Tuesday, January 27, 2004

   For a change, let's poke fun at...
Chain e-mails! The things we love to hate!

This is an actual e-mail my step-dad sent to me that was sent from his brother that was sent from so-and-so, and so -on and so-forth:

> > Hello,
> > My name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly
> > diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels,
> > and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by
> > people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year
> > old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able
> > to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
> > her off to the traveling freak show.
> > Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
> > you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I
> > scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my
> > dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is
> > directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to
> > send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will
> > come into my house and write "I'm a weirdo" on my forehead in permanent
> > marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a
> > knight of the round table and was brought to
> > this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
> > year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest
> > continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward
> > something, atleast send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the
> > "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse
> > for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being"
> > forward about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and
> > think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
> >
> > THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
> >
> > Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > (scroll down)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Make a wish!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > No, really, go on and make one!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Wish something else!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > STOP!!!!
> >
> > Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :)
> >
> > Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
> > don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped
> > by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's
> > true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is
> > TRUE!!
> > Really!!!
> >
> > Here's how it goes:
> >
> >
> > *Send this to 1 person:
> > One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
> >
> > *Send this to 2-5 people:
> > 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
> >
> > *Send this to 5-10 people:
> > 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain
> > letter, and may form a plot on your life.
> >
> > *Send this to 10-20 people:
> > 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain
> > letter and will napalm your house.
> >
> >
> > Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Chain Letter Type 2:
> >
> > Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
> > little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents,
> > and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time
> > you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless
> > Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember,
> > we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a
> > complete load of junk. So go on reach out.
> >
> > Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
> >
> > Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to
> >
> > 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!! Thanks again!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Chain Letter Type 3:
> >
> > Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
> > absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
> > many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
> >
> > 1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
> > horrible will happen to you like:
> >
> > *Bizarre Horror Story* #1
> >
> > Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
> > received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
> > sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was ushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
> > rotted leaves, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
> > nasty, she died too.
> > This Could Happen To You!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > *Bizarre Horror Story* 2
> >
> > Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
> > it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane
> > that just happened to be flying directly above him.
> >
> > This Could Happen To You Too!!!
> >
> > 2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this
> > letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Chain Letter Type 4:
> >
> > As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
> > friends.
> >
> > Friends
> > Blah, Blah, Blah,
> > Friends,
> > Blah, Blah, Blah.
> >
> > A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
> > wish of being rich to come true.
> >
> > Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you
> > live. I mean it, as long as you live.
> > The point being?
> >
> > *If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless or
> > luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
> >
> > *If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty
> > about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant
> > for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll
> > receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
> > Right.
> >
> > *******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your
> > socks missing tomorrow morning!
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Be expecting more of these funny e-mails. There sure to put a smile on your face, and make the world a better place.

"And now for something different." -From the Monty Python 'Something Different' tape
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