Wednesday, April 13, 2005

in in school so i only have a min. ill update when i get home.

i visited everyone who updated as of 11 am

gotta run...

*~Badkitty~*
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

   i'm so sleepy
ok so yesterday i was gonna visit some sites, but when i came home from school i made a sandwich, ate that then went to bed. i slept till 8pm, did my math homework...made dinner around 11 ish. ate that, then went to bed again.

in in school but im soooooo frikken tired. *yawns*

i seen Kyle (my friend Heather's b/f) yesterday morning. he came up to me..in my class first hour..and was like do you want your hug now? im like yah. he gave me a big hug..it was really nice. He knew what i went through with Faith and all that and was saving the hug for me^^

alot of ppl commented on my hair. they're like, you cut all ur hair..its so cute...im like yah *not very inthusatic (sp?)*

no one really asked where i was (besides teachers) last week...they prolly didn't even notice i was gone. *hmp* figures...

i made a scrapbook of Faith..with all the articles and pictures to show my teachers so i didn't have to explain why i was gone.

well the bell just rang. lets get ready for another exciting day of learning *thumbs up*

(that was me being sarcastic if u couldnt tell)

see you guys later^^

*~Badkitty~*
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Monday, April 11, 2005

   Mama, I'm Coming Home ~ Ozzy Osbourne

You're Beauty!


Which Moulin Rouge Symbol are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

So how was your weekend? Mine was pretty good.

Manda came over on Friday and stayed the night. We watched some Neon Genesis Evangelion, then we watched this movie called The Lost Boys. Its about Vampires. Its old…from 1987 I think but its still a good movie. I remember watching it when I was younger.

Then on Saturday I went to her house and stayed the night. That was fun. We went to the bridge and that was kool. We both brought a Manga to keep us busy. Then Saturday night we had a bon fire. We made hot dogs and marshmallows. Then on Sunday we made another fire..mostly to burn the leaves. Then I her mom took me home. Then I went and picked up my nephew from his dad’s house.

I have to go back to school Monday (today) but I really don’t want to. I just don’t want to deal with all the questions on why I was gone all last week. Then when I say it was because my little cousin died, they’ll ask why I needed the whole week off, and I just don’t want to deal with people and teachers and homework. I really feel like droppin out, but the year is almost over...I mean I have a little over a month left (June 3rd is my last day), so I don’t want to give up now. But Grrr >.< I just want to stay in my room and sleep the rest of my life away. I’d be so much more happier.

***Joke Of The Day***

Analysis of the ''F'' Word


Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”. It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and intransitive (John was fucked by Mary). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, fuck, he's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “fuck.”

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1) Surprise -- “What the fuck are you doing here?”
2) Fraud -- “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
3) Resignation -- “Oh, fuck it!”
4) Trouble -- “I guess I'm fucked now.”
5) Aggression -- “FUCK YOU!”
6) Disgust -- “Fuck me.”
7) Confusion -- “What the fuck...?”
8) Difficulty -- “I don't understand this fucking business!”
9) Despair -- “Fucked again....”
10) Pleasure -- “I fucking couldn't be happier.”
11) Displeasure -- “What the fuck is going on here?”
12) Lost -- “Where the fuck are we?”
13) Disbelief -- “UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!”
14) Retaliation -- “Up your fucking ass!”
15) Denial -- “I didn't fucking do it.”
16) Perplexity -- “I know fuck-all about it.”
17) Apathy -- “Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?”
18) Greetings -- “How the fuck are ya?”
19) Suspicion -- “Who the fuck are you?”
20) Panic -- “Let's get the fuck out of here.”
21) Directions -- “Fuck off.”
22) Awe -- “How the fuck did you do that?”

It can be used in an anatomical description -- “He's a fucking asshole.” It can be used to tell time -- “It's five fucking thirty.” It can be used in business -- “How did I wind up with this fucking job?” It can be maternal -- “Motherfucker.” It can be political -- “Fuck Clinton!”

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:
“What the fuck was that?” -- Mayor of Hiroshima
“Where did all these fucking Indians come from?” -- General Custer
“That's not a real fucking gun, is it?” -- John Lennon
“Who's gonna fucking find out?” -- Richard Nixon
“Why the fuck did that apple hit me?” -- Issac Newton
“Heads are going to fucking roll.” -- Marie Antoinette
“I could have used a fucking map.” -- Ulysses
“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?” -- Captain of the Titanic
“Any fucking idiot could understand that.” -- Albert Einstein
“It DOES SO fucking look like her!” -- Picasso
“Okay, I know... we'll build this BIG fucking wall to keep them out.” -- Emperor of the Ch'in Dynasty
“I can't believe I just fucking said that.” -- Patrick Henry
“Fucking backstabbers!” -- Julius Caesar
“You want what on the fucking ceiling?” -- Michelangelo
“Fellatio is not fucking!” -- Bill Clinton
“Where is that fucking pizza guy?” -- Elvis
“Why? Because its fucking there!” -- Sir Edmund Hilary
“I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?” -- Joan of Arc
“Scattered fucking showers my ass.” -- Noah
“I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.” -- John F. Kennedy
“What are the fucking chances I'm going to heaven?” -- Adolf Hitler
“Hey, where the fuck are your turbans?” -- Christopher Columbus when he discovered the “Indians”.

I’m off to bed cuz it’s late, but I hope you all have a great Fucking day >^.^<


That is Mr. Kankles smellin the camera

*~Badkitty~*
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Friday, April 8, 2005

   OMFG..is it really you??
hey guys. i know haven't posted in a few days. how do you guys like my new theme?

well wednesday was Faith's viewing. i went and got my hair cut. its so short..but i absolutely love it^^

i was wearing this dress and my boobs kept like falling out. my cousin Jocelyn was like crystal...i was like what? she was like *moitions to boobs* i was like O.O *looks down and puts boobs back in dress*

then me and manda (rockstarfairychik...she went with me) went downstairs to the lounge part to sit down cuz my feet hurt (from the boots i was wearing)and to go to the bathroom. i was sitting down on a couch and my cousin Johnny walks by and says loud for everyone down there to hear (a few cousins and an uncle) Hey Crystal, your boobs are hanging out! i was like oh sorry *looks down to fix them* he was just kidding with me..cuz they werent hanging our. my cousin Jocelyn was telling them about how my boobs were hanging out upstairs. lol. ok enough with the boob story.

then at 8:00 me and manda went back down to the lounge cuz it was quiet and i was ready to go home (it was over at 9PM). i was flippin through a magazing and i hear someone (a guy) say hi crystal. i turn around and say hi, but he had his back to me so i couldn't tell who it was. he walked over to me and i almost had a heartattack. i was like OMG OMG OMG OMFG!!! it was Chris. i have not seen or talked to him since i was 13 (almost 5 yrs ago). ive known him since i was 9. we were like best friends. ok more like "friends" if you know what i mean. "good friends" (have you figured it out yet???????) but OMG he grew up! he looks so much better now then he did back then. i was shaking cuz i couldnt believe it was him. so yah i got to see him for a few minutes.

then thursday was the funeral. it was sad. i cried. but overall it was a good day. then today i went to the store with my mom so she could take some clothes back and i seen one of those pink stretchie bracelts that say stuff on them. i found a pink one that said faith. it was all by itself so i bought it. i dug through a box of them and found 2 more pink ones. im gonna give one to heather (faiths mom). but yah.

well mom is yelling at me so i have to go. i dont know if i'll get to anyones sites today but i might tomorrow.

*~Badkitty~*
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Tuesday, April 5, 2005

   finally at peace
well Faith finally passed away yesterday morning. it was between 7:30AM and 8:30 AM. i dont know the exact time.

they took her off the meds. she was pronounced brain dead but her heart was still going strong, so they had to take the venelator off her so she would die. i know it might sound cruel, but it was peaceful and painless for her.

her funeral is set for Thursday morning.

i just still can't believe she is dead. im being strong but i really do miss her. i wish i would have hugged her one last tiem before i went home Easter day (since i spent the day wiht her), or gaver her one last kiss that day, or played outside just 5 minutes longer. i know she is in a better place and knows how much i love her.

i will be changing my theme this week finally. but im in no rush to do so.

i guess that's it. Love you all^^

*~Badkitty~*
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Monday, April 4, 2005

   Not much to say. When I wrote yesterday’s post I was under the impression they were taking her off her medicine Saturday night. I was wrong. They didn’t take her off her medicine until 6:00PM Sunday night. Her passing could take 1 hour up to 36 hours (that’s all she has left). So as I type this…even though it is only 12:21AM Monday morning, she is still alive. Her funeral will probably be Thursday, but I really don’t know. It all depends on when she goes.

I got to see her again this morning. I was glad. I was ok and didn’t cry until we were about to leave the room. That’s when I said I loved her one last time, and gave her 1 last kiss. As I walked up to kiss her I could feel the tears coming. I held it together though. I’m being as strong as I can, and I am surprised how well I am doing. I’m doing better but its still hard.

Sunday morning, Heather told us how Faith said her prayers at night. She said as soon as I started babysitting for them, Faith always said “and God bless Crystal” that got me crying too.

I probably wont be returning to school until next week. There’s no way I’ll go to school, I wont be able to handle it.

I thank everyone for their support it has really helped (Manda and Selena esp.). I love you guys. I really do wanna thank the people who do care and have been supportive. There are some I wont name, who have commented on my site then on other ppl’s sites and not cared or have been not so nice.

I guess that’s it for now, when she does pass I will let everyone know.

*~Badkitty~*
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Sunday, April 3, 2005

   From good to worse….
My day started off with bad news. My aunt Diane (one of the grandmas) went home to do laundry since faith had such a good day Friday. She got a call saying to get back to the hospital now. Faith fell into a deeper coma. In fact it’s the deepest there is. They were gonna take her down for a CAT scan at 3:30. Well they started her on a new medication, but she was not responding to it at all, so they took her down for a CAT scan at 12:15 instead. We waited literally all day for the results. The doctors came and got Paul Heather, Diane, Becky and Shelia around 8 30 pm(dad, mom, grandma[heathers mom], aunt [Paul’s sister] and Paul’s aunt). They were in a conference for at least 45 minutes. Then they came and got Sharon (Paul’s mom).

Shelia was crying…my cousin Dawn and I knew it was bad as soon as we seen her cry. Shelia is the greatest person I will ever meet. She is an amazingly strong willed woman. She makes sure everyone is fed, takes care of the other families there (Bobby and Melissa from yesterdays post). She is so active and has been so good spirited she just makes everyone feel so much better and makes you doubts go away.

Anywho, shelia was crying. Me, Dawn, Angie (my sis) and Jocelyn (another cousin) all wanted to know b4 everyone else was told so we could prepare. Us 4 were standing in the smaller waiting room (across the hall from the others) and we could see through the windows on the door that Heather and the others were getting ready to come back and tell us the results. I heard Heather scream and Dawn and I were standing in the doorway of the waiting room, in the split second it took us to get in the hall, we seen and heard Heather hit the floor. She was balling and so upset. Shelia came out and told us faith will be dead by morning.

Everyone gathered in the big waiting room so Heather and Paul could tell us what happened. The doctors told them their choices and out of 3 I believe they chose the right 1. The first two would be very difficult and offered us very little hope..actually a 1% chance of living the doctor said.

***What is happing is this***
They are going to take faith of the meds and the pressure from her brain will suffocate the brain stem and her heart and lungs will stop. The left part of her brain is already dead and the right is dying as I type. They will let Heather, Paul and Diane (Sharon went home) stay with her all night. Even let them hold her till she passes. She wont suffer and it will be painless. As hard as this is I know it’s the absolute best decision.

I got to see her before I left. I was so happy to see her. I would not have been able to sleep and I was getting sick to my stomach to think I had to go home with out saying goodbye and seeing her alive one last time. I went back with my sister, Aunt Diane, and cousin Mark. when we went in there was Christian type music playing for her (eventho I don’t believe in god this is not the time to act on that. This is the time to pray despite what I may personally believe in..or not believe in). my sister looked at her for a few seconds and had to leave she was so upset. My aunt kissed her and stayed for a min. then it was me and mark. He talked to her for a min and kissed her and knew I wanted to be alone with her so he let me. The whole time I was next to her I just held her hand. It was the best 1 or 2 minutes of my life. I felt so at peace knowing I got to have my 1 or 2 minutes to say goodbye. I didn’t say good bye. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but when I got the chance my mind blanked and I could do was say how much I love her and how happy I was to know she would be with her sister Hannah. I told her how I loved her and told her how much fun I had with her on Sunday (she told me if we plant rocks they will grow into flowers so we planted some). I told her over and over how much I loved her. I kissed her face like a million times (ok like 5). Then I went back to the other side and kissed her hand and covered her back up and walked away.

As I sit here and type this (1am) I know that may be the last time I see her alive, but I am satisfied with that. I got to make my peace and I kno she will be in a better place not in pain.

Manda posted the 3rd article from the paper in her site if you wanna read. I guess i will go to bed now since I’m going back to the hospital at 7:30 am unless someone calls saying otherwise.

*~Badkitty~*
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Saturday, April 2, 2005

   not better, but not worse....
so heres the update for friday. if i sat today at all i most likely mean friday!

so today was a good day. things have not really gotten better. but they havent gotten worse either. the normal ICP (something cranial pressure...the pressure in the brain) is 6. the doctors are satisfied with it being around 15. which has been faiths normal all day. But then...they changed her sheets and gave her a bath and it shot back up to 30. they said it was just the discomfort from her broken pelvis (it is broke in 3 places..but all we worry about is her head), so they gave her pain medication and it went back down. thats all that really happened today.

ive been meaning to post about this couple who is pratically like our family now. their names are Bobby and Melissa. they have a 2 yr old baby girl..i dont know her name. but she was born with half a heart. she has had i believe 6 open heart surgeries to fix it already. the last surgery was their 2nd attempt and they couldnt complete it for reasons i dont kno. i think it had something to do with nerves and arties and things like that. but the doctors refuse to do the surgery again...they are afriad she wont make it if they try another attempt. i fell so bad for them. they are so nice and i really hope by some miracle their baby makes it.

also i remember something i wanted to post about faith yesterday but just remembered. when the doctors brought us all the bad news another thing they said was she had a stroke! everyone broke down then i mean we were crying already but that just made things 10 times worse.

we are going hour to hour...the next 3 days will pretty much be the same progress but we will know then if there is any hope left at weather she will live or not.

if you go to manda's(rockstarfairychik) site. she posted the article from the paper yesterday, and the revised..CORRECT article today. (paul the dad called the paper and told them what really happened and they made a revision on the paper). also the news was suposed to come up and interview us about it cuz what was on wed nights news (the night it happened) the news said the kids were playing in the street which is complete crap and got the story all wrong. i guess they will be up there saturday (today).

anywho, im very tired...it was a long day (eventho it was a good day) and im ready for bed. we're not out of the woods yet, but please keep her in you thoughts/prayers.

i love you guys *hugs*
*~Badkitty~*
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Friday, April 1, 2005

   .....day...11/2 ~ day 2
thx for all the comments yesterday. it really does mean a lot to me *sniffle* I just thought id give an update and I wanted to post a couple pics. I might have the ages off cuz of bdays and stuff, but it’s a good enough guess.

This is my fav. Pic of faith. She was 10 months old. She did this pose on her own (the photographer didn’t say anything to her she just did it)

im pretty sure this is easter 2004, but it could be eater 2003. Im pretty sure its 04 tho.

This is Christmas 2004.


Well now that you’ve seen the sad pics I think manda (rockstarfairychik) was gonna post the article that was in the paper about her accident. The information isn’t completely correct in the article but yah.

Now I bet ur all wondering how she is. There is still very little hope. She is still alive..with help of machines. (I’ll probably be saying today but I mean Thursday). Her brain is still swelling and there is a lot of pressure and fluid in her head. The doctors told us there is one last thing they can try. It is kind of like a spinal tap. They put some thing in her spine and it is supposed to help release the pressure off her brain. If it works they will know right away if it will help or not. If it does work she will live. She will be like a 6 month old baby. She will be blind on one eye (which she already is now), but she will see people and acknowledge there is someone there, but she will never be able to know who it is…she wont recognize them. If this doesn’t work, she has 3 or 4 days to live.

They did the procedure and at first the pressure started to go down, which is a good sign. Then the pressure began to rise again. So thing look bad. She is in a coma and will never wake up (unless this proves to work). She does have brain damage. I honestly do not think she will live.

I got to see her 3 times today. The first time I seen her, as I walked around the corner I almost broke down there. I knew I had to be strong and hold it in so the nurses wouldn’t kick me out. She looks so helpless. Well she is so helpless. She has a breathing tube, and all these things hooked up to her. Its not a pretty site. She just looks so innocent. You just want to pick her up in your arms and hug her and never let her go. I kissed her and told her I loved her and had to leave the room. I went to the bathroom and just cried and cried. I almost threw up. My cousin heather had an anxiety attack that morning and was sent to the E.R. she cant go through this. She had a still born already. She’s not ready to give up faith and neither am I. I cant bear to lose her. This is really tearing me up. I don’t know if I want to yell or cry or puke or do all at the same time…(that’s kinda gross).

They said if they were to take out her breathing tube she’ll die in like 2 minutes. I just cant handle this anymore. Im really glad manda was there. Thx so much for bein there for me and all of us *hugs* and selena you too *hugs* it means a lot to me. All of you guys here too *hugs for you all*

im going to get a new tat. im gonna get a ribbion under the cross i already have and its gonna say Faith. Not only will it stand hfor her, but it stand for “Have Faith”.

i went ot their house after the hospital. To check on the cats and birds. I went to her room, and the light was burned out which I think it kinda weird. i just walked over and sat on her bed. It was like I cant believe shes never gonna be here again. The thing that kills me the most is I was just ther on Sunday. Easter!! I played with faith. We planted rocks..she said if we planted rocks they would grow to flowers. Heather (the mom) was in the room the hospital set up for her, and she was like crystal was kjust planting rocks to make flowers with her Sunday. That got me cryin again. Heather’s first born daughter was a still born (she was born dead for those of you who don’t know what a still birth is). Her name was Hannah. Heather said I know faith wasnts to see her sister (Hannah) but her sister can wait. Im ready to lose her. That also got me cryin.

I don’t even know……there was more I wanted to post but im getting really upset again and I cant think straight. I think I got the main part down. I’ll keep everyone updated when I can.

I hope that post made some sense to you guys. I get ramblin and my mind goes faster than I can type.

I love you guys sooo much *hugs again*
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Thursday, March 31, 2005

   Last Kiss ~ Pearl Jam
i guess you guys could say that song fits pretty well for todays post...

Ok guys I don’t know when I’ll be able to post again. There was a bad accident yesterday afternoon. My 5 year old cousin faith (the one I baby sit) was hit by a car. They don’t think she’s gonna make it. What happened was they came back from the doctors and Cameron (he’s 3) knows how to get out of the car seat. He did and ran across the main road (bunton road…there’s no speed limit on that road and ppl drive very fast). Faith ran across the road after him and so did some other girl (I don’t know her) the girl grabbed cameron and went back across the road. When faith was running back she got hit. The driver of the car stopped and was holding her body so she wouldn’t move. She hit the windshield with her head and I guess she flew up in the air. So as of right now (1:09 am Thursday morning) she’s in a coma and they don’t think she’ll wake up. I honestly don’t think she’ll make it. I mean she’s so tiny and she’s only 5. So that’s basically it for now. I was at the hospital all day (from 4pm till 1045pm).

Scary thing is I heard the ambulance go by my house. I didn’t think anything of it cuz I hear ambulances go by almost everyday and don’t think anything. Then heather (here mom who was at work at the time) called not even 5 min. after I heard the ambulance and was up set. My mom talked to her and mom told me what happened.

Srry if I’m rambling but yah. Well I guess I’ll go for now. I’m going back up there when my mom gets home from work in the morning (8am) I’ll try to post an update if I get one but I’m not really in the mood to do so. I’ll talk to you guys soon…and I hope with better news.
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