Saturday, May 20, 2006

School Wars...defenitely hilarious
Everything is hard...
At UP (university of the Philippines) Mathematics is Hard
At Ateneo de Manila, English is hard
At La Salle, it is hard to park
At Assumption, It's hard to have no money At the University of Saint Thomas (UST), It's hard to go home during a flood
At St. Scholastica's, it's hard to ride an LRT.
And at the San Beda College for boys, it's hard to remain a boy
WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little
money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to
Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to
La Salle.
If you have no money, go to PUP.

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor
thought it would be a good
idea if he solicited the support of a number
of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.

The day before Christmas, the Monsignor
discovered that the
Nativity
Scene was still incomplete so he made a few
inquiries on why this was so.

Ateneo reported it could come up with only two
and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it couldn't come up with
even a single wise man.
Miriam College reported that it couldn't come up with even a single
virgin.
San Beda reported that it could only come up
with three wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise
men.

QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite
hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl
it back at the La Sallite.

Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, and
another.

Graduate stars
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents
graduated from UP.Presidents
Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to
name just a few!

ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of
Ateneo graduates became
national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio
del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, EvelioJavier and many others.

UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates
become presidents and
lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!

LA SALLE: That's nothing! You've got nothing against our graduates.

UP & ATENEO: And who are your so called famous graduates? Hmm?

LA SALLE: Famous, talented, and great people like Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario...

HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall
and says: "Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir, are
you a La Sallite by
any chance?"

The La Sallite becomes irritated and asks:
"and why did you say so? Is it because I asked for a green
parrot? If I ordered BLUE Jeans, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? If I bought a
MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I don't think so. So why then,
when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask
me if I'm from La
Salle???"

"Sir.. because..." replied the salesgirl
calmly, "this is a
flower shop, eh."

A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two students meet on the street and carry on a
typical
conversation:

La Sallite: If you can tell me how many
chickens I have in this
bag,
I
will give you both of them.

UP: Uh, two?

La Sallite: That's unfair! You peeked!

SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La
Sallite, and a UP
student
(so, you know this story is fictional).
Anyway, everyday, they
meet
for
lunch and ate their sandwiches.
UP: Oh, Heck! Peanut butter sandwhich again? I'm getting tired of this. If tomorrow, apeanut butter sandwich is what I'll have for lunch, i'll shoot myself.

Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again! I am
sick of this
already!
If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I am gonna choke myself.
La Salle: Oh no,
The next morning, they again met for lunch,
and, alas, they had
the
same
sandwiches again. The UP student went back to
his dorm, pulled out
a
> > > > belt, and choked himself to death. The Atenean
went home, got a
gun,
> > and
> > > > shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove
his CRV off a
cliff.
> > > >
> > > > During their funeral, their mothers were
interviewed:
> > > > UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya
na nang peanut
butter
> > > > sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung
pinabaon ko sa kanya.
> > > >
> > > > Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want
roast beef anymore,
I
> > > > would not have given him roast beef.
> > > >
> > > > La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit
siya nagpakamatay, eh
> siya
> > > > naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.
> > > > ====================================
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > BARKADA SA HUNTING
a group of friends on hunting: a La Sallite, a UP
student, and an
Atenean
> > > went
> > > > on a hunting trip. The first night, the guy
from UP comes back to
> the
> > > > cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how
he did it, and he
> coolly
> > > > replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the
tracks, and bang! I got
> the
> > > > deer!" The next night, the guy from Ateneo
comes back also with a
> big
> > > > deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the
tracks, and bang! I got
the
> > > > deer!", was the Atenean's story. Therefore,
the La Sallite decides
> to
> > > try
> > > > it himself. However, the next night, as he
drags himself back to
the
> > > > cabin, his two companions find him bruised and
bloody all over.
> "What
> > > > happened?", they asked. "Well," replies the La
Sallite, "I saw the
> > > > tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A
train hit me!"
> > > > ====================================
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
> > > > In a grand ballroom party conducted by the
Philippine Society of
> > > > Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the
Board got curious
in
> > > > knowing what particular schools attended the
big celebration. So
he
> > > > checked out the house where it was all
happening. Guess who he
found
> > out
> > > > and where he found them?
> > > >
> > > > UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the
attic to have a
> fraternity
> > > > hazing.
> > > >
> > > > UP Los Baños - they were in the garden mowing
the lawn.
> > > >
> > > > Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a
microphone chanting
the
> > > > "BLUE EAGLE" spelling.
> > > >
> > > > La Salle - they were eavesdropping, but can't
understand what the
> > > > Ateneans are saying since they (the
lasallites) can't spell.
> > > >
> > > > San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while
others were at the
> > > > bedroom with some Paulinians.
> > > >
> > > > St. Paul - they thought they were with the
Ateneans.
> > > >
> > > > La Consolacion - they wanted to be the
Paulinians.
> > > >
> > > > Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians.
> > > >
> > > > Miriam - they were beside the room of the
Ateneans... like always.
> > > >
> > > > Assumption - they were inside the bathroom
three hours already
since
> > > > arriving.
> > > >
> > > > St. Scholastica - they were next in line to
the bathroom.
> > > >
> > > > CEU - some were doing the dishes while others
were busy with the
> > > > laundry.
> > > >
> > > > St. Louis - they were in front of the air
conditioner.
> > > >
> > > > UE - they don't know what's an air
conditioner.
> > > >
> > > > UST - they were everywhere.
> > > >
> > > > FEU - they were nowhere.
> > > >
> > > > MLQU - Sob!! they were not invited!
> > > >
> > > > San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by
security?
> > > >
> > > > Letran - the Security.
> > > >
> > > > Mapua - they were fixing the leak on the
roofs.
> > > >
> > > > TIP - they were the ones who created the leak.
> > > >
> > > > NU - they were outside the house selling
cigarettes.
> > > >
> > > > JRC - they were the ones buying.
> > > >
> > > > Adamson - went to Luneta instead.
> > > >
> > > > Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates.
> > > >
> > > > UAP - like, what the hell is this party for
naman?
> > > >
> > > > PSBA - what the hell is UAP?
> > > >
> > > > NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
> > > >
> > > > AMA - they were parading with Jolina Magdangal posters.
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