Friday, November 16, 2007

So yea, MIDNIGHT!

I gotta do my ROTC homework that's due later today.
Had a pounding ass headache so I hadn't gone to school yesterday.
And my mom was yelling at me so loud and it hurt my head so much I cried a bit, how pathetic I am.
Ummmmmmmmmmm...
I had stupid gayass dance class.
Went Alright I suppose though.

Felt like I was gonna puke.
Then My mom had to deliver fundraiser stuff to someone in my sisters girlscouts troop and she thought 'Oh Jonathan lives near here ... cuz it a trailer park... so Maybe I can give him that jacket I was gonna give him for Christmas since hes gonna be a garbage man and it was raining and cold today"
He had nightschool tonight and she wanted to wait til he got home.
So she was waiting, and his girlfriend drives by and pulls over so my mom goes home.
Then the cops supposedly called.
They're making a file on my household or something..

So it's like a restraining order I guess.
It's not though, but Ben my other brother said if it was I'd get exspelled from school.
I'd rather shoot myself than switch schools.
Kill myself in some way.
But yea, uhhhhhhh so ROTC class, homeroom and lunch are with her brother. thats why I might get exspelled because We go to the same fucking school.


Anyhowwww..........
I'm pissed.
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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Like the shitty layout I did?

Hahhhhhh......

I got bored.

EDIT:::

WHY DOES IT SHOW UP DIFFERNT ON ANOTHER COMPUTER!? AND NOT SHOW ALL THE THINGSSSJNWERJgisrjng;fejndkh


another edit.

oh hah I fucked it up, well I fixed it now.
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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I have this shtuck it my head "Shitface cuntsucker"

I haven't the slightest clue why but I do.
It's almost 3:40 in the morning.
I fell asleep like 6:30 yesterday.
Cause I was tired, and couldn't sleep the night before.
So yea, I couldn't get back to sleep.
I moved Maple and woke her up, she was laying spread out with her back against me.
But I cuddled her to try to get back to sleep.
Candy was Laying on my legs so I couldn't cuddle with her.
She likes sleeping there anyhow.
Well, no they're fed.
And since I didn't have dinner, I'm eating soup, milk, and whatever they had for desert.
They had pancakes for dinner, I saw one but it was all weird looking so I cooked a soup at hand thing.

I don't feel good.
Drank the damn soup too fast.
I have an F in geometry.
Woooooooooooo............

Oh well, I'm bored so I'll shut up about myself.
Goodnight, maybe I'll try to get some more sleep.

Hmmmm... Or not and just stay awake.
Shower cause I fell asleep and didn't last night.
Go to the basement and get some clothes cause I never took my laundry back up..

Then nap.
Or something.
Bleh.
Good Riddens!

Heh, just kidding.
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Monday, November 12, 2007

Of course.
I'm always all to blame.
Never an ounce would you claim it your fault.
Not like I talk about you to everyone.
I don't talk bad about you behind your back.
You were my best friend...
I wish I even could trust you.
It's so hard for me to trust people but I trusted you.
And now..
Well for a while actually, it's been lost.
I'd gained some back but you just tore it down again.
Tell me one thing, do you even care?
At all?!
I do one thing and I get bitched at.
Then you do it, three times straight and I can't complain not even half as much as you did?
How the hell is that fair?
And you called her, before me.
You didn't accept my help.
You ignored it.
I picked up though, unlike her.
Yet still, you turn to her first for everything.
You always complain about how she thinks you're annoying or whatever.
Do you not think about the things you do?
You don't give a fuck about people who care about you...
Or at least it doesn't seem like that from my point of view.
I don't say anything to see if you're actually even wanting to be my friend enough to speak first, but no it's always me.
I try my best, but it's never good enough.
I don't tell you about my problems, cause you're too absorbed in your own.
All you seem to think about is yourself.
Or what people think about you.
Oh, and how you cancel everything almost, how am I not to get upset once in a while?
A person can only handle so much of someone doing the same old shit you know.
Oh and personally, I know you care about animals and all, but I think this whole veg-head thing you got going on is just more for a reason to be anorexic.
You aren't fat, you're a fucking twig get over it.
Most best friends you hear about you know, actually hang out.
Actually talk to each other.
I think the whole best friend thing was just an excuse because I had no other friends just cause I stuck up for you.
Hell, it was my parent's fault 8th grade blew.
By the time we got to eighth grade I couldn't wait to get out because I was miserable being there.
I didn't wanna go to school, I didn't do my homework.
half the time cause I was all depressed about my dad getting pissed at me for something and hitting me, or my mom getting mad and having my dad hit me.
I don't see how I really deserved that but still.
I still remember the first time.. what, the day of your 14th birthday?
Roughly.
I didn't know I had to go to the stupid holiday parade, didn't wanna go.
I wasn't ready yet.
Got bitched at, hit, pushed around, shoved, kicked.
Got a chunk of hair ripped out, kicked halfway down the stairs, lifted off the floor with his arm around my throat.
Ya know, that sorta shit.
Finally I ran to the bathroom and held it locked so he couldn't get in.
Then he left..
Had a recital for dance that night too.
My hip hurt so bad from getting kicked part down the stairs...
Next day, I counted like 30 bruises.
Small, big, what have you.
Got to the point after that, where I'd just be there and let it be done with.
Didn't fight back as much, so it wouldn't continue and be worse.
Eventually it stopped.
Happened a couple times after but still...
I've sucked it up though.
I'm not an open person cause it gets me into trouble.
Like this for example.
Then I'd gotten into doing more things to just try to hurt myself so I'd die...
But I still didn't burden you because you have enough problems on your own.
I didn't wanna bother you....
Cause you'd get in a bad mood so I'd leave you people after only a little of trying to see what was wrong so I wouldn't be too annoying.
I get sick of when something happened between us I acted like everything was fine
So now, I just don't bother you, and you take it as hate and I honestly don't.
And you don't say anything to me... so I just ignore you.
I don't wanna face it cause it'd be to hard.
So I'll just wait until you talk to me...
If you ever happen to.


I miss having my best friend... only friend.
But you care more about everyone else but me.
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Thursday, November 8, 2007

I'm not pissed off if that's what you're thinking.
I want you to talk first for once is all.
To prove you even want to be friends with me.
I'm not going to this time.
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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I debating on whether or not to keep this site.
Hmmmmmm.
It keeps getting me into trouble because of people taking things the wrong way.
So either comment or PM me on if I should or not or what... if you want other ways to contact.
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Sunday, November 4, 2007

See, you don't even care.
So proves you didn't value the friendship I thought there was.
Proves I'm worth shit.
Proves everything I'd want to prove wrong.

I don't know why I cared...
I can honestly say I don't anymore.
Have a nice life.

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Saturday, November 3, 2007

Death would be an eternal bliss.
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Friday, November 2, 2007

Bleh I didn't want to get up it hurt to breathe and I have a headache.
It's just past 8...
I'm already almost 20 minutes late for chool.
I don't wanna go.
Especially cause it's uniform day..
Ugh, I hate that thing but I love the class.


My ear still hurts.
I tore the scab off to see how healing it was, and it bled.

Ughhhh stupid mother.
"Let's gooo!!!"
It's annoying wiht her yelling up the stairs, but I don't want her coming up here anyway.
I need a door...
It's annoying, I'm the only one that doesn't get one.
I'm the only one who isn't worth it to take the time and finish their room.
The other three got there's finished like right away. -_-
But no, i'm the awful child so I don't get to have anything nice.
Well, 25 minutes late now..
Might as well get ready, I'm missing Geometry as it is and I don't wanna miss art it's one of the only classes I like.
Actually, only class I don't like is geometry..
Hah...

Well yea.
Life's shit.
And I don't know how I'm glad I hadn't saw her face yesterday.
Haven't for a week.
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Thursday, November 1, 2007

Turkey Trot today wo.
It's this race kinda thing and people from school can enter in it and it raises money for Make-A-Wish.
She Fucking Hates Me - Puddle Of Mudd is a good song.
I woke up in the middle of the night and maple had curled herself up into my arms, it was cute.


Oh well...
I need to get ready for school -_-
Ughh...
I don't need this shit. >_<
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