Wednesday, November 28, 2007

zomg what? a post?

hay lovlies! it's been a while. a whiiile. I've been doing good. I feel like...better-ish. it's basically fantastic. bad crap- school sucks. hard. I'm basically gonna fail english now. ENGLISH. geeze..... and my report card wasn't all that shiny. I got I's two C's and B's and a couple A's. meh. I barely care though. I already got into the college I want to go too. yesh, I got into this art college program, that I'm starting in Janurary. it's awesome. finally college art classes that I can acctually learn something. I recentley did this painting, it's so adorabley awesome. I very proud of myself. :3 my therpist says I should do alot of art and just relax. so that's what I'm doing. lol art therapy. so I had a meeting with my school and my parents about two weeks ago, it was weird. it was to get my 504. which is basically batman. lawls. because of my "mental disability" I can miss as many days of school as I need to without failing, extra time on assignments and projects, I don't hafta go to my first two periods, I can leave school whenever I need too, and I can leave class to go down to the nurse/counselor and just chill or lay down and sleep. sweet. in other news, lol, I'm going to convention this thursday. I'm the make-up model :3 it's going to be so fun. I'm really excited! ^o^ it's all the way in york, PA, but that's okay. it's going to be a good time. we get to room in ahotel for three days and basically have tons of fun. watching plays, contests, doing activities, meeting new people. wicked ^_^ so gosh, how are all you guys?? I hope your all fantastic ^_^ does anyone have a myspace? mines myspace.com/beckiwins X3 and no, I'm not addicted. it's just a genius way to stay in touch with people. that's the reason I got it, to stay in touch with this girl I met that lives in shickshinny. anywhooo, have a fantastic week!! loves you all :3 take care! -Becki

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

read below

so. I haven't been around. I'm going to be honest here, and try my best not to sound emo. life has been really hard these past few weeks. getting out of the hospital and getting my life back together is taking alot of work. I'm having my ups and downs. it's hard. really hard. my doctors say I need to relax as much as possible. my meds make me sleepy. I'm aggitated when I get into the depressed mode. bipolar isn't a joke. it isn't fun and it isn't easy. I'm really struggling here. so I'm not going to be around as much. I come on whenever I feel up to it. and that's not laziness, that's seriously if I'm not acting insane and obnoxious, out doing stupid things, or so depressed I can't get out of bed. please don't be mad...I'm not going to forget about anyone of my friends on here. I love you all. *hugs* hopefully you are all doing well. have a fantastic week. *hugs* hopefully see you soon. :3

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Saturday, November 3, 2007

crying ass bitchin'.

zomg...so...Idk what to say....alot happened...but alot hasn't. that's the reason I haven't posted in a while. I mean...nothings new. -___-; so...yeah. how was your halloween? I started out with a group of friends in my costume, and ended up in my friend's ex-boyfriends car, getting stopped by the cops. good night. haaaaaaaaaa.... my first group ditched me when I wanted to meet up with another group of friends who were a black and half away. OH NOES. WE HAFTA WALK ANOTHER BLOCK AND A HALF. WHAT WE GONNA DOOS? like geeze. suck it up. so they went back home, and I met with some other friends. we had a good time. then we went to liz's, then megan's. then I was getting a ride home from benches (ex-boyfriend of best friend) and we decided to visit pat's grave. since it was halloween, his favortie holiday. and on the way back, STOPPED BY THE COPS. sheesh. da po po. no one got in trouble or anything, thank good ness. so it was all good and we got back homr safely. and by the way, my costume kicked-ass. I pulled it out of my closet last minute, lawls. PICTURES. meee in meh costume. you can't really see it that well. it's very gothic. black lolita dress, and..gah. I wish I had better pictures. it was so cute. X3 me and my sister. this pic's kinda better. trina was a vampire victim. ahahaaa, don't we look so much alike? XD we're full-blood sisters though. o.o well, that's all I have to say. hope your having a fantastic week. take care!! *hugs* p.s. here's my pink hair pic for headexplody! it's not very good. right up in the morning. =___= I hate when people do that. lol, -

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

bottoms up!

I only got two comments...so I guesss everyone else is kinda like bah screw her now. ;_; well thankyooh zillions to becki and nicole! :3 so yes...I was admitted to first hospital on wed. after loosing control so bad I tried to kill myself by slitting my wrists... the police were called, and an ambulance came a took me to the ER where I was patched up, and of course, sent to the psych ward. there they evalulated me and sent me to first hospital adolescent center. I don't think of this as a step backward though. it was sort of a step forward, because I did end up getting the help I needed badly. my moods were too out of control for me to handle. and now I have new pills for bipolar 1 and major depression. they make me really tired and spacey, but my docter said it would go away soon. @_@ anyway, the expeirence at the hospital was interesting. I made two friends whom I'll be in contact for hopefully a long long time. we really helped eachother through, even though I ended up getting out before them. but I'm hanging out with the one named brittany this friday. ^_^ so, it was basic mental hospital stuff. no sharp objects, ect. if you've ever read the book cut, it was just about exactly like that, except no smoking. if you haven't read that book, I suggest you do, it's a fantastic read. group therapy and ot really were good. it's like....such an unexplainable experience, mostly because the illnesses I have are difficult to truly explain. but everything about the hospital was good for me. and I'll never forget it. so basically, life has been really ridiculous latley. but things are getting better. I kept a sort of journal type thing when I was there, and if you want, I can type it up here day by day. I only wrote every other day though. it really is interesting to read...I mean....there's nothing like spending time at a loony bin. ahahaaa, yeah. but if you don't really care then just say so and I won't put it up, lol. well I hafta go now, I have lots of homework to do.... but that's another good thing. I've been in school 3 days in a row(*self fives*) and I'm caring about my school work more, so I'll most likely pass my first semester now. because my teachers are taking notice of my changed behavior. ^____^ so, I hope you're all doing fabulous. X3 and have an awesome day!! **giant super humongo hugs** I'm off to visit sites now! (lol, finally!)

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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

hey guys ;;

hey guys. I've been gone for a ridiculously long time. and I'm really honestly sorry about that. I have a really long story as to why I was gone, and where I was. but I have a huge headache, and looking at the screen is making my eyes hurt. but I swear I'll tell later. I have ALOT to write about. trust me. summary, I was in a mental hospital for 5 days. I just got back last night, but the new meds I got make me really tired and spacey. so I need to lay down, a.s.a.p. I swear I'll be back tomorow or even tonight. but most likely tomorow...sorry. I love you all to peices! I'll visit sites when I get back on. ugh...I really feel horrible about leaving for so long. and you don't know how much I've missed you all! DX *humongo hugs* bye bye for now!! *dissapears in purple smoke cloud*

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

zomg zombies

hokay, I have this habbit of saying what I'm doing in the days to come in my posts. so what happened this weeked/rest of the week is in my last post. -___- oh, but I finished my leaf project. 3rd period the day it was due. I made up some names for the leaves I couldn't identify...ahahaaa, it was basically fantastic. yeah...I'm tired. and sore. and pissed. again, lawls. we went down 10 ranks in TOB. jeesusflippinchrist that sucks. I changed my site :3 it's all like...rawr! ahahaaaa....>> finally get to watch the second death note movie though. AWESOME. :3 gosh. I love teh intarwebs so much. X3 HUNGREH. so how bout, alot of my guy friends think I'm such a noob. lol, seriously, I know I'm kinda slow, but I understand alot of things at the same time. I'm not typically a girl, which is completley fine with me, but they all think the only things I know about are hair products and make-ups. which is so not true! >_< they'll be talking about something like bit torrents, and I make a comment, they say, "do you even know what we're talking about?" OBVIOUSLY I do if I can comment about it, but they're all like, "don't worry about it Becki, it's complicated." and then do that whole 'why don't you go play with your dollies' kind of gesture. DX< just because I look like a girl, doesn't mean I'm like all of them. it's not even like I spend hours on how I look in the morning or anything. so yesterday, I go to one of them, "why do you always asume I don't know anything about technical stuff? because I'm a girl?!" you know what he said? he goes.."well...yeah. it's really weird to think otherwise." infuriating. *throws keyboard at wall* I dun wanna go to shool tomorow...-___- I've been doins arts alot lately. which is good. this one class I've been forced to take, printmaking, is so hard. it's not so much hard as it is..IONNO.. there's just something about it that's so frustrating for me! >.<; ahahaa, all we basically hafta do is make prints on paper with ink. bahahaa, I'm so lame. it's like I'm missing something! like there's this trick to it that I just over looked, because really, the process is extremely simple, but all of my products look icky! baaaaaaaaaaaah, so strange. XD it's not even a full credit class, just a quarter. lawls. so. I basically think that's it. there was just about nothing about anything in this post...lawls. >>' hokays! I go bai bai's now. :3 have a FANTASTIC week/rest of your weekend. :3 I deffintley shall be back soon! taake caaare! DN OCT. 20TH LESS-THAN-A FLIPPIN-WEEK! *flips out* XD

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Tuesday, October 9, 2007

watched the first live-action DN movie. f'in WICKED.

daym. up yours tuesday! whhhhyyyy?! damn school. damn leaf project I didn't do. damn art project I didn't finish. damn sleep I didn't get tonight. DAMN PEOPLE WANTING ME TO CONVERSE WITH THEM. yes...this weekend...I was around people...so..much...I was about to take my shoes off and flip the fuck out. >___< I'm not a fan of being with my peers/friends from 9 a.m. till midnight TWO DAYS IN A ROW. yes. tis the life of WA band. my legs are hurting too. they're still sore >.< and I dun even march..haaaa... anywho, I love my friends and all, but they get so....tiresome? like...too much of a good thing, y'kno? it happens in school too, there'll be someone who talks to me eeeveryday, for entiiire periods, and my soul is vomiting on the inside. XD that's why I like my friend joelle so much. she doesn't talk to me like she'll die if I don't respond or something. -.- we're placed 22nd on the alantic coast. go band. woot.... I have so much shit to do. not even funny anymore. I hafta paint this mural for my YMCA with megs, that's gonna take FOREVER. I just got house head for my drama club, I hafta work on my oown portfolio and essay for govna' school, do band which is devouring my soul, and remain friends with people. >____< and worst, I have to go to school. and pass, so I can even be eligible for gov. school. -______- *cries in emo corner* and of course....the one friday I've had off in a long time...I'm going to gravestone manor with people, then to the twist. then to sleep over megs and have a damn good time. *wink* haaaa. I neeeed to chill the frick out. I'll make sure it's the onlt night I don't work on something important. I SWEARS IT TO MI. gosh. I'm so bummed latley. not like..depressed bummed, but just..mello and like, what's the point? you know? even though I know there's a hell of a point. I really don't want to go to school in...2 1/2 hours. I probally wouldn't if I went thursday...but I didn't.....I hate missing school. so. damn. much. and I hate the fact people, including my friends, think I'm just being a lazy, arogant bitch. I remember last year, it got to me so bad, that I hadda kinda flip out on them...;; gods. I'm getting sick of how my site looks. and my intro is old and needs to be updated. big time. okay. so I'll sleep, 1st,2nd,3srd, and maybe a little in fourth...then sleep 6th, 7th, and maybe 8th. DAMMIT. SHIT. POOOOOP. I totally just reminded myself I have a watercolor due eight period today. fan-freaking-tastic. I guess I hafta do that or something.....craaaaaaap....I really wanna get in some sleeeep.... man. sorry for the queer crappy emo-licious post. hope I didn't kill too many braincells. take caare everybodies....hopefully tomorow or sometime I'll be in a better mood. -3- *hugs hugs hugs* DN OCT. 20TH.

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Tuesday, October 2, 2007

WELL SO IS YOUR FACE.

ZOMGWTFHAY. so this week....is........busyashell. seriously. I have like an hour till I hafta do something. and it's already been 45 minutes of it DX sososoooo....yesterday was such a hectic day at school...it was terrible. ms. Riley told me I can't compete in districts. like wtf is that. I've been playing for 5 years, and have been in concert band for 3. I know I could kick major ass, but noooo, I didn't take heer class, so it's a no go. I'm so angry. and upset. at the end of eigth period I ended up in hysterics in my art teachers room. she calmed me down though...she's so smart. and really an awesome person. she's also my mentor for senior projects, which is great. she also told me that the rest of high school is going to be hell for me...just like it was for her. but she said I just had to survive and keep my goal in mind. so. I really really appreciate all your opinions. I've decided to not quit school. instead I'm going to try and get into this program that allows kids to only go to school part-time, and then take college night classes. so yeah. lotsa stuff to figure out ahead. anyway, after school megan came over and we watched ghost ship. ._o crazy movie. but it was so wicked! lawls, the ending was just like, OMFG. NO WAY. ahahaaaa then I hadda go to practice, where I hadda learn a new part, including this 8 measure run, that's a pain in the butt. haaaaaaa...and it was COLD. FREEZING. I was wearing SWEATPANTS, but my legs were numb from cold!! and I was wearing my jacket aand tyler's hoodie, BUT STILL FREEZING. >_< at least it wasn't an inferno anymore...ahahahaaa XD so anywhooo....I hafta finish this art project thing. not for school,(of course not..-___-) but something I started...and then wed. is HUGE TEST DAY at school. then thursday is practice again, an hour early after school, where I hafta get parts four and five down. after that me, megan, joe, nick, and tyler are going to FINALLY see resident evil. EBIL. YESH. the last showing since the theater here stops showing at 10:30..>_< theeeeeeeen I'm sleeping over megan's, and we hafta go to practice AGAIN at 11:30 on friday.(no school at least. act 80 day. wewt.) then there's the game that night at walliamsport(that's like an hour and a half away! DDX) not gonna get home till late....=____= AND OF COURSE, THE NEXT DAY we hafta wake up EARLY for practice AGAIN, before the competition at 2. and we're not gonna get home till late...AGAIN. >_______< I am pretty nerous for the competition though. we hafta do good to get back up in the ratings thing. (we were eleventh before this week, where since we didn't compete were 30th) boooooooo...... isn't that really sucky? I mean GEEZE. so sorry if I'm not around as much this week...;-; so how are you guys? DEATH NOTE OCTOBER 20TH. oh. and I'm downloading the live-action first movie right now. XD I'm so hardcore. laaawls. I can't wait till it's done XDDDDDDDD *HIGH FIVES* random..... KAYTHXBAI! *hugss*

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

MSI will turn you wicked gay. stupid song isn't the full one. just realized it. DX

*sigh* okay, so you know how I was posta see that resident evil movie? well I didn't. booooooo... we got home from the game too late...theater was CLOSED. so instead we went to the Twist. the Twist is a 16 and over club. it's acctually a gay club...but straight people go there too. lawls. it was quite a bit a fun *techno beat*:3 we left around 2? I don't remember. *throws glow sticks in your face* lol. anywhooo...then the next day was the competition. we're officially 11th in our chapter. which is out of like 50 bands....so yay us! yeah, and the worst thing happened. MY GLASSES BROKED. *cries* snapped right in half. ;3; so I gots contacts now...whoopie... *rubs eyes* flipping 5 in the morning. school in 2 hours. yeah...so I think I'm going to quit school. I'll get my G.E.D and the take college art classes at LCC. and when I turn 17 I'm going to enter the national gaurd reserve. that way I can get monies for college and go to university of art in philidelphia. I know that's really drastic. but I really can't be in school. I have no use for any of my classes. and it's not just like...'ugh I'm never going to use algebra!' I took all those basic classes. the next two years are just extras. because at wyoming area they expect you to become chemists, pharmasists, nurses or doctors. or go to school for sports. something to do with math or science. and it's frustrating. I want to go to school for art. I want to learn about art so bad. sometimes it's really unbearable. our art program SUCKS. like really....the school gives no money to it. I'm learning just about nothing in my art classes. and I mean....I'm one of the top ten artists in my area. sure, I have ALOT to learn. but I can do realism painting like no ones business. and I can do other things too....my portfolio on here is just for fun. I don't draw manga and anime much anymore....it's not my thing. but anyway...at LCC I can acctually learn things...even if I don't get to "walk across the stage" or in my schools case, the front of a football field. oh well...I can deal with that. I know it's a huge deal for some people...but school is really unbearable. and I qualify for taking my G.E.D.s at 16 because of my mental 'issues' or whatever. which makes school even worse anyway. it's hard to go to school everyday when you have MDD and BPD. I'm missing like 2 days a week already...and it's only been like 6 weeks of school. sorry for the long post. I just needed to get that down. if you don't mind...I'd aprreciate feedback on my idea...I mean..it's not a deffinate choice...but it's getting there. have a fantastic daay~! *love love love* lawls. MSI will turn you wicked gay. X3 baaii~~~~~

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

OH NOES.

AUGH. MY COMPUTER WENT DEDS. TTATT It was all like MUAHAHAA NO INTERNETS CONNECTION!! and I was all like OH NOES! ;3; I sorries so today it's fiiiinally fixed. I'm very excited. because I missed it SO much! lol, as sad as it is I need the internets and theO!!! XD SO I'm off to visit all your sites FINAALLYYY. Imma do it right now!! be back latteeerr...ciao! p.s. I enjoyed your comments from my last post so much! XD they were very amusing, ahahaaaa

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