Saturday, July 5, 2008

   summer sucks!
so my wonderful amazing bf is coming home soon. Thats good, but i'm getting dragged off to some family thing again for the fourth( which was yesterday) I was almost going to go becuase they have their pool open! I love pools!...just not when i'm on my period. yeah so there goes the fun in that. Probebly not going to go now, atleast not for while. I was hoping after my friend got off of work she's go with me, so i'd have someone to talk to, but i don't think she wants to...which is kinda a dissapointment sense I went with her to her family thing yesterday when she asked. *sigh*

yesterday was fun though.after me and my friend got back we went into town for the fireworks there. it was fun, ran into several poeple I havn't seen over the summer( most of them guys, go figure that) oh yeah my friends bf went with us too...so they where all cuddled up togatehr for the fireworks...and sense my bf's away..I was alone. It almost seemed like every fucking direction I turned there was some couple there..so of course I felt really bad by the time the works ended. I was almost crying when my friend came up and told me(in a laughing way) " Us goth girls don't cry mmmkay?" I laughed sure but it helped alittle.
after that we came back to my place,and shot off works here. that was cool, my friend put two packs of sparklers togather and tryed to lite all at once, she almost set herself on fire, lol i was sitting right beside her and jumped up when it happened and almost lost my shoe. I guess it was a pretty cool night but i still miss him. I hope he comes home soon.
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Saturday, June 28, 2008

   soo..
He's gone for a week...off to some beach with his fam. I miss him so much and its only been one day so far. how the hell am I going to get through the next few days. I bet he's thinkin the same thing. He said he would. we had a good talk the day before he left. it made afew more things clear, like that we'll probebly be togather forever at this rate. god, he's wonderful, just amazing. I miss him, been talkin to his friend in the mean time over txt, but my txt are running out. oh well i'll get more tuesday when the month rolls over. I hope that his phone gets fixed soon..maybe then he can txt or call me from the beach. that would be nice.
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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

   I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
^
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   repeat
Take everything I said yesterday and put it here! cuase nothings changed!!!

He's shouting about how he helps everyone but he cant help himself. well guess what you maybe help alot of poeple but you don't help your girlfriend! I'm always left behind to deal with my own trama. he always leaves when I need him most! and I try to help him. I really do but he never fucking tells me anything, he just runs away from it. let me help you please!
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Monday, June 23, 2008

again..
So fucking tired of everything!!!! everyone! that girl with her crys for help. she needs to just shut the hell up for once, maybe then someones would like her! my brother I don't care about your random knowledge or the fact that you think your all that! I hate you! I hate you all! I hate my parents, they never shut up! All I wanna do is be with one person and he won't let me in half the time. I really need him right now and he leaves. I'm tired of getting "that look" from poeple, that looks that tells you what they think exactly. that they detest you and wish you'd never been born!.


so I finally talked to my boyfriend, he has to go to the doctor,..he didn't tell me why. He's going to be away for a whole week next week. how in the hell am I going to survive without him.
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   don't care
It worried me so much somtimes, that I'm getting left behind by everyone. My friends, sense summer started have all but completely left me behind, one of them was hanging out with me some but everytime i called shes was off with someones else. then she had to leave for vacation( I have no vacation, never). the only other two friends I have are either going away as well(plus moving) and I thought the last one had been hanging out with her boyfriend all this time but apperently she has time for everyone else but me. she calls me every now and them but even then she doesn't talk to me like she used too.
then theres my boyfriend, I don't know whats going on with him half the time. I woke up this morning, just to see him and he's not there. So i check the site we alwyas go to and he's there..he loggs off soon after I log in. and I check the shout out board, he's always leaving random things there. and he left," Would anyone care if I dropped dead, honestly?" and this kind of thing worries me. I'm always worrying about him, expescially when he leaves messages like that but he never tells me whats wrong until it gets to be a huge problem. I just wanna cry thinking about it.....don't have much else to say....
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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

   today...blah
SO today I was supposed to get up earlier then usual. To look after my little brother while mom was away. not that he needs looking after, he's 12 and can fend for himself(why would I want to look after that brat anyway) plus they said they didn't want him to accidently hurt himself while he made himself breakfast. pllleasse, that boy can cook better then I do, I'm the one they should be worried about using my microwave >.>..<.<. anyways yeah that annoyed me ....but I sleept in anyways heheh.

so when I got up I was expecting to spend some time with my lovely bf. He was supposed to be off work today..but they called in apperently so he had to go. I won't see him til late tonight if I'm lucky.*sigh* I think I"ll go for a walk soon. I've been doing that alot latly. just walking around the neiborhood....occationally lighting random things on fire with my lighter >>.>>...lol.

All my friends are out of town or doing somthing by themselfs..none of them have time to hang out with me it really sucks. two of them are out of town, the other is in the middle of moving, and the last one wouldrather spend time with her soon to be bf..So I get stuck alone most of the time.Its getting annoying.

later all..
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