Monday, September 3, 2007

   Keigo vs. Akabane
Oh my god... I found the most amazing comic in my portfolio this morning. It's an old thing from last year, but boy did it make me laugh. Yes, I laugh at my own comics. Narcissistic, no? Well, I always said, if you can't laugh at your own stuff, who can? Anyways, the pages are 12x24, so it's wayyyyy to big to scan, and my scanner's broken anyways, so I've decided to type it all out. You probably won't find it funny, 'cause you can't see the pictures. Oh well. I'm typing it out really for my own amusement. The dialougue is still pretty good, though. As you may have guessed, I'm extremely bored. Oh, and some important notes... Naikanni wears earings that are bombs, Haruki has long pink hair and weilds a giant metal umbrella, Tigo's a pathetic guy who always wears purple, and Vin looks like a woman, but isn't. It doesn't sound like it, but it's important if you want to understand it well.

Keigo

Naikanni

Haruki

Tigo

Vin

Oh, and Hanna is MEEEEEEEEE!

Keigo vs. Akabane

Hanna: Come on, Keigo... Pleeeaaase?

Keigo: Absoloutely not.

Hanna: But WHY?! I'm your creator, I need your background in order to write more about you! You HAVE to tell me!

Keigo: No, I don't. Besides, I focus on the present, I don't dwell on the past... Unlike SOMEONE I know.

Akabane: *cough*

Naikanni: Oh come on, uncle Keigo. You're so AWESOME. I'm sure you have such "cool" stories to tell about your life... Or some kind of stories, at least. (Keigo kicks him in the face.) Uugh!

Keigo: Before you swing it, make sure you can hold the sword, kid. Look, if you want to interview someone with a post-trauma induced personality, try Señor Tight-Pants over there.

Akabane: Huh?

Hanna: What's he doing here, anyway?

Naikanni: We don't know... He just showed up at around 8:00 this morning, and hasn't left.

Akabane: ...............Did he just call me... What I think he called me?

Naikanni: What? Oh, heh... You mean Señor Ti-- (Keigo puts his hand over his mouth, stifling him.)

Akabane: Yes, that's the one.

Keigo: Dammit, kid! You need to learn that certain actions end in death! (Pulling a knife up to his face;) Or should I teach you myself...?

Akabane: Kabayama... This is between you and I. The child has done nothing wrong.

Keigo: You're threatening me in my own home...? (Silence;) Very well. I'll play with you. (He pushed Naikanni away.) Just don't be too disapointed when I snap every bone in your body. You sure you're not afraid to loose, you... You... Girly-man?!

Akabane: .......................................................With a body like that, you've no right to speak.

Keigo: What did you say to me, you skinny little bitch...?

Akabane: Oh my... Harsh words. Could it be you're atoning for your own physicality?

Naikanni: (To Hanna) They're both pretty girly, if you ask me.

Hanna: I wouldn't say that, if I were you.

Naikanni: Why not...? (In a flash, Keigo and Akabane draw their weapons and fling them at Naikanni, who barely avoids them.)

Hanna: That's why.

Akabane: My, my, how interesting. I never thought I'd meet someone who uses the same techniques I do. Relying not only on the speed of ones self................

Akabane and Keigo: But on the speed of ones opponents as well! (They exchange attacks, and part themselves.)

Keigo: (Looking at the bloody "J" carved into his chest;) What the--

Akabane: (Tracing the bloody heart on his cheek with his finger;) Hmmmmmm? He carved a heart on my face...? Well. You're much more feminine than I thought. This had better not leave a scar.

Keigo: It would appear we are evenly matched. If we carry on like this, neither of us will win. Why don't we throw down our weapons, take this outside, and handle this......

¡MANO A MANO!

Dr. Jackal
(Akabane: You're hips are wide, and you cary yourself like a woman!)

VS.

Keigo Kabayama
(Keigo: Your hair is long, and you're wearing a sun hat!)

Akabane: My, my, what a lovely park. Well, Mr. Kabayama, shall we proceed?

Keigo: Ready when you are, Jackal.

(They attack each other, and a super-rockin' fight takes place... Man, I wish you could see it. It's pretty cool. Anyways, after some fighting...)

Keigo: I'll tear your kidneys out and make you eat them; you feminine whore!

Akabane: What...? What did you say?! You're not but a hypocrite, you know that?

Keigo: And you're not but a two-bit girly-man!

Akabane: I'll rip your hear out!

Keigo: I'll punch your face in!

Haruki: (Walking up to Naikanni and Hanna;) Hey, Hanna! Hey, Naikanni!

Akabane: Death, death I say!

Keigo: Go ahead and try!

Haruki: Huh? What's going on? Some kinda cat-fight?

Hanna: Something like that.

Haruki: What is it, like some lesbian relationship gone sour? Heheh...

Akabane and Keigo: (Looking up;) Huh?

Haruki: Oh, wait... That's Keigo and Jackal. Hey, Keigo! Hey, Jackal! I thought you were women. (Keigo and Akabane both fling a number of weapons at Haruki, Hanna and Naikanni.) Leave this to me. (Haruki pops his umbrella open, and the quills and scalpels hit it, and fall to the ground.) Huuuuh. You're not women. This is worthless, I'm leaving. (He turns to go.)

Keigo: That's right, get out a' here, faggot!

Akabane: A pink-haired cream-puff such as yourself should not get involved in such disputes.

Haruki: (Stopping, and turning to look back at them;) ......................Faggot? ......................Pink? I'm gonna teach you two what it feels like............ To be in a world of PAIN! (He raises his umbrella and brings it down, creating a giant gust of wind. Immediately, Keigo and Akabane throw themselves at Haruki.)

Akabane: Heh!

Keigo: Grrrrrr...

Haruki: Hahahahahahaha! Oh, this is beginning to seem interesting! Let's have some fun, shall we?! HEH!

Hanna: What should we do?

Naikanni: We could try and stop them.

Hanna: That will end in death.

Naikanni: Any better ideas?

Hanna: No.

Tigo: (Approaching Hanna and Naikanni;) Hello, Hanna. Naikanni. Is there some mud-wrestling competition going in in the park today?

Akabane, Keigo and Haruki: ...................................... (Tigo is immediately surrounded.)

Tigo: Heheh... Would you look at that...? No mud. (He's viciously attacked by all three.)

Keigo: Hey, hey, HEY! Don't do that, Hey!

Haruki: Aww, I can't help it, you're just so womanly.^^

Keigo: I always knew you were a queer!

Akabane: You three are truly worthless, aren't you?

Keigo: Worthless?! What are you talking about, you curvaceous bastard?!

Akabane: Curvaceous bastard...? That's not nice.

Haruki: He's right, you know.

Keigo: Yeah; I bet you'd look good in one of those bunny outfits!

Akabane: Ah! You take that back!

Keigo: Bring it on, baby! Let's see what that shapely body can REALLY do!

Tigo: (Trying to escape the fray;) No, no! WAIT!

Keigo: Oh no you don't Tigo! You're not leaving me here all alone with Thumper and Rapunzel!

Akabane: Thumper? *scoff*

Keigo: It's not MY fault you'd make a good stripper!

Haruki: Rapunzel? I assume you're refering to my gorgeous flowing locks?

Keigo: You gay bastard! What are you DOING?! Let go of me!

Haruki: Hey, if I'm the gay one, why are you trying to tear my pants off?

Keigo: I'm merely defending myself!

Haruki: BULL!

Akabane: Tee hee...

Keigo: What're you laughing at, Bugs?!

Naikanni: Geeze. Two guys who resemble women, one who constantly wears purple, and a man with long, pink hair. This is the gayest thing I've ever seen...

Tigo: Noooooo!

Akabane: Death...

Haruki: Get offa meeeee!

Keigo: Fucker!

Akabane: Shut it.

Keigo: You wish!

Tigo: Gyaaaaaa!

Hanna: I wonder when they're going to stop...

Tigo: STOP!

Keigo: You woman!

Akabane: And again...?

Haruki: Get OFF!

Vin: (Walking by, minding his own business, when he looks over;) Huh? (Keigo, Haruki, Akabane and Tigo all jump away from each other, and Keigo makes a grab for Vin.)

Keigo: You bastards! I look nothing like a woman! THIS is what a REAL woman looks like! (He tears Vin's shirt off, and the two of them stand there in shock.) ...............Err... Vin...? (Vin instantaneously draws his gun to Keigo's head.) How ironic.

Vin: (Sighing;) Okay, look. I've decided to throw down my gun, and handle this like a man. With my fists. I don't know what you're fighting about, but Kabayama here has just dragged me into your dispute. So, you bastards... BRING IT ON! (Once again, they all begin attacking one-another.) I can't believe you thought I was a woman!

Keigo: I can't believe you're NOT a woman!

Vin: You disgust me!

Keigo: Maybe so, but I don't have hips!

Naikanni: EVERYONE QUIT IT! I'm warning you! (They all stop and look up.) Now look, I know this may sound dificult, but why don't you try working out your differences with words, not violence. Just sit down and talk. There's no need for senseless beating. What can be accomplished from that? The winner's not necessarily who's right; just who's left. So please. Please stop your arguement and handle this like smart, sensible human beings. Is that too much to ask of you?

All: ......................................................................................

Keigo: You voluptuous man-whore!

Vin: You faggy, pink-haired... FAG!

Akabane: You testosterone challenged transvestite!

Haruki: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tigo: P--Please, someone help me!

Naikanni: Give it a rest, you guys!

Hanna: I can't... I can't... I can't take this anymore! (Hanna reaches over, and tears off one of Naikanni's earrings, and throws it into the middle of the fray.) GIVE IT A REST!

Naikanni: Huh?! HANNA-SAN, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!

*Kaboom*

All: ....................................................................... (They all look up in shock, and after a long pause, Naikanni points to Hanna.)

Hanna: Thank you, Naikanni. (She takes off, closely followed by Keigo, Haruki, Akabane and Vin.) GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Naikanni: (To Tigo;) Boys will be boys, eh?

Tigo: (Angrily;) And rapists will be rapists, but that's not necessarily a good thing!

THE END

So yeah, there we go. I know it sounds really stupid when you don't have any cutsey pictures, but it's actually quite fun, and everyone who's read it, really likes it. I'm hoping that once I get my coputer, I can draw it all out on there, and it'll be nice and pretty for all to see.^^ Anyways, that's all!
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