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myOtaku.com: BlackWolfSerena
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Thursday, December 9, 2004
Promise...
I want to slip into the oblivion of what I think is true and what I know is candid. The machines are beginning to drive me crazy with the glares and the taunts. What did I ever do wrong to Them? I am not spoken to, therefore I do not speak. I am not noticed therefore I am not observant. They are waiting…waiting for me to show my weakness…waiting for me to show my fear…waiting for the precise moment to break me down to nothing. I won’t let Them, though it is hard. I hide something that I myself cannot even control. What can I do to make these emotions obscure…when I don’t even know what they are?
My eyes scan the beings that swarm past me; searching for anything other than dark glances. I do not wish to remain aloof, but when push comes to shove, I am alone. There is no one here who understands me; no one who cares to either. Do I think it possible to love someone who cannot love me back? The thought it obscene. But then I see him, isolated from the rest. Hair that is not hair of a dark midnight sky. Eyes that are not eyes of a swallowing hazy gray. Skin that is not skin of a perfect smoothness; like a flawless pearl pulled up from the deepest depths of the high borne kingdom Atlantis. An expression that is not an expression of hate and loathe. I am attracted. Such a ponderable thought; could he be like all the rest of these Hell-borne monsters? His glare that Is not a glare sets upon me and his eyes that are not eyes dig into thine eyes, though They bring no real pain. Am I invisible…or does this person who is not a person see what others do not? Does he seek the plausible cause for my being, or is he simply making me feel worthless like all the others wish? I hesitate…I watch…I feel my heart beating within my chest that is a chest. Could it be that this person who is not a person, this man who is not a man, is attempting a gesture of understanding to me, the person who Is a person, the girl who is a girl? But then his eyes fall to the ground and the spell is broken. I am stuck in a trance. I yearn for his gray shadowed eyes that aren’t eyes to fall upon me once more. Sadly, They do not. I find myself aching to call out to him with my screams that are screams, but silence remains. I walk away, though the feeling does not. It stays, sitting heavily on my soul that is a soul, ripping into my mind that is a mind. Could I be...in love?
For those who care,I promise I wont do it again. They've begun to hurt and I feel stupid now, so you have my word.
I send all my love,hopes and dreams to my shadow dragon.
~Serena~
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