Saturday, February 26, 2005

   Soccer...
I had to get up at 4:30 this morning! Because..well...Im not sure why..I have to be at my skewl at 7:45 so we can hitch a ride to the tournament today..we have to play three games and our jersies are reversible so we just turn them inside out each game..which is gross..I am SOOOOO wearing a tank top under mine...hope my asthma doesnt try to kill me..or the other players..oh yeah..and........
GO BOBCATS!!!!
SO yeah I wont be on most of today and when I DO get on..Ill most likely be at my friend Emily's house..*hugs everyone*Ill miss you all T_T
All my love to my shadow dragon!*h&k*
¢¾Serena¢¾

Black blood! Depressed and hurt. You are not evil,
but you know that ther isn't only sunshine on
earth. You are very loyal, wise and concealed.
You have the blood of the dead ones, you're a
true soul!


What is your true blood color?
brought to you by Quizilla
^---this is soooooooo me
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Friday, February 25, 2005

   Yay*throws more confetti just for the fun of it*
Thank you guys for yesterday..I had a great B-Day..I got the Breaking Benjamin CD and Disturbed...and a bunch of other kewl stuff...you guys are all wonderful friends*hugs everyone*Now all I need is my mic so I can talk to Damien and my Shadow Dragon...mom should be taking me to JAX soon..
*hugs again*
~Damien's 14-year old poetic midget stalker(<-lol)~
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

   Um..
Does anyone know what today is?(besides friday,besides February 24th,besides after skewl band practice?)
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Monday, February 21, 2005

   grrr..
I need to scream..or kill someone..I know! My mother..shes the biggest fucker I have ever met..or I know..I could just wait 'till my son-of-a-bitch father gets home and blow him away...or my perfect little fucker of a brother..wouldnt that be a wonderful headline? 'Crazy Fucked-Up Teenage Sister Blows Her Brother Away' My parent would be so proud of me..for once..I would be recognized for something..or maybe*gasp*I can just kill myself..suicide is always recognized...but so many different ways to do it..today we're going to the beach..I could walk out to the bridge and kiss my life goodbye..or maybe just stab myself 'till I bleed to death..or take so many pain killers I cant walk a straight line..who knows? So many possibilities..
Well just so you all know, Im not going to kill myself..Damien would kick my ass..Shadow Dragon...he's what keeps me alive...the main reason for me not already being dead...plus how could I be here to greet my wonderful*twitch*father when he gets home? Oh,belive me..he has it coming..he's already threatened my life..oh dont worry..he'll be glad to see his daughter when he gets home..
Well,everyone my urges have gone and I feel better
¢¾Serena¢¾
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Friday, February 18, 2005

Wake Up
I¡¯m not sober all the time
You bring me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don¡¯t want you
I must be running out of luck
Cause you¡¯re just not drunk enough to fuck
And now I¡¯ve had it up to here
I don¡¯t, I don¡¯t want you
It took so long to see
You walked away from me
When I need you
Wake up I¡¯m pounding on the door
I¡¯m not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I¡¯m pounding on the door
I won¡¯t hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you
I¡¯m not angry all the time
You push me down at least you try
Until we see this eye to eye
I don¡¯t want you
Wake up I¡¯m pounding on the door
I¡¯m not the man I was before
Where the hell are you
When I need you
Wake up I¡¯m pounding on the door
I won¡¯t hurt you anymore
Where the hell are you
When I need you

wow I havent updated in a long time.I'm sorry guys..for those who care,Im havent killed myself..yet...<--j/k We won our first soccer game 4-0 and I discovered that I can scream the second loudest on our team. Awesome huh? And Im not a loud person either.Tonight Im heading to the guestbook and to other people's sites so bare with me kay?
Yesterday I got the Evanescence cd and Three Days Grace..Wake Up is on of my fav. songs on the T.D.G cd because it reminds me of ALOT of people I know...hope ya'll like the lyrics..
I want you all to welcome one of my bestest buds back..*waves to Damien* If you guys havent been to his site I suggest you make haste and head over there..he's an awesome guy..username=DamienDante..thanks a bunch ;P
Well..my leg is in the worst pain ever..so..I might haveta miss the soccer game on Tuesday and Im gonna be pissed at myself if I have to..its all bruised and crap..it sucks..
¢¾Serena¢¾
ps:My B-day is in 6 days ^-^
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Thursday, February 10, 2005

   Poem...
Today I lost all hope
It flickered out
Like a flame
Doused with doubt
Soaking in shame
I'm buried under
Your lies and hate
I serve no purpose
But to sit here and wait
Wait for love
Wait for life
Wait for pain
Like a bloody cut
Punctured by a knife
My eyes remain shut
As clouds form overhead
Tiny water droplets fall
Massing into a puddle
Like Nature’s tears once shed
I lie beneath the surface
Water cold as ice
The lies swirl above my head
Growing, expanding
Ugly, horrid and yet…
Nice
The love I once lost
Is killing me now
I want your hateful spite
Someway
Somehow
In a perfect world
You would still be mine
In a flawless life
Everything would be fine
But today
I lost all faith
I gave up on everything
I remain where I lay
And hope someday
I will be more of a something
Than the nothing I am today
To be more than a life
That just withered away
For everything to be just fine
For me to be yours
And you to be
Mine

okay I havent been around because of band and soccer..i have like one day off on weekdays and thats wednesday,and sometimes i dont even have that because of Jr.Beta..ahhh too much! well anyways..how is everyone?
~Kitten~


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Tuesday, February 8, 2005

   YAY
FUCK THIS SHIT GUESS WHO'S OUTTA THERAPY!

mom says its a waste of her money to be helping me..ya know what..I dont want to get better..I love being a demented teenage girl..WWWWWHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO
~Serena~
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Friday, February 4, 2005

   Middle of My Thoughts
I see a mirror
But no reflection
I find one memory
A simple recollection
From the bottom to the top
Bottom to top, I stop
In my heart where it ought
In the middle of my thoughts
A pain brews within
Like a cut on my skin
It grows and it tears
So we all know its there
The blade kisses my arm
As the blood runs like tears
I scream but I can't
So no one hears
The door closes with a slam
It locks with a key
The lights flicker off
And now its just me
I search for a light
I search for a friend
But there is nothing but shadows
Darkness ¡®till the end
I awake in my room
Sweating on the floor
I scream with silence
And I'm dreaming once more
I shut my eyes tight
Slowly count to ten
I cry with silent sobs
And wait for the pain again

hey I need something to rid of the urges..poetry helps a little I guess..I suppose its mostly the fact that my friend Damien will kick my ass if I ever cut again..<<>> I wanna quit..I have for 5 weeks now..Im glad you are all doing well..I miss you guys..
¢¾Serena¢¾
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Thursday, February 3, 2005

   Let Me Go...
3 DOORS DOWN LYRICS

Let Me Go
One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you dont know who I am
So let me go
Let me go
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me but you dont know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me goo...
Let me go
And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside I know
I knowww..
When all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows
Who knows
You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm tore between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you dont know Who I am
So let me go
Just let me go
and you me but you dont
you love me but you dont
you love me but you dont know who I am
and you love me but you dont
you love me but you dont
you love me but you dont know me

got turned in for cutting by my so-called friend..my life is ruined.thats why i havent really been around..ill try to be around more..how is everyone?
¢¾serena¢¾
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

   he he he..
to all those that care i am not dead..just distracted...i have been getting bad urges lately..knives,sharp,cutting*twitch* anyways..im goin around and visitng everyone's sites cause im home alone and the sharp knives in the kitchen are starting to make me sick..so im keeping my mind off them..ill post a poem tomorrow..
love ya guys^-^
¢¾serena¢¾
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