Monday, November 12, 2007

Of course.
I'm always all to blame.
Never an ounce would you claim it your fault.
Not like I talk about you to everyone.
I don't talk bad about you behind your back.
You were my best friend...
I wish I even could trust you.
It's so hard for me to trust people but I trusted you.
And now..
Well for a while actually, it's been lost.
I'd gained some back but you just tore it down again.
Tell me one thing, do you even care?
At all?!
I do one thing and I get bitched at.
Then you do it, three times straight and I can't complain not even half as much as you did?
How the hell is that fair?
And you called her, before me.
You didn't accept my help.
You ignored it.
I picked up though, unlike her.
Yet still, you turn to her first for everything.
You always complain about how she thinks you're annoying or whatever.
Do you not think about the things you do?
You don't give a fuck about people who care about you...
Or at least it doesn't seem like that from my point of view.
I don't say anything to see if you're actually even wanting to be my friend enough to speak first, but no it's always me.
I try my best, but it's never good enough.
I don't tell you about my problems, cause you're too absorbed in your own.
All you seem to think about is yourself.
Or what people think about you.
Oh, and how you cancel everything almost, how am I not to get upset once in a while?
A person can only handle so much of someone doing the same old shit you know.
Oh and personally, I know you care about animals and all, but I think this whole veg-head thing you got going on is just more for a reason to be anorexic.
You aren't fat, you're a fucking twig get over it.
Most best friends you hear about you know, actually hang out.
Actually talk to each other.
I think the whole best friend thing was just an excuse because I had no other friends just cause I stuck up for you.
Hell, it was my parent's fault 8th grade blew.
By the time we got to eighth grade I couldn't wait to get out because I was miserable being there.
I didn't wanna go to school, I didn't do my homework.
half the time cause I was all depressed about my dad getting pissed at me for something and hitting me, or my mom getting mad and having my dad hit me.
I don't see how I really deserved that but still.
I still remember the first time.. what, the day of your 14th birthday?
Roughly.
I didn't know I had to go to the stupid holiday parade, didn't wanna go.
I wasn't ready yet.
Got bitched at, hit, pushed around, shoved, kicked.
Got a chunk of hair ripped out, kicked halfway down the stairs, lifted off the floor with his arm around my throat.
Ya know, that sorta shit.
Finally I ran to the bathroom and held it locked so he couldn't get in.
Then he left..
Had a recital for dance that night too.
My hip hurt so bad from getting kicked part down the stairs...
Next day, I counted like 30 bruises.
Small, big, what have you.
Got to the point after that, where I'd just be there and let it be done with.
Didn't fight back as much, so it wouldn't continue and be worse.
Eventually it stopped.
Happened a couple times after but still...
I've sucked it up though.
I'm not an open person cause it gets me into trouble.
Like this for example.
Then I'd gotten into doing more things to just try to hurt myself so I'd die...
But I still didn't burden you because you have enough problems on your own.
I didn't wanna bother you....
Cause you'd get in a bad mood so I'd leave you people after only a little of trying to see what was wrong so I wouldn't be too annoying.
I get sick of when something happened between us I acted like everything was fine
So now, I just don't bother you, and you take it as hate and I honestly don't.
And you don't say anything to me... so I just ignore you.
I don't wanna face it cause it'd be to hard.
So I'll just wait until you talk to me...
If you ever happen to.


I miss having my best friend... only friend.
But you care more about everyone else but me.
Comments (1)