Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Loss of words when I ask about our love
She was my white dove
My sun in the sky
But she is all a lie
Tells me that there is no other guy
Shows me a easier way to die
Inside I’m lost
Pain is the cost of a broken heart
That I dream
Sleep is my release
So please kill me
This is all that I need
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Twisted lie, wish I would just fucking die.
Thought you were the one, now I know you were just having fun
Truth revealed with a single kiss
What a way to miss true bliss
I didn’t know, clueless at my demise
Should have look at what was in inside
Now I know how to pass your test
Simply you are like all the rest
Opened my eyes, I’m not afraid to cry
You can see the sky in my eyes
As I fall with my pain
Left with nothing to gain
Only broken trust
As I watch our love fade to rust
Blown away like dust
Over sinful lust


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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Ten and twelve are the numbers of true love.
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Always and Forever I will love you. 10/12 together forever! I love you Jannelle

12515/145121225

I love you babe. Lj
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God hates me. I don’t know what I have left to feel. Is this nightmare real? Show me how to deal with this fucked up life. Cut my wrists and spill the blood that no one will miss. Kiss the dead, why the fuck does everyone want to know what is going on in my head? Hear a lie, speak the truth seal it with a forsaken kiss of tainted bliss. –12515-
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Break my heart. Rip my mind apart with your lies of unspoken bliss. Telling me what I want to here, I don’t know what to do. Is our love true or am I playing the fool. Friendships have turned to rust, no one left to trust. Everyday seems black and white, like an endless fight against myself trying not to die inside. Gone is the only one who knows me. Why? -12515-
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Thursday, February 3, 2005

Here how it goes and I know everyone knows. People have ways to deal with life’s bullshit my way is to drown them out. Everyday I seem to drift away from my own life, I feel so dead but she is the only one that keeps me slipping all the way. Like a rip in my soul I lost all control over my ways. Drugs have taken their toll on my life and right now I thinking what do I have to lose. I have only her but she has been taken away because of something I think is really stupid. No one has any fucking right to judge anyone unless they been there and done it. Lived through it. Problems everywhere I go, I can’t take it anymore, I can’t… Every person I meet always gets drawn to me. They think I know the answers to all their problems. Chantel, Sarah, Ien, Johnny, David all call me there friends but I don’t trust them. I miss who I used to be and I miss being able to go to see the only two friends I ever really wanted. Kyle is leaving in about two or three days from what I hear, I am glad for him. I really am maybe he make it out of this fucked up town. Jannelle, well I still have feelings for her no matter what kind of shit I hear about her. With her there is something that draws me toward her not matter what direction I want to go I cannot seem to find a way past her and I think that is a sign that maybe we were meant to be. She is always in my mind no matter where I am, I stay at some of the lowest places in this town, but what keeps me strong, what helps me hold my head up high is the thought that I will see her soon. God has turned his back but I will not be broken from this world of hate. –12515-
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Always and Forever
I whisper to the moon hoping to see you my love soon. Breathing the night sky my heart cries wanting to die because you are not by my side. Always and forever is my promise to you as long as live I will only love you.

12Always
And
Forever10

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Friday, January 21, 2005

Memories come from a distant touch as I try not to think of my past much. Friendship lost and my love is gone from me. What the fuck is going on? In a blink of an eye, a second slips time and they take all that is mine. It really doesn't matter if the sun never comes up again. All that was good in my life is out of my reach and soon my life will be at its end. What will happen in the months that hold our love? Does she love me enough? Questions are all that I have left as I sit and wait for her. Everyone hurts, everyone has thier own weakness and mine I cannot take anymore.

19/12/14 - 12/10/18 Always and forever
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A shot of lifes sins mixed with heavens curse I laugh to cover up my lost bliss. Hide a lie, hear a tormented cry from a fallen angel that wants to die.
-12515-
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....
See the night sky and ask yourself why you want to die. See you future through the empty bottle and realize how much you are willing to give up to prove your love for her. A kiss from a tainted blade can take care of everything you miss. What the fuck is right in a world of wrong? Show a fake a smile to hide your hurt, laugh a lie to forget why you cry. -12515-

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What I feel.
All out of ways to feel I learn how to deal with lifes everyday bullshit. Ever see someone that reminds you of the one you love? Off track and I don't know my way back to reality, I dream of the day I'll see her again. Away from my heart I try not to completely fall apart and end my life that seems such a mess. last night I remembered all the times we were together. I layed in bed and stared into darkness as I thought to myself "why god hates me so much." He has taken so much from me and now he is trying to take her, what the fuck is up with that. If she goes my life is not worth seeing and I am willing to give into my emotions. I'm not afraid. -12515-
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