Monday, October 17, 2005

Cheeri-fucking-o.

I'm so tired and cranky right now. It's been a long night. I didn't get much sleep yesterday because I was writing an essay for class today that he didn't even collect, didn't say a word about. Of course this is only something I realize until much later, and now it looks like I didn't even write it until today which is not the case at all but right now it's the least of my concerns. It's done, it's sent, that's what matters. So what's on my mind then? How about the missing $80 1 GB memory card my mother sent me? Yeah, I'm a total fuck up, and I lost it the day I got it in the fucking mail. I remember seeing it on my bed, but after that, nothing. Not a trace of it anywhere in my room, and I tore that place up, pulled out my bed and the little bedside table, looked through my drawers and my shoes and god knows what else. It's not there. I guess it must have gotten mixed up with the trash somehow, which makes me even more of retard. My mom was not exactly thrilled to hear this, but she wants me to buy a card here so I'll have it for fall break at the end of the week. So not only did I end up wasting that first $80, I'm probably going to spend double that in pounds in the next couple days, unless the fucking thing turns up mysteriously ASAP. Yeah, I'm pissed off. But worse than all of this is the fact that my grandmother is in the hospital right now. She's all right for the moment, but she went in for a heart cataract (is this the right term?) this morning. They checked out her arteries and the one that poses the threat is the one that breaks into a V (I'm just repeating what I've been told here). One side is 50% clogged and the other is less than that, but also clogged. They told my grandmother that it's surprising she hadn't already had a heart attack - she is not a small woman. But because the arteries are so small they can't put the stent through and open her artery up that way. So she's going to take a stress test tomorrow morning to see how soon she needs something done, basically, but we know she probably won't pass that. This will probably lead to a bypass if nothing else can be done, and that freaks me out like nothing else. I don't like hospitals in the first place but any medical procedure added with hospital stay absolutely kills my nerves. I've been upset about the memory card anyway, and this news about my grandmother is something I've only learned about in the last 30 hours or so. In short, I am a little high strung and I feel like I might burst into tears at any moment and that kind of bothers me. Yes, it understandably sucks - it is not a favorable situation in either case. One costs both me and my family a lot of money that could have been used for something else (fucking pound), and one concerns the health of a woman I haven't seen since my sister's graduation and it is eating away at me. If another one of my grandparents dies before I have the chance to say anything, let alone a goodbye, then I will probably never recover. It was hard enough the first time. So, yeah. Apparently not even London can save me from myself. I think I'm going to go curl into a ball now.

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