Monday, January 24, 2005

Why Cant There?
there is no 'together'
there is no 'we'
there is just a 'you'
and there is just a 'me'
we do not hold hands
we do not go out
we do not give hugs
all you do is shout
you always scream and yell at me
you always curse and swear
you always look mad and angry
and you tell me I'm worthless and unfair
i never say anything
i never grovel or cry
i never really listen to you
and I'll never leave your side
why cant be there
a 'you and me'?
why cant we hold hands?
why cant there be a 'we'?
do you not know
how i really feel?
do you not know
that my love is really real?
everyone thinks we're wonderful
our lives like a perfect dream
but when we're alone
things arent ever what they seem
why cant there be
a 'you and me'?
why cant you hold my hand?
why cant our love be?

white noise was scary..i was clutching onto my friend neal's arm the whole time..and life is treating me like shit..why..why me?..thats all i want to know..my dad gets home sooner than expected..and for all of you who dont know my father..that isnt a good thing..not ever close..sorry i havent been around..everything is fucked..cause of me..of course..
¢¾Serena¢¾
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Sunday, January 23, 2005

   Untitled...
Though to the shadows
I am one of them too
But not always
Are things what they seem
Then out in the distance
A shadow walked against the flow
Taking me into his arms
And holding me tight
Swearing that everything would be alright
My eyes opened
And I saw you
The sun on your shoulders
The love that shone through
As you held me close
I'm not quite sure if you had meant
To meet my eyes that day
But I will always remember
That you did in fact turn back
It was that very day
That I almost let your love
Willingly drift away¡¦

going to see white noise today. hope its scary so i can make fun of it..had a car wash yesterday for the soccer team..that was fun..tell ya about the movie later
¢¾serena¢¾
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Saturday, January 22, 2005

   Sereaching....
Today I walked into my mirror
To see how far I could go
Today I wandered far from here
Searching high and low
I found a boy who wouldn’t smile
He didn’t seem to notice me
Darkness overflowed everything here
As far as I could see
My arms stayed glued to my sides
As I watched him begin to weep
He made soft murmers now and then
Like a puppy in its sleep
When I went to comfort him
He slowly flickered away
I stood there looking down for awhile
Not quite sure of what to say
So now I'm searching all over again
For you my little friend
To find the one that’s always hidden
Would be a truthful godsend
I've searched the world, inch by inch
For my friend who’s cried and cried
But never once had I ever thought
To search my lonely inside
I'm sinking down, falling faster
The lies and hurt floating above
I'm breaking down just for you
To be with the one I love
Should I find you when I arrive
Everything will float away and be alright
But in that case you are not found
Ill wake myself up once again
And continue searching for you my friend
Never stopping, day nor night
‘till the day you’re found

If I havent got to ur site..I'm sorry..you can forgive me or you cant..its simple..I'll get there eventually..alotta crap has been happening lately and I dont really wanna talk about it..but heres a poem instead
☻Serena☻
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Thursday, January 20, 2005

do i matter at all?
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Sorry...
I'm sorry for the way I am
Sorry I'm not beautiful
I'm sorry that the knees in my pants are torn
Sorry I can't make your life wonderful
I'm sorry that I can't change my inside
Sorry I can't change what you cannot see
I'm sorry that my hands are bloody and sore
I'm sorry that I am me
I'm sorry that I don¡¯t ever smile
Sorry that I can't make everything alright
I'm sorry I can't even fix myself
Sorry that I don¡¯t even bother to put up a fight
I'm sorry that you hate me
Sorry that you turned away
I'm sorry that you¡¯re never coming back
Sorry that its my turn to die today
I'm sorry for the way I am
Sorry I can't change what you cannot see
I'm sorry that I'm not beautiful
I'm so fucking sorry that I'm me
¢¾Serena¢¾
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Monday, January 17, 2005

I'm screaming out my lungs to you now...what will you do? Will you listen to me and leave me here to cry all alone or will you just turn your back...turn your back and walk away from someone who just needed to be heard. Well thats your desicion...not mine.
It feels like I'm all alone when everyone crowds around...everyone gets so close and I just want to push them away. I scream at them all, hoping they will help me...but no one hears me. I go to my knees and scream out my heart, sobbing a fit and no one ever cares to listen...no one lifts their head to watch me struggle, no one comes over to comfort me...no one ever does anything! Im sorry I cant be what everyone wants me to be! Im sorry to my mother because I'm not the perfect daughter. Im sorry to my boyfriend because Im not pretty and I never will be. Im sorry to my friends because all I ever do is ask for help! Is that why you all turn away? Because Im always needing help...?Im sorry then...for reaching out and asking for help...Ill make sure to shut the fuck up...
-serena
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Sunday, January 16, 2005

   The World Is Coming To An End...
okay so I dunno what that subject has to do with anything...well anyways I made the school soccer team..yay? I mean I guess its okay that I made it 'cause for once I can show my mother I'm not as worthless as she says I am...but still...I dunno..its not like me to try out for a team, let alone make it...its just weird I guess...
I also been thinking some pretty weird things lately...the other day I was sitting in my room, listening to the rain..and I just wondered if someone(I cant tell you who) was thinking about me...and then I started wondering..how mny other people actually think about me? Are there actually people who can be sitting there and actually think about me..I dunno..I'm weird I guess..there's something wrong with me..I know...
Well it would be nice if you went and checked out all my fan art..and I am aware that two of them are on their sides..that was an accident...
¢¾Serena¢¾
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Saturday, January 15, 2005

   Piccys...
Here are some pics I scanned with my new scanner...

I did this one in the dark..so it sucks..its what I look like kinda..seriously..I have bright violet eyes..really..why wont you belive me?!

This is for Mizu-chan and Kiba-san^^YAY!!

My friend drew this for me...its my boyfriend and I^^ He's saying 'My little kitten..My dear little Kitten' and Im saying 'Tee Hee..Mew!' and shes saying 'OMG shes not even a cat! Poser!!!'
¢¾Serena¢¾
ps:pwetty pwease go check out my new fan art and vote and comment..please!!!!!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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Thursday, January 13, 2005

   cant take it dont fake it...
I watched the moon up in the sky
everything flickered as I got high
I slashed my wrists
i balled my fists
and watched the world fade awat
when i woke up
my eyes opened wide
everything ached all inside
i couldnt think
i couldnt blink
my head was all a-blur
i stumbled to the bathroom
looked at my reflection
my memories all came back in a recollection
now im lying on the floor
trying to reach the open door
what did i do so wrong?
my skin is becoming paler
my lungs are getting staler
i dont think im gonna make it
my eyelids slowly dropped
as my heart lazily stopped
im stuck in my head
i surely must be dead
i guess i couldnt take it anymore...
¢¾serena¢¾
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Monday, January 10, 2005

   Sleeping...
My mind is wandering
As I sleep
The painful secrets reflect
The Ones I must always keep
I toss, I turn
This must be a dream
Things can be more painful then they ever really seem
Where are you now
To hold my hand?
Please self, wake up
Just help me understand
How could this possibly
Make any sense?
Why cant you be here?
You were always so dense
You had always promised
You would be there
To hold my hand tight
In time of despair
Where are you...?

I hate this poem actually...because it sucks...but I'm putting it up..because...I dont know...just because...so there ya go...poem of the day....now I have to go to skool...oh joy ¬¬
~Serena~
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