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Wednesday, May 25, 2005


srry
ok hopefully i can talk about stuff now. Last weekend was just a really bad weekend even though i said it was good and that i went to a party. the party was really bad and people were threatening to kill themselves, i might have said that already but i feel like saying it again. after that my friend ben spent the night and that was ok since we made a huge fire in my backyard and just sat out under the stars until 3 in the morning. Sunday comes around and its a normal day until the night when i have to be the middle man for a breakup and watch another breakup going on (2 breakups that are very sad to watch and hear really get to me) monday comes around and i'm now a boyfriend to the girl of one of the breakups. her name is kelley (witchchick2000) and we've been going out for a few days now. Yesterday at school i was sitting in the lunch room when these two girls started talking about how sad her old bf was and that made me feel like shit cause i can't stand people being hurt, i guess i got that from my mom cause shes always trying to make everything good in the world and they were talking about how they think that i didn't love kell and that made me mad cause they don't even know me and they are just saying stuff but the part that is hurting me the most is the stuff they said about her old bf and i can't get it outta my head and its making me feel like i just wanna skip school today and thats what my friend told me to do but i can't cause i'm about to fail anyway so i gotta. I'm writing this post at 6 30 in the morning because i couldn't sleep again ( shows how much i care about how other people feel, i have to care or else i'll probably kill myself ) god i'm feeling weak right now i gotta go but ill talk again later. if anybody has any crude or mean comments to say to me i'll understand and i probably deserve them givin the fact that most of the reason she broke up with him was because of me. see i have that effect on people and i don't want that effect but i've been miserable for a long time and now something good has happened actually to me! it never happens to me and i have felt like commiting suicide a few times (even when i was asleep). It's really bad and since i don't have a lot of friends i need someone to talk to or i might just end my life... ok i gotta go, again alex i'm sorry and i never wanted you to hurt inside like i do, goodbye everyone. Until next time
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