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What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
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Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.

PLEASE RATE


What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
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Monday, August 30, 2004

gods it's been a LONG time...
i haven't posted in this journal in AGES... mostly cause i didn't think about it.

a lot of really rough stuff has happened since my last post. my family was evicted from our home. i was locked in a psychiatric hospital for over a week. and when i came home from my vacation in Indiana, it was time to pack up again (what meager things i had) and head for college (which is where i am now).

i don't feel very good about what i did. i left for Indiana, practically straight from the hospital. and the whole time i was there, my mother was in a psychiatric hospital herself, leaving my brother to the fates. he spent his time being bumped around from place to place. and when i came home, for two days, all i got from my mom was "it's your fault things are the way they are."

i have a wonderful boyfriend, and he's helped me through a lot of the guilt and shame i feel. but still... i hate myself for it, and would use a knife to make the pain visible if i hadn't sworn that i wouldn't...

i love him. i do. but... gods, sometimes it's so bloody HARD to keep a happy face on. i'm lonely here. it's so far apart from everyone i know and care about. i have friends, but i'd never go to them with any of my problems... i barely know them. and since i just got my own computer, it's not network-compatible so i can't use it to contact the people i love. i'm in the University Centre right now, typing and wanting to cry and hating myself.

it's silly. i really should learn to be stronger and rely more on myself. but it hurts inside sometimes... and i can't let anyone else see the pain... never again. no more...
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Wednesday, June 2, 2004

   To The Moon And Back ~ Savage Garden
She's taking her time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smile and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying, "Mamma never loved her much"
And, "Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
She's saying

I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was colour blind
All her friends they've been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying, "Love is like a barren place,
And reaching out for human faith is
Is like a journey I just don't have a map for"
So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream
Just saying

I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

(hold on... hold on...)

Mamma never loved her much
And Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him
Just saying

I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

I would fly to the moon & back if you'll be...
If you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

right now i'm wondering if i can ever find the right kind of pilot... love is a barren place, and i won't reach out for human faith any more... just too much heartbreak.

my life is turning upside down, day after day it gets worse. my brother has been booted from the house, yet keeps coming back to demand 'his' things. my family is breaking apart.

i would fly to the moon and back if i could find the right kind of pilot... hangin' all my hopes on the stars.
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Monday, May 24, 2004

   happy graduation to me
today is my high school graduation. i'm officially ready to go to college. all my best pals graduated with me or gave me their e-mail addresses... *sigh* i'm really going to miss them when i'm at UNC.

currently i'm over at my buddy Stash's place, hanging out. it's nice and quiet...
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