Saturday, May 22, 2004

Its A Spin Cycle!
I'm angry at myself.
Why is it that i LOVE God SOOO much, but I haven't experinced a "wake"...wait, I have since I joined my new church...or heard anyone speak in tongues? I don't have a stellar testimony (story of how you became a Christain).
My Story:
Born and raised in a lukewarm church. Always believed in God-amazing maturity (sigh, its tough being an adult-kid) and insight. Became christain at nine years old. Became "hardcore" only a few months ago...since joining my new church...now in a mess of "trials" (problems) and I'm....at peace! (Crazy, eh?) Have AMAZING gifts, but don't care cause I don't know what my spiritual gift is, so I count the rest less than their worth. Everyday I beg for love (not the romancey kind, pervs) courage, wisdom, and strength to endure. I am blessed by receiving that. (Ironic that I'm tired of being the "strong one" and yet I ask for courage and wisdom and strength! Sheesh,, I'm ironic.)
Same time, I haven't had a major "180" as my youth pastor calls it (a major turn around from sin) cause I've always believed. Why does it feel that no one is as "hardcore" or willing to be as me? Mom says that I might have the gift of intercessory prayer (fighting through prayer) but how can I when don't know how to pray? I get started off so "hardcore" but then no one is ready to be hardcore with me. I feel alone in my family, and I curse my own boundaries cuz my awesome christain friend I'm afraid to tell of this all because of the "dishonor" and shame i feel. I mean, I DESIRE to be obsessed with God, and to have an awesome prayer life. But the spin cycle kicks in and I'm lukewarm, loosing any "hardcore"-ness.

I WANT TO BE WITH GOD! I WANT TO SHOUT OUT HIS LOVE FROM THE ROOFTOPS, DANCE AND SING FOREVER FOR HIM! I WANT TO BE OBSESSED WITH GOD, TO LIVE EVERY MOMENT AS A SACRIFICE TO HIM! OH GOD, I JUST LOVE YOU!!!!

I bet the nonchristains reading that are just like "...huh?" but while most people want to cure cancer, I want to help save souls from rotting in hell. Yes, hell. If you don't have a relationship with God, you're going to hell.

Its the cold hard truth.
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Friday, May 21, 2004

   Today
Wow, I feel special. lol, not really. Just wanted to say that!

Animation from Gpetz.com
(from gpetz.com, but I guess u guessed that)
Well, I'm an itsy bitsy mad because we didn't go to my church's youth tonight! Didn't go on tuesday either....its like a month I've missed. *tear* New email-a certain "friend" (sarcasm, sarcasm!) has been giving out my email and secrets and personnal info out on the web. sigh, someone else i feel i cant trust! Still, it dont matter cause i've got my beloved and loving God!! :):)!!!
ran the 1500m today. Came second place to one of my TRUE bff (Friend #1). GOING TO AREA!!!!
Still, I purposely lost. I was afraid of my own strength. Scary, but true. I fear myself sometimes. Thats horribly ironic, cause I'm tired of always being mature and strong, for once I want to rely on someone instead of them relying on me. I'm so glad God is always with me, so much stronger thanm I!!!! :)!!
Lately, with all thats been going on, all I can do is say "Bring it on, my faith is on God, and you cant touch me!" and thats good enough. My lifes like that song that goes something like "its the end of the world, and I'm happy/ok with that".
I'm oddly content with all this.

1. Guys
I'm mad at Guy #1. He acts different around me than how he does with his friends (ie swearing, actions, motives) not interested ne more. I'm so thankful I don't rely on earthly love! ...but I will admit theres this other Guy (#2) who I am interested in, but am not going to act on for the simple reason that he aint a christain. Simple. And hes a better friend. Of which, all what my friends can talk about is guys guys guys!!! sHEESH, MATURITY. Theres more to life than guys.
2. My family.
I'm tired of all the fights, always having to be strong and morale. I'm not supposed to be the parent, right? right. I'm just a KID. Familys in counseling....sigh.
3. Church
New at church. Don't know anyone, to busy babysitting OLDER sister to make friends. I'm so greatful i can rely on God!

thats it!
I'm ok anyway! :)!
GOD IS LUV!
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Sunday, May 16, 2004

   Cool Images. Found on gpetz.com, thought they were cool.

Animation from Gpetz.com

Animation from Gpetz.com

Animation from Gpetz.com

Animation from Gpetz.com

Animation from Gpetz.com

Animation from Gpetz.com

GOD IS LUV!!
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   Weekend
Tausha's bday was cool! We watched Peter Pan a lot-lol. At about two in the morning we went out into the park across the street from her house and did really stupid stuff like dancing around and cartwheels. lol. I found out that I can drink 2 litres of Sprite..
ANYWAY, church was awesome! I LOOOVE my church! :):):)!! God's awesome!!:):):):):):):):):)!!!

Playing around with the color schemes. Feedback appreciated immensely-I like the new look.

GOD IS LUV!!
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Thursday, May 13, 2004

   This Week....
Monday
Cadets-trained for annual. Promotions NEXT WEEK! They were supposed to be THIS WEEK!
Tuesday
Junoir Youth. Family Counselling...sigh, my family's a mess...first sunburn of the year! lol!!
Wednesday
It was Wednesday.
Thursday
...is today. Tausha's birthday party sleepover tomorrow. I need to get her a gift tonight.

I like shiny stuff.

lol, ok. Well, I had something important to say and forgot it. :S, oh well
GOD IS LUV!!
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Wednesday, May 5, 2004

   Today
Today was my school bbq-pretty cool, I helped out with my friends. Friend #1's mom ran the whole thing, and her karate dojo presented before the school in some presentation...thing. Survival weeekend this weeekend. (lol, can you tell I'm tired?) Going, going to be eaten alive by the little bugs! lol. Added more to my regular jogging route. Totally bored and tired. (but i guess you guessed that already....).
FINISHED ANGEL ART REQUEST!!! WHOO HOO! Note: to ne one who might ask, I do not draw anime *tear* for the simple reason that I do not enjoy drawing anime and would rather watch/read it. Therefore, I do not send in pics to this site. Understand? Good! Everyones happy!

GOD IS LUV!!
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Sunday, May 2, 2004

RE: Last Thingy I Wrote
1. gliding canceled (WAAHH!)
2. need to call friend
3. need to stop procastinating and do homework
4. Big sister's sweet sixtenth TODAY. Whoo whoo!
5. NEED to explain and soul search about those two guys. I don't think (I mean I hope, want it to be) more of a "qualities I admire" like, not the OTHER like that only gets you confused, unnecessarily heart broken, and angry, and irritably giggly. (Sigh, thats SO annoying!) Since I'm a very emotional person, I need to recognize that a "qualities I admire" like is not a like like. Like Guy #1 is steadfast, academic and funny. I admire that, but, in all honesty, do not want anything more than a buddy buddy relationship. I have God's love, and I do not need a guy to fulfill me. God does, He created me!
6. I'M GOING TO CADET CAMP! WHOO HOO! July 5-23, three whole weeks of learning to be a leader! And, since I'm God's Ambassador, teach others God's love. No higher calling!
7. Have applied for promtion to Sergeant. Technically to young for promotion, but hey, cool if I actually AM promoted!
8. Nearly done art requests. Allllmoooosssst...
9. Need to get up to ten on this list.
10. MADE IT TO TEN! WHOO HOO!

Ok, lol. Nobody ever said that I'm normal. *If they did, they'd have weirdness themselves*!lol
Ok, this is AAR signing out.
GOD IS LUV!
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Thursday, April 29, 2004

!!!OHIO!!!
So ok heres whats happened in my life:
1. My cadet squadron 11 102 Barrie Silver Fox visited Ohio last weekend to see an air force musuem/base. It was AWESOME. We saw all these cool airplanes, WW1 and WW2 displays, visited ATC (Air Traffic Control) and saw some polcie dogs to do their stuff and an IMAX thingy about helicopters. Awesome awesome. We left Thursday nite (I missed Thurs afternoon and Friday's school! WAHOOO!!) and came back Friday. It was AWESOME. I loooved seeing the stealth jet Dark Star, the Valkyrie, X-3, and so much muuch more....sigh....I'm in love with airplanes!!!
Speaking of which...
2. I just got back from hanging with my friends. We played Truth/Dare/blah/blah/blah. (I hate the game, but whatever works) Friend No. 3 (who also goes to cadets w/me) asked if I like someone...well, I don't know. There is a guy that I'm friends with, like we talk occaisonaly and stuff, and this other guy who reeaallly likes me...I might like him.
BIG PROBLEMO-well, not really-I am not allowed to date-thats good-and I'm not sure I like either of them any more than 'just friends'. And the last and first time I like someone, Friend #4 blabbed it to everyone-and him! She was there, so I didn't want to tell Friend No. 3 cause #4 would hear. And, since I'm a tomboy through and through and not allowed to date and stuff and believe in abstinence, it was embarassing. I'm not sure if they're christains or not, so thats a BIG HUGE NO NO! I REFUSE TO COMPROMISE MY MORALS AND FAITH IN THE HOLY GOD!!!
now that thats said...next subject!
I'm going gliding on Saturday with my cadet squadron-need to catch up on my art requests.
Write l8r.
GOD IS LUV!
(....thats ironic going with what i just wrote!...)
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Monday, April 12, 2004

Read the content to find the subject!

You're addicted to.....

Nothing!
Your addicted to nothing at all? Well..... ok I
guess thats a good thing but come on just think
of the possibilities!


What are you addicted to? (pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
NOTHING??? Excuse me, but theres a certain Gundam pilot named Trowa.....
Ahem, next subject!


schizoid


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla
THATS better. Crazy and mysterious-yup. I think atleast. Heh.

Your Heart is Grey


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

Whoaa, I'm getting scared!


Garage rock! I like you... I like you alot! You
and indie are on the same plane for me! You
bring rock'n'roll down to its dirty roots,
whether being minimalist like The White Stripes
or retro like The Strokes. You keep on doing
what you're doing! Oh...and did I mention I
like you alot?


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh I like you too! Now...uh...who the choy are you?

You belong in the land of darkness, otherwise known
as one of the worlds in which I dwell. All here
is beauty inspired by tragedy and great sorrow.
Write or go through other creative outlets to
express the anguish you may be feeling, and
never let anyone tell you that you are just
being 'weepy' or full of 'teenage angst'(if
you're a teenager.If not, then they really
should be punished for calling you one. They
probably are trying to insult your
maturity...fools.)and always remain yourself,
dark and amazing. Never change.


Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
brought to you by Quizilla

Man, people, lighten up. BE HAPPPY!!

And this is ME signing out.
GOD IS LUV!!!
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Sunday, April 11, 2004

   *Sigh*
OK, I know that I'm supposed to be joyful over Easter, but I'm pretty sad. I just got back from my grandmother's who lives like, four or five hours away. I call Friend #1, who has Friend #2 at her house. I talk to them, and its like they don't even want to talk to me. I know that F#1 was in the Anime Music Video Zone (something that NO EARTHLY THING CAN STOP) and was distracted, but I felt left out. They didn't even invite me over! I mean, honestly, its the weekend and I wanna hang out with them, and they didn't even ask me to come over. I didn't want to invite myself over, thats rude. But they could've ASKED.

GOD IS LUV!!
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