Tuesday, May 11, 2004

i. am. sick. of. tis.
i'm totally sick of my family. my mom, Orhan, and Beej.
it's as though i'm worth nothing, i am nothing, i can never be anything worthy. i'm naught but a pack animal or an errand girl.
i used to love my mom totally. key words: used to. as recently as two weeks ago, i would have given up my life to save her, if need be. Now, i really don't give a damn if she lives or dies.
why?
she has turned from a basically all right, semi-fucked-up woman to a "do this for me because my knees are so bad, why don't you do that; you know, thus-and-such happened to me and blahblahblah..." She NEVER SHUTS UP. and if she wants me to do something for her, i do it because not doing it lands me in serious shit.
her knees are arthritic and have Baker's cysts in them, i understand that they're painful and stiff. but really, is it so hard to come into the house to refill your own ice water or do any of a number of things that require you to come inside and walk seven steps to the freezer? i understand that she can't walk up and downstairs like she used to, but she's not totally disabled.
and Orhan. god... he's an idiot. he can barely speak English, yells all the time, and freaks out about money if it doesn't go towards something he likes. he gets pissy if i have to go to the doctor...
i know he was in an accident years ago. i know he rolled twelve times and now he has brain damage. i know he used to judge hairstyling competitions.
but do i care? no. my life is ruled by his worries about money and my stomach is ruled by his predilection for spaghetti, which i CANNOT EAT. and even after two years of me living at home and refusing to eat if he makes spaghetti, he still asks mom why i don't eat it, as if there's something wrong with anyone who hates spaghetti. yeah, well, my stomach does flips at the scent of tomato sauce, so no thanks, Orhan, i'm not hungry.
and Beej... he's a little shit. plain and simple. he acts superior to me at all times, and threatens to beat the shit out of me. he calls me a fucking bitch whenever he feels like i've done something that he, mom, Orhan or Jonas don't like. and last night, he talked to P-kun for three minutes and got royally pissed off before hanging up on him and threatening to beat the shit out of me, telling me to tell Palmer that 'he's not my dad, and if he acts like it again i'll beat the shit out of him'. (There, i passed the message on.)
there have been nights that i've wanted to kill them all, and nights that i've seriously contemplated running away, never returning, not even for college. no more mom, no more Beej, no more Orhan. and since they won't know where the hell i've gone, no more Dad.
i'll give you an example of why i'm feeling so angry right now. my brother decided that he wanted to play Kingdom Hearts, and wanted the manual. since i was the last one to use the manual, he decided to tell me that i HAD to find the manual or else. so i told him, in my new angry style, to fuck off. he told mom that i had been the last one to use the manual, so i had to find it. yeah, i used the manual two weeks ago and haven't seen it since, having left it in the living room upstairs. i don't know where it is, i don't care where it is, why the hell doesn't he look for it his damn self? mom told me that if i didn't find it, i would be forced to sign off AOL and go to bed. i said no, i won't, because it's not my problem. mom replied "fine, do what you want, there will be consequences tomorrow." Fuck. i thought. so i 'made an effort' to find the piece of shit, couldn't find it, didn't care, went back to AOL. Beej continued to be pissy about it, mom was pissy, and i'm sick of being their bitch.
i have 4 days until i turn eighteen... and another 3 months or so til UNC starts. i am so tired of the way my life is, and i really can't wait until something happens.
(and if you say, "get a job, move out and live on your own", i'll tell you to go fuck yourself. i've heard that rhetoric over and over, and believe me, if i could have found a job and left, i would have long ago. i can't find a job to save my life. fuck it all...)
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Saturday, May 8, 2004

   *purrrrr*
i had a GOOD day today. i mean, really nice.

my class went out to Castlewood Canyon, which has a bunch of really nice hiking trails. we took one that wasn't too tough and walked down to where the river cuts through the canyon, playing for a little while in the waterfalls.

Mamma, you'd have LOVED it. the sky was so clear and blue, the water was ice-cold and babbled along contentedly, and we saw EIGHT red-tailed hawks in the space of an hour!

it was the most serene experience i've had in a LONG while... i feel so much better, as though my heart has been cleansed of fear and worry.

Your faithful, furry

Balinese =^_^=
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Thursday, May 6, 2004

just don't feel like really posting these past few days...

*Are you male or female:: Who Knew
*Describe yourself:: I'm Shady
*How do some people feel about you:: Just Don't Give A Fuck
*How do you feel about yourself:: Low, Down, Dirty
*Describe your ex-boy/girlfriend:: Under The Influence/Bitch Please
*Describe your current boy/girlfriend:: I Love You More/Role Model
*Describe where you want to be:: Sweet Home Alabama
*Describe what you want to be:: The Kiss
*Describe how you live:: Sing For The Moment
*Describe how you love:: Just the Two of Us
*Share a few words of wisdom:: Bad Guys Always Die
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Friday, April 30, 2004

   stupid survey... too tired to THINK. yay for UNC
: Personal : .
[ .001. ] First name: Yohji
[ .002. ] Middle name: Balinese
[ .003. ] Last name: Kudou
[ .004. ] Nickname(s): Yuffers, Neko, Kittyn, Balinese, Bali Kitty
[ .005. ] Gender: female.
[ .006. ] Age: 17
[ .007. ] Birthday: 05/14/1986
[ .008. ] Marital status: ....next?
[ .009. ] Hair color: medium brown-red
[ .010. ] Eye color: brown with golds
[ .011. ] Heritage: Caucasian/Mexican mother, Caucasian father
[ .012. ] Do you wear glasses or contacts: yep.
[ .013. ] Do you have braces: nope.
[ .014. ] Is your hair long or short: long
[ .015. ] Where were you born: Denver, CO
[ .016. ] Current location: Aurora
[ .017. ] Zodiac sign: Taurus, chinese Tiger.
[ .018. ] How many languages do you know: English, a bit of Japanese, and i understand Spanish fairly well. i just can't respond to someone in it.
[ .019. ] Talents: languages, linguistic things. i'm also a fair singer and i love to read and write.
[ .020. ] Bad habits: Swearing in Japanese and English, chewing my nails down to nubbins. when i get stressed i start ripping scabs open (self-harm, anyone?)
[ .021. ] Piercing you have: ears
[ .022. ] Piercing you want: i wouldn't mind a small nose or eyebrow ring
[ .023. ] Tattoos you have: 0.
[ .024. ] Tattoos you want: A small 'chi' hiragana on my left ankle, a tiger on my right shoulder
[ .025. ] Today's date: April 25, 2004
[ .026. ] The time: 8:54 p.m.
[ .027. ] Ready for a bunch more questions: go on.

. : Family : .
[ .028. ] Who do you live with: my mom, my step-dad, my younger brother and my cat. my older brother hangs out here sometimes too.
[ .029. ] Parents name(s): Roseanne/Sandie and Jim
[ .030. ] Step-parent's names, if any: Orhan
[ .031. ] Brother(s)'s name(s): Trout, Shadow
[ .032. ] Sister(s)'s name(s): Bree (well, sister-in-law-to-be)
[ .033. ] Favorite aunt: pass.
[ .034. ] Favorite uncle: pass.
[ .035. ] Favorite grandparent: Papa. i miss him
[ .036. ] Worst relative: my brothers. after them, my dad's family.
[ .037. ] Best relative: Bree
[ .038. ] Do you get along with your parent(s): usually. i'm the only one who respects anyone around here.

. : Pets : .
[ .039. ] Do you have any pets: yep =^_^=
[ .040. ] What are their names: blossom
[ .041. ] What kind of animals are they: kitty
[ .042. ] Do you want more animals: yes.
[ .043. ] What kind: i want a black cat with green or orange eyes... preferably a Bombay
[ .044. ] What kind of pets have you had before: two poodles, snowball and pooky/pamuk (pah-mook)

. : School : .
[ .045. ] Current grade: high school senior! w00t!
[ .046. ] Favorite grade: 11-12
[ .047. ] Least favorite grade: 6-10
[ .048. ] Favorite teacher: Julie, Gary and Dan. their classes rock, and they're so nice!
[ .049. ] Least favorite teacher: Andrea/Cassie. they're the bitchiest teachers i have EVER had. and that's saying a lot
[ .050. ] Favorite subject(s): English, Foreign Lang., Leadership/Senate
[ .051. ] Least favorite subject(s): math. i HATE maths.
[ .052. ] Do/did you buy lunch or bring it: i eat breakfast at school... free cause we're so broke
[ .053. ] Play any sports on the school's team: no way
[ .054. ] Do/did you do any extracurricular activities: Plays, Senate, Grad. Committee
[ .055. ] Are/was you popular: i get along with everyone, but i can't rightfully say i'm all that popular.
[ .056. ] Favorite dance: i never went to any dances.
[ .057. ] Favorite memory: spending last St. Patrick's Day with Mike and Julie at Pizza Hut, laughing and talking.
[ .058. ] Least favorite dance: never went to any.
[ .059. ] Least favorite memory: learning that Mike had been killed, the days after
[ .060. ] Most humiliating moment: Trying to give my speech for secretary of Senate and getting totally ignored by kids who kept shouting 'Weed Smokin' Reid! Weed Smokin' Reid!'

. : Favorite : .
[ .061. ] Number: 105
[ .062. ] Clothing brand: Mossimo, GFLA
[ .063. ] Shoes: my Ponys
[ .064. ] Saying: i believe in peace that surpasses war. i believe in the soul that wishes for peace./And if you keep your vision clear, you will see the future. what happens in our future is our own responsibility.
[ .065. ] TV show: WEISS, Bebop, Trigun, Read or Die, MXC
[ .066. ] Sport: swimming
[ .067. ] Vegetable: romaine lettuce
[ .068. ] Fruit: strawberries, Granny Smith apples
[ .069. ] Movie: Bruce Almighty or Zoolander
[ .070. ] Magazine: People/Newsweek
[ .071. ] Actor: Ben Stiller or Jim Carrey, lately. Owen West is yummy too =^_^= also got to love my VAs and seiyuu!
[ .072. ] Actress: Lia Sargent, Dorothy Melendrez, Wendee Lee
[ .073. ] Candy: chocolate
[ .074. ] Gum: peppermint gum. it helps my stomach a lot
[ .076. ] Candy bar: Butterfinger.
[ .077. ] Ice cream: chocolate for a change, from Ben and Jerry's. And they're saving the children in Africa!
[ .078. ] Color: all shades of blue, gem tones. i love ruby and emerald.
[ .079. ] Season: Summer. definitely
[ .080. ] Holiday: Cinco de Mayo, Christmas. Fun times to be with people and to cook!
[ .081. ] Band: the SeatBelts, Splashdown, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Weezer, Matchbox 20, Gorillaz, Weiss, Sneaker Pimps
[ .082. ] Singer: Mai Yamane (smooth whiskey voice), Steve Conte, Rob Thomas, Koyasu Takehito, Miki Shinichirou
[ .083. ] Group: D-12 (we not a band, bitch, we don't play instruments)
[ .084. ] Rapper: Eminem, Proof, Bizarre, Kon Artis
[ .085. ] Type of music: Something with a good, strong sound
[ .086. ] Thing in your room: my futon
[ .087. ] Place to be: on the porch in the sun
[ .088. ] Radio station: Mix 100.3
[ .089. ] TV channel: Cartoon Network
[ .090. ] Junk food: chocolate chip cookies.
[ .091. ] Overall food: chicken, Coca-Cola
[ .092. ] Store: Animeniacs, Buy Me Anime
[ .093. ] Shoe brand: Pony.
[ .094. ] Fast food: yuk.
[ .095. ] Restaurant:
[ .096. ] Shape: diamonds
[ .097. ] Time of day: the time in the evening when my pals are on and we chat about everything and nothing
[ .098. ] Country: Canada, Great Britain
[ .099. ] State: Colorado
[ .100. ] Boy's name: Robert, Trowa
[ .101. ] Girl's name: Rem, Meryl, Sakura, Yomiko
[ .102. ] Mall: Aurora
[ .103. ] CD: the Toad the Wet Sprocket Fear, Gorillaz Gorillaz, The Eminem Show, Cowboy Bebop No Disc
[ .104. ] Shampoo: Herbal Essences. Smells SO good
[ .105. ] Board game: Monopoly, Cranium
[ .106. ] Computer game: Kyodai Mahjong
[ .107. ] Car: dunno.
[ .108. ] Music video: Eminem's Cleanin' Out My Closet, Business, or Without Me. i just love Em... the Gorillaz' Clint Eastwood is schwa too.
[ .109. ] Swear word: fuck
[ .110. ] Word: Tsuki (Tsoo-kee). Moon in Japanese. i also like hoshi (ho-shee), star.
[ .111. ] Month: May/June
[ .112. ] Cartoon character: ....Yohji from Weiss Kreuz, Vash the Stampede, Spike Spiegel
[ .113. ] Scary movie: Scary Movie 2
[ .114. ] Team: Colorado Avalanche, biznatch. We pwn j00.
[ .115. ] Possession: my Weiss DVDs

. : What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear.. : .
[ .116. ] Eminem: "This looks like a job for me, so everybody follow me, 'cause we need a little controversy, cause it feels so empty without me!"
[ .117. ] Dog: Snowball
[ .118. ] Hot: "Dog days."
[ .119. ] Britney Spears: *cough*whore*cough*
[ .120. ] Nsync: When i found out that Lance Bass comes to Elitch's every time he can to ride the Mind Eraser
[ .121. ] Real World: Gauntlet
[ .122. ] Orange: Rhymes with Orange comic strip
[ .123. ] Choice: "It's a woman's right to choose!" statements
[ .124. ] Backstreet Boys: "Which Backstreet Boy is Gay?"
[ .125. ] Whipped Cream: melty
[ .126. ] Black: Neo from the Matrix
[ .127. ] ICQ: that little green flower and that scary-ass horn
[ .128. ] Insane Clown Posse: "Underneath the shadows of the other side of time/If there is a hell then there must be a behind/You can take me to the ghetto land move everything and back/Take me from the Echo Side and never bring me back.."
[ .129. ] Linkin Park: FRGT/10
[ .130. ] Jack: In The Box.
[ .131. ] Rainbow: Rain
[ .132. ] Money: Gets you what you want
[ .133. ] Cucumber: how do you know when a blonde's been in the fridge?
[ .134. ] Shark: prettypretty
[ .135. ] Lifehouse: the smell of Old Spice
[ .136. ] Bat: Wufei: "Silence! Ah-heh-heh...anyway, as you see here, I have my assistant, little Duo bat...thingy...ready with a bucket of water. He will slowly drop small bits of it onto Relena's head until she is driven insane! OF COURSE! THE CHINESE WATER TORTURE! BEGIN, DUO THING!"
[ .137. ] Leather: Pat's jacket
[ .138. ] Whip: Quistis Trepe =*_*=
[ .139. ] America: "White America! I could be one of your kids!"
[ .140. ] Water: "The Kiss In The Water/Suteki Da Ne" from FFX
[ .141. ] Volcano: lava....

. : This or that : .
[ .142. ] Rock or rap: rock
[ .143. ] Rock or pop: rock.
[ .144. ] Rock or r&b: rock.
[ .145. ] Rock or metal: rock.
[ .146. ] Rap or pop: rap
[ .147. ] Rap or r&b: that's a tough call. probably rap though.
[ .148. ] Rap or metal: rap.
[ .149. ] Pop or r&b: pop.
[ .150. ] Pop or metal: pop.
[ .151. ] R&b or metal: r and b.
[ .152. ] Linkin Park or Limp Bizkit: Limp Bizkit
[ .153. ] Tool or Korn: Korn
[ .154. ] Selena or Jennifer Lopez: Selena.
[ .155. ] Fast or slow: Steady.
[ .156. ] Winter or summer: Summer
[ .157. ] Spring or fall: fall
[ .158. ] Shakira or Britney: A nice tall glass of cyanide with a lye chaser.
[ .159. ] ICP or Eminem: Eminem
[ .160. ] Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie: White Zombie.
[ .161. ] Kittie or Garbage: Garbage
[ .162. ] MTV or Vh1: MTV.
[ .163. ] Buffy or Angel: Weiss
[ .164. ] Dawson's Creek or Gilmore Girls: Weiss
[ .165. ] Football or basketball: football
[ .166. ] Summer olympics or winter olympics: winter olympics. GOOOOOO MICHELLE KWAN!!!!!
[ .167. ] Skiing or snowboarding: snowboarding
[ .168. ] Rollarblading or skateboarding: skateboarding.
[ .169. ] Black or white: charcoal grey.
[ .170. ] Orange or red: red
[ .171. ] Yellow or green: green
[ .172. ] Purple or pink: pink.
[ .173. ] Slipknot or Mudvayne: Mudvayne
[ .174. ] Hot Topic or Pac Sun: away from my Brooks Brothers coat, ye peasant.
[ .175. ] Inside or outside: Outside
[ .176. ] Weed or alcohol: neither!
[ .177. ] Cell phone or pager: Cell phone
[ .178. ] Pen or pencil: Pen
[ .179. ] Powerpuff Girls or Charlie's Angels: PPG =^_^=
[ .180. ] Scooby Doo or Dino: Scooby
[ .181. ] Dragon Ball Z or Pokemon: Pokemon
[ .182. ] Star Wars or Star Trek: Star Trek. always.
[ .183. ] Tattoos or piercings: Tattoos
[ .184. ] Prep or punk: Preppy punks
[ .185. ] Slut or whore: slut

. : Private life : .
[ .186. ] Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: sort of.
[ .187. ] Do you have a crush: sort of. i know i love the guy.
[ .188. ] Who is it: he knows.
[ .189. ] Have you ever been in love: yea
[ .190. ] Have you ever fallen out of love: yea
[ .191. ] How many hearts have you broken: one.
[ .192. ] How many people broke your heart: a lot.
[ .193. ] Best quote to sum up love: love is a merry little elf dancing a jig and then he turns on you with a machine gun. ~ matt groening
[ .194. ] What is your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush like: sweet, smart, and one of the only things that makes me smile anymore.
[ .195. ] Do you have a picture of him/her: yea.
[ .196. ] Do you have a picture of yourself: yea.
[ .197. ] Do you go by looks or personality: personaluty
[ .198. ] Ever kiss a friend: yea.
[ .199. ] Are you still friends: yes.
[ .200. ] Moving along...do you smoke: no
[ .201. ] Do you smoke weed: no.
[ .202. ] Ever trip on acid: hell no!
[ .203. ] How about a little sex: i've been repressing a bit too much lately.
[ .204. ] Crack, heroin, anything else: meds are as far as i go.
[ .205. ] Beer good or beer bad: beer bad.
[ .206. ] Are you the sissy who drinks Wine Coolers: i prefer my wine straight, but i don't drink much
[ .207. ] Do you like Smirnoff Ice: no
[ .208. ] Prefer beer or liquor: red wine
[ .209. ] What kind of cigarettes do you smoke: none. smoking is bad for you.

. : Would you ever.. : .
[ .210. ] Bungee jump: yes.
[ .211. ] Sky dive: yes.
[ .212. ] Swim with dolphins: w00t.
[ .213. ] Scuba dive: hellllll no
[ .214. ] Go rock climbing: yea. i have too!
[ .215. ] Eat crap for $1,000,000: ....ew.
[ .216. ] Turn your back on your friends for personal gain: no. friends are the best things in the world
[ .217. ] Steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: no way.
[ .218. ] Cross-dress: yea.
[ .219. ] Lie to the police: i have.
[ .220. ] Run from the police: fuck yes. (this is why i'd tell the truth. =) )
[ .221. ] Lie to your parents: yes.
[ .222. ] Walk up to a stranger and kiss them: no.
[ .223. ] Be an exotic dancer: define exotic.
[ .224. ] Walk out of a restaurant without paying: yes, but i'd try my best to still leave a tip. i have a lot of pity for servers.
[ .225. ] Streak: ....no.

. : Your friends : .
[ .226. ] Best friend: Palmer, Katie, Kas, Pat, AJ, Walker, Brewer, Riss, Erin, Elise, Jas, Mamma Vash.
[ .227. ] Known longest: Walker, then Palmer, Katie, Kas, AJ, Jas, Brewer, Pat, Riss, Elise, Erin
[ .228. ] Wish you talked to more: Pat and AJ
[ .229. ] Wish you saw more: all my net peoples
[ .230. ] How many friends do you think you have: enough
[ .231. ] Who drives you insane after a while: Walker. sadistic bastard. it's the good kind of insane though
[ .232. ] Who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: Every one of them.
[ .233. ] Ever lose a good friend because you took that to the 'next level': nope
[ .234. ] Can always make you laugh: AJ, Pat, Walker, Brewer, Riss, Palmer. Whenever Pat and Walker and AJ trot out the 'white-boy, redneck, weird' humor, i have to laugh. "Git 'er done!"
[ .235. ] Stupidest: Brewer. without question.
[ .236. ] Most impatient: Pat and Walker
[ .237. ] Shortest: Riss
[ .238. ] Loudest: AJ, Pat, Walker
[ .240. ] Nicest: MAMMA, Palmer, Erin, Elise, Katie, Kas
[ .241. ] Best personality: everyone's personality is awesome.
[ .242. ] Biggest drug user: Jeremy. i swear to god, that boy is trippin' 90% of the time

. : Have you ever.. : .
[ .243. ] Flashed someone: yea, lol.
[ .244. ] Told the person you liked how you felt: yea.
[ .245. ] Been to Michigan: nope.
[ .246. ] Gotten really REALLY wasted: nope.
[ .247. ] Gone to jail or juvi: nope.
[ .248. ] Skateboarded: a long time ago.
[ .249. ] Skinny dipped: yea.
[ .250. ] Stolen anything: yea.
[ .251. ] Wanted to kick my butt for making this so long: no. :)
[ .252. ] Kicked someone's butt: yep.
[ .253. ] Pegged someone in the head with a snowball: yea.
[ .254. ] Broke a beer bottle: yea.
[ .255. ] Gotten into a bar, under-aged: nope
[ .256. ] Kissed someone of the same sex: yea
[ .257. ] Flipped someone off: yea
[ .258. ] Gone on a road trip: yea
[ .259. ] Gone on vacation without adult supervision: yea
[ .260. ] Been to a concert: yea
[ .261. ] Been to another country: i don't remember it, but yeah
[ .262. ] Talked back to an adult: rarely.
[ .263. ] Got pulled over: not with me driving.
[ .264. ] Got in a car accident: not with me driving.
[ .265. ] Stolen money from your parents: yea.
[ .266. ] Given money to a homeless person: yea
[ .267. ] Tried to kill yourself: yea.
[ .268. ] Cried to get out of trouble: yeah. *sheepish grin*
[ .269. ] Stolen drugs from someone?: no way

. : Opinions : .
[ .270. ] Gay marriage: they have a right to what everyone else has!
[ .271. ] Vegetarians: some are cool. i just can't stand pure vegans who bitch at me for eating meat.
[ .272. ] What do you think about pop music: meh. emo/alt rock/J-Pop owns it.
[ .273. ] About boy bands: if you don't play instruments, you're not a band
[ .274. ] About flag burning: it's not right.
[ .275. ] Of the war on terrorists: war is wrong.
[ .276. ] About suicide: it's very tempting sometimes. but i know that it's not a good choice. god rest your soul Sheldon.
[ .277. ] About people who try to force their opinions on you: i don't think about them.
[ .278. ] About abortion: i think it's fine, as long as it was honestly a last ditch option.
[ .279. ] About rock/metal music: I like almost all kinds of music.
[ .280. ] Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: teaching high school.
[ .281. ] Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Most of my pals, i hope.

. : What did you do.. : .
[ .282. ] Last birthday: snoozed all day, had a barbecue with family, got Weiss in Japanese *huggles the DVDs*
[ .283. ] Yesterday: stayed up til 2 am talking to pals
[ .284. ] Last weekend: a lot of reading
[ .285. ] Christmas: talked to Kas on the phone, did some writing, watched Christmas in Baghdad on Smackdown!
[ .286. ] Thanksgiving: i don't remember.
[ .287. ] New year's eve: not much
[ .288. ] Halloween: handed out candy
[ .289. ] Easter: went out to Cici's with family
[ .290. ] Valentine's day: talked to Palmer

. : The last : .
[ .291. ] Thing you ate: A roast beef sandwich, salad, cottage cheese, a cookie, chocolate ice cream (the most i've eaten in months)
[ .292. ] Thing you drank: water
[ .293. ] Thing you wore: black parachute pants, an orange t-shirt with "Estate 03-04" on the front and "Leighton 59" on the back, socks
[ .294. ] Place you went: UNC's preview day
[ .295. ] Thing you got pierced/tattooed: my ears
[ .296. ] Person you saw/talked to: my tour guide Jamie, Adri G.
[ .297. ] TV show you watched: Trigun
[ .298. ] Website you went to: FAFSA website
[ .299. ] Song you heard: No Such Thing - Michael McDonald

. : Now : .
[ .300. ] What are you eating: nothing. i am nowhere near hungry
[ .301. ] What are you drinking: nothing
[ .302. ] What are you wearing: same stuff
[ .303. ] Any shoes on: nope.
[ .304. ] Hair: in a high ponytail, still reaching down to the middle of my back
[ .305. ] Listening to: My Band - Eminem feat. D-12
[ .306. ] Talking to anyone: nope.
[ .307. ] Are you pissed I made this so long: not really. it was kinda nice. =)

. : Yes or no : .
[ .308. ] Are you a vegetarian: no
[ .309. ] Do you like cows: they look cool.
[ .310. ] Are you a b*****: not really.
[ .311. ] Are you artistic: yes, in a linguistic sense.
[ .312. ] Do you write poetry: yes.
[ .313. ] Can you sing: i have a pretty voice, but it tends to do what it wants. that's why i prefer Mai Yamane songs: they fit my voice and i don't have to try to do a harmony thing.
[ .314. ] Can you ski: yeah. it's tougher than it looks
[ .315. ] Are you a good actor/actress: pretty good.
[ .316. ] Do you want to spear britney: anyone have a harpoon?
[ .317. ] Do the voices talk to you: you're just jealous.
[ .318. ] Did you ever give barbie a haircut: yep.
[ .319. ] Would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: no way. no more mac and cheese, please.
[ .320. ] Do you think disney creators were on acid when they made 'Alice in Wonderland': no. they were most likely a bit busy slitting virgin throats though. Now Lewis Carroll... that man was trippin'.
[ .321. ] Are you straight: more inclined toward straight, although i do enjoy women.
[ .322. ] Are you stupid, insane, and/or physically handicapped?: technically.
[ .323. ] Are you ugly: yes.
[ .324. ] Are you outgoing: not always.
[ .325. ] Are you short: compared to AJ. i'm like 5'6 1/2", he's 6'7" and growing.
[ .326. ] Are you funny: i make some people laugh.
[ .327. ] Do you own a hot pink shirt: nope. it's more of a magenta color
[ .328. ] How about orange pants: nope.
[ .329. ] Can you see the flying monkeys: no.
[ .330. ] Are you evil: no.
[ .331. ] Did you ever know someone who had a mullet: yep.
[ .332. ] Is Britney a w****: yes.
[ .333. ] Are you a teenage Zombie: no.
[ .334. ] Are you friendly: i can be
[ .335. ] Do you like Marilyn Manson: he had a good thing going in The Beautiful People
[ .336. ] Are you secretly from another planet: no.
[ .337. ] Do you shop at Hot Topic: no.

: Sexual stuff : .
[ .338. ] Are you a virgin: ...
[ .339. ] How far have you gone with a guy/girl: kissing
[ .340. ] What is your favorite experience/memory: i don't think about it
[ .341. ] What is your least favorite experience/memory: the rape.
[ .342. ] Have you ever had anal sex/would you if you haven't: i haven't really thought about it
[ .343. ] Have you ever given oral: no. sounds like fun though
[ .344. ] Have you ever gotten oral: no.
[ .345. ] Have you ever given/gotten oral in public: no.
[ .346. ] Whats the most kinky thing youve done: i've done some sub play with a guy over the net.
[ .347. ] Where was the weirdest/funniest place youve done anything sexual:
[ .348. ] Do you think you're a good kisser: yes.
[ .349. ] Whats your fantasy: a chance to please a person in every possible way, being their pet, basically.
[ .350. ] What turns you on: a bit of slapping, being kind of rough, the person who means the most to me in the world.
[ .351. ] What turns you off: being beaten up badly (slaps are okay, just don't leave bruises), men who treat women as nothing more than objects
[ .352. ] What's the first thing you look for in a guy/girl: a good smile; bright, open, intelligent eyes; honesty and trust
[ .353. ] Favorite body part on a member of the opposite sex: lips, eyes, hands

. : Random questions : .
[ .354. ] If you could be any animal, what would you be: a Bombay/Balinese kittyn
[ .355. ] If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would that be: .....
[ .356. ] Do you remember any of your dreams: sometimes. i tend to remember nightmares more than good dreams though
[ .357. ] Do you dream in color or black and white: color.
[ .358. ] Do you admit when you need help with a problem: i don't like to. makes me feel vulnerable in a very bad way
[ .359. ] Do you like socks: i love white socks.
[ .360. ] What's your biggest fear: being in the dark, locked in a room, alone.
[ .361. ] Do you talk too much: at times.
[ .362. ] Are you afraid of clowns: yes
[ .363. ] Do you like spiders: not particularly, but i don't feel that it's right to kill them just because i don't like them
[ .364. ] How about grape kool-aid: green apple is better
[ .365. ] Can you drive: nope
[ .366. ] Do you use the computer a lot: *hangs head*
[ .367. ] Are you anti-social: i can be.
[ .368. ] Do you see dumb people: everywhere.
[ .369. ] Do you see dead people: only Mike's spirit.
[ .370. ] Do you write with your left or right hand: right.
[ .371. ] Now that I'm almost done with this survey.. I feel ___: sleepy and in pain
[ .372. ] Do you think any of your friends will fill this survey out: most likely.
[ .373. ] Any last words: murr?
[ .374. ] Now that this is over, what are you going to do: get off the net and go watch Weiss.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, April 25, 2004

   Summer plans...
so i've been spending the last few days working with a friend on summer plans. why haven't i been posting, you ask?

well.......

i've been planning to go to Coquitlam, BC, Canada, for about a month this summer!

is that not incredibly awesome?

i know i've done some writing about Palmer, and we got back to talking a lot. he even sent me the sweetest birthday package...

so we got to talking about what we were doing this summer, and i mentioned my schedule is blank from may 24 on. he just said, 'why not come to coquitlam?'

so we've been planning every little detail (how to get there, what to do when we're together, how to present the plan to my mom, things like that). i have the chance to get up there around June 14 on a Greyhound, and then hitch a ride with a couple mutual friends of ours who are arriving the first week of July and leaving around July 15 (paying gas and food $$ of course).

it's a chance for me to get out of the house for a while, and it'll give me a chance to see a place other than Colorado for the first time in my life (well, i went with my parents and extended family to the Bahamas. but i was eight months old. i don't remember it).

i'm really excited, and i'm working my hardest! wish me luck!

=^_^= your faithful, furry

Balinese
Comments (4) | Permalink

Monday, April 19, 2004

i don't usually pray...
but right now i'm praying my heart out.

for a long time, i've been really attached to this guy named Stash. i may have mentioned him before (can't go to check the thing right now) but he's the sweetest, kindest, most caring and warm-hearted guy i know. he's affected with bipolar disorder, but he refuses to take his meds, so he does a lot of mood-swinging. but i love him. i used to believe i wanted to be his girlfriend, but i know that wouldn't work now, and i know that he's one of the best friends i've ever had.

so tonight i thought everything was cool... i mean, i saw him at school today, and things seemed fine... until...

Stash: *twitch twitch twitch*
NekoBalinese: *poke* nan da?
Stash: english plese
NekoBalinese: what's up?
Stash: fucking susy
Stash: that bitch just hung up on me
Stash: fuck it im sick of all this shit
Stash: im sick of all my close friend backstabbing me
Stash: im sick of my apt.
Stash: GAHHHHH

so he has me worried, right? then:

NekoBalinese: what happened?
Stash: she and i are through, its too complicated for me right now
NekoBalinese: you know if you need to talk, i'm here fer ya. *hugs* you poor guy
Stash: im seriously about to walk out of my hose and just start walking somewhere
NekoBalinese: just 'somewhere'?
Stash: yea i dont care where
NekoBalinese: will you call me when you get there? i worry about you. want you to be okay.
Stash: no phone calls sorry
Stash: no money
NekoBalinese: aw well. you be at school tomorrow?
Stash: i dont know, problly

here's what freaked me out and started the prayers:

NekoBalinese: you going to do anything stupid?
Stash: hope so
NekoBalinese: .....hope so?
Stash: yea i hope so
Stash: im sorry if i scare you (Yohji) but im just sick of all of this
NekoBalinese: i know, (Stash), but i worry about you and i don't want you to do anything that would potentially be bad for you.
NekoBalinese: think of Carissa and Walker and Provost and Brewer...
Stash: everything i do is bad, havent you realized it
Stash: the only person in that group that hasnt backstabbed me at one point or another is pat
NekoBalinese: think of how he'd feel if you killed yourself, (Stash)... and think fo how i'd feel. and Dan and all the teachers...
Stash: i know but right now, i feel broken, i just dont care
NekoBalinese: i know the feeling, (Stash)... i'd do anything to help you. name it.
Stash: dunno
NekoBalinese: you know you can call on me for anything.
Stash: i know but right now i dont think you can help in what i need
NekoBalinese: *hugs you* you know i'll still try
Stash: i just need a vacation right now even if its just for a night, i just need to forget all of my problems

i have to get offline, but pray. pray for him... that he makes the right choice. i lost two friends to death... i don't want to lose another.

Comments (4) | Permalink

Saturday, April 17, 2004

   feelin' good...
today was a really nice day... the sun was shining, so i went out back and sat in the sun for a while. i really need to get a tan... hopefully it'll hide the cutting scars on my left arm =^_^=;;

hope you guys are all doing well, and *HUGS and Neko-Cuddles (patent pending)*

Your faithful, furry,

Balinese
Comments (2) | Permalink

   feelin' good...
today was a really nice day... the sun was shining, so i went out back and sat in the sun for a while. i really need to get a tan... hopefully it'll hide the cutting scars on my left arm =^_^=;;

hope you guys are all doing well, and *HUGS and Neko-Cuddles (patent pending)*

Your faithful, furry,

Balinese
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, April 15, 2004

*yawn*
man, i really hate guys sometimes.

don't get me wrong, i'm not going gay or anything, but now, while i'm trying to find a way to gently let Palmer down, there's this kid called Josh with wheels who has a huge crush on me. i tend to give him a kiss on the cheek when i see him, but i cannot stand him, and today he had me give him a kiss on the lips. YUCK. he always smells weird and he's a total freak. now he wants me to go out with him, and i won't, but how do i let him down? i shouldn't have kissed him *wipes mouth repeatedly and gags* SO nasty.


so yeah... i screwed up.

Who's your inner Senshi?


this quiz was made by seraphlight.net

*sigh*
Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

   What have i done?
ha ha. i got my buddy Brewer to sign up =^_^=

check him out. darkwolfofblood. the big goof.
Comments (1) | Permalink