Tuesday, July 26, 2005

lightning!
a thunderstorm just hit like right over my friggin house and i was outside walking around in it ^_^. i was walking in it and then a lightning bolt hit right near me and hit a flippin tree it was so sweet and scary at the same time cause it suddenly went really bright and a very loud crack went right into my ear and it turned suddenly hot outside.
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trouble sleeping
what up people. i've been having trouble sleeping for a while now but i don't know why cause even my thoughts don't keep me up all night i usually just drift into uncomfortable sleep with dreams of whatever i was thinking at the time. I'm never really tired anymore and it's a little weird cause i've been going on a couple weeks without sleep now and i might try taking some sleeping pills or something. i didn't take any yet cause i didn't care too much for it. ok well i'm gonna go talk to you later ^_^
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Saturday, July 23, 2005

life, love, lying, and letting it get to you...
Hey guys been awhile, well maybe it hasn't i don't know anymore i lose track of time nowadays to the point where i think its morning and its night outside... this really sucks heh. Now that i think about it isn't it July or something? oh well, f it. my friend has been talking about how depressing it is for him now that he doesn't have this girl he was going out with and it's sorta my fault he isn't going out with her and he just wrote a damn long post about her and some other things about his life (a lot of it was about her or had her involved into it somehow) but now i'm starting to get mad for some reason that i don't know of and i feel depressed when i'm alone and i don't even want to feel this way it's just one of the many things my mind does to torture my soul (it hates my soul so it sends me FUCKING scary ass nightmares every night and unbearable thoughts *no not perverted or gross just really bad ones* from time to time and it's hard to deal with these things) i got caught by the cops a little while for sneaking outta my house at 1 in the morning and now i have a court hearing to go to cause i was walking around with a kid that had run-ins with the cops for 3 yrs now (nothing bad just teenage stuff) plus he was sent to Havenwick a couple times so he's been labled mentally insane by some people. well as you can guess i'm not allowed to hang out with him anymore and i don't think i want to cause he can get into really seriously stupid situations with a ease that only he can do (it's like hes a frigging magician but instead of pulling rabbits outta a hat he pulls police fines from his pocket heh) so yea we can't talk to eachother but we have a court hearing on the same date i'm told by some birdies so i don't know if we gotta go in at the same time or something. It's August 25 that i'm going so i gotta remember why i even went out that day. Can't just say i felt like walking around or else they will send me to something for lying or some crap like that. so i'm a little nervous about this.

People say one thing and then they say something else completely different to other people and that can get you into trouble sometimes (mostly all the time) but heres the story of how we got caught...

The people in this story are named here ( Ben - screwed up kid, Lauren - some chick i don't really wanna know, Brandon - a dude with split personalities and will do anything you ask him too, Tarah - Ben's ex girl and friend of mine and kelleys)

It was the middle of the day and i was walking around with some friends (Tarah and Brandon) while they were wondering around looking for these two people (Ben and Lauren) that Brandon's house together when they shouldn't have and we walked for a little while talking and looking and Tarah had to leave so it was me and scitzophrenic Brandon walking around and we were talking and he asked me if i wanted to go to this church with him and Ben at 1 in the morning, i asked him why and he said for the hell of it but for some reason i didn't think that was the reason (this is my conscious and my gut saying DON"T FUCKING GO but i didn't listen cause i'm an idiot sometimes) so i said i don't know maybe. Me and Brandon kept looking for Ben and Lauren a little longer but soon we just left for our homes... At 12:34 i was trying to go to sleep but i couldn't so i had the brilliant idea to jump outta bed and climb out my window and go see if Ben was going to be leaving at 1:00 like they said they would ( he was spending the night at his next door neighbors for an obvious reason) at around 12:40 i made it to the kid's house and i sat between two cars and wated till 1 to see if he would leave... 1:10 came around and i decided to leave and take a scenic route home. Oddly enough i bumped into a shirtless Ben, a fully clothed Brandon and a skimpy clothes wearing Lauren with Ben's wife beater shirt on so we decided to start walking around and a cop went by us with there windows down and Ben had the genius in him to say "what is he drunk" to the cop. If you haven't guessed it they didn't like they so they went to the end of the street stopped and did a fast u-turn around and headed back to us. They asked us our ages, Lauren and Brandon are 13, Ben's 14 and i'm 15 so i already knew we were in trouble. "what are you doin out here this late" one of the cops asked, "we were going to stop a friend from getting drunk but now we aren't sir" Ben said "do i have to write a curfew violation ticket or are you going to go straight home" "we will go home sir" said ben, and we started walking and i was thinking ( holy shit we didn't get in trouble but how am i going to get home -since ben's house is sorta far away from mine-) so Lauren, Ben, and me went to Lauren's house while Brandon bolted to his house. When we got there we stayed for a little while but the her mom came out and she screamed "Get outta here" and we decided to leave of course but instead of doing the smart thing and head home we tried to go to Brandon's house cause he had a tent so we were going to stay there until curfew ended. when we got there we found the tent and ben started to whisper for brandon. His mom came outta the house in a bathrobe furious at us. then a old lady i'm assuming was brandons grandma came out and she called the cops. His mom hit the tent and a 13 yr old girl came outta the tent (oh Fuck!!!) she started asking who we were and what we were doing out here, the girl didn't know what we were doing here of course. the mom asked me who i was and i said Tim Allen and she didn't believe that at all ( great name sometimes huh?) the mom was saying how we were trying to get into the tent and have sex with the 13 yr old (i was about to gag when she said that... I mean come on that shits wrong!!) Then the cops came and that made it more worse cause ben was saying how he was thinking about commiting suicide to the mom after he told the cops about a drunken friend (he has everything under control doesn't he?) well they put us in the cop car and dropped both us off and gave the fines to our parents. My parents weren't mad they gave me the cold disapproving thing where they wouldn't yell at me but would eventually do something. Know i gotta pay a fine that i don't know how much it costs and i gotta go to court to find out how much it is gonna cost.

Thats all there was to that.
Now there is something else going wrong in this house my sister who's 16 is now as my mom put it irresponsible and if she doesn't get her act together then she will be kicked out when she hits 17 and i don't want that to happen to her but theres nothing i can do about it that i know of.

I can't stand to be in any part of my house anymore besides my room and my computer room. It's weird but there's a sorta *air* to the house that makes me wanna get outta here as fast as possible and i can't take it in here anymore. Other then this my life is going ok now cept for the daily thoughts of dark things my mind gives me and my nightmares at night. Whenever kelley's around me though i can feel at peace cause i actually don't think anything i don't want to and i feel happy with her around though i sometimes have trouble showing it (it's genetic since my dad has trouble showing himself and can be put off as cold sometimes and i got most of that from him) but i think i'm starting to get better at it cause i have my mom's caring personality in me but still my dad's side of me reigns supreme *heh*. Her ex boyfriend is always talkin about how he misses her and that everyday he is in pain and thinks of cutting himself so how do you think it makes me feel. MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT IS WHAT IT DOES. nobody say don't worry about what he says cause i'm sick of people saying that, there's nothing i can do about it he just splurts the shit out whenever he gets the chance and this is the first time i actually said anything about most of the shit he says but i don't know what he wants me to do anymore KILL MYSELF. (will that make you happy alex if i just end my life then can you be any fucking happier knowing the guy that took your girl from you is dead then will you be happy??!) it kills me inside and that doesn't help me at all cause my mind is already slowly killing my sould every single day and all this extra shit is just hurting me even more and i'm on the edge but all i need is that finall nudge and i'm toppling over the cliff and the support net at the bottom may not be strong enough anymore the way things are turning. (Kelley you shouldn't be blamed for this or anything that happens) but christ i can't even sleep knowing the things he says and he says it as i said before whenever he's on the computer!!! Thats the love part of my title heh.

The lying was from Ben and when he said that shit to the cops and Brandons mom and he always says one thing to me and something different to each other friend he has so that everybody has a different story that he weaved cause he broke up with the Tarah girl i mentioned and he told me he's over her and glad then goes and says to Tarah that he still believes that they are going out and then says to Brandon that he likes Lauren. I feel like grabbing him and say "Make up your fucking mind Ben, Jeezuz man get a fucking grip on reality!"

Life is going all haywire and fine at the same time and its becoming confusing to me and as the title mentioned its fucking GETTING to me. well i guess that's life for you though heh, always trying to string you along like a cat does to a mouse. The cat doesn't want to kill the mouse cause then he won't have anythign to play with. i know fully what that means know and i think it sucks but what can you do... i starting to have trouble typing cause my hands are becoming increasingly shaky after hearing what alex had to say now about his life and how it went shit down hill after kelley left him and i can't concentrate on what i'm saying so i gotta go now, with love to you all...goodnight

Tim
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Thursday, July 7, 2005

grounded
hey everybody hows it going. I'm grounded for a week cause i tried sneaking outta my house through our back door when i shoulda just used my window heh. oh well at least its only a week you know. i'm not supposed to be on the computer but i wanted to type this up so cya in a week ^_^.
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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

damn Aol's gay^_^
hey everybody!! finally my computers back up and running. actually it was aol that wasn't running so we had to call the aol people and they unlocked it cause somebody locked the damned thing. so how has everyone been, hows summer treating you all? mostly i've just been walkin around with friends and shit, nothing to serious. Went camping and took kelley with me and we stayed up there for a few days and while up there we had a party with some people and it was pretty cool, when we got back i found out my friend was sent to Havenwick (if anybody knows what that is or if they been there i feel sorry for u) cause its a sorta mental hospital but its a real bad place that just makes you even more crazier than you are now. Most of my friends are all grounded cause we all snuck out of our houses to go to this party and most of my friends got caught but i guess there is some advantages to having a first floor room with unlocked windows and a lockable door ^_^ i'm about to get into a fight with a kid named Chris because he's going around doing stupid shit like saying he loves one girl and then going and kissing another girl and then flirting with a third girl after kissing the damn second girl and he's starting to piss me and my friend ben off so we're going to have a talk with him over the summer break... ok i'm getting tired and i think i wrote down everything i needed to say so i'll see you guys later and make sure to say hi to me!
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Monday, June 6, 2005

Last days of school
YAY last week is here (two days after the last week but still it's the last full week of school!!) the bad part of the last week is the dreaded final exams which i really don't wanna take but i gotta so what can i do ^_^. for my english class i need a poem that is 60-90 seconds long and is pretty simple to understand cause i have a few stupid people who are acting as judges in there so if anyone has a poem i can use i would be grateful (i won't take it as my own i'll say i got it from a friend ^_^) ok i gotta go everybody and have fun with the exams.
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Friday, June 3, 2005

its been a while
hey everyone srry i haven't updated in a while but my sister wouldn't get off the bloody computer and i never got a chance to get on. today is the 9th grade semi formal dance but all my friends got suits and limos and 75 dollar haircuts to go there. one of my friends is renting a lime till 1:00 in the morning and he's gonna take it to hooters with some of his friends heh heh. i'm not going cause i FORGOT TO GET A BLOODY TICKET so they won't let me go to the dance and now i really really wanna go, not to dance but to see all my friends all gussied up ^_^. oh well just another thing i missed out on in my life. ok i'll talk to you all l8ter.
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Monday, May 30, 2005

memorial day.. and the rest of the weekend
hey everyone how was your weekends, mine was boring and bad and... well just boring ^_^. on Saturday i went to another party with ben and we just played hackeysack all day and i got him in 2-hit kill 10 times to 3 times ( he sucks ^_^ ) then this guy comes along and tells us about a dream he had about how a cat turned and looked at him then he killed the cat for 20 minutes he kept strangling it then the cat came back to life, turned to him and said "i'm dead now you can let me go" and i have no clue what it means so if anybody knows tell me. He said it was his girlfriends cat that was in the dream. after that we left for his girlfriends house and she was acting weird so me and ben left for his house but i had to get home cause it was getting late ( around 12:00 ) i think and the curfew around here is 10:00 and then police would be cruising the streets so i had to weave through streets to not run into any, oooh i'm a ninja ^_^. got home, watched a new anime show, sCRYed or something like that.I got a call from my friend Ben and he was talking about how he wanted to run away and i talked him outta it i guess, oh yeaaaaa i'm goooood. went to sleep listening to Michael Myers "Halloween" song and then it automatically turned on at 3:00 in the morning and the scared the hell outta me lol. Sunday didn't do anything cause nobody called and nobody would answer there phones. Memorial day comes around still did nothing but my parents came home at around 8 and i finished a drawing and then i typed this out and am now just about to go and draw some more so ttyl and have a better memorial day then i did.
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quiz i felt like doing...
heres a quiz from quizilla ^_^
You're a very mellow, care-free person. Your
exactly what calm, cool, and collected mean.
You never overreact or panic in a bad situation
and you always know what to do. Everyone goes
to you for advice because you never lose your
head so your very reliable. You tend to take
everything in stride, like in school your moto
is just sit back and relax not to say you dont
pay attention and work, but you dont overexert
yourself. Even though people come to you for
counciling(sp?) you can still be very quite,
your not good with making new friends, but your
extremely close to the ones you have. Remember
its ok to put your emotions out there even
though there is a chance they might get hurt.
Also in school sometimes its good to stress out
a little, just because you think you dont need
to study doesnt mean you should'nt, and also
try to push yourself more even though you might
be good where you are doesnt mean you can't be
better.


Whats Your Personality(with PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

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Friday, May 27, 2005

hey...
hey everybody i gotta type this fast cause i'm going to go spend the night over my friend ben's house... i would have typed this in my first hour but my teacher caught me and i had to get off. Yesterday when i went over to ben's house until 9:30 at night me and him talked about a lot of things like how he started to have feelings for this other person that he used to like and he has a girlfriend right now so it's getting really upsetting. today i went through a pretty normal day of boredom in school cept kelley was feeling tired she said ( i hope she's not sad about something ) so i asked my friend to ask her if anything is wrong when she gets back from her memorial camping trip. Ok i gotta go now cya all l8ter and happy memorial day for monday if i'm not on the pc until tuesday ^_^
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