Thursday, November 17, 2005

   BlackRoseDalia: Sadness & Depression.
(*11:53AM 11/16/05. Wednesday. Las Vegas, Nevada. 89101 Automotive Technology Period 6*)
Sadness and depression is what lies behind my eyes. Or even so, I can't even tell what lies behind my eyes because they're constantly covered up with tears. I've been hurt, abused, and damned far too much for me to handle it all anymore! No one understands me because they're too scared to get to know the real me. I just want to finally give up; just escape and get rid of all my pain. I want people to understand, I want comfort at all times. I tend to bottle up all of my emotions and problems, hoping that they’ll all go away. But I long to reach out and tell that one special person all of my feelings and troubles. But I never seem to have that person to talk to, or they just don’t want to hear me. I want a normal and happy life. Though that picture is porcelain in my mind; it's not as great as it seems, and most importantly, it's not real. Wish it was though. I always feel this sense of loneliness clouding over my head; isolated though surrounded by several people. None of them know me; none of them see what's wrong with me. I want understanding, I want that friend, I want that special love, and I want that perfect life with the perfect person! I often find isolated places as being my salvation; any place away from “them” is ideal to me. I also love to express myself in many ways; whether it be through my emotions, my words, my art, or even physically. I think no one can relate to me, but I don't know how wrong I am or either how right I just might be. I’m just too scared; too scared to admit that maybe I might be wrong about society. I want company, but at the same time, I’m scared of it, scared of it leaving me. My sanctuary is my room where I can just be alone and try to throw away all of my aching pains. I’m dark and mysterious and people like me for that reason. I am not sure why they do but it happens. Even if I think I’m all by myself in the dark, someone is always there with me. My special someone wants to admit and show their feelings towards me, but they're afraid of how I’ll take it. Maybe it isn't as bad as I portray it to be. Life brings smiles, tears, laughter and memories. The smiles fade, the tears dry, and the laughter eventually dies down. But the memories, those may last me forever. So I am going to try to make my memories, memories that I can cherish. I can only live once, so I’m going to make it the best as possible, even if it is not the greatest right now. I won’t start frowning because it is already too late. Then again I never know who's falling in love with my occasional hidden smile :)
(*11:56Am*)
BlackRoseDalia...

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