Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Gravity Prevails
I feel awfully guilty.
I feel like a hypocrite.
And I feel like a selfish adult.

Grand, isn't it?

My first true feeling of being a "grown up" is a bad one.

Having taken a few classes on Child Development (strictly for the credits, it seems) I, for some reason, have a tendency of picking out things I see parents doing 'wrong' in raising their children.

It's not that I ever think I can make a better parent; "God" knows I'd suck terribly at that, but I guess I just question, "Why on Earth are they doing that?"

I also have a habit of wondering how small things we do now will affect kids later in their lives. I really don't know why. You all know I'm not even fond of children. I guess it's because I'm usually wondering about what made me the way I am today.

But the other day, when I was baby-sitting Tyler, I found myself going on about how some kid in Sacramento--sadly an acquaintance of my sister's--got wasted and was skateboarding on top of a ten-story building downtown with her friends. Apparently, the genius thought, "Hey, my balance is off. maybe I should sit on the railing."

[one] Railings are there to prevent accidents. And
[two] Who skateboards on top of a building?

I don't need to explain what happened after that. And I'm sure I sound pretty harsh but I can't feel sympathy for people who do these things to themselves.

But back to my point, I can't believe I was even talking about it--I can't believe I'm talking about it now--but Tyler was the only person around and honestly a lot of the times I forget he's just a kid. :/

Afterwards he looked really bothered by the story and I remembered instead of telling kids about the plague of "dumb" that has overtaken the world, I should be making them believe we're surrounded by nothing but sunshine and rainbows.

And this is where the guilt and everything else set in. I'm not sure what I was thinking.

I almost want to blame it on how I was raised. One of my earliest memories is of my mother telling me, "Don't believe boys when they tell you they love you. They will say anything to get you in bed with them and then they will leave." I was seven and I had only gone to her to ask about a tooth that was bothering me.

:)

But I know that's no reason for me to be so terrible with kids.

I guess Justin helped out on this one, though. He spent half the week with me and Tyler and the kid is going home a (very spoiled) happy camper.

(And)

Cota, I was wrong.
Money does = love.
Tyler seems to like Justin more than me right now.
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