Sunday, November 27, 2005

Sleep? What's that for, again?
Gah. Sleeping issues once again. Homework issues once again, as well.

It's not that I don't want sleep. I just don't want to sleep.

I mean....I want rest. I want to lay down in my comfy bed in my room with my space heater.

But....I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to get up from the computer, go upstairs, and fall asleep.

I'm thinking I feel that way because....I don't want to wake up to tomorrow. =/

My unfinished homework is nothing to worry about. I can finish it in Off tomorrow with no problem. And, it's not as if I'm afraid of going to school tomorrow.

Aaaaaand. Crap. Parents are home. Peeeerfect timing, as usual. :p

Meh. See y'all later. ~_^
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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Ben + Matt = BATTMEN!
Yeah, so. I know Matt all too well, it seems. See, he'll come up with completely random codenames for his 'operations,' or things he plans on doing.

Here's some of a conversation we've had tonight involving some of those code names, and my uncanny ability to translate them.


Matlock756: Ooooh, I thought of a good operation name.

Legoboy1: W00t

Legoboy1: Let's see if I can guess it. :p

Matlock756: Technically Jihadistic Homeless Maggot Infested Laughing Hyena.:P

Legoboy1: Tell Jill How Much I Love/Like Her

Matlock756: Die, Ben.:p

Matlock756: Just... die.:P

Legoboy1: XD!

Matlock756: You...

Matlock756: Gah.:p

Legoboy1: *victory dance*

Matlock756: I hate you.:p

Matlock756: Ok, you won't get this.

Matlock756: Mechanically Agile Nematodic Telepathic Bungee Cord Guitar.

Legoboy1: *snicker*

Legoboy1: Gooooood one. :P

Matlock756: Dammit...

Legoboy1: Make A Name That Ben Can't Get.

Matlock756: No! It's... Mark a night that... Bob... can... um... Goat!

Legoboy1: I should so be on Wheel of Fortune. :P

Matlock756: Heh.

*later on*

Matlock756: Buoyant Narcoleptic Torontonian... Yuppie.

Legoboy1: Ben needs to....yeah.

Legoboy1: ?

Matlock756: O_O

Legoboy1: I got it? :p

Matlock756: Gothic Alphabet.

Legoboy1: God Almighty.

Matlock756: GO AWAY.:P

Legoboy1: Shucks. Missed one. :p

Matlock756: Hehehe

Matlock756: Seriously, get out of my brain.:P

Matlock756: How... Gah!:P





Awwwww, man. I love Matt. =P
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Thursday, November 17, 2005

   Good to have friends.
The Dress Rehearsal went all right, as did the performance this morning. It bodes well for the shows tomorrow and Saturday. I'm actually looking forward to them. I'm nervously apprehensive, still, but....whatever. That's normal.

I'm really tired. Late nights after rehearsals, and just the emotional drain of acting each time. I'm extremely grateful for an evening off. Hopefully I can get to bed early tonight.....

Anyway. There was one issue I really wanted to get out in the open, because it's been eating at me from the inside, and I couldn't think of anybody I trusted enough to talk with about it. It brought me here.

I did manage to talk to Matt about it, though. That was good. He actually knows the other person involved, so it wasn't as hard to relate as I thought it'd be. That, and Matt and I are "tight." We're great friends, brought together by the world, really. Everybody gets us mixed up, even after four years of school, we've got a bunch of similar interests, friends, yeah. Whatever. Matt and I are best buds. So I told him about it.

But enough beating around the bush! To the matter at hand!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned my friend Megan here before, or if you'd remember me mentioning her even if I had. Well, she went to Saint Bernard's for her Freshman and Sophomore years, and did fencing and drama with me for some of that time. Apparently she also took a very strong liking to me, which I found out about....oh.....I don't know.....last year, maybe?

Well, now she goes to another school. Waterford High School. A public school. Her Homecoming was last weekend, and she invited me to go as her date. We hadn't seen each other for about three months, the last time being at a walk-for-cancer that she invited me to over the summer. I might have mentioned it.

But what I know I didn't mention is this: When I went to leave, it was late at night, and she'd walked over to my mom's car with me. Nobody around, dark out. Put simply, she seduced me, and we kissed. Several times.

Go Ben!....? Eh. I don't know. I was pretty thrilled to have my first kiss, but....I didn't have any desire to pursue any sort of relationship with Megan, past friendship. I guess I didn't make that very clear....

So, she invited me to her Homecoming, and I assented to going. Afterward I made a bit fuss about it with my friends who knew her, because they know how eccentric she can be. I got all sorts of pity. (These friends, mind you, have no idea that Megan and I ever kissed.)

So we go out to dinner with a friend of hers, nothing special there....blah, blah, blah, we get to the dance. And that's when things start to get.....personal, I guess.

You know how a lot of American teenagers dance. Hip-to-hip, rocking to the music. Well, I don't do that. I'd just be embarrassed to do that in front of people I knew.

Yeah, well. There was nobody at Waterford I really knew, besides my date. I danced. A lot. In that hip-to-hip grinding sort of dance. And well....it wasn't a bad thing, because nobody was there whose opinion mattered to me, really. I feel sort of uncomfortable about it now, and I'm sure I'd never do it at any of my school dances, and doubtless with any of my girl friends.

So there I was, dancing in what I generally see as an improper manner. All sorts of my inhibitions were lowered then. I was tired, relaxed, and generally not worrying about repercussions. Megan's arms were around my neck. She leaned up, and pulled down.

We kissed.

*twitch*

Being kissed (or kissing, I guess) is an enjoyable thing, in my opinion. It happened again, and again, and again, over the course of the night. I wasn't really thinking about what it could mean. I was just having a good time at the dance.

So, shortly after we kissed once, she asked: "So, does this mean you like me like me?"

I did a mental backflip at about that point. Her question wasn't really a question.

"Maybe." I managed to say in my most mysterious manner.

I have no intention of pursuing any sort of serious relationship with Megan, nor have I ever had one. It was then that I realized, pretty much, that I was totally getting her hopes up. She thought for sure that I liked her and wanted to go out with her.

But....she was wrong with her assumption. *le sigh*

So, there's the bit of a dilemma. I'm a sucker for kissing. (As in, I like it; it's a weak spot of mine, etc. Not...anything else. :p) The reason I kissed her is because I liked kissing her. Not because I liked her. Not the way she wants me to, anyway.

And....gah.

That's most of it, I guess.

What I've done is pretty much solidify her belief that I really do like her, when in fact I'd be perfectly content never to see her again.

Stupid, stupid me. I feel weak. =/

I'd very much like to talk to her in person (I can't imagine telling anybody something like this by phone) but I can't think of a means of getting together without making it seem like a date or something.

And....yeah. I'll be seeing her soon. Waterford goes to a goodly number of fencing competitions that SBHS does as well. And I really don't trust her discretion on the matter. I mean, what reason does she have to be discrete? We made out in front of practically her whole school at Homecoming, why would she think I wouldn't tell people at my school?

Gah. Again.

I might end up pulling her aside at a competition sometime and setting things straight. But until then, well.....I'll continue to tell my story. It's getting easier each time, and I feel better each time it's told.

Thanks for reading. =)

Feel free to comment/PM/AIM/whatever. I miss you guys, and feel like talking about stuff. ^_^

-Ben
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

   Fool
Neil Simon's Fools.

Dress Rehearsal tomorrow.

Playing Thursday morning. (Miss classes, whoo!)

Playing Friday and Saturday nights at 7:30. 5:30 Call each night.

Day 2 of Hell Week under my belt, and already I'm exhausted.


And...yeah. I really need to get something off my chest. Hopefully I can do that here soon. It's funny, because I feel more comfortable thinking about talking about it here than where my friends from school can read it.

Ah well. We'll see. ;)

Bleh. Tired. :p
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Sunday, August 28, 2005

Organize your rabid socks, maidens.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here's the situation.

I have over 100 pages left to read in Tess of D'Urbervilles, which, those of you who have read it will know, is not a particularly easy read.

I have to read Obasan, another 300ish pages. Not as difficult a read, I don't think.

I have to read Waiting for Godot, a short play that I have no idea about its content.

I have to read The Old Man and the Sea, my mercifully short second "self-selected work."

I have to have all of these read, and reflected upon in written form, by Thursday (Wednesday, maybe?).

It is now 3:30PM on Sunday as I write this. I'm working tomorrow from 9-1. I'm working on Tuesday 1-5. I have school on Wednesday, and work from 3-6.

Place your bets, ladies and gentleman. The race is on.
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Friday, August 26, 2005

Worry not, for I am Zerg!
I've gotten into the habit of making random titles. You get used to it after a while. :P

I've been updating my xanga pretty constantly from work, so until such a time that I get settled back into here, you can find updates on met at www.xanga.com/benbo_baggins

Or you can pine away here waiting for an update. Or both. Or neither. Or something.

I have to work tomorrow....



Expect an update.
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Thursday, August 18, 2005

Wasting away in the dark.....

I need sleep.
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Thursday, July 7, 2005

   YAY-FOR-MINOR-VILLAIN-I'D-NEVER-EVEN-CONSIDERED!
SCARECROW!

0_0

SCARECROW!!!!!!!11!111!!11!!!!!!

I went and saw Batman Begins and War of the Worlds. Batman was okay, and I enjoyed myself poking fun at War of the Worlds.

Just thought I'd give a quick update while I'm on my break. Now, back to work. =/

Laterz. <3
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Saturday, July 2, 2005

   Day Two...?

Mimmi: *hugs back*

*takes a bow*

Forever and for always. ;)

Shinmaru: That's the idea. Remembrence of Digimon. I don't care whether or not the memory annoys people. :P

Lady Lea: You'll get over it eventually. ^_^

DDG: Yay for another appreciative commenter! :D *high fives DDG* I seriously could probably sing a good portion of this song from memory. It's just....catchy. ^_^

Anywho. Today's cleaning day for my family. My dad only had work this morning, my mom's off, and I'm off. I've been playing WoW most of the morning, a testament to how well we all stick to plans. ;p

My cousin's bugging me about who I went to Prom with, and I just can't understand on why she wants my date's name. There's no possible way she could know who the person is, so what is the significance of the girl's name? *rolls eyes*

I spent most of this week divided between work at the library and a church program called Vacation Bible School. I acted in a few skits (Once as a doubter named Eleazar and twice as St. Peter.) 'Twas fun, and I received copious amounts of compliments on my acting. Compliments...to the degree that the other actors were complimented almost as afterthoughts.... *ahem*

One of the other volunteers said that I almost made her cry. ^_^;;

It was a fun week. A couple of my Freshman friends from Youth Group were there all week, and we had a good time hanging out and playing our various roles in the marketplace.

But then, of course, on the one day that I'm not down there, Jake and Victoria decide to go out with each other. *rolls eyes* I always miss out on things like this. Towards the beginning of the week I'd been getting better at being around for them and talking about them, but.....gah.....THE ONE DAY. U_U

So, Victoria has a boyfriend now. That's cool. Hope she and Jake...um....enjoy it? o_0'

I didn't want to say "I hope they're happy" because to me that's too easily taken as sounding spiteful. Which I'm not. Really.

And now I sound like I'm getting defensive about not being spiteful because Victoria has a boyfriend. x_x w00t!

The library has an opening for a Page, and four people I knew showed up for the test on alphabetical/numerical/Dewey Decimal order. Two were in my eighth grade class: Joe and Patti. Joe was one of my good friends for a while, but we've since....not talked, I don't think. :P Patti's one of the sweetest girls I know (not in the sense that I like her, she's just a nice person) Another was Anastasia, a fellow Drama person from St. Bernard's who I rode with on the bus all the time. And the fourth person was Christina, who's been spending increasingly more time at the library as a result of her mom's work schedule.

It'd be neat if any one of those four were to get the job. I'd have someone there that I actually know well, and there'd be another person my age there who I don't inexplicably loathe. (RE: Josh)

And I'm freezing, by the way. This air conditioner really doesn't need to be on 'High.' >_> *click*

Mmm....my dad will be home soon, and supposedly when he returns is when we're really going to get cleaning. So, I'd best be off. It was nice to post once again and receive such wonderful comments. ^_^

Even if two of them were annoyed. ^_^
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Friday, July 1, 2005

DIGIMON 4-EVER!
Song: Hey Digimon

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Monster Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Ultimate Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World

Seven Young Kids Go To Camp For The Summer,
Wind up Living in a Digital Land.
Where Everybody Gets to Meet its Own Digi-Monster
A Digital Companion, A Digital Friend
A Digimon In-Training will Digivolve to Rookie,
and Digivolve to Champion and Ultimate, too.
I'm Going to save the Digital World for Me.
I'm Going to save the Digital World for You.

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Monster Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World.

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Ultimate Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World.

The Digiworld is Safe In The Digimon's Hands.
What A Rookie Can't Do, A Champion can!
When A Digimon Fights and a Digimon Wins,
The Digimon Finds the Strength Within
A Digimon is aways gonna be your friend
A Digimon is gonna be there till the end
And everyone knows when things goes wrong
That's when a digimon is gonna be strong

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Monster Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Ultimate Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World.

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Monsters Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World.

Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Ultimate Friends to the Boys and Girls
Hey Digimon, Hey Digimon!
Champions of the Digital World.
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