Thursday, March 10, 2005

   I'm feeling better
I talked to Kiyoshi-kun last night and it made me sooooooo happy just to hear his voice. Whenever I talk to him it's like the whole world stops moving..... that lasts until my mom yells at me. =P Well I'm going to try to be happy and carefree even though I'm failing a few classes. I told him last night that I'm sort of like a genie, I want to do everything in my power to make the people around me happy. ^_^
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Tuesday, March 8, 2005

   Another Bad Day
Today I got sad again. I was having an okay day (I guess) until 5th period. My friend called me a freak. I know he was just playing around but he has no clue how much that hurt my feelings. That is the worst word in the English language to me. Ever since Elementary school people have called me that. I used to blame stupid things, but once I realized that I was the problem I tried to change myself. After years of trying to fix myself I thought I had succeeded because I was starting to fit in. I was wrong. Once I over heard my so-called friends talking. They were talking about me. I got hurt by what they were saying that day. I then began distrusting people. I became a loner and I used to cry almost every night. That was 7th grade. It happened again. I heard people talking aabout how weird I was a few months ago. I had thought maybe I could start all over again and make new friends. I was wrong again. I was left in the dark again. I just started talking to people more again. I don't want to be hurt again. I've cried too much. Last night I thought about all of this. It's ironic that the next day I get called a freak again. My friend started trying to cheer me up. He told me "Smiles cure cancer." It didn't help much , but I'm glad someone cared for once.
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Sunday, March 6, 2005

   I'm bored.
This weekend has been boring. Nothing ever happens anymore. middle school was exciting. *sigh* High school is supposed to be fun and exciting. >=P not for me it ain't. WELLLLLLLLLLL....... I think I'll go work now. Laterz!!!!!
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Friday, March 4, 2005

   LUNCH!!!!!
At my school we have an outback steak house built in. Today my algebra teacher let us have lunch in there because everyone passed the snapshot! That was the greatest lunch period I've ever had a Westside. I can't even explain how hilarious it was. Me and my friends' conversations were soooooo crazy! WOOHOO!...... good times, gooooood times. ^_^
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Monday, February 28, 2005

   Stupid Teacher
My algebra teacher is making us write a research paper! WTF? Nobody shood have to write a research paper in algebra and computer science! That should only happen in English! -_- Westside will be able to breathe when she retires. only 6 years until she's 60.I feel sorry for the people who'll have her next year in computer science and algebra. Poor kids.... I cry for them. *cries*
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Friday, February 25, 2005

   Yay! It's Friday! Woot woot!
It's finally Friday! I'm gonna go home and watch the 3 anime movies I got on Tuesday! XD I'm sooooo happy!
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

   boredom!
I gots nothin to do! *rolls head back* garrr!!! I'm so tired! Life's gotten pretty boring lately and I'm no sure why. Weirdness..... Sooooooooooooo.... How is everybody around here? Good? Bad? Boring? meow!!!! Well...... I guess that's all I got to say... Well... uhhh. Buh bye for now! ^_^
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

   Yay! It's our anniversary!
I'm sooo happy today! Mrs.north is screwing it up though.Just the sound of her voice drives me crazy. I wanna strangle the old bag.Well I guess I can't do that so I think I'll just ignore her stupidity and enjoy my day. Kiyoshi-kun is going to get dropped off at my bus stop and we're gonna spend the rest of the day together. Well back to class then! Laterz! ^_^
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Monday, February 14, 2005

   Sleepy on V-Day
I've been so tired today. I thought it might be a good day because it's V-Day, but I guess I was wrong. It was just the average day when people give other people cute little stuff to show their affection toward each other. The only thing I got was a little hello kitty card from a girl that doesn't even go to my school anymore. I feel like I don't exist. No matter how nice and quiet I am or loud and crazy, people never seem to care. I can't understand why no one likes me. The only people I ever really hang with is my brother's friends and all I do is listen. I'm just there. I walk the halls alone and sad because I'm feel so distant from the world. Why does everyone look through me? Even I expected to get a few cards, but all I got was a little kitty card stating the day and saying who from and to. I feel like I think too much on these things, but I just can't help it. I don't want to ignore that people think I'm weird in a bad way. The only one that seems a little concerned seems to be the one that most people don't like but can still get along with people. Somehow I think he might have feelings for me, but then again I never seem to be right. He's nice but he doesn't show it. I want to be his friend, but I doubt that'll happen. Who would want some weirdo like me hangin' around after all? Kiyoshi-kun seems to feel the same, but he has friends. He can get along with people. He's unique. I am strange. I feel corrupt and demented. Sometimes I want to be like normal people. I want to know what it's like to laugh again. I want to feel a real smile come across my face. Sometimes life seems to good for me. I feel like I'll never belong. Never is such a strong word. What will life be like when I have a job? Will I still be pushed away? Will I still be invisible and unimportant? Will people still think me a foolish child? People think I exaggerate too much. Is it possible to exaggerate when you can here people talk about you behind your back? Is it possible to exaggerate when you can hear everything that people say about you even when you're standing behind them? Is it possible to exaggerate when people see right through a person that only wants to be loved? Is it possible to exaggerate how you feel if no one will listen? Is it that hard to understand that I don't like being alone?! Why am I hated? Why aren't I normal? Why can't I laugh? Why am I such an idiot for thinking I could fake who I am inside? I knew all along it would come out in tears. I knew from the beginning I would never fit in. Kiyoshi-kun is unique. I am strange. I am strange. Strange.
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Friday, February 11, 2005

   I gots my avatar!
Yay! It's totoro! I finally got my icon fixed!!!!! WOOT! I feel so happy! I LOVE TOTORO!!!!!! XD *starts singing Totoro theme song*
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