Monday, November 12, 2007

College worries
1) I was at another overnight visit from Thursday night to Saturday for Multicultural weekend. Regarding racial issues, it was surprisingly enlightening in ways I won't care to explain here, although less fun than the Kenyon visit if not just because my host wasn't a fellow fangirl.

Though what made the overall experience far less enjoyable was, throughout almost all of Saturday I was on my college soapbox pointlessly worrying about admissions and spending every available minute weighing schools in my head or wondering if I should really apply to so-and-so school if I don't think I have a good shot of getting in or if I really want to kill myself writing application essays for a million different schools. All of which I realize I've been thinking about far too often in the past week, but the average student of almost all of the colleges I'm applying to seem to be the "I never get anything below a B" types, a category I just don't fit into. But I'm not a flat-out bad student (in my defense, I go to an unusually difficult school) and I seem to fit the profile in virtually every other way, which leaves me in this horrible rut of confusion as to what my chances really are.

After spending a freaking hour Saturday night mulling over everything at the school's library, I finally managed to sort some of this out, and since then have tried to relax a little. Although the obsessive worry is definitely still there. I fucking wish it were April already. :(

2) Nowadays, I often hear my classmates say how they're "so sick of high school" and have been "daydreaming about going to college ever since the school year started." Which makes me think I'm the only person in my whole class who is a little terrified of leaving home and adapting to dorm life and just college in general.

I suppose I'm heavily influenced by all of the college horror stories I've been hearing as of late, particularly from LJ users, about how they're slowly dying under their work load or how they've sometimes studied for a test longer than the hours I sleep in a day or how often they stay up studying until their library's 2 AM closing hour. Not that the prospect of staying up past midnight doing homework is new to me; hell I did it just last night, but being forewarned of such things is STILL SCARY DAMNIT.

That, and I'm scared of not making many friends. Which I know is normal, but the schools I'm more likely to attend are small, and I know what it's like to not have any close friends at a small school. And it's something I don't want to relive.

3) Smaller and more trivial than the previous points, but I like how, according to both the SATs and ACTs, my worst academic area by far is writing. I might not be able to fill up two pages in forty minutes, but that doesn't automatically make me a failure as a writer. Screw you too, standardized testing. :(

Okay, enough of my crap. Thank God for fandom; I think I would explode without something to distract me from all this while at home. This alone made my whole weekend brighter:


When the baby cried, Joongie sung to her. Seriously. This is such a Daddy & Mommy moment that I just. Can barely handle it. (o_o)
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