Saturday, December 8, 2007

   im being lazy today...don't like it? LIVE WITH IT! jkXD
Okay a friend sent this to me and i've never been soo proud to be a blonde^^
Warning: it is Very LONG!! and if u want to comment, jsut pm me^^ thnx!
>A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the
6
>o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn
Bridge.
>The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead
>replied, "I'll take that bet!"
>
>Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50
she
>owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The
blonde
>said, "No. A bet's a bet."
>
>So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5

>o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
>
>The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump
again!"
>
>
>
>This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the
blonde
>jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to
show
>her husband that blondes really are smart.
>
>While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a
>couple of rooms in the house.
>
>The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down
to the
>task at hand.
>
>Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of
>paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor
>in a pool of sweat.
>
>He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same

>time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
>
>She replies, "Yes."
>
>He asks what she is doing.
>
>She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women
are
>dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
>
>He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.
>
>She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and
they
>said, "For best results, put on two coats."
>
>Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
>Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door
open, but
>they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to
catch
>her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to
rain
>and the top is down."
>
>A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body
hurts
>wherever she touches it.
>
>"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
>
>She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She
pushes
>her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
>
>The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
>
>She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
>
>"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
>
>Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles
with
>the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them
on
>the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your
fishing
>licenses."
>
>"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.
>
>"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the
Game
>Warden.
>
>"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all
have
>magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the
bottom
>of the river."
>
>The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were
>horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no
law
>against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And
with
>that, he left.
>
>As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started

>laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said
to
>the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this

>river?"
>
>A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter
hobby.
>She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice
>fishing.
>
>For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the
field.
>Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice

>fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and
>equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its
own
>special place in her kit.
>
>When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her
padded
>stool and carefully laid out her tools.
>
>Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming
voice
>from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
>
>Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further
along the
>ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a
new
>hole.
>
>Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the
ice!!"
>
>Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was
not
>covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the
far
>side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain
her
>calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up
perfectly--tools
>in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to
cut
>this new hole, the voice came again.
>
>"There are no fish under the ice!!"
>
>Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
>
>The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
>
>A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad
>hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to
>the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to
>have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe

>really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
>
>So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
>blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little
>harder, and still nothing happened.
>
>Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you
doing?" The
>first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow
into the
>tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
>
>Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta
roll
>up the windows!!!
>
>Sorry for such a long email but I copied and pasted all of the jokes I

>liked and wanted to share.


Comments (2)