Sunday, January 23, 2005

   Screw this.
I'm so frikken' sick of my family. My brother and mom are hell-bent on ruining my life. I've thought it over, and I honestly think that my life and my family would be a lot happier if my brother had never existed. I've seen how my family functions without him when he was on an over-night field trip, and in all honesty, it was wonderful. There was no yelling, no screaming, nothing. People say to be careful what you wish for. Well, I have been careful, and I've still come to the same conclusion. Tanner is a mean-spirited little liar, who'll cause stress for the sake of causing stress. He's so dishonest, you could watch him do something, and then he can literally turn around and say he didn't do it. I've proposed ideas to reduce stress in this house with rules we should both follow just between us, and then he breaks them and says, "I never agreed to that". He makes me just want to turn around and knock his teeth out. And the problem is with the computer in my room. My brother is addicted to something called "Rune-Scape", which he'll play for hours on end every day, and my parents seem to have no problem with it. But when I want to use my room to look up reference work or research or go to The Otaku or host a prayer meeting, there seems to be some problem. This is my room. I earned being able to have the computer in here. My brother did not. I don't know what he did to bribe my parents into joining his side of the argument every time there's a dispute. Maybe it's his sucky grades. Maybe it's the way he talks back to my mom and dad. Maybe it's his constant obnoxious behavior. I don't know what it is, maybe my parents just love him more for no reason at all. My parents don't appreciate my behavior at all. Last night my mom just up and decided that even though my brother had been on for nearly six-straight hours on the computer, that I couldn't get on at all to find some reference artwork. She's so friggen' arbitrary and moody. I'm one of the only 15-year-olds on the planet who tries to relive stress in the household and frikken' offers to do anything that would help. I'm in a new school, with no friends, and I made the frikken' honor roll. With what's been offered to me at school, I could have been smoking, drinking and doing drugs a long time ago. I've been doing the best I can, so I don't know what else I could do to show my parents I'm a good kid. I study, I help out, I pray, and I'm still not good enough. The only way I can change would be to change for the worse. And if that's what my parents want, then I'd be happy to give it to them. I'm sick of that worthless little nose-wipe brother of mine getting more recognition and love then me. I don't know weather to scream, break something, cry, light myself on fire, throw-up, punch somebody or just run away from it all. This all just has me so pissed off I can't even see straight. I'm sick of my family and how they act towards me. Of course, Lord knows that a lot of you have it worse off then me, so I have no right to complain. Please pray for me, as well as for xSakurax (read yesterday's post). Oh, and have a nice day.
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