Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Strings of the Heart
Omg! I finally got to get my violin tuned!! I can make a sound now!!! Now i just need to learn the notes -_-u * violin makes a screeching sound* ehhh...
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Monday, October 4, 2004

Alchemy
Squee! Alchemy Symbols are so awesome. LOL. Just a moment of randomness.
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

"Lies" by Evanescence
Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough
You will never be good enough
You were never conceived in love
You will not rise above

They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

But through my tears breaks a blinding light
Birthing a dawn to this endless night
Arms outstretched, awaiting me
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me
They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

Rest in me and I'll comfort you
I have lived and I died for you
Abide in me and I vow to you
I will never forsake you

They'll never see
I'll never be
I've struggled on and on to feed this hunger
Burning deep inside of me

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Friday, September 24, 2004

Hiatus
Hello all. Aghhh..i've had such a stressful day at school and hell it ain't funny. I've decided to pause "Comfort the Mourning" because i've noticed alot of errors it contained...SO i have another back up story and comic for you! yay! which i've already started to draw (i haven't done any drawings or sketchs for CTM!) So please be kind and keep in mind (hehe that rhymed) that CTM has only paused not stopped entirely. Thank you
~Lirita
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Sunday, September 19, 2004

Hello
Hello my kin and Mundanes alike... How do you fair? I my self am tired but my content is replete.

I realize I have not been updating lately on anything, such as my story, site, and drawings. It's not that i am lazy, it's just that i have such a hectic lifestyle to keep up with now. So...i apologize to the "Comfort the Mourning" Readers...Truly i am sorry. You shall expect a new chapter later on in the evening...alright? And as for my drawing...i started a new "Project". You will see the results of this sometime soon. Thank you being so paitent and such.
Till the next Moonshine rises,
~Lirita
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Sunday, September 5, 2004

To those of Russia...
Today i have heard of the calamity that has befallen a school in Russia and my heart is weighed with sorrow. How much more bloodshed until all of this is resolved? How many more innocent lives must be slain in order for peace to reign again? Don't they know they are killing their future, their culture, their lives? Don't they care? Must we all have to face another day of pain, torture, abuse, and anguish? Whatever happens in one country is like a ripple effect and pretty soon the whole world is traumatized too. So today...i honour the lost, the invalids, and the survivors. But most importantly...the families who lost their futures, for those who will not see their children grow up nor hear the sound of infant laughter again. To cope with such a great loss, they are the strongest of us all... . I hope you too realize how fortunate you are that such things do not exist(depends where you live.) So join with me in remembering the lost, that they maybe in a place far more sweeter and Just than that cruel hell they had called home. Today...Comfort the Mourning....

"Maybe Forever"
By: Lirita O.

I looked bleakly at the wall it's nudity crudely covered by crinkled papers and peeling tape and felt engulfing dispair. Hundreds of hoping women and men clung to the wall, it being their only way of knowing if their loved ones were dead. Should I feel lucky? That I didn't lose anyone or anything except my sense of safety? That i barely survived without a nick of broken flesh and that not one drop of my blood spilled? Should I feel lucky? Never! I'd be a souless beast!

I knew personally every single one of those students I had taught english too. The entire grade 8,9,and 10 classes where gone...each student was my good friend. They looked up to me as an older sister, not a teacher but as a person they could rely on to trade secrets with, to help them out if they needed it. I always wanted to have that kind of relationship with my students and I encouraged them to trust me. Which they did in a rather short period of time. Oh what amazing teens they were! Each of them with their outstanding talents. They each made a mark upon the world with their brillance, which shone like the brightest light. A light that was suddenly blown out.

I looked among the masses of people..hoping to see a familiar face but found no one. Even standing within this overcrowded room, I had never felt so alone in my entire life neither so afraid when I was trapped under falling debris. How I was miraculously not crushed I do not know but I felt intense relief burst inside me once they found me. That instantaneously died the moment I saw what things looked like outside of my wretched grave. The school was no more, entirely burnt to the ground. Smoke stung my eyes (or was it tears?) as I looked around me at the hell that suddenly took root on earth. All around me was charred pieces of debris, metal, wood, and...people. A few smouldering fires remained to be put out and the air was filled with the sound of sirens, screams, and wailing. Blood was everywhere and I was covered in it too, except it wasn't my blood, but the blood of my students is what stained my clothes.

I was then brought to a hospital to be examined and was shocked to see the state of the Hospital. It was packed over the maximum with injured and dying people, most of them children. My heart broke as I saw how critically injured some were. One was wrapped with so many bandages, you couldn't tell the gender of the child. Another's face was so badly swollen, he was beyond recognition and another girl, who looked 18, was have her chest babdaged for a broken rib. A teenage boy was sitting against the wall with his face in his hands, a crudely put together splint on his leg. For a brief second, i thought I saw, Merish, a boy in my class. I shook my head and the boy became a stranger once more. I looked all around me. Not an inch of the hospital floor could be seen and the hospital staff was in a frenzy. Dried bloody hand prints of children were found on the walls all around me, some fresh, others old. In a raspy voice, I heard a invalid little girl call out for her mother. Crying and wailing was the only thing I ever heard and I was so overwhelmed by it all that I ran out of the building. I remember a nurse caught up with me and told me to come back inside... but I couldn't. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. She looked straight into my eyes then slowly nodded. She understood what I felt. I turned to run again but she caught my wrist and shoved clean clothes into my hand. Surprised, I looked into her face again and saw only kindness. With a sad smile, she ran back inside to once again join in the hectic commotion. I wished I had asked her name. I found someplace to change and I came here, to this place, to the wall which offered nothing but grief for those to clung to even the tiniest bit of hope. Here I remained....for the past 3 hours.

I closed my eyes, trying to wash out all of the memories, the pain, the blood. A sharp anguished cry of a woman snapped me back to the current moment. The women staggered away from the wall, the sorrow etched on her face said everything. Her husband held her in his arms and they both sinked to the floor in tears. My heart once again wretched in smypathy and compassion. Taking a deep shaky breath, the husband pulled her up with him and they slowly made their way out to the more suffering of those outside.

Everyone in the city lost someone. Not one family was untouched by death. I was supposed to be one of the fortunate ones. Fortunate my Ass. With a sigh, I sank against the opposite wall and held my head in my hands. Only then did I realise how tired I was...or was I tired of pain and abuse? Which one I could not tell, but I must have been more tired than i thought and I fell a sleep in a few moments. Several hours later, I awoke to the harsh shove I was received. In a sleepy daze, I looked up at a grim looking man who woke me. He said something in his language, to fast for me to understand (I was still groggy), but his tone was all to clear. He pointed to the exit and said more and stalked away. Apparently, they don't want people slumming around, occupying space and time.

I looked at the wall again. There were less people than earlier, most of them departing. Heart-broken. Only the rare ones not finding a family name on the list. I stood up and brushed myself off. I should have left but I decided to approach the "Death" wall. The rest of them dipersed, leaving me all alone and forlorn. I looked at the flowers lining the wall and counted more than 3 dozen for those that were on the list, hardly enough for all of them. I looked up and looked at the lists that scanned the wall.

With a heavy sigh, I put my forehead against one of the lists and gave into my need to weep. The man came around again, further maddened that I was still there. He spoke to me again but I barely listened to him. All of these lives lost...all of the hopes and dreams that were ripped apart. How many of the dead were kids? How many of them were my friends?I sunk to my knees, sobs racking my body.

The man shouted at me again. He was about to shout again but, with a scorching glare, I told him to I would depart shortly AFTER I was done but I wanted him to leave me the HELL ALONE. I added a few more colourful words(which i will not say). He seemed taken back but then gave me a stiff nod and left. With a shaky heavy sigh, I got up and stared at the wall again.

I tenderly touched the flowers and one of the lists,
tears threatening to spill again. A backed away from the wall, my eyes lingering on each list. Suddenly for a brief second, I saw blood dripping down the wall, staining the lists red, and I heard the sound of guns and screams followed by cries of pain...Anguish.

I gasped and shook my head. It all disappeared in the blink of an eye but I was very shaken. Seeing to much death had taken a toll on me I suppose. I backed away, my back slamming against the opposite wall and i was breathing hard. I have to get out of here!!

I ran as fast as i could to the door but curiosity made me look back. I took one swift look at the wall again and shook my head, my brow flecked with a frown. Never will I forget that moment...that vision. It was branded in my mind and it shall be forever.

I walked away and didn't look back. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I briskly walked away from that fear I felt in there. As if fear didn't exist outside the walls of that building. With no where to go, I numbly walked around, no more hope, dreams and happiness planting in my mind. It was all gone. Everything and everyone. As was the sense of security and love. Gone. Maybe forever for some. For those people...they will never be the same again.

Walking a little faster, I steeled my self against the the coldness that claimed me and ran, darkness, screams, and moans nipping at my heels. Maybe forever will I, too, be scarred.
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Scroll 1- Memories and Outbreaks
I reclined delicately on the branch in a lazy catlike fashion. I liked times like this... when unbreakable peace seemed to exist for just a few moments and in those moments I ,Lirita Narcissus Onaryx, felt carefree and joyous, completely ignoring the actual chaos that was my life and who I was. The only things that kept me going were these moments...they kept my shattered sanity intact.

Drowsiness began to claim me and the melodic sound of rain didn't improve the situation. I shook off my fatigue and stretched out. My waiting would be over soon. With a yawn, I sat up and placed my sketchbook in my lap with my pencil poised in my hand and ready to etch. With a flick of my wrist, I flipped open to the drawing I was currently working on. I just gazed at the drawing and sighed. I never did find the time or the creativity to complete the picture, which really ticked me off.

"Damn it....I hate it when I have artist's block..."

In barely contained annoyance, I turned to a brand new page and thought of something new to draw. While deep in thought, a large red umbrella and a smaller one caught my attention. Whether it was the color or the size of them, I couldn't tell.

"Oh yeah sure...tease the vamp." I thought bitterly, the color of red reminding me of something I'd rather not think about, having not fed upon for sometime. I forced myself not to *vamp out.

Leaning down from the branch, I watched as a mother and her daughter strolled down the path way of the park, the child's umbrella bobbing in time to her steps in a cute little way. They sat down together on a park bench and shared a small snack from a picnic basket they brought. I decided to draw a picture of them together, although I hoped they wouldn't stay. I began to draw the mother first. I couldn't suppress a small smile when hearing the little girl's laughter and chatter. The mother laughed in return and hugged the little girl, the tender action prodding my mind with painful memories. Depressing memories of my past that hindered the present and made my future seem dull.

"Precious mother...I wonder what she's doing now…I hope she’s dead." I said in a scathing tone.

I could not recall one good memory with my mother, not even a moment. The only person I could remember that ever loved me was Maryn, my German nanny. Oh, how I missed her so. I missed having a strong feminine influence in my life. Sure, there was Sarette but she was more of a strict mentor than a friendly, paternal spirit.

With my mind conjuring one sad time after another, I slumped back against the tree and closed my weary eyes.

"I wish I could see Maryn again...it's been so many years." It was the truth. It had been several years too many. The last time I had seen Maryn was when I was thirteen...the age when I ran away from home. I had my reasons.

Maybe things would have turned out differently if i hadn't left, but then again, I wouldn’t want my current lifestyle to change in any way.

"I hope SHE'S still alive somewhere..." I ran a hand through my hair and slowly began to re-read the worn out book of my past (metaphorically speaking).

Ah yes…I emancipated myself from my parents when I was ten but they separated themselves from me when I was born. All I could ever recall my mother saying to me was how it's was a cruel twist of fate that she was given a daughter. The conceited harlot! Honestly, the least she could've done was pretended she cared! Same with my father! I remembered how goody-two-shoes I tried to be in hopes of hearing at least just one word of praise from my parents. I’d always get up at the crack at dawn, wash myself, braid my own hair, dress myself (with Maryn's help), always have a clean room, practice my piano everyday without being told, get good grades, never get my good dresses dirty, use large words to impress them (never worked), always talked politely, always be obedient...and the list goes on and on. Hell…* I even started praying every night even if I found leading such a sinless life boring.

How many times was I turned away? How many times was I disappointed? How many times was I ignored? Too many times...I had lost count by age eight. I didn't regret running away from home, except for leaving Maryn behind. But for once I didn't have crushing expectations on my shoulders to be perfect. For once I didn't have to listen to my mother complain. For once I felt in control of my life. For once… I felt free… that is until I realized I had no where to go and nothing to support her self on.

My mother had reached the end of my patience and I just stormed out of the house without a second thought or thinking it through. I stumbled around aimlessly in dark alleyways, trying to find warmth, food and shelter.

I don't remember much of what happened before Sarette found me. The last thing I recall before Sarette was that I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep warm. I reached a park and sat on a bench, feeling awfully hungry, but I heard a noise. Then next thing i know Sarette is there, standing before me while it was raining, and there was blood everywhere. I always asked what happened but she always changes the topic.

I stayed in her charge till I was 15, which was when I decided it was time I got myself a job. I took any job i could if it meant supporting myself: a dishwasher, a janitor, a helper in the library, I worked in a cd store, a cashier, a babysitter (demonic lil beasts) and other things. I also encountered some tougher jobs as well: I was a Body guard, a club bouncer, and an employee of a sword shop. Then I took on my toughest and darkest job of all...being an assassin and an agent for an acronymed organization, S.A.V.O. in the vampiric community. I currently also have a job in *mundane society at a cozy cafe(mmm...free coffee). That suited me quite nicely, taking revenge on those so called *Vampire Slayers who went about killing anybody who claimed to be one by night and serving up coffee and such by day. Those slayers were like the ones that attacked me the night Sarette found me. Ah yes…revenge is so sweet but it came with a price. I touched my left cheek lightly, remembering. When ever i thought about it, it seemed a phantom pain returned. I clenched my fist. Yes… quite a bloody price. Restless, I opened my eyes and looked around for the mother and daughter but they were gone. Just as well...my desire to draw had diminished and i also didn't want them in the way. I put my emotions back in their frozen jar (another metaphor) and put it back on the shelf at the back of my mind. There was no room for them here in my life and occupation. I cocked my head to one side and listened. Yes... they were definately coming . I took my time putting on my forearm blades and checked several of the daggers hidden where only i knew, re-adjusted my sword at my side and double checked I had all my stars. I smoothed out my clothes and tied up my hair. I'm ready. I hid my drawing book in a crotch of a tree. I'd retrieve it later.

“It's almost time, I'm looking for a little fun anyways. I should get to work,” I thought to myself, standing with perfect balance on the tree branch. “Lest the world rolls along without me and I am left alone. ” I smirked. Correction. I am alone. I sniffed the air.
"Hmm... a few more minutes, better find a secluded place. Should I use my whip? Or my stars? Tough decision."
As the rain still streamed down around me, I bounded through the treetops, the sound of distant thunder seeming to drum a deadly beat of fatal fore-warning. I stood tall atop of a tree harbouring a clearing and stopped, looking back at the way I came. The black fog had begun to sweep over the slick ground, thicker than any seen on this earth. It was Magically generated of course, by whom i do not know, and what it brought was fun to...dispatch. I smiled, my naturally long canines gleaming.

"They dare to approach. I Couldn't have picked better weather myself." Without looking at my reflection, I could tell my eyes turned to the colour of blood red. They did everytime I was in a mood to kill. With a cold laugh, I jumped down several branches and then to the ground. Almost in a playful kind of way , I walked right into the middle of the clearing, where the fog began to accumulate the most. Through the mist, I saw them. Several silhouettes slowly approached me coming out of the fog, in the deceiving form of humans, which they were not. Oh well...what do I care? I lapsed into a fighting stance and grinned again.

"Oh hello! Want to play?" With those jesting words, i brandished my whip and struck the air, the sharp cracking sound resounding in the air.
"Come on... it'll be fun!"
__________________________________

* Vampire Slayers/ Hunter: People who believe they have the right to kill vamps because vamps are “Evil” and often stalk and attempt to kill vamps oppose to hunters who seek out vamps and gather information on them and report them to the authorities.

*Praying: Yes even vampires have reverence for God. We just don’t act in the ways He wants us too.

Vamp Out: When hungry vampires start to space out and their body prepares to feed. Often, only vampires who try to ignore their thirst experience this.


!!! What's gonna happen? Who are these mysterious attackers? Find out in the next scroll 2- Family matters
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Friday, August 20, 2004

Prologue- Black Roses
"Nana! Nana!" called a quivering voice, choked by sobs. Maryn spun around at the sound of her title to find a little girl tugging at the hem of her dress. The child's beautiful large eyes stared up at her, more tears threatening to spill over. Her face was swathed in tears and she emitted a hiccup every now and then.

"What is it, *leibchen? Why do you cry so? Hmm?" Maryn asked as she stooped down to wipe the little girl's face tenderly.

"I can't find my doll Marina. I looked everywhere in the house but i can't find her!" Once again, the child burst into sobs. Maryn's heart twisted with compassion and pity for the little girl. Everything seemed to be going wrong in her young life. Maryn had taken care and loved this little girl as is if she was her own daughter. As it were, the child's biological mother negelected her family duties and thought only of her own well being. So she, Maryn, was hired for the task. Selfish, rude, and arrogant, the mother acted like the child didn't even exist. Maryn even heard the mother utter a slanderous word or two about the little girl often hearing her say it was a mistake for her to even be born! But how could someone loathe such a intelligent, beautiful child? At age 6 it was apparent that the child inherited her mother's and father's blessed good looks and was often admired by others (much to the disdain of her mother). Maryn looked over her shoulder at the mansion looming behind her and shook her head, dasapproving of those who dwelled in it. The little girl's father was no less worse than the mother. He was always preoccupied with business and paperwork when he should have spent time with his daughter. Turning back, Maryn hugged the little girl close to her and rubbed her back in a soothing manner.

"Shhhh, hush, beloved, all is well. We will go find her together, ja? Now...when was the last time you saw her?" Maryn asked quietly. The little girl moved out of her embrace, deep in thought. She was still hiccuping but the crying subsided.

"Well...i had her this morning and during tea time, but then...but then she said she wanted to play and i took her to..." The little girl's eyes suddenly brightened and she had the air of excitement about her.
"I remember now! I left her in mommy's garden! Come on! Let's go get her!" Exclaimed the child and proceeded to pull Maryn's hand. They headed past the running fountains, past the gazebo of love, through the budding orchards, and finally stopped infront of the garden door. It was a heavy oak door, scarred and marked by time, with heavy Ivy and vines entangled on the walls surrounding it. The girl produced a key from her pocket and turned it in the lock. The click of success sounded and they pushed open the door. Maryn was amazed by the immense beauty and grandness of the garden. Every flower imagined seemed to be flourishing in the garden. A small waterfall gushed into a pond, complete with koi and turtles. Right next to the pond, heavily branched willow trees shivered in the warm breeze and roofed a tree stump, perfect for sitting. Stepping stones ran in all different directions, each leading to more splendor of different beauties. A deer and her fawn was grazing on the lush grass at the far side of the garden where the wall had crumbled down. Maryn turned to find something that made her speechless by it's magnificent being. Radiant and glowing white in the sunlight, an abadoned church stood proud. Doves and pigeons cooed their delight atop the well intacted steeple and after 35 years of misuse, the steps to the entrance still looked inviting. The beautiful stain glass windows were also still intact but were a little dusty. Maryn tried to take everything in but it was an overload for her senses. But all the little girl had eyes for was her doll, perched delicately on a swing supended from another sturdy tree. The wind made the swing sway slightly as the little girl raced to her beloved dollie.

"Marina! I found you! Don't do that again, ok? You know you're not supposed to do that! You could've.." The little girl continued to scold her dollie as she proceeded to walk back to the entrance of the garden but Maryn scarcely heard her. Maryn lightly touched the tree, looking up at it's crown. Several different species of birds made nests there and flew about busily while Maryn just smiled. A startled gasp snapped her out of her reverie. She turned sharply to find the little girl at the other end of the garden, standing beside a rose bush budding black roses. A dark liquid seemed to be dripping from one of the stems. The little girl was staring at her palm out stretched before her. It was then Maryn noticed it was bleeding. A bolt alarm shot through her and she panicked. The child must not taste her blood! She musn't! Maryn didn't want her to 'awaken' and become enslaved to her dormant darker nature. She must avoid becoming what her mother became! Maryn stood frozen, praying that the child wouldn't be overcome by curiosity, but...she did. The little girl seemed entranced and slowly lifted her palm to her lips. All of the sudden Maryn remembered she could move. She ran as fast as she could towards the child

"NO! DON'T YOU MUST!" MAryn called out but her warning came seconds too late. Maryn felt dipair flow over her and sunk to the ground in grief. The future for this child was now decided the moment the blood touched her lips. There was no going back. The child had tasted her blood and found it good. She began to drink.
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*Liebchen: German for "Sweetheart" or "Darling"

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Thursday, August 19, 2004

Comfort the Mourning
I've seen several people post original stories they've made and i decided to do that too. I currently have manga i'm creating called..."Comfort The Mourning" and i decided to do a written story as well as a manga, So...for the next few months...i'll be posting up peice by piece of the story. Although...ye bewarned...I don't know how it will end..i've only pegged the beginning and the middle but after that...who knows what will happen. Once i get to that point in the story i will ask for ideas on how to end it. Wish me luck.
~Lirita
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