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Monday, December 27, 2004


"While you live in the light
I continue in the darkness,
A shadow of your life,
Death creeping behind you.
I am just a memory now,
A nightmare which you ignore,
Something better forgotten,
Than to be tortured by it.
I am tortured, though,
By your merciless grudge,
You hate me, you loath me,
Though before there was love.
My heart burns with longing
As I watch you cross the street,
Walking away from everything
That we used to hold dear to us.
Now I am just your heart's shadow,
Living with the grief and pain,
So that you do not have to-
I burn in hell for you, my love."

- By Bern

Hmm. Well, I feel terrible. I have a headahce, h=my throat hurts and my nose is stuffed up, I am cold, and tired, and bored, and lonely- oh my gosh, I am so lonely!!! I like having time to myself without my family, and I like having my family around, but not having a boyfriend- HIM- is terrible. Seems like I think too much, for all these thoughts take up my brain space, to an extent where I dream of him, think of him in the day, and everything I look at reminds me of him. He says that I am selfish, that i think of only myself and that I care for nobody else. That is BULLSHIT! I never would have dumped him if I thought it would hurt him worse than I already was. I thought I hurt him because I had feelings for other guys, and I didn't think that was fair to him. Was I in the wrong? Should I have stayed with him, with the chance of me cheating on him? I thought that by dumping him, I wouldn't go to that extent. I never thought once that I actually WOULD cheat on him- it was just a precaution. But still. What do you do when you are confused by the feelings you are feeling, the fears you are facing, and the worries that absorb your head day and night?


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