go away.

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Friday, September 24, 2004

Just trying to see through the pouring rain. First of all, I just wanted to say thanks to all the well-wishes and stuff that you guys have been giving me for, oh, the past month. It's been rough, and I really do appreciate hearing from you guys. It keeps me relatively sane (note the term relatively), and with so much going on, that's nice to have. So again, thanks a bunch. You guys rock. Things with Daniel (the guy who has cancer) seem to be okay. I've heard a little more, and the doctors were pretty optimistic about him, apparently, so that's good. I think that they think that they caught it early and that he'll probably only need eight months of chemo, tops, and it should be the end of it. However, one of my friends back home (she's my sister's best friend and also our long-time neighbor from that hurricane picture awhile back) is having a very rough time. There's this huge history that I won't go into, but long story short, family problems, financial problems, school problems, and she's being stalked. Seriously being stalked. To the point where she's been getting information about a restraining order kind of stalked. I'm really worried about her and I know my sister is even more nuts about it, and we both wish that she could just come chill with us or something. She's such an awesome, awesome girl and it really sucks that she's going through such a hard time. I have to hope that it will get better for her but it just looks so awful right now - it's hard to see any light when it's so freaking dark, you know? And on another depressing note, Mordred is dying. I'm not really sure what's wrong with him, but it's very sad. He's been floating up at the top of the bowl lately, and he's not eating. His gills have been open almost constantly, and it looks like he's swelling there. It's like he can't breathe or something, and I don't know what to do about it. But his color is so faded and awful and he's beginning to tilt a little, and that's never a good sign. Maybe getting another little pet just wasn't a good idea. Granted, I've been so distracted as of late because of a shitload of things that are completely out of my control, but that's probably reason enough. I know he's just a little $3 fish, but I'm really kind of upset about it. It's just one more thing to go wrong on me, but this one is a living thing. It's so sad. Besides that, I've got about a thousand tests to study for and all of them are really going to require me to buckle down and put in a few good hours for each over the weekend. Which means that, besides the game on Saturday, I'll be preparing for them all weekend. Joy. At least they'll be done (though I have a 3,000 paper due Oct. 11 that seriously needs to be started). So, that's my miserable life right now. Woe is me, blah blah blah. I think I'm going to go take some cold medicine and then curl up and watch my fish die. Great.

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Thursday, September 23, 2004

God is just a mean kid with a magnifying glass. Today has pretty much sucked. Italian is not going the way I want it to. I don't know if I'm just not studying enough or if my tiny brain is just unable to absorb all this foreign crap, but I'm just not doing as well as I should be and that pisses me off. When I'm not doing something very well, then I don't want to do it at all, and that makes it even worse. I'm sure that my anxiety over this class isn't helping the whole major related problem at all. To add to the loveliness, my throat hurts. As in, here are the first signs that in a few days, you'll probably be sick. My sister has got something like this, and so does one of our friends, so I can't say I'm surprised that it eventually got around to me. But damn it, I don't want to be sick! I have too much to worry about as it is! And on top of all this, I found out today that one of my sister's friends has cancer. Fucking cancer. He's only 18. How is that fair at all? How has anything about this whole, god damn month been fair? How can somebody so young get something so fucking horrible like that? From what little I know about it, it's in his lymphnodes, and if it doesn't get really bad and active, he could be on chemo for maybe 8 months, tops. But if something goes wrong... well, I don't even want to think about that. I just don't understand. What the hell did I do? What am I paying for? Somebody must really hate me somewhere. The thing is, I'm slowly slipping over from depression into homicidal rage. I am pissed off and I'm tired of all this shit happening to me and to the people I care about. God fucking damn it.

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Clapton or Hendrix? Tonight I saw The Dreamers at the SLB. I don't know if anybody else is familiar with this film, as it's not exactly mainstream material. It was, however, very profound. At least, that's the word that keeps coming to me. It's kind of a hard film to understand, although at the same time it seems incredibly easy. I'm not quite sure which one it is yet. I liked it, though. I'm pretty sure of that. I revised that paper today. A couple times, actually. It's much more focused than it was before. I think I'm just about done with it, in fact. I'll probably re-read it again later today and make any last minute changes before submitting it online. That's how this Lit class operates - we turn things in online. I can't say that I hate it because it the entire system is kind of handy. I'd like to hate it, but I think what I really dislike about the class is that it's not at all what I thought it would be. I had originally signed up for this class because I thought we would be writing short stories, not reading them. Granted, I enjoy reading them - the stories we've read so far have been quite lovely - it's just that it wasn't what I wanted. Things didn't go according to plan, which I guess, considering the entire month, was par for the course. But there's more than that. I almost feel like I'm above this class. It's very easy, at least, but then again, english and lit has always been easy for me. Part of me is being snobby and elitist and wants to think that I'm above this class, but then another part of me recognizes that even I have things that I can learn here. I really don't like the way that feels. Not the learning part, but the elitist part. I don't like that side of me at all, and it bothers me that it's been drawn out this semester. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed by everything that's going on here. It kind of makes me want to crawl into a corner and disappear. Preferrably with a book, or a journal, or music, or something. I'll just be glad when these couple weeks end and the tests and papers will be over and done with for the moment and I can relax and not fret about every little detail while pretending not to fret about every little detail.

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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

IT'S A MIRACLE!! (well, that, or a bizarre mutation of nature) I have a small paper due Friday and I finished it today. Today. The young ones that used to look to me for procrastination all gasp in shock and horror. And then remind me that I have many a posts to write. But nevertheless, I have done something unbelievable! Actually, if you knew what my schedule was in the coming two weeks, you probably would have finished it today, too. Consider that my warning.. let's just say I've got a lot of studying to do. That, and I'm going to be like the Zen Queen in the next couple days because I simply cannot be bothered by stress any longer. It's such a pain in the ass, and it's completely unnecessary. Even if I have to start chanting odd things during the day, I will, damn it. There is nothing so hugely important that it requires me wigging out. In other news, my beautiful betta fish Mordred really seems to enjoy picking fights with his reflection. We also have quick, three second staring contests so I don't lose my mind. (Even though the very fact that I am engaging a small fish in a staring contest would suggest otherwise.) I wuv him. =) Also, I, Robot is nothing like the movie, heh. I really like the book, but I still really like the movie, as well. So I guess I win both ways. Yazie!! Okay, I need to sleep.

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Off-Duty Ninja, yo. Represent. I am never going to figure out these color things. I don't know. I need to learn more HTML. I need to learn how to do tables, instead of stealing the codes from old RPG posts. ...Not that I ... do that..... I talked to my mom today for a little bit. It was really, really nice, since I haven't really talked to her for a while, and I was able to get a lot of things off my chest. Something about this semester has been horribly off, despite the obvious things, and I can't seem to get it back to normal. I'm not motivated for my classes. I like them, mostly, but it's not like it was last year. It's more than that, though. I don't even know what I want to do any more. I have all these things I like to do but I'm afraid that if I turn them all into career opportunities, I'll start to hate them. It makes me nervous, and with the new pressure that FSU is putting on undecided students to declare a major right away, it's not making it any easier. I even mentioned something to my academic advisor about changing my major (which is history) in an e-mail, and she hasn't sent anything back. Usually she's pretty prompt in answering my e-mails, but that was a few days ago. Anyway. Talking with my mom helped soothe my nerves a little, I guess. I've got a lot of work in the next couple of weeks, with tests and essays and the like, and I certainly don't need the added stress. I know that things will work themselves out in time, but I can't stand the fact that I don't have control of this. Not having a plan.. arggh, it kills me. Le sigh.

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Sunday, September 19, 2004

I'm Young And I Will Swing The Vote Before I go into my political shpeal, a few things. The first being that I have bought myself a pretty little beta fish and I have named him Mordred. When he heals, he's going to be gorgeous. You see, his fin is kind of messed up. Like he got in a fight or something. But his colors are so pretty. I love him. Second, I cut my hair. I finally did it. And it's short, and I have bangs. It's been such a long time since I've had bangs. I might have some pictures in a couple weeks, but I promise nothing. The FSU game was fun, although it wasn't terribly exciting. An easy win, if there is such a thing for us. The weather was gorgeous, though. Actually, it's been fantastic out all weekend long. I love it. It's going to change and get hot again, because Tallahassee weather is crazy like that, but for now, I'm living it up. Now, about those elections. I'm a registered Independent, but I'm voting for Kerry. I'm not voting for Kerry because he's a Democrat, or because I hate Bush. I'm voting this way because I while I will always support our troops (my cousin is serving in Iraq, driving one of those supply trucks), I really do not support the way Bush has handled this "War On Terror". I don't think we as a country should be spending $120 billion dollars on this war when we have enough problems at home. Some of that ought to be going into education or healthcare, something that's really going to protect us on a day to day basis. Unemployment is at a 10 year high and the government is is supporting tax breaks for the wealthy and good, steady jobs are still being sent overseas by corporations. I don't like the fact that the current government will not allow gay marriages, even though the right should already be theirs. I don't like anti-abortion laws - that choice is mine to make, and mine alone. I just think that it's time for a change. This is not the direction that I want our country to be going in, so I'm not going to let them have that additional four years to continue with an agenda that I don't really support. This is just one girl's opinion. Whether you agree or disagree, however, I do want to encourage all of you that can to go out and vote in November. Because in an election like this one, your vote will make a difference. Swing the vote, make your voice heard. It's the American way. ^_~

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Saturday, September 18, 2004

Googa Mooga!! Friends, let me introduce you to the wonders of Googa Mooga. It's Capture The Flag, but with flour bombs. Oh, the times I have had in the last 24 hours. Oh, the laundry I will have to do in the next 24 hours. (Okay, who am I kidding? It'll be like .. 74 hours. Tomorrow is GAME DAY, baby!) But seriously. I had a blast tonight. Running around, tripping on Ivan's leafy chaos, getting bit by God knows what, always trying to find the guy who doesn't have the white sticker on his stupid shirt. I'm not too great on offense. I do okay, but put me on defense and trust me, the flag is damn safe. Chill, yo. I got it. As mentioned before, tomorrow is our first home game and I am, how do you say it, STOKED. So excited! It's at 6:30. (OSU plays at 3:30.) Before that, we're heading to the mall. At 11, to be precise. It's currently 2:39 AM, so I'm going to shut up pretty soon. But we're gonna shop for some cool, silly fan stuff and I'm going to finally cut my damn hair. I'm excited about that. I'm going for something shorter, layered, and still adorable. ^_~ I don't know about anybody else, but I think Chris Rock is hysterical. Things are pretty good around here, besides all the other things I've mentioned. Ivan didn't hit Tally hard at all, but Pensacola is an entirely different matter. Let's keep our fingers crossed for those good people, shall we? Now, you all be good this weekend. You know I will be. ^_~

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

I feel fat and disgusting and unhealthy. And do you know why this is? Because I went to see Super Size Me tonight at the SLB. This is the documentary about the man who ate McDonalds three times a day for 30 straight days. If it wasn't on the Micky D's menu, then he didn't eat it. Period. It was vile, it was disgusting, and I don't think I'll be eating any fast food in the coming weeks. It really sheds a lot of light on the health issues in America, though. Obviously obesity is a huge problem in the US. Just look down the street. It's there. It's everywhere you go. But watching this really drives the point home and you realize how much of a problem it really is. An epidemic, as the film said. Here's a summary from the official site about the movie: "Why are Americans so fat? Find out in Super Size Me, a tongue in-cheek - and burger in hand -- look at the legal, financial and physical costs of America's hunger for fast food. Ominously, 37% of American children and adolescents are carrying too much fat and 2 out of every three adults are overweight or obese. Is it our fault for lacking self-control, or are the fast-food corporations to blame? Filmmaker Morgan Spurlock hit the road and interviewed experts in 20 U.S. cities, including Houston, the "Fattest City" in America. From Surgeon Generals to gym teachers, cooks to kids, lawmakers to legislators, these authorities shared their research, opinions and "gut feelings" on our ever-expanding girth. During the journey, Spurlock also put his own body on the line, living on nothing but McDonald's for an entire month with three simple rules: 1) No options: he could only eat what was available over the counter (water included!) 2) No supersizing unless offered 3) No excuses: he had to eat every item on the menu at least once It all adds up to a fat food bill, harrowing visits to the doctor, and compelling viewing for anyone who's ever wondered if man could live on fast food alone. The film explores the horror of school lunch programs, declining health and physical education classes, food addictions and the extreme measures people take to lose weight and regain their health." After the movie premiered at various film festivals (like Sundance) and word got out, some changes at McDonalds were made. Was it coincidence that the famous fast food chain took away the ability to Super Size a meal or was it something more? Anyway, you should definitely check it out if you can. It's not just about fast food - it's a statement about health in general, and it's something everybody's got to hear, whether you live in the States or not. I'm partially reminded of Pop Art, probably just because of the blatant social critiques during the film. Which, I admit freely and gladly, I am quite fond of. We've just started going over it in my art class and I loves it. Pop Art is probably my favorite genre, if you will, because it doesn't deal with the artist's "inner self".. it's about society. It's about real life. It's a social or political statement about the culture, about the times. Kind of like the documentary. Has anybody else seen it, or has anything else to add?

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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

The Java Hut Man Is My God.

I bought this iced cafe latte an hour ago and I'm still not done with it. I like to think I'm savoring it, but honestly, I'm just a sipper. I sip drinks. It takes me forever to finish them, if I even do, and it's probably one of the reasons I'll never be drunk. Anyway, this thing is just so darn good! Maybe the best one I've ever had! I also spontaneously went to a volleyball game tonight. It wasn't terribly exciting, and it'd probably be a lot better if I actually knew the people I went with, but it was still kind of cool. I've never actually been to a sports game for the school that wasn't football, so I thought I'd broaden my horizons a little. In actuality, though, I really do like watching most sports. I've always been slightly athletic, so I get a weird satisfaction out of it. Like I'm connecting with my inner olympian, or something really retarded like that. On the way back, I decided to stop in the library. I was listening to Showbiz (the CD, not just the song) on my iPod so I was in this ... mood. And I don't know about anybody else, but whenever I'm listening to tunes on my iPod, I feel like I've got my own personal soundtrack. I always unconsciously speed up or slow down to match the rhythm of whatever I might be listening to, and depending on what it is, I view the campus in a specific way. It's like putting on sunglasses - the colors change a little. I don't know, that might just be me. I am a little crazy. In the head. Back to the library. I decided to randomly stop in and check in see if they had I, Robot in or not. Technically, they've had it in the last few times I've visited, but I can never find the damn thing. This time, however, I was victorious. Therefore, I will be reading Asimov's lovely book in the following week. Probably during Hurricane Ivan. Because we just don't get enough of those in Florida these days.

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