Sunday, September 5, 2004

To those of Russia...
Today i have heard of the calamity that has befallen a school in Russia and my heart is weighed with sorrow. How much more bloodshed until all of this is resolved? How many more innocent lives must be slain in order for peace to reign again? Don't they know they are killing their future, their culture, their lives? Don't they care? Must we all have to face another day of pain, torture, abuse, and anguish? Whatever happens in one country is like a ripple effect and pretty soon the whole world is traumatized too. So today...i honour the lost, the invalids, and the survivors. But most importantly...the families who lost their futures, for those who will not see their children grow up nor hear the sound of infant laughter again. To cope with such a great loss, they are the strongest of us all... . I hope you too realize how fortunate you are that such things do not exist(depends where you live.) So join with me in remembering the lost, that they maybe in a place far more sweeter and Just than that cruel hell they had called home. Today...Comfort the Mourning....

"Maybe Forever"
By: Lirita O.

I looked bleakly at the wall it's nudity crudely covered by crinkled papers and peeling tape and felt engulfing dispair. Hundreds of hoping women and men clung to the wall, it being their only way of knowing if their loved ones were dead. Should I feel lucky? That I didn't lose anyone or anything except my sense of safety? That i barely survived without a nick of broken flesh and that not one drop of my blood spilled? Should I feel lucky? Never! I'd be a souless beast!

I knew personally every single one of those students I had taught english too. The entire grade 8,9,and 10 classes where gone...each student was my good friend. They looked up to me as an older sister, not a teacher but as a person they could rely on to trade secrets with, to help them out if they needed it. I always wanted to have that kind of relationship with my students and I encouraged them to trust me. Which they did in a rather short period of time. Oh what amazing teens they were! Each of them with their outstanding talents. They each made a mark upon the world with their brillance, which shone like the brightest light. A light that was suddenly blown out.

I looked among the masses of people..hoping to see a familiar face but found no one. Even standing within this overcrowded room, I had never felt so alone in my entire life neither so afraid when I was trapped under falling debris. How I was miraculously not crushed I do not know but I felt intense relief burst inside me once they found me. That instantaneously died the moment I saw what things looked like outside of my wretched grave. The school was no more, entirely burnt to the ground. Smoke stung my eyes (or was it tears?) as I looked around me at the hell that suddenly took root on earth. All around me was charred pieces of debris, metal, wood, and...people. A few smouldering fires remained to be put out and the air was filled with the sound of sirens, screams, and wailing. Blood was everywhere and I was covered in it too, except it wasn't my blood, but the blood of my students is what stained my clothes.

I was then brought to a hospital to be examined and was shocked to see the state of the Hospital. It was packed over the maximum with injured and dying people, most of them children. My heart broke as I saw how critically injured some were. One was wrapped with so many bandages, you couldn't tell the gender of the child. Another's face was so badly swollen, he was beyond recognition and another girl, who looked 18, was have her chest babdaged for a broken rib. A teenage boy was sitting against the wall with his face in his hands, a crudely put together splint on his leg. For a brief second, i thought I saw, Merish, a boy in my class. I shook my head and the boy became a stranger once more. I looked all around me. Not an inch of the hospital floor could be seen and the hospital staff was in a frenzy. Dried bloody hand prints of children were found on the walls all around me, some fresh, others old. In a raspy voice, I heard a invalid little girl call out for her mother. Crying and wailing was the only thing I ever heard and I was so overwhelmed by it all that I ran out of the building. I remember a nurse caught up with me and told me to come back inside... but I couldn't. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. She looked straight into my eyes then slowly nodded. She understood what I felt. I turned to run again but she caught my wrist and shoved clean clothes into my hand. Surprised, I looked into her face again and saw only kindness. With a sad smile, she ran back inside to once again join in the hectic commotion. I wished I had asked her name. I found someplace to change and I came here, to this place, to the wall which offered nothing but grief for those to clung to even the tiniest bit of hope. Here I remained....for the past 3 hours.

I closed my eyes, trying to wash out all of the memories, the pain, the blood. A sharp anguished cry of a woman snapped me back to the current moment. The women staggered away from the wall, the sorrow etched on her face said everything. Her husband held her in his arms and they both sinked to the floor in tears. My heart once again wretched in smypathy and compassion. Taking a deep shaky breath, the husband pulled her up with him and they slowly made their way out to the more suffering of those outside.

Everyone in the city lost someone. Not one family was untouched by death. I was supposed to be one of the fortunate ones. Fortunate my Ass. With a sigh, I sank against the opposite wall and held my head in my hands. Only then did I realise how tired I was...or was I tired of pain and abuse? Which one I could not tell, but I must have been more tired than i thought and I fell a sleep in a few moments. Several hours later, I awoke to the harsh shove I was received. In a sleepy daze, I looked up at a grim looking man who woke me. He said something in his language, to fast for me to understand (I was still groggy), but his tone was all to clear. He pointed to the exit and said more and stalked away. Apparently, they don't want people slumming around, occupying space and time.

I looked at the wall again. There were less people than earlier, most of them departing. Heart-broken. Only the rare ones not finding a family name on the list. I stood up and brushed myself off. I should have left but I decided to approach the "Death" wall. The rest of them dipersed, leaving me all alone and forlorn. I looked at the flowers lining the wall and counted more than 3 dozen for those that were on the list, hardly enough for all of them. I looked up and looked at the lists that scanned the wall.

With a heavy sigh, I put my forehead against one of the lists and gave into my need to weep. The man came around again, further maddened that I was still there. He spoke to me again but I barely listened to him. All of these lives lost...all of the hopes and dreams that were ripped apart. How many of the dead were kids? How many of them were my friends?I sunk to my knees, sobs racking my body.

The man shouted at me again. He was about to shout again but, with a scorching glare, I told him to I would depart shortly AFTER I was done but I wanted him to leave me the HELL ALONE. I added a few more colourful words(which i will not say). He seemed taken back but then gave me a stiff nod and left. With a shaky heavy sigh, I got up and stared at the wall again.

I tenderly touched the flowers and one of the lists,
tears threatening to spill again. A backed away from the wall, my eyes lingering on each list. Suddenly for a brief second, I saw blood dripping down the wall, staining the lists red, and I heard the sound of guns and screams followed by cries of pain...Anguish.

I gasped and shook my head. It all disappeared in the blink of an eye but I was very shaken. Seeing to much death had taken a toll on me I suppose. I backed away, my back slamming against the opposite wall and i was breathing hard. I have to get out of here!!

I ran as fast as i could to the door but curiosity made me look back. I took one swift look at the wall again and shook my head, my brow flecked with a frown. Never will I forget that moment...that vision. It was branded in my mind and it shall be forever.

I walked away and didn't look back. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I briskly walked away from that fear I felt in there. As if fear didn't exist outside the walls of that building. With no where to go, I numbly walked around, no more hope, dreams and happiness planting in my mind. It was all gone. Everything and everyone. As was the sense of security and love. Gone. Maybe forever for some. For those people...they will never be the same again.

Walking a little faster, I steeled my self against the the coldness that claimed me and ran, darkness, screams, and moans nipping at my heels. Maybe forever will I, too, be scarred.
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