Sunday, February 18, 2007

   Checking in.
HI everyone! I love you, and I will add more later.
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Sunday, February 4, 2007

   So....
SO I'm not drunk now. I feel so...odd. Like I should be happy. I'm not not happy, but I'm not happy. It's like I'm suspended in this emotionless place...I'm going for a walk.
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Thursday, February 1, 2007

Oh God I Am So Stupid
I hate this. I really hate this. All of it. My whole life is just a spiraling black cloud that destroys all the goodness in people.
Oh where to start....lets see last time I talked about nothing really.
I have to tell you all I am a horrible person. The drugs are settling down, but the scummy bastards I blow are getting ruder. People make fun of me about being a whore, but they think they are just kidding. I mean, the Dylan thing is getting to an unstable point. DOn't get me wrong, I wouldn't end it for the world, but...I just wish I didn;t feel so cheap. And Charles. My sweet best friend. He would never treat me so casualy. Of course me and him aren't f*cking, but I sure wouldn't mind someone who genualy cared a sh*t about me. I don't know though. Danny-moms boyfriend- has been getting really...he has been abusive lately. I can handle it sometimes, sometimes, I feel like a total stupid whore. The other day, he grabbed my ass, and I slapped him of course. He threw me against the wall! He choked me, and then he...shit, I'm crying again. And school was cancled for snow, and mom is out for work tommorrow. Stuck here with him. I don't want him touching me again. Never again. I can't take it.
Everyone takes atvantage of what I give. And if I don't give, they take. SO I should just break away from everyone else. I should die. It would solve alot for me. Mom doesn't care, and no one else truely cares. Unless it means I can't suck their c*ck. Is that really all I am? A pair of tits, and a young p*ssy? Oh wait no, I am more. A mouth too. SHit. I have to go.
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Friday, December 29, 2006

Yeah, what of it?
I hate having to be tough all the time. No one really knows how horrible I feel all the time, they just don't...Its true what they say about mean people, they are just trying to hide how pathetic they are. I am mean so no one gets into my mind, through to the true me...you know? That way I never get hurt. But...it doesn't work like that. The meaner I am, the more people I want to see me, the more I drive them away.
Happy Holidays by the way.
I have so much to say, but so much fear about what you people might think. So I waveing to you, goodnight.
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Thursday, December 21, 2006

   I am so confused
I don't know what to do. Its like someone threw me into a blender, and just left me for dead. Now my mangled body is just rotting away slowly.
Been hurting people, myself even. And I can barely think straight. It sucks. I feel like dieing one minute, and killing the next. No one cares if I am alive or dead.
They say they care, and I almost believe them, its just...I can't. Even if they did care like they say, they never do anything to help me. Charles tries so hard, and I can't keep leaning on him.
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Sunday, December 3, 2006

   yep
just sayin hello.
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Saturday, December 2, 2006

   No one
no one needs to know me. No one ever will.
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Friday, December 1, 2006

   F-ing great
So.
I hate this. I fel like killing myself all the time. Dylan...He says he stopped loving me. I didn't have the strength to ask whether he figured that out before or after he slept with me.
I feel so stupid.
I didn't do anything with any boys from school, because boys talk, they judge you, then they take you, then they leave you. And here I trusted one guy. I really trusted him. And this happens.
Charles has his own things to deal with, and no one else gives me the time of day.
Last night I had the choice between the suicide prevention hotline, and Dylan. I met a guy named Jerry from the help line, then got nervous, and called Dylan.
He had friends over, and they were badmouthing me. I am so stupid. Sooooooo stupid.
I hate me.
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Sunday, November 26, 2006

   Shit
I feel more and more like shit.
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Saturday, November 25, 2006

I feel scared. Empty. And scared. I had to stop for a second. The other night! I highjacked Dannys truck! I drove out to some spot I used to go to to trade merchandise, and I turned up the radio. I cried. For an hour. Listening to metal. Then I had to wait while my eyes got less puffy. And I went home.
Not to mention. My voice cracks alot more. And my hands shake. I can't even fire my pistol. WHat kind of a world is this? I hate....this feeling. And my old...friends....came by the other week. I got beat the fuck up, tossed into a ditch, and left. I didn't want to go see Danny, so I walked to Dylans. He didn't notice the black eye, and niether did mom. She notices the mud, and then in the morning, my eye. I couldn't tell her. She...wouldn't understand.
But then my Friends started stopping by a lot. They need my SKILLS. They told me that. Skills.....HA!!! They want me to steal, and they want me to seduce old men! Easy work, and it pays, and now I am free, so I guess thats a plus. Single.....A death sentence.
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