Friday, November 24, 2006

You know what fuck the whole damned world.

First off, Happy Birthday Brittany... Yup fuck the world because it sure as hell has screwed me over. People are pissing me off so fucking badly right now it is not even fucking funny. So yea, I'd just like it all to fucking end right now but sadly sure as hell it won't. I know, too bad for you you get the annoyance of me still. First things... some people fucking just say they want to do shit then when I try and do it they don't want to all the sudden anymore. Like someone.. they say they want to hang out, go to the movies, something like that. Then I invite them to the movies and it's just like "Oh I don't know." or "Oh I don't feel well." or "Uhh, no thanks." Sorry but it's true, and it kind of is annoying. Or also there's the last minute not wanting to do it anymore. Go through the work of cleaning my stupid gayass house and inviting over then all the sudden oh no i don't feel good i don't wanna come over. -_- sorry... but just.. grrrrrrrrrr... Then of course there my parents.. those fucktards that call themselves parents of me when they can't even take fucking care of anythign else so who the fuck cares about what they say. They don't do much.. and some of what they actually shockingly do, do. They get pissed about not having people be grateful for it. They can fucking deal with it. I do shit for them and they don't even notice and fuck it up and say I didn't do jack shit and I get bitched at for it again and then am told to do it again so I don't wanna do it and then I get in trouble. Fucktarded people >_<. like my mom she complains the house is dirty so fucking much even if its clean once in a while and has to change everything around and make it messy again and never finishes anything and when she like gets home all she does is bitch and complain and sit on her big fat ass and annoy the shit outta people goddamnit>_ and in the morning when she supposedly is trying to be nice nd wake me up she fucking threw 2 textbooks at my head the other day so i fucking went downstairs after her and threw one back and hit her right in the back .. she started crying.. stupid pathetic shithead then my dad loses his temper so fucking easy sometimes and he yells and yells and my mom yells and everyone yells... why the hell do u think i yell so god damn loud.. it from trying to yell over these people who are called my "family" family.. thats bullshit. honestly it is. and then all this stupid shit theyve done so i retaliate... yea... my mom threw my english book and my math book at my head... and was kicking me and stepping on me to try n wake me up.. and ive had a fucking headache all week so yeaaaaa.... kinda sucks... and im too lazy to clean off my bed so i sleep on the floor in y sleeping bag haha she like ran ish herself downstairs and hid on the stairs to her room i came downstairs with the lighter book and i heard her and then i walked quietly over there and the she ran by not knowing i was there then across the room i threw it and i hit her in the back..now shes being all bitchy to me sorry but the bitch deserves it for shit shes made happen she said she cares i got hurt but she made me get hurt half the time so yea she can go fuck herself yeaa.... i just yell really loud n tell her to fuck off.. and i can yell real loud.. and not like lil girly shrieks either.. lol>_ .... i cant think of anything else.. yea.... shes had my dad hit me so fucking much and my brothers hurt me too.... she like does stupid shit to try n wake me up and such and throws shit at me and hits me.. so i throw things back says i can get in trouble for supposedly like abusing her but like .. mostly its defense .. only sometimes its not... and they say shit they did to me wouldnt matter to cops anyways .. oo and i threw a kitchen table chair across the house and dented the garage door to the house just barely that was like 20 feet too almost smacked my dad upside the head with this hard ass pan but my mom had my brother fucking spray me with the faucet hose thingy so my hand was wet and slipped so the it went from like choking me pushing me against the couter to smacking the side of my head and making my earring fall out and my head bleed and ear bleed.. and first time he did shit cuz i didnt wanna go to a gayass parade and he tried making me go and held me up with his arm around my neck and also kicking my hip and tried to make me go downstairs and and i was sitting down like grasping to the bar trying not to fall down and get more hurt.. fucking ass... that was like a year ago on saturday exactly why not but i am more fucked up haha thats true bullshit eh oh well.. i havent hurt my dad.. tried getting him to stop and get away n stop hitting me or whatever and like hitting and pushing him away but doesnt work anyways... doesnt matter yea all that stupid shit happen.. plenty more but i dont feel like fucking typing anymore.. kinda too pissed off.. O.o bye byez

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Sunday, November 12, 2006

   *Sigh.*

Don't try to understand me, because you never will. Not even if you think you would, you won't, and can't. Just give up on me like I have with myself. I don't need any pity from anyone orany such shit. I get mood swings so easily sometimes, I don't know why but I do. If you can't handle that then don't try to. Doesn't bother me, no one can handle me. Not all of me atleast. Maybe parts but not me in a whole, I don't think anyone can handle everything about anyone. Oh well. Bye byez people. Have nice lifes. Because at least someone should, because I know I won't. Deal with the facts, you can't change them.

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   .....

I'm being such a bitch this weekend to people. Probably PMS hah! >_<

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   Sorry.

I'm sorry. Whenever something good is happening, I always ruin it somehow. Or find out something then I start being a bitch so it gets all fucked up. I don't know why I'm like this, I guess I just am. I can't help the fact that I'm me, and I don't try to be something else. Maybe I should though, be someone better than me. Which honestly would be anyone. Then I'd be less of an annoyance to you all and you'd be happier. Or maybe I should just go away, forever, that'd probably be better, for the both of us. :-\ .xX.

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Monday, November 6, 2006

S'il vous plaît tuez-moi..... Please kill me.

"It's hard to keep living when you're dead on the inside." I am dead on the inside... my body just doesn't know and hasn't caught up to it yet. >_< family bites ass..... they say stupid shit... then later on.... other members find out its true.... then u get bitched at by another member... i dont give a fuck u all can go fuck urselves uo the ass... i mean.. who gives a shit ... its my decisions.. not like it has anyhing to do with u... fuuuuuuck..... k kitty go die now... ima go play with the razor blades in the hall... there seriously is razorblades out there... a box of em my dad has for his knife.. or for me to use in other ways then i am pretty sure intended... time for another slice.. but this time.. its not accidental. then again.. that is if i dont chicken out. mm my arm stings... hmm more sting.. yeaa.. er... dont mind me... im sorry for me.. for being me. all together. so i shall cut me away.. and bleed till i am no longer. would you be happy with me then? kitty go die die now.... woops i mean bye byez.... >_< .xX.

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Thursday, November 2, 2006

   lade dadeda

hmmmmmmm i am bored.... hahahahaha im listening to music.. all ive eaten today is candy.. and juice ... hmm.. laterz

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Thursday, October 26, 2006

blahhh woo hoo im suspended tomorrow.. though i might like not be cuz my mom did some shit n such n yea....... i have to get an mri and some blood draw sometime.. and the doctor said i should get counseling..-_-.. he doesnt kno nything...haha well.. ok.. but yea... im not fucking going to a counselor.. my mom told me at the doctors i used to be afraid of the paper... u kno the like bench thingy u sit on and the paper on it?...yea... i couldnt sit on that stuff... i dont kno how i was afraid of it but yea when i was lil we went to a lake for my grandmothers birthday and it has a beach and it was a hot day and i was lil and i was sleeping and i was shivering and then next day i had a fever sp my mom took me to the doctor she said they were there for six hours and couldnt fifure out what was wrong then i had to go to the hospital and get two shots of antibiotics in my ass... and the next day i did too then the day after that too... i remember getting those shots..-_- ...and the third time they figured out i got an infection like bldder n kidney infection or some kinda shit and then after i got drugged and she said i was stoned.... thats what it pretty much did to me she saidand it was so i wouldnt remember about it and then they put die in me to see how i got it so see if the flow was fucked up and it wasnt so .. yea.. the second time i had to get the shots or well went to the doctors t get shots again i like spazzed out once my mom got me in... the third i spazzed out as we got into the parking lot fuck there was something else i dont remember.. but but but... yea haha srry that was random maybe i got some mixed up a bit.... and maybe thats why i hate the doctors... yea... i was afraid they were gonna find the stuff on my arm..... and and and make me change outta my clothesinto this paper gown thingy... ugh i hated those.. but the nurse like.. didnt make my sleeve go up ^_^ yay.. no i cant be shunned yet... she got mad at me tho cuz i kept turning my arm the other way.. and like.. she grabbed my arm and yanked it the way she wanted it i have a nice bruise on my hand and wrist from my dad hitting me with a badmitten racket... dumbass parents... and i chucked this ceramic thing and she ducked outtathe way so i barely missed my mmoms head and it smashed against the wall... woops yea im fucked up... deal with it.. cuz i have to deal with it more then u do..

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

...

i have like.. more then 50 lil cuts on my arm.... in just doing it three nights... and only two arent from the third night....

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Monday, October 23, 2006

...

my my my arm kinda stings.. considering i was sorta cutting it with a thin point of glass and i was writing hi over n over in the same spot... but 3 seperate ones tho..... its done for the .. morning... its 303 am.. k i gotta go to bed.. ttyl.. maybe ill survive school.. hopefully i really didnt have any homework i hope.. o well fuck them they can kill themselves.. or well no.. kill me :) i wish .. k i really gotta go and ima go pee then bed... hahahahah ok laterz

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Saturday, October 21, 2006

:-p....

ok.. hmm.. ima go take a shower soon.. and and and i keep putting hand sanitizer on my cuts so they sting... before i put like.. wax that hadnt hardened yet on em.. stung like a bitch.. or burned maybe.. hmm o well.. tomorrow i have to help my grandmother clean her house for company like next weekend or something then girlscouts are coming over.... ughh i must keep long sleeves on all day.. or atleast not pull up the right sleeve.. or else people will see... and tell my mom .. or whoever sees if its an adult will bitch n complain at me damnit... thatll only make me wanna do it more dumbasses... but they arent that bad.... scissors werent sharp enough to go threw more... i think my dad might saw or almost seen them earlier... i went downstairs in a tank top n like.. my brother was there and hed make fun of me n shit for it and just.. grr... and my dad would get pissssed and then tell my mom n then my whole dumbass family will find out bcz they cant keep theyre fucking mouths shut... .. o well.. maybe they all can see then theyll disect my guts out... :-)

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