Sunday, April 23, 2006

FINALS WEEK = I have no life. But at least it will all be over soon and I can sit back and relax. For a week. And then summer school starts. I'm staying in Tallahassee this year, we'll see what happens. I plan on being in Tally for my 21st, however, and that should be fun. And if it's not I'll be really pissed off. But still drunk, probably. Things have been very bi-polar, but this isn't anything new. I feel like I'm involved in this intricate dance with a boy and it's driving me fucking nuts. There are times when I think things are good and there is real interest and then there are times when I wonder if I've just been reading into everything too much, if I haven't imagined all of it entirely, and I feel silly and unloved. Unloved, of course, by a specific person, and not by people in general. I feel like on that front I'm feeling better than ever, and more open. My relationship with my friends especially has never been more awesome and I'm really happy about how much we've all grown, as far as that goes. I'm glad I have them because I'm going to need them when this whole boy thing falls through, which right now I think it might, seeing as I'm at a low point in our manic-depressive relationship. So. I'm taking an art history course and a holocaust course during the summer and I'm really excited about them. Especially since I'm taking them with my friend Shannon, and we only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yeah for long weekends! I imagine that this summer is just going to be lots and lots of good times. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I've still got finals to study for. Onward.

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Thursday, April 6, 2006

I'm a mess... and learning to love it?

This semester isn't over yet (so close, god damn it) but already I'm thinking about how cool my summer and fall classes are going to be. Granted, I won't be going to school in another country this time around, but I'll deal with that loss. (God, I miss London all the time. You'd think this would get easier.) Summer in itself is going to be awesome, I just know it. Me and Shannon have signed up for 6 credit hours together and it's art history and the holocaust! woot, I'm so excited. Plus, I think just staying in Tallahassee is going to be good for me. Orlando doesn't do it for me anymore. It's not that I don't like O-town anymore or anything, I love it, and I think it's a great place to live. But everybody has moved on, and we're all doing our own things, and well, Orlando is where I've lived for twenty years. I'm tired of living there, especially now that I've seen so much more of the world and seen what's possible. And, as Fiona Apple so articulately put it, "Home is where your habits have a habitat." And I'm tired of that. I feel like I've been in the process of moving on for a while now, but I think that sometime in the last few months I realized that my heart hasn't actually been there for a while. So. In the fall I've only got 12 credit hours, but they'll be pretty reading-intensive, I think. And I finally got my Folklore class, after semesters of waiting (not-so) patiently for it. Sweet. More and more I'm also looking forward to this Philosophy of Feminism class that I have. As it turns out, Critical Issues, for all of my bitching and moaning about it, has really turned out to be my favorite class of the year. How fucking crazy is that? I've had to work my ass off and do a lot of stupid and ridiculous things for it, and Picart is as crazy as they come, but in the end I would be lying if I said I regretted signing up for it, and for her. I think in a way it helped me rejuvenate my interest in a lot of other, non-literature things, and explore a lot of new subjects and ideas that I hadn't thought I would enjoy quite as much as I do. It reminds me that I really do adore going to school because I love learning new things, and I like knowing how things work, whatever the hell these things might be. There is always bullshit to deal with, wherever you are, but that's just part of life. You have to be able to know that there is so much more beyond that, so much that you can accomplish, so many places to visit and people to meet, if you only let yourself just rise above it. I've been having these awkward mood swings lately. Generally I'm in a good, jolly mood during the day and I want to have in-depth discussions about whatever I possibly can, and talk and laugh and jump around like an idiot simply because it's gorgeous outside and I'm happy to be alive and young and full of energy and randomness. And then at around eight at night, my mood changes and I get, for lack of a better term, depressed. It's like suddenly I have no self-confidence and I'm going to fail all my classes and my existence is worthless and there is nothing special about me at all that could ever prove worth while to anybody and all I want to do is curl up and listen to music and really feel it because at least then, in feeling that, I would know that I am alive, and that is something. So what's that about, anyway? Am I bi-polar? Am I just pms-ing? Who knows. I think that my frustration with this semester and with how my classes are turning out has a lot to do with it, though. I've been working so hard all of these months and it's like it's been for nothing. It sucks. But I also remind myself that it hasn't been for nothing, because whatever grades I do end up getting, I know that what I've learned this year, I know how much I've gotten out of each of these class, in terms of what can be tested and what can't, and that a little letter on a piece of paper is not going to determine the rest of my life. That's for me to do. I'm all over the place today, I know. But I feel like there are so many things to talk about and discover. I know I have homework to do, and I'll get it done, but it's like this bug, this annoyance that is getting in the way of my adventures. Yes, adventures, damn it. Life is an adventure, and there is no other way to look at it. Next time, I will try to write an entry that doesn't make me look like I have ADD. And maybe I'll have more pictures, too.

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

So it's been a while since my last educational update, and especially since I last put up pictures. And it probably will be a little while longer before I put up more pictures because I was the idiot who thought 17 credit hours would be a great idea after my luxurious semester in London, so right now I'm pretty much dying. Drowing in distressing amounts of homework. I'm finishing up a paper today, and then starting on another one that is due Tuesday, and on top of that I have a shit load of Italian to do this week because I think that Carrabino may secretly hate us. Anyway. Besides all the homework, life has been all right. I tried to do the relationship thing for a few weeks but it didn't work out. Partially because I have so much on my plate right now, but also because, let's face it, I have major commitment issues and I keep meeting all these too-nice boys that talk too much about their feelings. I think that I won't be dating anybody any time soon, unless they happened to fill my arrogant, dominating, more physical than emotional man standards. And even then, I think I might prefer the chase. Yes, I have issues to work out. Moving on. Rufus Wainwright. (Why do you have to be gay?) I love him. I've been listening to him for the majority of this weekend and it's been lovely. It's been keeping me relaxed, which is nice, considering I've spent the whole weekend writing a paper. But it's been a kind of fun paper, I can't lie. I'm writing about philosophy in film, with The Matrix being a kind of center point. So I have, of course, watched all three movies in a row and then I went on to the Matrix Experience and way too much fun was had, considering that I was technically doing research for a paper and all. When I'm done I might post the paper up here or I might just post it on OB, which would be nice since I haven't been there in ages and I that's not cool. I haven't forgotten about the hero patrol stuff, and I have a post that is half way done but until midterms pass (midterms, which I might add, that have been about a month long now because I've had some kind of major test and/or paper due every week for at least a month now. yes thank you, my life does suck), I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish it and get it up. So. That's pretty much life right now. I drink too much coffee and I haven't written a proper letter in a couple weeks and I miss everybody but hey, what else is new? Oh, before I forget. MIMMI IS THE GREATEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, TIMES THREE. She sent me socks. Toe socks. With cows on them. I've worn them and they are so cute and wonderful. It's the best present I've gotten in a while. You rocks my ... toes, oh Swedish Empress of Badness. All hail, all hail, all hail.

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Monday, February 27, 2006

Let's learn some Italian!

Here are some typical things you might hear if you should ever venture to this majestic paese (country): Buon giorno, Signore/Signora/Signorina! Good morning, sir/madam/miss! also see: Buon pomeriggio! , Buona sera! , and Buona notte! Come sta/stai? or Come va? How are you? ; How's it going? Molto bene! (Very well!) Non c'è male! (Not too bad!) Abbastanza bene! (Pretty good!) Va bene! (It's going well!) Grazie! Thank you! Grazie mille! (Many thanks!) Prego! You're welcome! Arrivederci! Goodbye! A presto! (See you soon!) Quanto costa? How much is it? Mi sono perso/a! I am lost! Vorrei dei vini, per favore. I would like some wine, please. Mi sento molto bene! I feel great! Mi sento male! (I feel bad!) Che ora è? or Che ore sono? What time is it? Sono le due meno un quarto. It is a quarter to two. Che giorno è oggi? What day is it? Oggi è il mercoledì, il ventuno maggio. Today is Wednesday, May 21. Che tempo fa? How's the weather? Fa bello! or Fa brutto! C'è un gatto strano nel giardino. There is a strange cat in the garden. Ecco la nonnina! There is granny! Le tua verdure sono molto deliziose. Your vegetables are very delicious. Grazie, così sono le tua dita! Thanks, so are your fingers! La mia fata buona non è fedele. My fairy godmother is not faithful. Mangiamo la macedonia! Let's eat the fruit salad! Vaffanculo! Fuck off! Il lama ho avuto il congelamento. The Llama had frostbite. Stronzo/a! Cunt! Lo Stato Americano non ha il controspionaggio. The American government doesn't have any counterintelligence. Quello anatra commina come una papera bene. That duck waddles well. Lui è dello Zimbabwe. He is Zimbabwean. Sta zitta, la tua vacca! Shut up, you cow! Fini!

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Friday, February 24, 2006

Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head

I splurged yesterday. I couldn't help myself. Went to Victoria's Secrets and bought a whole bunch of delicious-smelling things, including this peachy lip gloss stuff that I keep licking off because it just tastes so yummy. Also, I found the cutest little shirt at Forever 21 and that was exciting. That store is such a guilty pleasure. Le Mother is coming into Tally today and spending her birthday with us and I'm really excited to see her. She should be around in the next hour or so. I'm so happy she's here for the weekend, and then soon we'll be heading down to Miami and Orlando for spring break and baseball. My grandparents are going to be here for spring break, too, and considering that I haven't seen them in two years, it should be a lot of fun. Wow, two years. That sounds so insane. None of my relatives live near me at all - they're all up north, in Ohio or other east coast states. I write them letters and e-mails and keep in touch that way, and recently I've been acquiring their telephone numbers so I can actually talk to them. But I don't ever feel like it's enough. And yet at the same time, whenever we go up to visit, I always have this feeling that I would go insane if I saw them all the time. I think maybe that's also just something that I have more patience for, now that I'm older. That, and I've just realized over the course of the last couple years that I'd rather have them drive me crazy than to never know anything about them and about what's going on in their lives. And I want them in mine, even though after a while they'll probably think I'm just as crazy. It's funny actually, now that I think about it. All of us second generation kids have this tendency to go nuts or something. I've had more than one cousin in bootcamp, one cousin got married at my age and divorced a few months later, one got a girl pregnant then ran off with another, one got his stomach pumped. I wonder which one I am? I'll probably always be curiously eccentric, unfortunately liberal, non-church-going one who went to London and some of those other small, European countries. Oh, you silly generation gap, you! Families are so fascinating sometimes, lol. Also, I smell eggs. God, I'm hungry. I was going to get lunch with Chris but he hasn't called me, so in the words of Dane Cook, "Fuck that guy." Actually, he's probably sleeping. Lucky bitch. (Anche, I totally mispelled Chris the first time around and put Christ instead and then realized I was going to lunch with the Lord and nearly died laughing.)

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Monday, February 20, 2006

So as I was making my way here to add a post, as one does when one has things to say, and one of the little adds was like, MOMS! and I was all, "Le whoa." Anyway. Homework is slowly devouring my soul. I am seriously starting to feel very overwhelmed and already I am tired of doing all of this all day everyday. I'm worn out and exhausted, and I seriously am starting to hate Italian. So if some of you have pointers on how to deal, that would be super, cause it's not even spring break yet and I can already feel myself burning out. Something has to change here. I think maybe I should start going to the gym... you know, in that extra time that I totally have. Oh, right. I did not go with Gil the waffle guy to the Sonnets and Chocolates thing, nor did I buy a date there because I already had one, and he was lovely, thank you. Gil is definitely very hot but you snooze, you lose. This is good advice to remember for the long run, ladies and gentlemen. Besides, I actually really like the guy I went with, Chris. He's adorably dorky and he dances randomly. And he's also a theatre major, so he has rehearsal for the rest of his life. Kind of like me and homework. We'll see what happens. I am so exhausted, I'm starting to get really silly. You know there's that line? Where you go from being extremely tired to extremely and utterly looney? Yeah. I just crossed it. Today is going to be a long day.

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Friday, February 17, 2006

ciao ragazzi

Va bene, tutti? Va bene ecco, ma mi sento male - sono ammalata. Questo il weekend mi riposo, prendo dalle medicine e bevo degli tè aromatici. Ahem. So I just found these awesome quick study academic outline things for Italian. You can stick them in your folder or binder or whatever and it makes me happy because oh my god, I need things like this. And I need to practice my italian so much more, and having something like this where I can just make up random sentences is a really great way to do that. You'd think by now that I'd be comfortable with learning to speak in a different language but I guess not. Not when I suck at it, or can't remember shit, anyway. >_> So, if you couldn't infer from the italian, I am sick. I was doing pretty decently yesterday but then I stayed up way too late like an idiot and today my voice is loopy and my nose is stuffy and I think maybe my body is telling me that I suck. So. Gonna try and take it easy this weekend, maybe write some more fun letters and do some studying and the like. I should probably start checking dates on essays and things since I know those will be coming up shortly. I also really want to see Serenity tonight at the SLB because that movie is hysterical and it's a spaghetti western in space - the best of both worlds, damn it, how could you not like it? - and well gosh, it's free. And then I kind of have a date Saturday night to this "Sonnets and Chocolates" thing that the school of theatre is putting on for various things. You can buy dates there, apparently, and there's also skits and other things. So. That should be interesting. Hopefully I will be feeling (and looking - my god, sometimes I forget how washed out being sick actually makes you look) better this weekend. There is talk of my brother taking the train up to visit us and I sincerely hope that he comes. I haven't heard anything yet, however, and I'm beginning to doubt that it may happen. He's got Monday and Tuesday off, and a play Saturday, so he'd just come up Sunday and leave Tuesday, if he came at all. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed because I miss my wittle Matty-pooh and it would be great to see him before we go home for spring break. I always find it amusing to be in the sober minority when you're hanging out with a bunch of friends at home or something. We did that last night and it was a lot of fun, and pretty damn funny. Shannon was so drunk and fun, and everybody was so incredibly chatty. It just makes me laugh. Some of the guys I've recently started hanging out with also got drunk with us girls, and it was equally amusing to be hit on and, amazing but true, cooked for. This guy Gil made me waffles. Earlier he'd offered to make me pasta. It was awesome. Okay. I want to go chill outside on the green now. It's just so beautiful out. The weather is getting warm again, after a few weeks of relatively cold weather, so it's nice to be able to put on some shorts and go bask in the sun. I think I will do just that, maybe do some studying (yeah right), write some letters, read... you know. Rock on.

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day!! I love you guys. I really do. Now please have fun picking out words to describe me here: [ http://kevan.org/johari?name=Megtastic ]. Think of it as my V-day present. Or don't. But just do it anyway. KISSES, you mofos.

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Friday, February 3, 2006

I think I would probably be... Concupiscence.

My head is really cold. T.T Oh my god, I see blue sky out my window! It's a miracle. It rained ALL DAY yesterday. And I am not exaggerating. This is no hyperbole. It started before noon, and it didn't stop until sometime after midnight. I got caught in the first down pour with my friend Mavi. We'd just been to Einstein's and were enjoying our lovely bagels and tea outside, but a clap of thunder encouraged us to change our plans and head back to New Hall (yes, we are all kinds of creative here at FSU). We made it maybe 50 yards before I was attacked by a rain drop, and then about a billion more followed. The rest of the day was like that. Random hard rain, then a drizzle, and then another flood. And Tallahassee, she does not take water well. It has no where to go. So there was a new, shiny lake at the bottom of every hill by the end of the day. Needless to say, the sunshine I see now makes me extremely happy. Also, coffee makes me extremely happy. Me and Jen went to Borders yesterday evening to study (we braved the rain, mostly because we figured nobody else would) and on the way we stopped at Starbucks. Jen mentioned something about how she was thinking of getting a Venti but was afraid her body would go into shock with all of the caffeine, and then I responded with the excitement of a four year old and said, "LETS DO IT!!!" So we were pretty silly last night. Also, we found this amazing astrology book called The Darkside of Astrology or something like that and it's all about the negative traits of your zodiac sign. Which could be pretty much everything. It was hysterical and I think I might go back and buy it. I've seen Se7en recently. Some cool shit right there. So what sin would you guys be? Might go see Conan The Barbarian a little later tonight at the SLB, but I haven't quite decided. I've never seen it before, so I'd like to just for that purpose alone, but some friends of friends are also going, and are planning to drink before hand. This could either be a very, very amusing night, or a very, very annoying one. I haven't quite decided yet. I know it's annoying to keep talking about London but I can't help but think about it all the time. You just can't escape something that life-changing, and since this is my blog-thing I am just going to anglophile you all to hell. So there. I just made a noun a verb. What kind of figure of speech is that?

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Monday, January 30, 2006

Capitolo Due!!

More and more I realize that I really do have a detestable ego. I really enjoy my Article/Essay Workshop, even though we only meet once a week. It's so casual, and Fowler is a cool guy. He's said some things about reviews that while I may not personally or emotionally agree with (especially concerning Star Wars and Lord of the Rings - fantasy/sci-fi in general), I can definitely see the point he's making. For him, these kinds of genres are too far removed from real life to make any real lasting impact. The issues they deal with, while being incredibly emotional and arduous in their own right, are simply not possible and it's because of this that though we may love these films forever and ever, they can't be considered the greatest ever made. The more I think about it, actually, the more I begin to agree. Don't get me wrong - I am just as much as a nerd about these films as anybody, but when I think of what my favorite movies are, I think of things like The Shawshank Redemption or The Hours. Things that are grounded in reality will always have more of a hold on us because we understand it better than anything. We may choose to escape it, or wish for something a little more grandoise than our plain old lives, but when I get right down to it, the movies that always mean the most to me are the ones in which there is no black and white good and evil, and there's no ultimate solution, no ground-breaking new idea that makes everybody's lives better. I've also been thinking about the play/movie Closer the last few days. I went and saw some friends perform it at one of the smaller black-box style theatres on campus and being able to see the entire thing, and not just the movie version, was awesome. I adore the movie to itty bitty pieces, but I'll try not to be overly biased about it. It's so gritty and vulgar, and though Larry and "Alice" are by far my favorite characters, they're all great character studies. Which is pretty much what the entire play really is. Especially when it comes to how we all view tragedy. We all know we love it. Romeo and Juliet would not be so fucking adored if they didn't die (note: I really don't like R&J, but I won't go into that now). Think of all the news hang-ups we've had over huge, catastrophic events or local tragedies - 9-11, the tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, the explosion with the miners, and the thousands upon thousands of stories about the girl-next-door gone missing and found dead (why the fuck is it always a girl? Seriously? Buy a fucking tazer, you bitch.) But why? Because there is a kind of pristine beauty in tragedy, especially when it's not our tragedy. It's always the suffering soul that is the most exquisite. Anna's entire exhibition plays on that: "It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie." Later, Larry says something similar to Alice when he finds her in the stripclub: "I know who you are. I love you. I love everything about you that hurts." We're taught that it's our mistakes that make us who we are because we learn how to pick ourselves back up and live better and happier for it. But none of these people are happy. They'd rather be miserable and be beautiful in their suffering because they're afraid that without the mystery and the angst they could never really be loved. And that begs the question: is there any real love here at all, or are they all just falling in love with want they want to see? And then there's the whole issue with the truth. Is the truth really better? Dan says somewhere that it's what makes us different from animals, but what can be more primitive about the play then the parts where they are tearing each other apart with their honesty? Especially between the two men - And of course Alice is the epitome of this debate - her entire character is this walking contradiction. The ending in the play is vastly different than the ending in the movie (although I'm beginning to think that one can view it as being alluded to) and I won't spoil it for anyone but it's interesting. Emphasis on interesting. If anybody has any opinions on Closer or on the fantasy vs. reality thing I would love to hear them. I love discussing this shit - that's why I'm an English major. ^_^ Now, onto the pictures! They're all of the Thames in some form or another. View of the Thames From St. Paul's. This bitch was a lot of fucking stairs, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the climb up the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona (which you will see, eventually). Still kind of dizzying though, huh? God, I miss the Thames. South of the Thames. See that white, circular building? Yeah, say hello to the Globe Theatre. I saw four different plays there, and they were all amazing and among the best plays I have ever seen. Mark Rylance is the fucking man. Big Ben and the buildings of Parliament all lit up at night. I don't think there is anything more beautiful than a city at night, especially London on the Thames. It's one of the things I miss most. The London Eye and Westminster Bridge in the background. The London Aquarium is just behind the London Eye, and it's pretty much awesome. It's not too spectacularly big or anything, but there's some cool fish in there and you can adopt fish (as well as receive all kinds of other cool bonuses) for certain prices. They also filmed part of Closer here, heh. It's hard to forget a semester in London, but sometimes I don't realize how much I miss the place until I start looking at pictures or I bust out my map. Even in Shakespeare last week he began talking about the geography of the theatres and I was torn between grinning like an idiot because I'd been to all of those places and could picture exactly where he was talking about or breaking down into sobs because without London there is a small hole in me. I'm homesick for that jolly good city. T.T

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