Monday, December 13, 2004

   ....
hy everyone how are we all today? well im just updating cuz my mom just left for work..so ya i got onto her pc cince mine has been "disabled".she says its one of my problems...somthing stupid like that.i shouldbe back over christmas vacation cuz since my dads all over at bahrain and stuff then i can pretty much sweet talk my mother into anything...plus my grandparents willl be here and they always take my side against her...so yeah.for those who were worried about me...im gonna be okay...i didnt think so for awhile..but now after i get out a few more impurities ill be okay...im sure when i get back ill be a lot happier...well yeah basically thats it...ill be okay..
*hugs everyone*
i send all my love to my shadow dragon
~Serena~
Comments (7) | Permalink

Friday, December 10, 2004

   im going through an emotional state in my life and i might not update for awhile.but ill check my pms every day so go ahead and pm me. talk to everyone eventually
i send all my love to my shdow dragon
~Serena~
Comments (7) | Permalink

Thursday, December 9, 2004

   Promise...
I want to slip into the oblivion of what I think is true and what I know is candid. The machines are beginning to drive me crazy with the glares and the taunts. What did I ever do wrong to Them? I am not spoken to, therefore I do not speak. I am not noticed therefore I am not observant. They are waiting…waiting for me to show my weakness…waiting for me to show my fear…waiting for the precise moment to break me down to nothing. I won’t let Them, though it is hard. I hide something that I myself cannot even control. What can I do to make these emotions obscure…when I don’t even know what they are?
My eyes scan the beings that swarm past me; searching for anything other than dark glances. I do not wish to remain aloof, but when push comes to shove, I am alone. There is no one here who understands me; no one who cares to either. Do I think it possible to love someone who cannot love me back? The thought it obscene. But then I see him, isolated from the rest. Hair that is not hair of a dark midnight sky. Eyes that are not eyes of a swallowing hazy gray. Skin that is not skin of a perfect smoothness; like a flawless pearl pulled up from the deepest depths of the high borne kingdom Atlantis. An expression that is not an expression of hate and loathe. I am attracted. Such a ponderable thought; could he be like all the rest of these Hell-borne monsters? His glare that Is not a glare sets upon me and his eyes that are not eyes dig into thine eyes, though They bring no real pain. Am I invisible…or does this person who is not a person see what others do not? Does he seek the plausible cause for my being, or is he simply making me feel worthless like all the others wish? I hesitate…I watch…I feel my heart beating within my chest that is a chest. Could it be that this person who is not a person, this man who is not a man, is attempting a gesture of understanding to me, the person who Is a person, the girl who is a girl? But then his eyes fall to the ground and the spell is broken. I am stuck in a trance. I yearn for his gray shadowed eyes that aren’t eyes to fall upon me once more. Sadly, They do not. I find myself aching to call out to him with my screams that are screams, but silence remains. I walk away, though the feeling does not. It stays, sitting heavily on my soul that is a soul, ripping into my mind that is a mind. Could I be...in love?

For those who care,I promise I wont do it again. They've begun to hurt and I feel stupid now, so you have my word.
I send all my love,hopes and dreams to my shadow dragon.
~Serena~
Comments (4) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

   Betrayal
I see the hopes dangling In front of me. Do I reach forward and seize them, or do I turn the other way? Though the fire I must pass through will scorch and burn my soul that is a soul, wouldn’t it be worth it at the end? Every little bit of happiness hangs with anticipation. My life is on the line. I am the person who is visible, but not seen. I am sensed but not felt. I am a thing, a person, unlike all the rest of you. I feel with emotions that are expressed plainly to the robots. But now it all hangs in front of me. Should I let it drop to the floor shattering everything I’ve worked for? But why…why do you tease me with something so fragile? Why do you enjoy the pain and torment you inflict upon my sensitive soul? I thought you loved me…what did I do wrong? I thought you were different from all the rest; I thought you were the someone just for me. I thought I was special to you…but now…I don’t know what to believe any longer. I don’t know who I can trust…please tell me…can I trust you? I thought…wait…what did I think?

I was hurt very badly yesterday..and I made sure I felt the pain myself. my best friend has been lying to me and stabbing me in the back and when I questioned him..he said everything was true. I cant believe the only person I thought I could trust went and did that to me.for everyone whos ever wondered what its like to slash your wrists,it doesnt hurt as much as everyone says it does. well I have to go now.
I send all my love,hopes wishes and dreams to my shadow dragon
~Serena~
Comments (6) | Permalink

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

   Overcome...
When we wander through the world of others we find our thoughts cryptic even to our own minds. We are oblivious to the suppression of our own feelings, but even more, the feelings of those around us. Physically, people are around us everyday, but mentally, the are floating from reality into a world of what they expect of us. But when one breaks the cycle of what is expected, they are rejected and ostracized from the robots that are run by those whom find themselves superior. I am human; the world is a machine infested Hell. I am not accepted and I am different. Everyday I observe the artificial intelligence-infested beings follow one another around. They with a love that is not love. They feel with a sense that is not touch. They see with eyes that are ripped of their vision. They just aren’t like me. I’ve begun to wonder if there are any left like me, because I am overcome by loneliness. I don’t want the robots as my friends. I want someone just like me. I want a lover whose skin is that with feeling, whose soul is that with feeling, whose thoughts are that of his own, whose feelings aren’t just a program…I want someone just for me.
~Serena~
Comments (7) | Permalink

Monday, December 6, 2004

   Randomness
Thoughts of betrayal and rejection are unbearable in a time of breakdown of the body. the tears only provoke the sad vibes that ring about the room and the sobbing takes pain and shakes it like a heartache. everything and everyone forms against you; you are safe no where. There isn’t a refuge when it is destroyed by the pain and thoughts of the ache. love doesn’t even seem fantasy; it is just a word, not an emotion nor feeling. Like pieces of a puzzle, I have dropped everything on to the floor and now its all mixed up. Where do these feelings go? Did I ever feel these things called ‘happiness’ and ‘love’? maybe I should leave them on the floor and await someone to help me gather and sort them. But I doubt that will ever happen.
~Serena~

Comments (7) | Permalink

Sunday, December 5, 2004

   The Way...
the words you mutter
mean nothing to me
the thoughts you think
are unbearable to see
the love you portray
is pointless and wrong
the awkward glances you spare me
are sorrow-filled and long
the way you touch me
only brings hurt
the way you leave me here is only pain
though I wish it weren’t
the way you are yelling at me
is causing me to scare
the way your eyes glimmer
that dark, evil glare
the way you hit me hard
makes me want to cry
the way you beat me down
makes me wish I could die
the way you threw me out
makes me wish you were dead
the way you kick me in the side
causes sad thoughts to flow through my head
the way you pulled out that knife
made me blink in surprise
the way you plunged it into my heart
made me stare blankly into your eyes
the way I am lying here
you’d think I was asleep
the way my soul departs
leaves me feeling worthless and cheap…
I'm sorry


I wrote this in Tech. class the other day..what do you guys think?Please tell me...anyways..how is everyone today?Im doing okay..being that I actually went to sleep last night(it still blows my mind)...Well I wish everyone a blissful Sunday(or whats left of it)
~Serena~
Comments (6) | Permalink

Saturday, December 4, 2004

   Hello
G'morning everyone.How are we all today?I'm doing good actually...but if everyone would go and check out my fanart that would be great..i dunno if my friend will like it or not >< later today I'll put up my poem of the day...so really I havent much to say.Here's a question:Who's read DNAngel and what do you think of Dark?
~Serena~
Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, December 3, 2004

   g'morning
Hello to all...once again it is around 1:30 in the morning and I havent yawned once...I might just skip sleeping tonight...probably will...heres another poem:

What am I striving for
Life has nothing to offer
One who does not exist
Cannot hate the soul of the traitors
I wonder why I live off love
When only hurt is in the end
Why do people sit and wait
Happiness is just pretend
Life can never guarantee
That happiness will find you
People wasting sympathies on my hollow shell
Life is just one big lie
Some, such as myself
Are smart enough to tell
Every day we wake up
Though some never sleep
Watching the rest of the world shut down
Feeling so elite
The moon looks down upon me
Shining ever so bright
The only one that I will allow
My only shining light
Darkness, shadows
Everything is black and grand
I know what destiny has chosen for me
So I abandoned every hope and dream
Of ever being
Taken by the hand
And loved

hope everyone has a good day..better you than me.
~Serena~

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, December 2, 2004

   Angel Without Wings
g'morning to all(it is 1:34 in the morning.For those of you who dont know,I do not sleep)I am going to update now earlier in the morning because..well just because...heres a poem for you guys for today:
Angel Without Wings

Whats done is done
Whats gone is gone
So much has been lost
And yet I continue on
When starry skies
Portray the dark night
I wish I could spread my wings
Gracefully take flight
But I inhabit the life
Of an angel stuck in Hell
And I have no Prince Charming
To kiss my lips and break the spell
You know not of
How my heart used to bleed
I just want the pain to depart
I want to be freed
What did I ever do
To deserve something like this?
I lost all my happiness
Somewhere back in the abyss
No one knows about
The hurt my past brings
I am an angel stuck in Hell
An angel without wings…

I wrote this awhile ago..just a scratch down..anyways..I wish you all a good day for I am quite positive evn your bad days are better than my regular days.Well Im going to go sit in the rain for a few hours(I also love the rain).
~Serena~
Comments (4) | Permalink