Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Release the Spaz!

Gumdrop --Kitchen-- A: Nya? (notices a small gray cat plushie on the table) *sigh* Kida forgot one of her toys again. (picks up the plushie) Plushie: I love you very much. A: Oh, how cute. It talks. (squeezes it) “Squeak!” P: You’re my best friend. J: (walks in) Hey Aisha, what’s..... oh, that’s where he went. A: Isn’t he cute? “Squeak!” P: I love you. Let’s get married. J: (jumps back) 0_0 What the...?! A: *laughs* Justin chill. It’s not alive. J: Can I have a look at that? A: (hands him the plush) J: (squeezes it) “Squeak!” P: You’re my best friend. “Squeak!” P: Let’s have some fun. “Squeak!” P: Let’s party! “Squeak!” P: (in Bugs Bunny voice) Eh... what’s up, doc? A: Nya? J: Hmm... “Squeak!” P: Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a... “Squeak!” P: *Vader breathing* Luke, I am your father. A: ??? “Squeak!” P: KHAAAAAN!!! “Squeak!” P: Momma always said, “Life is like a box of chocolates.” “Squeak!” P: Heeeeeeeeere’s Johnny! “Squeak!” P: I’ll never let go, Jack. “Squeak!” P: KHAAAAAN!!! J: You already said that. P: (looks up at Justin) Well, why don’t you try this? See how easy this is! (covers his mouth) J: AH-HA! A: 0_0 Nya?! J: I was wondering if you were going to say something. A: What is that thing? P: Thing?! I’m Hamlet: Prince of Denmark! (in low voice) I’m Batman. (with southern accent) I’m Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump. (in a gruff voice) I’m Maximus Decemus Meridus. General to the legions of Rome. J: This is Gumdrop. My childhood friend. I’ve had him ever since I was six. He can talk. This is incredible! Back home when I was little, I always imagined he could talk. It further proves my Rifter theory! A: Gumdrop? J: I was six! G: Gummy, for short. (jumps out of Justin’s hands and into Aisha’s arms) But you can call me anything you want, baby. Rrrrrow! A: *sweatdrop* Ehh.... G: Then again, what’s in a name anyway? A nose by any other name would still smell. J: (picks Gummy up by his tail) He’s basically your typical spaz. G: I prefer “excessively charismatic”. A: What’s he doing here? J: I thought he’d make an excellent playmate for Kida-chan. G: Oh yeah! Trot out the ladies! J: Gummy! That’s my daughter you’re talking about! G: Daughter? Dude, you finally scored?! (starts singing) Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight. Uhn! J: *sweatdrop* Maybe this was a bad idea. Later... J: (watching TV) G: (pops up behind the sofa) *whispers* Bagel shop. (goes back down) J: (keeps watching) G: (pops back up) *whispers* Bagel shop. (goes down) J: Hmm? G: (pops up behind Justin’s shoulder) Take me to the bagel shop. (goes down) J: Why? G: (pops up by Justin’s knee) You know why? Cause I need a bagel. A bagel with cream cheese. Yeah, everyone likes the cheese and the cream and the creamy cheese. Creamy creamy cheesey cheesey creamy cheese. (goes down, comes back up) Cheesey creamy. (goes down) J: Maybe later. G: I’m hungry. (walks to the phone, picks up the phone, dials) Greetings pizza merchant. I would like to order a large carp-waffel pizza, please..........Whadaya mean you don’t have carp or waffels? What kind of place is this?! J: Gummy, get off the phone. G: (on the phone) I’m gonna come over there and put refried beans in your hair! Do you understand me?!........ Hello? Hello?! (in military voice) Apparently what we have here is a failure to communicate! J: *groan* Even later.... G: (walking towards the front door) A: Well, where are you going? G: I found out that one of our neighbors has a lawn gnome. I’m gonna kidnap it and hold it for ransom. A: (opens the door) OK. Have fun. G: (runs outside) A: What a cute little.... J: Ai ya. What’s he doing now? G: He’s just gone to play outside. J: He didn’t say anything about stealing a lawn gnome, did he? A: Actually, he did. J: Oh geez. A: He’s not really gonna do it, is he? J: The funny thing about Gumdrop. Nothing he says makes sense. And whatever he says, he means every word of it. G: (comes running back in, yelling outside) You’ll never take me alive! (slams the door) J: (condescendingly) Plan not work so well? G: The plan is flawed. Intelligence failed to warn me that they own an Australian Shepherd. Now then.... where’s my monocle? I wanna look rich. Later the night.... --Kida’s room-- K: (sleeping) Zzzzz... G: (cracks open the door) *whispering* Area secure. I’m goin’ in. (starts sidling along the walls, crawling on the floor, and ducking behind toys all the while humming the “Mission Impossible” theme, looks up and sees Ozz asleep on the mantle above Kida’s bed, climbs up the shelf and onto the mantle, starts creeping towards Ozz, crouches down ready to pounce) O: Zzzzz... G: Foolish alien. I shall harness you power! Yaa! (jumps at Ozz but he bounces off his force field that he puts up when he’s asleep and falls onto Kida’s bed) Oof! If I weren’t stuffed, that probably would’ve hurt. K: (stirs) Mmm? G: Uh oh. K: (opens her eyes halfway) Hmm? G: (to himself) Don’t move. She can’t see you if I don’t move. K: Mmm. Kitty. (grabs Gummy) G: Gak! K: (holds him tight as she goes back to sleep) Mmm.... G: (in Stewie voice) Blast! Release me, accursed feline! J: (walking by outside, hears the noises) What the... (pokes his head in) Heh. Well look at this. G: Help me Obi-wan. You’re my only hope. J: ...... Nah, I don’t think so. G: What?! J: I think she likes you, pal. She’s holding you pretty tight. G: Dude, not funny. Get me out. J: I don’t wanna wake up my baby girl. G: Well..... cut me in half and sew me back together later! Just get me outta here! J: I don’t know. This could be a good thing for you. Later. (starts to leave) G: Wha.... hey! J: Goodnight, you two. G: After the lawn gnome, you’re next! J: *laughs* (closes the door) G: *sigh* (looks at Kida) ....... Well.... she is kinda cute.

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