Sunday, May 1, 2005

   ...
I-I guess....I'm staying..I've gotten involved in something...a project lets say..and..I want to finish it...it's very...important to me...plus there is someone..I love very much here...and though he may never read this post...I just want him to know I love him..and hopefully somehow..he will get the message..
I rented Dead to Rights 2 yesterday...it is a very cool game..what caught my attention was the dog Shadow...who can rip people's throat out and you can cotrol him...they swear a lot,but so do I...it's rated M and a very good game..I think..I'm going to play it now..if only my left temple didn't feel as though someone had smashed it in with a hammer x.x
thank you guys..for your love and support...sorry if I worried you...
*~Serena~*
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Saturday, April 30, 2005

I went down the wrong road tonight,and I don't ever plan to go there again...Behind these eyes of blue I lie,hoping never to catch your eye
I don't know what he'll do when I'm gone,but this is for someone special:
Wherever You Will Go
(by: The Calling)

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone,you'll need love to light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone could you make it on your own?


If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you, through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Well then I hope there's someone out there
who can bring me back to you



If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go

Runaway with my heart
Runaway with my hope
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind I'll stay with you for all of time


If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go

So I have come to realize there are people worried about me lately.Everyone is asking me what is wrong.I am worried about myself as well,to be honest.I can't tell of what triggered this,because it is something I never should have gotten involved with anyways.I should like to think I can tell you all I will be okay.
My friend(his name I cannot speak for certain reasons)was sitting with me the other day...waiting for me to say something,anything(because I have neither spoken nor smiled in awhile)and he began to tell me of something better than suicide.His real father wants him to come live with him,and with one call,his dad can be here in 7 hours and my friend can go live with him.My friend wants me to come with him.Basically,that makes me a runaway.He says he can get me away from my life and I can start over new,posing as his girlfirend to his family.So I am herefore faced with a descision.If I leave,I would have no intention of coming back.I would have to leave MyO,but my life would be better off...I think...so I don't know what I'm gonna do...what do you guys think?
*~Emi~*
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Friday, April 29, 2005

   cut my wrists and black my eyes...
I don't want the world to see me because I don't think they'd understand...
And no one understands what its like to be the sad man,the bad man behind blue eyes...
And these are the thoughts that are on my mind,moment that haven't yet been defined...
NO YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND
so stay away from me

random lyrics and strong emotions put into...whatever the fuck you wanna call that...I'm ready to tear my own heart
TODAY I LAID A BOMB IN A FIELD OF FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!
*~ME~*

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

   How Do You Get That Lonely
It was just another story written on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on the bedroom floor

There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can
I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score...


I'm not going to school today...so anyone who goes to school with me,don't worry about me,if you had planned on worrying anyways.I re-hurt my toe(Mom dropped a metal pole on it)so..ya..walking sucks..
ttyl
*~Lis~*

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

   ....
A broken heart will kill you,eat away at your insides...it burns like fire in your eyes,scorching your skin....best way to avoid it? Don't get involved with life

*~Lis~*

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

   Alive,But Alone
I felt it
The blood running down my chest
I hated it
The presence of the one who knew me best
I'm dying
I'm crying
Screaming, sobbing, fighting
But
I'm still alive
There you go
You’re gone now
And I'm alone again
Reaching, hoping, praying
For someone to save me
Someone to be
Here beside me
To help me make it through this
See clearly
Through the mist
That is my thoughts
The pictures, the words
In my head
Everything that burned and ached
From the words you said
I am alive
But alone
And hiding from the light
The darkness is everywhere
From this lonesome, longing fight
The thickness of the air
I'm breaking
Shattering, tearing
Dying...
I can't breathe
I can't see
I can't believe
Will you help me?...

I once was alive
But forever alone
Hidden deep within
The darkness, the unknown
I was once alive
But now I'm alone...

a poem...for all of you...to see...the person...that is really me....to see right through...the window....that was fogged deeply....so I wouldn't notice you...but I know I am not alone...but right now...I FEEL alone..but I am not..I AM alive..but I don't FEEL alive...is there something wrong with me?...
*~Lissa~*
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Sunday, April 24, 2005

   eh...x.x
Current Song:Slipping Away(Sum 41)
Mood:Sore and Aching,Tired

I am back for all who care..I'm not gonna tell you about it now though,I really don't feel like it.A couple things though:
1)All of my friends took pics of me in my bathing suit,because they said I looked cute
2)I got Kerry Lilo's autograph from Arabian Nights Dinner show and OMG he is hot..he signed my hand and my napkin and I shook his hand and told him my name and everything..he was so sweet..plus he rides horses XD
3)I can unwrap a Starburst with my tongue(meaning I'm a super good kisser,lol)and I can stuff 100 pieces of Capn Crunch in my mouth at once
4)I am extrmemely flexible and can bend myself up and under a bus seat,weird right?
5)Walking around a park with a 'broken' toe makes both your feet swell up and hurt like Hell
6)Never trust a friend who flirts with everything that moves with bringing a guy along in your group when you go somewhere..you will become a third wheel and wont be payed attention to one bit
6)[last but not least]I must be somewhat attractive because I had guys checking me out instead of Emily(who is tons prettier than I am)
oh yeah our skewl on first place in Concert Band with a Perfect Score and we won against High Skewls..we were the only Middle Skewl Band..so yeah..I'll tell you more tomorrow..now I am just sitting back and RPing..you wanna talk to me,PM me
later
*~Lissa~*
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Friday, April 22, 2005

   99 bottles of beer on the wall,99 bottles of beer,take one down,pass it around,98 bottles of beer on the wall,98 bottles of beer on the wall,take one down,pass it around,97 bottles of beer on the wall...(you get the idea)
I won’t be on at all this weekend because I will be in Orlando with my band…so yeah…for anyone who wanted to talk to me, you’ll haveta wait ‘till Sunday. I’M NOT DEAD…and for all who were wondering…I didn’t exactly break my toe…I fractured and dislocated it…basically I broke it without physically breaking it…and it HURTS LIKE Hell! X.X I now hobble and limp everywhere and can’t get a shoe on my left foot x.x
So yeah, just letting you all know where I am
*~Serenity~*

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

   GODDAMMIT ><
Mother and I are convinced I broke my toe,we haveta go get it checked out.So for those of you who go to skewl with me,if I'm not there,thats why...I mean HOLY FUCK it hurts T_T
Yesterday I was about to kill someone though..I was reffing and the first game went smoothly(I got Ref Dan,he he^-^)but the second game Coach Rodney's team played..I HATE Rodney.he yelled at me and he THREATENED Ref Dan..he told him he was gonna beat him up in the parking lot because he supposedly 'didn't make any calls'.Everyone was standing around when he said that too! HE yelled at the other coach and he's just a jackass..but if he EVER talks to Ref Dan that way again I will personally STAB him.Ref Dan doesn't deserve shit like that from ANYONE especially Rodney,he's a sweet guy.Rodney was way outta line..WAY WAY WAAAAYYY outta line.
Oh yeah,and if you were wondering how I broke da toe,I tripped over my pants letting out the dog last night..am I NOT the biggest ditz in the world?! Yesh,go ahead and laugh..I think its fucking hilarious and da Mom has been going around making fun of me^^
Everyone have a good day and HOPEFULLY the toe isn't BROKEN so I can ref on Thursday

Your inner soul is calling for help! You always
seem so depressed, lonely, and feel like an
outsider. You may have a cold, sad exterior,
but in all reality you are hurt inside and
bottling up all of your anger. Everyday you
wonder why are you still here when there is
nothing left? You use to once be a happy,
loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and
seems like it never can be fixed again.
However, you have yet seemed to realize that
there are people out there that deeply care for
you. They secretly have a thing for you because
they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full
of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest
person in the world! You like to enjoy your
time by yourself expressing your feelings
through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet
scenaries that just dazzle your mind with awe.
Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where
you can hide out, hidden from those who gave
you all of the pain. Try to loosen up and have
some fun! Never start frowning because you
never know who's falling in love with your
smile :)


What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say?
brought to you by Quizilla
(ain't that just like every quiz..maybe theyre trying to tell me something..?)
*~Serena~*
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

   CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES
Eh,I got reffing tonight with the mother fucking little ppls(hate them so much ><)but at least I get paid,right? So,yeah..if anyone for any starnge and bizarre reason wanted to talked to me I should be home 7:3-8:00 alrighy? Okay..and thats why I won't get to sites until later,its not because I hate you,just I'm not at a pc at the time,duh..well wish me luck,we get paid by performance and I'm like a master at this flag flicking shit
*~Serena~*
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