Monday, May 7, 2007

Weekend.
My weekend was interesting. I hung out with Jarret on Friday with his friends. Because he's friends were having a moving party. They were smoking weed and drinking. I wasn't because I don’t do that, and because I wasn't feeling all that well. Then again it could have been the fact I don't like people doing that stuff, but it's not like I'm going to stop him. It's his life. Not Mine. Anyways, then we left and he brought me half way home. He went back, and he did more drugs. Not like I care. Anyways then on Saturday he came over and meet the whole family. They like him, as he likes them. He slept over at my house that night. We ended up watching movies with Alex, Tasha, and Kayla. Then we decided to go to bed. He’s so cute when he sleeps. He kept telling me to hold him in his sleep. Anyways we woke up at 9:30am, he made food for me. We watched TV for a while. Then he went home, I brought him half way. Then I went home, passed out for a while. OH yeah! Something else to tell you! My nose is broken once again. For the 6th time. It got broken on Saturday night; it was either Jarret, Tasha or Alex who broke it. But yeah. Lol it’s broken again. Fun Fun.

On Another Note. I feel like shit right now… Cause… I don’t want to say this but I did something very fucking stupid. I cheated on Jarret…When we were first going out… And…I might be pregnant again! *cries* I’m such a slut… I didn’t mean to cheat on him! I was drinking, and shit at my friend’s house. And then stuff happened! Omg I’m such a slut! What am I going to do if I am pregnant?! I know Jarret will hate me…What the fuck do I do?!

Lost In My Own Little World Of War

Sincerely,

Blood-Goth-Lover
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Friday, May 4, 2007

Doesnt' give a fuck about me. Why the fuck should I give a fuck about him?! what the fuck is the point of being with him if he doesnt' care! screw you all! fuck you all! leave me the fuck alone! why dont you understand that I dont want to be with yuo! why dont you understand that your fucking with me! just using with me!

FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!
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Wednesday, May 2, 2007

If I gave up on living right now. Gave up on breathing right now. Gave up on loving, Just write a note. a poem to everyone... would anyone care?... would anyone miss me for real? or would they just say that?
If I died right now. would you care for real or just saying it?
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Poem I Wrote On The Bus
Title- Lost forever
Pain won't go away
Lost in the darkness of
My thoughts. not sure
What to do. Never wanted
To Hurt. Only wanted to feel
True love, to have someone care
Lost in the darkness of whats
Going on in life
Slowly drowning in the pain
That i've given to everyone
Pain so big, So strong,
It's taking me down.
Fighitng away, but never
Getting out of the
Darkness,
Lost Forever,
In this sea of pain
Never know what to do
So Lost So Confused
Drowning, No one helping
Lost in Darkness
Lost forever to whom?
Lost forever in the sea
Never to know whats going on
True love is lost in the
Darkness
Pain wont go away, Never.
Always Swallowing me whole
Everytime I'm happy,
Don't know what to do
Fighing wont work
Lost forever in Darkness

There is my poem...

I went to my ex's yesterday...I'm now so confused on what I want to do... I'm a cheater, a whore I shouldn't be with jarret! I dont want to leave him cause he makes me so happy... what the hell should I do! my ex still has my special necklace cause he wants to get back together with me... Tyler( my exs brother) wants to date me. Wesley(my ex) wants to be with me again, wants to try and work it out... doesn't want to leave me no more... I'm so confused! I need to talk to Jarret, but I want to do that in person... i'm lost and confused... please help me.. i'm a whore i'm a cheater, i'm nothing but dirt on the ground that you all walk on...
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Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Quiz I took for a class
These are the top jobs I am good for.
Specialists in Surgery
Dentists
Aircraft Electrical Mechanics and Technicians
Aircraft Instrument Mechanics and Technicians
Avionics Mechanics and Technicians
Chiropractors
General Practitioners and Family Physicians
Jewellers and Related Workers
Osteopaths
Doctors of Podiatric Medicine


What do you think???

I miss my hunnie... I want to go see him... i'm lost without you.
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Monday, April 30, 2007

Used
Why do I feel so used when I'm with you? When I know I don't have to. Why do I feel like you're just using me like the others one did? Why do I just want to run away and never go back. Why do I just want to jump off a bridge and never come back to life? Why am I feeling like this again...I don't want. I want to love you. I want to be with you. But I feel like your just using me... I'm thinking I shouldn't see you on firday... I love it when we're together, but it just feels like your using me... Maybe love isn't for me... I don't know what to do! please someone tell me what I need to do! I love Jarret with all my heart, but why do I feel like he is using me?!

Poem
Title- Drowning

Looking for love
Trying to find who I am
Trying to understand what is going on
Watching the day go by
Sun going up,
Moon going up,
Wind blowing
Trees moving
Watching life go by
As my life stops
Looking for love
Trying to find who I am
Trying to find someone to love me
Sudden Darkness
Water all around
Drowning
Waiting for help
Never going to get it
Lost
Looking for love
Watching life go by
Watching the sun
Go up
Moon go down
Drowning
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Saturday, April 28, 2007

   Fight
Last night While I was with Jarret, I meet his friends, Travis, Debbie(sp?), Cory, Chris, and Cherrise. We went to a park to have a fire, on the way we stopped at some guys house asked for wood and they gave us wood, mashmellows and so much more. After a while at the park, we were hanging out getting along. When some bitches and hoes and shit came and started to bug us, there was this one girl who had misfits shoes and Debbie asked her what was her fav song of them. and the bitch said I dont have one i just listen to them. And Debbie said Poser bitch. they started to fight, some black bitch (not to be mean) was going to kick Debbie but ended up kicking her friend. I was ready to jump in and beat the living shit out of her. Some stupid bitch was going to call the cops cause Debbie hit an under age bitch who was drunk. And then her and Jarret started to yell at each other when the bitch hit jarret. I was soo ready to go after that bitch for hitting Jarret, but Debbie and everyone said lets get the hell out of here. and Jarret saw the look I had on my face. I was ready to kill her, cause no bitch can get away with that. They stopped me though, and yeah. lol It was fun. I woudl have loooved to get in a fight! but yeah.. anyways thats it for now. need to sleep since i get to see my love again, and god if one of those bitches comes after me... god i'll go to jail cause no one messes with my hunnie or his friends.
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Friday, April 27, 2007

Waiting
Waiting for later tonight get to see my Jarret. I'm going to shock him. I'll be wearing a skirt and being all pretty. I don't want to be wearing this, but my mother's say I look pretty, no they said beautiful.

K I better tell you the whole thing cause i'll be talking about 2 mothers. K there is my real mommies, her name is Rhonda, then there is mommie Tracy. Tracy is my next door neighbour but she is like my mommie.

Anyways, I have 4 hours to wait till I get to see my love... Last Night. Omg was it funny. Alex my brother tripped and fell on me. He touched my no no place. lmao by mistake. but yeah. lmao then Tasha kept touching my ass! lmao. And last night I kept saying, Alex! Tasha wants some kisses kisses touchy touchy make out time. lmao. anyways i'm going to go get ready very slowly. I hope you all have a good day. Bye

Sincely,

Blood-Goth-Lover
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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Another Day, Another Time To Make People Hate Me.
Hello There. How Are You Today? Me? I Am Fine. Just Sitting Here On My Spare. Nothing To Do But Think Of Things That I Don't Want To Think About. Things I Wish I Never Had To Go Through But I Did. Lost In Space, Lost In Darkness. Wishing I Could Be With The One I Love. But I Can't. But I Will See Him Tomorrow. For I Don't Have School Tomorrow. Bored During The Day, Having Fun During The Night.

Anyways, nothing much has happened today. Just waiting for my class to start. I have to go get my eyes checked out today because my mother wants me to. Then on tuseday I need to go to the doctors to get blood work done, to know for sure if I did lose the baby or not. I have my whole life planned out now that I am with Jarret, he has given me a reason to go to school and finish. And if I'm pregnant still, I know I can still finish school. But I don't want to wreck Jarret's life. He has his whole life planned out, and yeah. See my plan for when I knew I was pregnant. Was to finish this year and go to school next year as a grade 12 take a month or so off to have the baby (which would have been around christmas time). Go back to school, finish the school year (not even 6 months for me cause of the program i'm in) Then just go to work as being a mother, and not care what I do in life. At Least I would have finished school. And that's all I cared about. Also I was going to stay with my ex during this, Till he turned into an asshole son of a bitch mother fucker (sorry I hate him alot(I hate swearing sorry)) and never phoned me or nothing, so I said whatever it's over. and I walked out on him. Now I have my Jarret. Whom I love with all my heart. We get along so well, sometimes it scares me, for I'm not used to that. Anyways here is a poem for my Jarret I hope you like it.(thats anyone liking it)

Fateful Night

Been broken to many times
Been hurt to many times
Loved everyone who gave
Me Pain. Didn’t know if
There was anyone for me
Till I found you, that
Lonely night of April
Felt a Connection the
Moment we said Hi
Felt Like I’ve known
You my whole life
Never knew love could
Feel this way. Always
Thought it was full of
Pain, till you.
You’re showing me love
Showing me caring
Showing me what love is
Never Thought I would love
Again, Thought I would be
Alone
Till I meet you.
That Fateful Night


By Raechel (Blood-Goth-Lover)

I wrote that the night after I was with Jarret. I miss him so much.. I can't wait to see him... OMG! I just forgot I gave my ex my special necklace! I NEED THAT BACK! HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT IT! OMFG!!! I need to get it back and give it my Jarret. Sure I don't care if he eears it or not. As long as he gets it... Have A good day.

Sincely,

Blood-Goth-Lover
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Another Post For Today... HopeFully The Last One
I Don't Know Why, Byt I Just Want To Go And Die. I Have Nothing To Live For Anymore. Sure I Have Jarret, However Even If I've Known Him For 4 Days Now. I Feel Like I'm Going To Miss Up His Life, And I Don't Want To Do That. He Has So Much To Do In Life. Where As I Don't. I Barely Go To School. I'm Barely Passing Anything. I Just Don't Care Anymore About What Happens To Me. But Him, I Care So Much About What Happens To Him... What Should I Do?

I Rather Dislike My Mother Right Now. Why, You Might Be Asking. It's Because She Wants Me To Date This One Guy Named Dustin, Because He Is Cute, And Nice, And Also Probably Because He Is Set For Life. He Has Alot Of Money. That Means Nothing To Me. Dustin Doesn't Have A Plan In Life Like Jarret Does. I Don't Like Dustin As Much As Jarret. She Just Wants Me To Date Someone Rich And Take Their Money And Help Around The House. But I Won't. Whatever Money I Ever Get I'm Saving Up. To Go To Texas, To Go And See My Friend All The Way Down There. Also To Go To Georgia To Go See My Cody Down There. Anyways, I Am Going To Go And HopeFully This Will Be The Last Time I Post Today. Oh And Please If You Read. Leave Comments. Won't Care If They Just Say Hey, As Long As I Know You Left Something. Well Have A Good Day.

Sincely,

Blood-Goth-Lover
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