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• Lexi
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Saturday, January 7, 2006
Wow... Im a hypictirtical whore....
I just realized stuff.... and well... lemme start over....
I broke up w/ him, finally.....and after my anxiety went back to normal, my first thought was "Freedom, Friends, Family"...and after awhile I didnt really think abouit it, about him, I was focused on my school work....well of coarse he wanted to know why, and he thought it was becuase of another boy; so i wrote down a list, just organized my thoughts....and all of them were true as fire in hell... but I think he misinterpreted one.... and it makes me mad that he thought that..... lust is only one of the seven deadly sins.... it was also the only one we had in common..... but we also only agreed on on thing....and it got us in so much trouble...it gets any child of my age in trouble....thinking they were right. well, we weren't, and now it's all over. so good ridance to all those against us...they won.... but now one of my close friends admitted to me the day it happened, about 5 hours after it happened; that she thinks shes love's him. he reached out to her in need of a friend, for comfort.... she misread his actions for a crush.... she thinks she loves him, but she doesn't, she doesn't want him... she wants what he gave me.... that special something that is neither heavanly, noble, deadly, discraceful, kind or selfish....she wants his heart; which I broke for some of the most whore-ish reasons...but if he is never allowed to even see me at least once a month; then i'm not putting up w/ this bull s*&! anymore.....you have to have your parents support the things you want, or else you dont get them, bottom line.but i feelreally wishy-washy and VERY hypicritical because she was invited to see a movie @ his house with him today....and we're 'sposed tohave fun....i wanted to get my mind off of him so i came here.....dumb idea....and i told her "i dont wanna go over there, please? i came here to see you..." and she simply said.."oh, you noty allowed to go...".... okay, what ever...and im happy for her... but also it makes me sadi dont want him to be hurt anymore....and i dont want her to have what i had w/ him......i know i broke up w/ him... and it sounds whorey and niave and childish....but thats all i really am inside.... a small child, unsure of what she wants, alone to make her owne decisions, right or wrong....and i just had to get that out....
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