Monday, November 15, 2004

   Squirrel-Busters

inspired by a true story 3:50 am (Justin’s room) A: Zzzzz... J: Zzzzz... O: Zzzzz... M: (nudges Justin) Justin-san? J: (wakes up) Umm..... huh? M: There’s something in my room. J: Huh? A: (wakes up) What’s going on? J: Makoto says there’s something in her room. M: (pulls his arm) Come on. Come quick. J: A’right. Quit pulling. Just let me get a shirt on. (Makoto’s room) All: (standing in the doorway) M: I saw something run past the wall. Over there. J: Aisha, can you get a fix? A: I could if you’d stop talking. J: Sorry. A: (ears twitch for a second, points at the far right corner of the room) J: (points his flashlight at the corner) Oh, it’s just a squirrel. A: Aww. How cute! M: (shudders) Uhuhuh. J: I know how to handle this. 5 minutes later... J: (holding a broom) OK, Makoto. You go open the window and Aisha and I will herd it out. M: But the window’s on the same side as the squirrel! A: (holding a rake) So we’ll just drive it over to the other side until you open it. M: *deep breath* OK. J: Alright, here we go. (walks in, slowly approaches the squirrel) Don’t worry, little guy. We’re not going to hurt you. (waves the broom in front of it) S: (runs to the left and jumps onto Makoto’s futon) M: Ich! It’s on my bed! Get him off! Get him off! J: Makoto, calm down. Open the window. M: (timidly looks back and forth between the squirrel and the window) J: (flustered) Makoto, just do it. M: Nnnn.... get him further away. J: *groan* (waves the broom) S: (jumps over the broom and back towards the window) M: (steps back) EEEK!! J: Makoto, chill. Aisha, use the rake. It’s wider anyway. A: (gets beside Justin and starts to herd the squirrel) J: Hold it a little lower. A: I know what I’m doing. J: Aisha, hold it lower or he’s gonna.... S: (runs under the narrow end of the rake) J: Told you! A: I had it under controll! S: (starts running towards Makoto) M: AAAAH!! (jumps out of the way and hits Justin and Aisha) A: Aah! J: Whoa! All: (fall on the bed) O: *giggles* S: (now in the top right corner of the room) M: (scrambles over Justin and Aisha to get to the back left corner) A: (looks down) Justin, are you OK? J: (face between Aisha’s breasts) Fan-frikin-tastic. A: (pinches his arm) J: OW! What?! O: *laughs* J: Laugh it up, fuzzball. *lightbulb* Hey. Wait a tick. Ozz, form a psychic bubble around the squirrel. O: (salutes, forms a bubble) S: (jumps out of the way) O: 0.0 ! (forms a bubble) S: (jumps out of the way) O: Grr. (forms a bubble again) S: (jumps out of the way again) O: Grrrrrr! J: Dang. That sucker’s quick. 5 minutes later... J: NOW! A: (puts a trash can over the squirrel) Got’em! J: OK. Now reach under and grab it. A: I can’t. I gotta keep this thing down. You grab it. J: No way! I’m not touching that thing. Makoto? M: Uh... J: Right, stupid question. Ozz? O: (shakes his head) J: Why not? O: Zoo zooo. J: Ozz, you’re not going to get a disease. O: Zoo zoo zooo? J: Me? That thing could bite. A: Um... guys? J: ............. *sigh* OK. (inches his hand towards the bottom of the can) A: (slowly tilts the can up) S: (rushes out) J: AAH!! M: EEK!! (jumps on the bed) S: (runs into Makoto’s wardrobe) J: *sigh* I’ll flush’em out. (sticks the broom inside) S: (jumps out, scampers over Justin’s foot) J: (jumps back, in high pitched voice) AAH!! IT TOUCHED MY FOOT!! AAH!! EWW EWW!! IT TOUCHED MY FOOT!! A: My hero. -_-\/ (outside Makoto’s room) J: OK, people. Apparently we need a new strategy. M: Why don’t you just kill it? A: Kill it?! Why? It hasn’t done anything wrong. M: Isn’t breaking and entering a crime over here? J: Aisha’s right. That little bast... I mean fella’s just scared. M: Why doesn’t Ozz just use his TK to open the window? J: ...........That’s actually not a bad idea. A: Why didn’t you think of it? J: I’m not used to using a psychic to eradicate squirrels. (inside) O: (opens the window) A: (lays the rake against the window) J: (herds the squirrel towards the rake) S: (climbs up the rake and out the window) J and A: Yatta! M: *sigh* Yokata! (falls back on the bed) J: (closes window) Well, that’s that. *yawn* Let’s get back to bed. M: Arigato Justin-san. J: Eh, zen zen. J and A: (walking back) A: *giggle* J: What? A: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that scared before. J: That outburst does not leave this house. Readers: Too late!

Comments (3)