Friday, April 27, 2007

geeze i can never think of any friken post titles!!!!!
ok, so i have kinda good news. lance had surgery thursday night. they got rid of the tumor, but they don't know if it'll grow back. he hasn't woken up yet, which isn't good. once he wakes up we'll know if he'll be ok. he's still alive... yay!! (sorry if i'm spazzy... that's what happens when i don't get sleep) i've been praying so much and i think my prayers have finally been answered. i hope he'll get better, things are starting to look at least a little better. for a few days in a row a bunch of lance's friends came to fisit him. they were talking on his friend jessie's account. they are kinda weird, but cool. they are vampire and wolf obsessed which is auesome. one of them actually has fangs. it's cool. things were kinda akward between a few of his friends. i can't say names, but one of them last week confessed their love to me so it's really akward around him. and one of his other friends hit on me and forced me to kiss him on a dare.... needless to say i was pissed. scince i've had a lot of time when lance is asleep there is this book series that i've been reading that i'm hokked on and obsessed with now. it's called cirque du freak. it is the best book series ever!!!!! it makes you want to keep reading. and i have to wait to get ahold of a certain volume of it and it's gonna drive me crazy, lol. what's even better is that it's about vampires and i find vampires the coolest. i read too many vampire books and watch too many vampire movies. well, sorry if i rambled, i couldn't think of much to say so...... wll, i hope you all have a good day


So Long And Goodnight

~Tradgedy Revenge~
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

.....................again...........my title sux
ok, i have good news and bad news. the good news is that lance is still alive. the bad news is that he keeps caughing up blood a lot and the doctors say if this keeps up he'll for sure have no chance. they have been working hard to save him. he passes out a lot and the doctors said they hope things don't get so bad that he'll die or have to be on life support. his days are still numbered and i'm really upset. thank you very much to all of you that have been here for me. it means a lot to me and it would mean a lot to lance also. this time is very tough on me as well as lance's family. his sister is hit the most. she's been on his site informing people about what's been going on. she could use a little confort because she's really upset too, so could you please talk to her or say hi or something? it would really mean a lot. these past few days have been kinda bad. i've been doing all i can to make lance's last days happy ones. and i've been holding back tears the whole time. he knows he's gonna die and that his days are numbered yet he doesn't get upset or cry. yesterday i had a crying break down when he started caughing up blood really badly. he held my hand, looked at me and smiled. then he told me not to worry about him that he'll be fine and that he loves me and he would never leave me and to remember it. that made me cry because it was so sweet!!! i hope he's right and i hope that all of my praying for him pays off. i just want this nightmare to end. he doesn't desearve to die. and his sister doesn't desearve to loose anyone else either. her and lance lost a brother a few years ago and scince their dad works a lot and their mom's in jail lance is all she has right now. i feel really bad for her also. sorry if i've been rambling, i tend to do that a lot lately. it'a just the freaking out tiredness, saddness and nervouseness mixing in togeather. i hope you all have a good day and please p.m me. and thanks again to every one who's been helping me, you all rock!

So Long And Goodnight

~Tradgedy Revenge~
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Monday, April 23, 2007

...........
the doctors told me that lance has 2 days at the most. *cries* he can;t die, he just can't! *cries* i just have to keep hopeing that he'll make it.....
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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Reflecting
Hey everyone. Please read my previouse post if you have not before reading this. Lately I've been reflecting on things. Life and death, mostly. I never thought I'd have to go through what I have gone through in the past. I don't think you all know what I'm talking about, but I know a few of you do. I'll fill you in, but this is extremely difficult for me because I'm still not fully over it. I had a best friend who we called Sakura. Me and her were inceperable. We did everything togeather. Then I ended up moving and we were still closer than ever. One day this girl that we used to hang out with did some very horrible and graphic things to her. I do not want to explain this because it still upsets me and I can never choke out the words for it. Sakura was in the hospital for a while and she just kept getting very sick from what that girl did to her. I stayed by her side the entire time untill I ended up getting kicked out of the hospital. They wouldn't let me see her and a few days later I found out from a friend crying hr eyes out over the phone that Sakura was dead. I miss Sakura a lot, especially lately. I know I have Lance now and everything, but nothing can ever fill the empty space in me that was her. I still find myself crying myself to sleep over it, I just can't get over it. If you are asking the reason why I am bringing this up now, it's because of two reasons. One is that her birthday is comming up, April 30 and that day I may not be on, it will be a very sad day for me. The second is that I'm seeing it all over again in Lance. I love him more than anything and I can't loose someone close to me again. I never want to go though that again. My life was a living hell before me and Lance started going out. He makes me happy and changed my life for the better. I'm really worried about him and lately I can't keep myself from crying. I've been through a lot on my short life, but if something ever happens to lance I don't know what I would do. I really hope he pulls through. He's still the same as in my last post. I just really hope he gets better. Not just for me, but for him, our friends and our families. I'm sprry for going on about all of this sad stuff, but I've been so sad lately and mentally torturing myself over this, I just needed to get it out. I'm sorry if I made anyone upset, but it's the truth. I hope you all have a wonderful day. And thank you for listening.

So Long And Goodnight

~Tradgedy Revenge~
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Saturday, April 21, 2007

   Even Worse
This just keep getting worse. Lacne had to have heart surgery 2 times in the past few days. And he had to have surgery for a collapsed and pucnctured lung. Yesterday they found a small tumor growing into his heart and they couldn't fully fux the damage already done. And to top that off some of the retarded doctors don't know what they're doing. His dad is a doctor at the hospital and he had to step in. They ended up finding 10 broken ribs. If they were there before they should have detected it. But I swear some of them don't know their ass from a whole in the ground. Anyways away from their incompotance. Lance isn't doing that great. He's been having a lot of those attacks where he can't breath and his heart stopped a few times. So last night they had to take him to another hospital and now he's in ICU in another hospital that's an hour away from the one he was at, but this one's supposed to be more equipt and better in his situation. I really hope so. I just want this nightmare to be over. But I know he might nver fully recover. The doctors said because of his breathing and heart problems that he can't sing or do martial arts anymore. I feel so bad because he has to give up two things he loves and is very passionate about. When the doctors told him that he can't sing anymore he didn't say anything for a minute or two and said that h thought it was best now that his band didn't get the record deal because he wouldn't be able to do much in the band anymore. He's kinda upset over it, but I don't blame him. It really sux. I know I say this a alot, but sometimes I wish that I was in his situation and not him. He seems so helpless and feels useless. He can barely sit up anymore and last night he kept trying to sit up, but he kept falling down. It was horrible to watch. Well, that's all for today's post. but I have just a few more things. These are dedicated to Lance:


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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

   Things just get worse
When I thought things were getting better, they get worse. the only good news i have is that i created a website, this is the url: wwww.freewebs.com/tradgedyrevengemcrfeak.

The rest of this post is bad news. Lance was doing fine today, he's just been sleeping a lot lately. After he woke up from a nap, he was fine for a minute, but then he started clutching his chest and said it hurt. next thing i knew he passed out. the doctors wheeled him into another room. then they told me that a complication in his heart cased him to have a hear attack. they don't know if they can fully fix it. they said that he may not survive *cries* if he does he'll need a pace maker. i am so worried and scared right now. i really hope he pulls through and i've been freaking out ever scince this happens. right now he can't breath on his own, so he's on oxygen. he's unconciouse still and he's connected to all of the wires again. lately anyone who's been near me has been getting hurt, i feel as if i'm a jinx. and i am helpless and can't help anyone. well, i hope you had a better day than i did. and i'll try to hold up, i have to try to be strong for lance.

So long and goodnight

~Tradgedy Revenge~
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

not much today
not much to talk about today. please read my previouse post from yesterday. i'm bored cuz lance has been sleeping all day and he's really tired so i have nothin to do. please p.m me if you can. oh, last night i was on a dollmaker site and i made a doll maker that looks almost exactly like me. the only difference is that i'm not asian and the eye color is when i'm wearing my red contacts. when i'm not they're hazel. so this is pretty much what i look like except for a few othr exceptions. i guess you can tell the other exceptions.


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Monday, April 16, 2007

sorry
Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been on in a few days. Sometimes I can have pretty bad luck especially when I'm busy. I was busy because Lance had a ton on tests to do and i had to be there for support. Then my friends came to the hospital when he had this one test that lasted an hour. So we hung out and stuff while waiting for Lance to finish. Then from one of the tests, they found something with his heart was screwed up again, so he had to have more surgery. He's alright, just has some pain and he's resting. I feel really bad because he's going through all of this. Sure I've been through a lot too, but what he's going through in my opinion is worse. To you guys my expiriences may be worse, I don't know. I guess you'll have to tell me what you think. I would've been on earlier, but my computer was being a retard and wouldn't work. Then Lance gave me my late birthday presents. He would have given it to me sooner, but his dad forgot to bring them to me and he's been in the hospital and stuff. I still can't beleive what he got me. He got me a new labtop because the one I had sucked, a cell phone so that anytime I need him he'll always be a call away, and he gave me red roses. He is so sweet and I am the luckiest girl ever to have him. I love him so much it's not even funny. Well, he might be able to go home in a week or two, but we don't know. I'm hoping he can go home soon. I miss the old times before everything got so complicated. I just want everything to be normal again. Sorry for ranting, but I just needed to get some of that stuff off my chest. I hope you've all been well and please p.m me. And any mcr fans, I'm writing a story and I've posted a few chapters that I've typed already on ficwad.com. here's the url for chapter 1 if you wanna read it. It's about the patient and follows the story of the black parade cd and the famouse last words b-side cd. here's the url:
http://www.ficwad.com/viewstory.php?sid=55753

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

i can never think of good post titles.. grr!!
hey, everyone. sorty i haven't posted in a few days i've been helping lance out. i've been staying at the hospital with him for the past few days. he got hurt again a day or two agao, i can't say too many details. but he escaped from the hospital and saved my life. so i stayed the night too. last night when he fell asleep it was so cute!! he looked like an angel or something and he has the most innocent look when he's asleep. then he started mumbling in his sleep. i could tell he was dreaming about me. i heard him mumble if i'd marry him so he was dreaming that we were getting married. then i heard him mumble something like wedding vows. it was so sweet i cried. when he woke up i ended up giving him a big hug and telling him that i loved him and felt the same way and we kissed. but then a nurse came in and totally ruined a moment. this nurse was annoying. she must've been new cuz she was really clumsy and acted all hyper and kept apologizing for everything. and she had to give lance a shot for something ans kept messing up. then we had to call another nurse cuz she didn't know what she was doing. the worst part was that he got to get it on the butt and he was laying there with his pants half down. he was so embarassed especially cuz i saw. well i guess lasty night was alright and yesterday was too. today was kinda boring. lance has been tired so he slept most of the day. hope you all had a good day and please p.m me
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

sucky
last night really sucked and i don't feel well right now. i really don't wanna talk about what happened, but it was pretty bad. i hope you all had a better day and night than i did. ttyl
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