Monday, February 7, 2005

Well, I'm No Hero, That's Understood On iTunes: "Over the Rainbow" Judy Garland Charlie, if it makes you feel better, I think I regret buying the CD. Some of the songs are all right (and by some I mean one or two, if I'm lucky), but her style has changed way too much. I miss the old Tragic Kingdom No Doubt sound. Damn it. Me and my sister trade music all the time. We have a lot of the same tastes, and while I might listen to one band more than she does (or vice versa) we'll both like them and it's cool because we can both listen to it and stand it. She made me a CD the other day of a mix of different songs that I had picked out. It was all based off of this slower version of "Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen that we had bought off of iTunes (drink Pepsi products, 1 in 3 gets a free song). So, back to present, I've been listening to it a lot. It's really feel good music and a lot of the songs are exactly what I need right now, I think. They just make me happy and they help me remind myself that there are more important things in life then my school work or a want for self pity and an "I'm all alone and no one understands me" kind of attitude or the latest, coolest thing, or whatever. I've realized that these are some of the things that have been bringing me down. I've just been focusing on the wrong things, and I've been letting them get under my skin. I've realized that a lot of things that I felt were weak or bad or shameful before aren't and that I don't need to fall victim to certain view points or pressures that I may get on campus or from American society as a whole. This whole "rush rush rush and decide what you're going to do with the rest of your life right now so you can get a 9-5 job and sit in an office some where and have a steady income and keep up with the Jones' and fit in like everybody else" aspect of our culture sucks and I'm not going to let it bring me down anymore. We need to remember that there are more important things than your job or your annual income, who you associate with, where you eat lunch, what you drive, how many televisions you have in your house... all of that doesn't really matter because it's not going to make you happy. Family is what makes you happy. Love and affection and laughter and compassion are what keep you going, not brand names. It's not exactly ground breaking, and it's not like you don't hear it before. But I feel like in the past week or so I've really learned this for the first time. Like I actually stopped and listened and thought about it and it makes sense to me now. Already I feel the difference that this shift in thought has made and it's been huge. I know I'm not perfect and I know that I'll make mistakes and all that but I feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction and that's what's important. Right. So that's where I'm at right now. Still waiting to hear about studying abroad, and I'm still trying to figure out what exactly my major and minors should be... but there's no rush. No worry. I don't need to have everything figured out and I don't need to have all the answers, and for once I'm comfortable with that. It's a good feeling.

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