Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Musing
Solo will be back tomorrow, but because of the time difference, that would make his return be today, to me.

Or something.
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Monday, June 14, 2004

Minority Report = Cool Movie
It's 3:46PM. The appraiser came in around 12, and left within ten minutes. About four days' worth of work put into a house, and it gets a ten minute glance. We had better damn well get the money we deserve.

Eh. I'm cranky. I haven't gotten enough sleep, and I was forced to work upon waking up today. I've decided not to take a nap today, as that would only upset my sleeping patterns further. Rather, I'm hoping that the lack of sleep and excess of work combined may be enough to knock me out early tonight.

I just finished watching Minority Report. I liked it. It was pretty creepy sometimes, but I get a charge out of things like that. Yay, natural responses!

I worked on one of my old fanfics late last night and today, before I watched Minority Report.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

THE CUBONE STORY RETURNS! (again!)

Yep. I'm working on my old Pokemon fanfic. I found a chapter that I had written up after I had stopped constant work on the story. So, I'm typing that up, as well as editing the old stuff a little bit. I'd really like to leave the story intact, but I thought I'd put a bit more description into it.

I think it was Leh, actually, who once said it was rather bland. I agreed with him, but I would never have admitted it. :p

I'll probably be posting it up on OB at some point (for the third time) so that everybody can check it out.

That's about it.

Everybody say "WAZOO!"









Or not.




EDIT: Hey hey, I was right. I reached across my bed to get my Ender's Game book and I was drawn irresistibly into a brief nap.

I had figured I could just grab the book without any problem. I mean, I had determined that I was going to stay awake, right?

Wrong. Within moments, I was reasoning that another couple of seconds on the bed would not matter. That I could close my eyes for a moment and then reopen them on command.

Pfft. Sleep was mine.
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   So tired...haven't slept in days....
Okay, so the subject line isn't true. I have slept th past few nights...er...mornings. I've been getting to bed at 1-2 in the morning. And, since our house is going to be reassessed today, I've had to get up before I'd like to, so I can go around and fix up the house before the appraiser arrives at 12:00.

I'm very, very tired right now. I got to bed after 2:00 this morning, and here it is at 8:50 and I've been up for half an hour. There's nothing I'd like better than to just flop on my bed (or my rug, for that matter) and just fall asleep in its soft goodness. >_>;

I'm afraid to make my bed, heh. The softness of my rug on my bare feet is tantalizing enough. If I were to actually touch a pillow or my blanket, pffft, I'm gone.

*cocks ear to listen*

Bah. Back to work. v_v

EDIT: Could 12:00 come any sooner? ;_;
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Saturday, June 12, 2004

Yay, stole a survey.
Basics
Name:: Ben

Age:: 15

Height:: *shrug* The upper reaches of five feet-something.

Hair Color:: Brown

Eye Color:: Brown

School Life

What's your school's mascot?: A St. Bernard

School color(s)?: Red and Gray

G.P.A.?: I've never been able to riddle this system out.

Who is your favorite teacher?: Mr. Ayres

What do they teach?: French

Is this your favorite class?: Good heavens, no.

Internet

Do you use any instant messengers?: Yep.

If so, which ones?: AIM

About how many hours a day do you spend online?: Oh, far too many. Depending on the day, it can either be 2-3 or 5-6 even. Maybe more, I don't pay much attention. -.-

Do you have a digital camera?: Yeah. I've never used it, though.

If so, do you post pictures of yourself online?: Not a single one.

Music

Do you play any instruments?: No.

If so, what one(s)?: N/A

3 Favorite Genres Of Music:: Umm...Pop, Rock, Oldies?

3 Favorite Bands:: The Beetles are cool.

Do you go to concerts and/or shows?: No.

Word Association

Blue: Water

Camera: Small

Boy: Girl

Pretty: Christina

Pants: Pockets

Music: Metal

God: There

Sweater: Comfort

Live Journal: Dead Journal

MTV: Eh

Labels

Do you think labels are dumb?: Yes. Fun, though.

Why or why not?: Because I know how much it can suck. Then again, trying to classify people gives me something to do in the hallways.

What do people label you as?: Ben.

How/Why did you get this label?: Because none of the others fit my uniqueness.

Which Is Worse?

Physical Pain/Emotional Pain?: Emotional. It's not as easy to get rid of.

Blink-182/Good Charlotte?: With my taste in music? I probably like them. :p

Being Deaf/Being Blind?: From birth, or mid-life?

Being Bored/Rushing around because you have too much to do?: Rushing. Stress is a cruel master.

Losing your dominant leg/Losing your dominant arm?: Arm. I can't write worth crap with my left hand.

Love

Do you believe there's a difference between "love" and "in love"?: Yes.

Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?: I'm still trying to figure this one out.

Are you romantic?: I can be, I think.

Are you in a relationship now?: Good question.

If so, for how long?: If so? About a year.

What song describes your love life right now?: Something about looking for love.

Ranomosity

War - Good or Bad?: It's not as black and white as that.

What do you think of designer labels?: Just as dumb as people labels.

What is it with guys and cars?: I don't know. Maybe some weird control-power-safety blanket-psycho-something-or-other.

Do you sing?: Heh, not very well.

Kiss or hug?: Hug

What color is your room?: Green walls, white ceiling.

How old is your mom?: 37, I think. -.-;;

Black and white or color photos?: Black and white is cool.

Who cuts your hair?: A certified and trained individual, or I'll sue.

What color is your toothbrush?: Purple and white, I think.

What color is your hair brush?: I have no hair brush to call my own. v_v

What kind of hair products do you use?: Shampoo.

Is K-Mart just the poor man's Wal-Mart?: Is Wal-Mart just the rich man's K-Mart?

Are you sexy?: *Rawr* Heh, I'd say "no."

What color to people tells you looks nice on you?: They don't.

What color do you think looks nice on you?: I don't know what looks nice, but I like white, gray, and tan.

Clothes shopping or grocery shopping?: I like grocery shopping better, infinitely so.

Who do you sit with at lunch? It varied. Some days I'd sit with Eric and the Seniors, other days it'd be with my fellow Sophomores; Matt, Tom, Ryan, Luke, and Tim.

Do you like the sound of your own voice when you hear it played back?: No, not really.

Who has the nicest speaking voice that you know?: My dad. EDIT: Mimmi deserves to go here, too; definitely.

What is the website for one of your favorite bands?: I don't have a favorite band, so here's my brother's band's site: http://www.steelreshouse.com/

Do you prefer to date people younger, older, or the same age as you?: Heh, I haven't dated, but I don't think I'd have a preference.

Do you listen to songs on repeat often?: The few that I have available, I play.

Who was the last person you hung out with?: Victoria

What did you and that person do?: We rode rides and wandered about at the Parish Festival.

Do you use internet shorthand (i.e. "lol", "brb", "jk", et cetera)?: I really try to avoid it, but sometimes a good "lol" is required.

Are you a people-pleaser?: I enjoy making people laugh without jettisoning my dignity.

Do you dye your hair regularly?: Never, actually.

What about your eyebrows?: Why would I want to dye just my eyebrows?

Do you wear makeup?: No.

Do you buy CDs edited or unedited?: I don't care enough about music to buy CDs.
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Friday, June 11, 2004

Random, funny, thing
Taken from wrist cutter's MyO:

TOP 10 SIGNS A PERSON IS A JAPANOPHILE

1. They use pseudo-Japanese to people who don't know any Japanese. Talk about embarrassing. You know what I mean. These people are the type who call you a "baka" whenever opportunity knocks, and many times even when it doesn't. They say "kawaii" and other words/phrases they picked up from some website in normal conversation as if everyone understands them and no one does. They have absolutely no knowledge of grammar and can't say a sentence over 1 word long in Japanese, unless it's a set phrase. The biggest offenses:

1a.) "baka" - I'm no master of Japanese connotation, but basically, from what I can tell, this word has two basic uses. One is for little children who call each other idiots because they're idiots. The other time is among older people as a word of shame, in which case "baka" translates into "fool" better than "idiot". So basically, Japanophiles, who usually range in age from 11-29, sound like little kids whenever they use this word.

~~~~~~

Okay, having that said and done, here is an actual Sara quote:

"We're keeping the story, you baka. "

Source: Here.

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Thursday, June 10, 2004

Oy....
I go around to everybody's MyOs and find that I read them all this morning. =/

I need to get to bed earlier. I've been staying up late again. Last night I was up until three, because of how mixed up I was inside.

Thanks for all of the the few comments, they help.

I had a great time at the festival tonight, but it also wiped me out. Details will be posted eventually.

Hey David, you should bring your girlfriend to the festival. ;) You two could have a great time.
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Quickly, Ben, quickly!
I just got back to my house from the festival at Sacred Heart. There's a ride-all-night special, and I plan on making the most of it. I just now came home to change into warmer clothes. *comment on cruddy New England weather*

I bought Victoria a ride-all-night bracelet as a graduation gift, and so she wants me to be there as well.

-_o

I guess I'm not going to Matt's birthday party, after all.

Yes, update later, when I'm not obligated to be somewhere.
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   Stuff I've not been discussing here.
The final paragraph is where you will find the pertinent material.
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Wednesday, June 9, 2004

The Rose
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, it's only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love this song.

It's played at every graduation at my school. As it's played, the graduates all take a rose to their mothers, or another dear, dear, person.
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Sometimes I wish I were different.
(Scroll down, all you people who tend to miss my consecutive posts.)

As the title says, I'd like to be different than I am now.

At the graduation this evening, some of the graduates cried. They were going to miss each other. Victoria cried after reading the card my sister gave her. Then the two of them, both in tears, hugged each other. My sister is going off to college, and Victoria is leaving Sacred Heart.

Sacred Heart was the main thing that connected them. Jess works there, and Victoria went there. Now Jess will be going off to college, and Victoria will be coming to St. Bernard's.

I felt out of place, to say the least.

EDIT: Christina was crying, too. It made conversation uncomfortable.

I don't cry often. The only instances of me crying are in the case of extreme pain, or when some feeling actually penetrates through to my very being. When I cry, it's usually in private. If I get hurt badly by something, and it's not life-threatening, then I'll retreat to some secluded space to cry. I dislike being pitied in those circumstances.

If something depresses me, I'll retreat somewhere. I'll wait until the dark and silence of the night before breaking down finally. Up in my room, closed off from the rest of the world.

Tonight, I wanted to be different. I wanted to know what it was everyone was feeling. I could not feel what they must have been feeling. I had not felt that way at my own graduation, to be sure. Whether or not it was because I didn't like most of my classmates, I don't know.

In many cases, I simply don't comprehend what's happening on the right level. It's as if I didn't realize that I probably wouldn't see those people again, ever. Or at least not nearly as much as I did for the past eleven years. Similarly, when someone I know dies; their death doesn't get to me. I just realize that I won't be seeing them anymore.

It almost hurt to be left out. I say "almost," because I didn't feel anything. I wanted to. I wanted to be a part of it, to cry; to understand what it was they were all worked up about.

But I couldn't.

Going off in a different direction now; I did not go to the graduation reception they held last night. I knew about it, but nobody had told me about it. I was welcome to come; I am a friend to most of the class. But I didn't. I hadn't expressly been invited. I didn't want to intrude.

I knew that I would have been welcome, I knew. I didn't have anything better to do, at all. I just didn't go.

Then, again, tonight. Walking to the beach. I hesitated about going into Par Four. Victoria had expressed that she wanted me there; that I'd be welcome.

I had serious reservations about going. I could have had my parents drive me there. I could have actually sat down and eaten dinner with them, instead of walking down for a glass of water near the end. Instead, I waited. I deliberately let time pass before I asked to leave. I made no mention of the restaurant to my mom. I asked to go to the beach.

People at the restaurant were happy; they were celebrating. I had said my congratulations, I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know what to be happy about.

It's all so hard.

I could do and be and feel so much more if I were different, and it drives me insane to think about it.

Why can't I be different?



Two in the morning. What a time to be writing this sort of thing.
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