Thursday, July 1, 2004

   Spiderman!
Well, I finally got everything cleaned up around here. Still looking for that creep who "vandalized" my web-site. WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE SO DEAD!!

On to the main event. Yesterday was the Spiderman 2 premiere, and I was in Hollywood to see it all. Plus I scored an interview with the one and only amazing Spiderman (the real Spiderman, not that poser, Toby Maguire). Here's what went down.

A: So, Spidey, I... You don’t mind if I call you “Spidey”, do you?
S: No, not at all.
A: Great! So, Spidey, what are your thoughts about Tobey Maguire?
S: The kid looks nothing like me. I don’t know what the casting directors were thinking.
A: Well, you DO wear a mask all the time. I th...wait a minute, you’re just trying to cover up your secret identity (as if it would help).
S: No, seriously, I look nothing like him!
A: (sarcastically) Right. Other than that, do you have any problems with the movie’s “accuracy”, or lack there of?
S: Not really, no. I like to keep in perspective that the movie’s more like an homage; an artistic interpretation of the director’s vision.
A: If only some fanboys shared that same perspective. So you weren’t angry that they made the web-shooters organic instead of mechanical?
S: No, I like the idea. It’s a lot more cost effective than having to buy chemicals. Plus it adds to my mythos.
A: You’ve encountered so many villains over the years, who was your greatest...er, your worst...er, you know what I mean. Who was the baddest?
S: (inhales through teeth) Hmm...tough call there. There are so many. I think my top five would be Dr. Octopus, the Lizard, the Green Goblin, Venom, and Carnage.
A: Oh yeah, the symbiots. Those guys are definitely the creepiest. How are things with you and the REAL Mary Jane Watson?
S: Terrific as ever! You know, Kirsten Dunst bears quite a resemblance.
A: Really! Speaking of resemblance, what about the guy they got to play Jameson; J.K. Simmons?
S: Yes! The look is uncanny, as well as the attitude. I don’t think they could’ve gotten anyone better.
A: One more thing before we sign off. Could I get an autograph?
S: Sure thing. (sprays suit with web)
A: Dude, not funny! This is a rental! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get this stuf out? Cause I don’t.
S: Not hard. It comes off with soap and water.
A: Oh, thanks. Well, it’s been great talking to you, Spiderman.
S: It’s been great talking to YOU. You’re a great guy, Artukei. I’ve seen your website.
A: YOU HAVE!?!
S: Yeah, I checked it out when I heard you were going to interview me. Cool stuff. I actually have a present for you.
A: You what!?
S: I sent it in an email. You can check it out when you get home.
A: Wow, thanks, Spiderman! Wait a minute. How do I GET home!

Um...if you’re in the L.A. area and you’re reading this, could you bum me a ride back to Cleveland? I’ll pay for the gas!


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