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Monday, February 14, 2005
 Part 1: Promage Event
Afternoon before the Prom Night
I went to the saloon at 1 pm and when it was time to do my hair I was shirtless so that my hair won't be ruined once I take off my shirt later,grrr!!!
And the saloon was freaking cold!!!
Prom Night
I arrived around 5:30 pm to the Marriot Hotel where the prom is being held.I saw a few of my friends and mom took pictures of us and then later the place was starting to get full with students.
First was the violin presentation by a senior
Next was me singing the Nation Anthem my practice was useless,I sang bad,how dissappointing.......
Then speeches speeches speeches I'll try to ask The Mask if I can borrow the copy of his speech and post it here,its funny! ^_^
Then came the most important part for me
EATING THE FOOD!!!
Wahahahahahaha!!! Got alot of food,bwahahahhahahahahahaha!!!
Next was the dancing *mumbles*
First was the waltz then swing and last was the boogie
The next dancing presentation was the John Travolta.
How do I explain this.......
Its like a broadway show,where there's talking and music at thesame time.
They were acting like Cassinovas,hehehe!!!
Then there was election of the Prom King and Queen
The prom king was my partner and good friend JR.When he was dancing with the Queen I was just fooling around and joking,saying "I will not accept this! Carlou you are dead!!!!",hahahaha!!! But they know I was just joking,heheehe!!! Me and JR are just friends ok,don't think of something else ~_^
Then after all the arrange activities the Seniors and Juniors were just dancing the whole night until didn't dance much though,only when I'm dragged to the dance floor,hehehe!.
It was around 10:40 pm and I'm waiting for my mom or anyone who's gonna pick me up from the hotel.I got Jozhua my classmate,Mark Senior and also Joshua senior to keep me company,they were so funny and sweet.Like brothers ^_^
Oh yeah,didn't I mention that Jozhua my classmate farted in the ballroom? Hahahahahaha!!! Well he did,hahahahaha!!!
When I got home finally!,I took off all those hairpins off they were alot! and almost took an hour taking off all that make up!!!
And finally wore comfortable clothes *sighs in relief*
I was online after that,checking mail and stuff then mom called and told me to check my cellphone.
She forwarded me the messages that was sent from my classmate,lets call him Mr.B
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And I will tell you the messages ANOTHER DAY! Bwahahahahha!!!
Ack! *runs from a VERY VERY ANGRY mob*
To be continued.........
~Blue Hawk
P.S.
Happy Valentines for all lovers and inlove
Happy Single Awareness Day to all the singles and content that way like me!
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Sunday, February 13, 2005
 Shaboom! Curse you beavers!
Uuuuuhhhhh.....Actually I have lots to tell but I'll tell you guys another time
So the cliffhangers continues! Wahahahahahhaha!!! *runs away from angry mob*
Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!
So here I'll just introduce you to and old myO friend who's back again and up to date! W0ot!
People,meet Red Phoenix!!
Red Phoenix
Thanks for the V-card Azn Gurl! ^_^
~Blue Hawk
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Friday, February 11, 2005
 I'll talk about the PROM another day
*paces back and forths*
*bit her lip*
*staring at nothing*
*feeling confuse and shock*
*being stupid right now ^^;*
I think I'm.........I think I'm........I think I AM...............................................................
*drum roll*
.....................................................................................................................
I just can't say it!!! *collapses*
~Blue Hawk
PS:
This is not threatening for me it is anyways ^^:;.I'm just shock that I might be.....................*rants at room*
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Thursday, February 10, 2005
 Damn my pride that I can't help but hide
Overworked,that's what I'm feeling right now.Here are the things that needs to be done:
- Memorize my Diclamation Piece Almost memorized everything now
- Have to memorize a very long poem for an intermission I volunteered to get the 30 points,bwahahaha!
- Print out my Religion project but first I have to refill the container with ink,grr!
- Forcing myself to read the Chemistry Book so I could make the report darn long pages! T_T
- Prom tomorrow! the damn thing!
Concerning about the broadway contest,yes,I will be Christine in the Phantom of the Opera,my role will be the lover of the Phantom I guess,the love situation is kinda confusing,hehehe! Christine is inlove with Raul but so with the Phantom a bit I think.
Very busy.....have to record my voice for the broadway show,don't know when will that happen though 0.o
Prom is tomorrow!!!! Noooo!!! Someone please kidnap me right now! I don't wanna go!!! My mom would pamper me with her make-up kit and hair stuff,ggrrr!!! she just called actually,like 10 seconds ago while still making this post,hahaha!
Well I'm feeling good.I'm more focus yet confuse at the same time,hahaha! There's one thing that bothers me though.....
Oh well,might aswell forget that,I have the whole summer to recover and work on with THAT problem..... *saying this outloud* stupid me -_-;;
See ya guys!
~Blue Hawk
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Wednesday, February 9, 2005
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell
Thank you all for the sweet and supporting comments!
I quit cutting and becoming more of my old sane-insane self does that make sense? ^^;;.I will be joing the Declamation Conest,its about acting a dramatic scene,since no one is doing it in our class might aswell do it I was thinking of doing the Oration,since I've experienced that before but I wanna try a new plus this is more interesting,hehe!.
We also have a broadway contest and we will be doing The Phantom of the Opera,I will be the lover of the Phantom.So much acting and drama to practice on!
JS Prom is on Friday!!!,nooooooooo!!!!!!!!
My partner for the waltz,JK,is so annoying and funny! I just can't stop laughing and he keeps acting gay! 0.o
He made me trip though,grr!!! Striked him on the back for payback! Wahahahaha!!!
Almost done with my Religion Project!!! *churns*
I feel like a busy-body right now then that means..........
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I'm back to normal!!!
almost anyway,hehehe!!!
Thanks guys for the comments,I feel loved *sobs* ^^;;
~Blue Hawk
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Tuesday, February 8, 2005
 Sadly I'm Alive with people who cares for me
Well the unexpected thing happened to me.........
I was overwhelmed with serious pain that I just burst into tears,I was crying a bit in the classroom and decided to get out so that noone would see me but the ever worry-wart Alastor came looking for me and found me....dammit! Number 5 was there too....
I hate crying,it means that I'm weak...I hate expressing deep emotions,it just sucks for me....
Crying in serious pain and angry
So mad that I just couldn't control myself so I cut my wrists alot of times and they were very deep wounds but what I did was stupid cause my classmates saw it Blue Hawk you fool!.They just stare at me,confuse and surprise.Those idiots called a teacher about it and the teacher wanted to talk to me but I wouldn't listen if I can't tell it to the closest people why tell a teacher?.
But then Sir Joy my instructor,one of my closest friends,almost like a father to me better than my dad,came to me......He was talking to me,reasoning with me that it hurts for me not to tell him.I just can't tell anyone about this....
I just don't want them to be a part of this,I would just like them to leave me alone and have fun.Not thinking of me,not worrying about me and whatsoever.
It would have been simple if it was that way.But nooooooooo................they just care! emotions should be ban! Its ticking me off!.
The worst thing that could ever happen to me if that my mom knows.I don't want her to see the deep scars I have.I don't want to see her worried and sad look.It just reminds me of the past when she was in pain.I don't want her in pain anymore.
But if my dad knows,well that's fine with me.I don't care.He may shoot me with his gun for doing it but I don't care but there's no way in hell that I'll die by his hands,that man I call my father,no way! I'll die a different way......
But I'm feeling good I guess.....I promise to Sir Joy,to Number,Madel and Roselle that I won't cut myself anymore.I'm keeping the promise just to show them that I care....didn't I tell you I hate expressing emotions? :P.
I just hope noone in the school would discuss about this anymore,especially my class adviser and my evil Religion teacher that teacher just keep sticking her nose to other people,grrr!!!.
~Blue Hawk
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Monday, February 7, 2005
Deep Anger
You Are the Investigator |
5
You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.
You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.
Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.
You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.
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Well this morning I was on the 3rd floor in school looking at around the scenery and man the wind was freaking cold!!!
Then Alastor and Number 5 found me there and used force to see the scars I had on my shoulders yes people,I'm cutting myself again ,they were a bit disappointed I guess.
Heck,I really don't know whats wrong with me.I just love doing this to myself no I'm not killing myself.This is just annoying me now,I'm not amuse anymore.I'm just so angry at myself that I don't feel like going to school anymore!!! I want to leave this country badly right now! Everyday I'm feeling a deep pain in me,I don't know if its my sickness or something else.
I just can't seem to avoid this! It's killing me!
I really don't know how long I could hide this from everyone,heck if I know better Number 5 or Alastor could be reading this right now boy,I would be in deep trouble tomorrow then.
I feel like a corpse..........
Anyway,maybe sleeping or studying would distract me,that's what I'm doing lately.....finding distractions.....damn! This hurts!
hah! what drama! I feel like a fool right now.......
~Blue Hawk
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Saturday, February 5, 2005
Sorry people but I can't avoid high places
Well went to school around 7:50 am today to practice the dances for the prom.We were practicing a bit of waltz today.Also my mom came with me to school so she could get my report card,here are the results:
- Filipino-->88 decrease 2 points,this sucks!
- English--> 91 increase of 1 point
- Math--> 81 increase of 3 points! Hahaha! Finally!
- Science--> 85retain
- Makabayan--> 92 retain
- History--> 91 retain?!?!?! Why?!?!?! I want this higher! Higher I tell ya! ^^;;
- T.H.E. & Computer--> 92 increase of 1 point
- Music,Arts and P.E.--> 92
- decrease of 1 point,damn!
- Religion--> 91 retain
In our class for the girls rank,I'm on 3rd place.That's good.
All in all in our class I'm rank 6,same as last quarter! Watch out Ryosuke,cause I'm taking over! BWahahahahahaha!!!
About my other previous post about me Depression,well I'm doing fine.Nothing drastic has happened to me yet ~_^.I haven't touched any sharp objects today but I'm still going to high places,especially in my school.It's just so windy there and I feel comfortable there.It's my Haven,hahahahaha!!!
I should leave right now so I could do my Religion project our teacher is being EVIL to us now! Damn woman!
Thanks for liking the new theme!
*Drags herself off the computer* Nooooo!!!!! *echo echo echo echo*
~Blue Hawk
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Friday, February 4, 2005
 Anime Bishi of the Month!!!
Kyo Sohma from Fruits Basket
Kyo is the cat or outcast of the zodiac. Whenever he embraces a person of the opposite gender, he transforms into a cat. Kyo is really sensitive, so it is easy to get him pissed off. Whenever he loses his temper, he says mean things without thinking about what he's saying.
Kyo is also really competitive with Yuki. He will get in a fist fight or argument, but Yuki always beats him or has a comeback. He even has to live with Yuki. Both of them have a crush on their housekeeper, Tohru, which leads to a lot of problems in their house.
Quote:"Damn Rat!"
~Blue Hawk
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Thursday, February 3, 2005
 Killing Myself Again
I've been acting unusual for two weeks lately.I'm not eating too much sometimes I won't even bring my lunch to school or buy anything at the canteen,I've been playing with alot of sharp objects at school and at home get even cuts too,I'm a bit more quiet and I just want people to mind their own business especially to the worry-warts.My friends are starting to worry alot about me and I understand that but I just want to be alone.I don't know how to react when people worry about me,I just get BLANK all over myself and I feel a certain void inside for some reason.
I really don't understand whats wrong with me but for some reason I enjoy it,especially the part when I'm hurting myself.It gives me a bitter-sweet feeling that just satisfies me insane,isn't it?.
I'm amusing myself that's for sure.Like whenever I cut myself I just smile and grow interested on doing it again.Suicidal? Perhaps.....
I even want to jump off from the 3rd floor of the school and its tempting too since there's no wall,wahahahaha!! Insane? I know ^_^
Ever since I've been acting this way,I've grown more curious on what death feels like.Where it would lead when I die? I don't think I'm suicidal but I'm a VERY curious person,especially when it comes to adventure,hehehe!!!
But ofcourse I'm not a fool to do that ever,I'll just wait till I die but sadly I'm an eager person,hahahaha!!!
And hurting myself physically is not only the matter I'm having,emotionally aswell.I'm annoyed at myself for being angry or sad over something that is stupid! I've been having this for 2 weeks and its just breaking me.....I need someone to whack me on the head to take me back to reality from time to time but asking one of my friends would make them worry and I don't want anyone to worry about me.Makes me a feel a burden to them like I'm just adding problems to them.
We already have school to be busy about,no need to tell them no matter how much I want too,no wait...do I want to? ^^;;.
And this post is getting me nowhere,so I'll just be blunt and say "I HAVE A PROBLEM PEOPLE! WHAT TO DO?!!?!?",hahaha!!!
There's nowhere else to express this,so might aswell put it here,hehehe!
Sorry for wasting your time! Bye!
~Blue Hawk
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