Saturday, May 6, 2006

   Reflections in a pond show a skewed view of reality.
Nonetheless, I insist on looking back on myself and my past- even though I don't usually like what I see, or want to see what I do. These are poems I posted on one of my old accounts in days gone by. They do not reflect who I am now, but they are an important part of who I was, and therefore deserve a spot on my "reflections" post.

"Sin"
Everything locked up, kept so tight
My mind can't bear this strain
My soul darker than the blackest night
No one knows my pain.
With everything I cannot show
And the daily facade I fake
My emotions I must overthrow
Though I feel like I'm about to break.
For all the things I've said and done
Battles fought, victories won
They call me stoic, they call me brave
But it's myself I cannot save
As if my life is but a lie
Sometimes I lay awake and cry
Wishing I could let it go
Wishing I could let somebody know
Everything that's deep inside
But in no one can I confide
All the feelings deep within
Because to have emotions is a Sin.

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"Lifeless"
Eyes of Sadness
A warrior's heart
Internal madness
Will break apart
A girl who remains unknown
Feels so Hopeless
All alone
A face so sad
A soul so lost
Her touch so cold
It feels like frost
As if this girl is not whole
As if she lives without a soul
So many things that go unsaid
A lifeless body
She seems undead

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"Soulless"
The darkness I keep chained inside
My emotions no one will see.
Things I think I can't confide
In anyone but me.
Feelings I keep locked away
No one will ever know.
All that's buried in my mind
These things I'll never show.
The power of the darkness deep within
To show emotion would be a sin.
Sometimes my strength I do doubt
Sometimes I want to scream and shout
My friends I can hear calling
But still it seems as if I'm falling
I must somehow keep control
And so I live...
Without a soul

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"Fear"
The darkness deep inside
Something no one else will see
No one will ever understand
What it is that makes me be
I cannot show emotions
I cannot show fear
For if I were to let go those things
I would lose everything so dear
But deep inside I am afraid
I feel scared and all alone
This side of me
They'll never see
Because I appear as cold as stone
I want to scream
I want to cry
These tears run down my cheek
I cannot fight it
I cannot win
I'm just too goddamn weak
The saline
stains upon my face
Still, I won't fall without grace So as I lay, about to die
I'll make sure no one sees me cry

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"The Raven's Song"

I cannot live
I cannot die
I cannot smile
I cannot cry
My heart so cold, like icy frost
My mind so dark
My soul so lost
To live in the eternal night
To live without the sickening light
Feeling hidden and unknown
Feeling scared and all alone
Recoiling in fear to whimper and cry
My tears falling like tears from the sky
My Friends I know will never see
Deep inside, The real me
They'll never know theres something wrong
They'll never hear the ravens song

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That's all for now. I don't feel like recovering the rest of my burried and darker days.
As for me now- it's only "thoughts worth thinking"
today those thoughts, are ones of memories.

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